Bearly alive

10

Roman

I roared in pain.

Roared, like an animal, a wounded animal. I scared everyone around me. My classmates, the Diplomacy teacher who looked like a stake pierced through her heart, everyone in a ten mile radius, probably. I later understood why my teacher looked like that, it was because she instantly knew that roar, she knew the pain I felt and the reason behind it. I knew it too, almost instantly. It was a pain like none other that I felt before, it wasn't even comparable to my first shift, and the Goddess knows that hurt like a b***h. It was because I had never experienced that kind of pain before, that I knew exactly what it was. Emily.

My mate. My future wife. She was… dead.

Helped by my teacher and a few other Alphas back on my feet, I was told I should go home. And I wasn’t one to argue, I wasn’t one to do a lot in that moment, to be honest. And I was sent home not as in you look sick and you're excused from class, no. The teacher, understanding what I am going through even before I was able to wrap my head around it, mink linked the Beast Academy's dean and preparations for me to return home to my territory were already underway.

I couldn’t even give a s**t about the fact that most of the future leaders of my generation saw me weeping and howling in pain like a baby, and that I would probably struggle to command respect. I wasn’t above begging for the pain to stop. I wasn’t above trading my life for hers, though I also wouldn’t want my Emily to experience what I feel.

I still have no recollection of the journey from the Academy to my territory, and I suspect some wolfsbane was involved to keep me compliant, but I made it home in record time. I might not be a wolf, but that s**t still has an effect on me. The first thing I did was to barge into the house hoping that the nightmare was not real.

The sea of people I had to push my way through, their looks full of pity and sadness, and the fact that my mother had her arms around her sobbing friend were an indication that my worst fear had actually come to life. Yet stupidly, foolishly, I still held onto a slither of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this is all a sick prank after all. Some sort of initiation that I wasn't aware of, considering I'm due to take on the role of werebear’s representative in the Council of beasts from my father in just a few weeks.

And to think that only a few hours earlier my life revolved around becoming the youngest representative in the Council. That’s why I was in the Beast Academy, studying my ass off, socialising and fighting with the future leaders of the world. I would trade that in an instant. I would give my title away without blinking. I would rather lose everything. Anything. Anything but losing Emily for good.

"Where is she? Where is my mate?" I intended to scream, but my voice came out faint, pained, sounding like an animal taking its last breath. His dying breath. I wouldn’t have minded.

"She's gone, Roman. She's gone. My baby is gone." Emily's mother wailed. I loved her like I did my own mother, but in that instant, I wanted nothing more than to rip her f*****g head off.

Luckily Emily's father was sensitive enough to say something useful as he spoke. He also had the decency to ask all guests, except my parents, to give us a little space and head back to their homes.

"It was an accident. It was dark and raining and the driver lost control of the car. It swerved and they hit the side of a bridge and fell right into the water below. They found them near the border with the Rapid River pack, and by then it was too late. If there was ever one weakness Em had, it was swimming." The man that was supposed to be my future father in law said that part more to himself, yet we all knew it. Emily could not swim, and her father wasn’t wrong when he said it was her Achilles heel.

I must have been crying, because something wet was definitely trailing my face, when I suddenly tensed and looked up.

The driver lost control of the car. Such an odd way to describe it, unless…

They found them near the border… Them.

Another gust of hurt, anxiety and terror came over me like I imagined the water came over the car.

“Mom, where’s Carston?” I look at my mother knowing that out of everyone she won’t lie. She might not tell me the things she knows and I don’t, as I later found out, but my mother will never lie if asked a direct question. Yet this time she hesitated. Her own eyes searched those of my fathers and I had to push through another wail from Emily’s mother in order to read the truth in my mom’s eyes.

Carston was gone too. I didn’t need to hear the rest, I managed to piece it all together myself just fine.

---

Four years. Four f*****g years and it still feels like yesterday. Reliving the worst day of my life every single time I allow myself to fall asleep would do that, I guess. It helps me remember, making sure I don’t go and forget any of the details. On some level, I relish it, feeling like I deserve this so I never make the same mistakes again. I was young and dumb, In more ways than one.

While I may not be so young now, it looks like I’m just as dumb. My sleep deprived ass decided it would be a good idea to bring Stella the Omega into my home. Sure, knowing I’m safe here would mean I can actually get some decent sleep, but I seem to have forgotten that with decent sleep come the nightmares. And this time I wasn’t alone in the house.

I threw her against a wall. I threw the woman who looks like she hasn’t eaten or rested in years, against a wall.

While it wouldn’t be the first time I hit a woman, it definitely is the first time she wasn’t fighting me back. In fact, Stella said she wanted to help me. Said something about hearing me have a nightmare and thinking it can be dangerous.

I snort.

Dangerous to her, definitely, although if she was smarter, she could have tried to leave. Or tried to kill me if she could have been fast enough to do it before I woke up.

I could have killed her, I’m surprised I didn’t, actually. She did seem fine as she walked out of my room.

Despite not wanting to admit my traitorous bear is right, this time I have to agree with him. The girl could have internal damage for what I know. She’s so frail and I didn’t hold back, so maybe I should check up on her. Just to make sure she’s still alive and that she’ll make it at least until I can finally offload her to the King.

I groan as I get out of bed knowing I’ll have to change these sweaty sheets. It literally looks like someone threw a bucket of water on me while I was asleep. My mind instantly goes to Stella and how she fiddled with my washing machine, making the damn thing wash and dry. I blame my stupid bear for being impressed with such a silly thing, then begin to walk out of my bedroom and towards hers.

I’m just making sure she’s alive. I keep telling either myself or my bear. At this point, I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince.

"Just making sure she's alive." I grit out when I'm just outside her door. I had no intention of knocking, this is my f*****g house, so I was with my hand almost on the door knob. But then I heard a sob and something in me twitched. Something in my chest, something I worked hard on never reacting in any way. Yet here I am, and the feeling of pain is much too familiar, much too raw, so instead of checking on Stella, I turn back to my bedroom, angry and frustrated beyond measure, but glad I held it in and didn't barge in there to make things worse. For me or for her.

I need to get rid of this woman and judging by how my bear has come out of hibernation and the type of emotions she stirs in me, I need to get rid of her fast.