Erased
1255 Words
MORIA
“Can you at least answer this one question for me?”
"Call me pessimistic Princess, but I do not believe you're going to stop at one question."
I bite my lip and try to form my words carefully and yet, despite my best efforts, when I do open my mouth, the words come tumbling out like an accusation.
"What did you do to her?"
Axe, who had been drumming a silent beat on the steering with his fingers, instantly stills. "Who?"
But I can tell from the way his body stiffens and his eyes remain fixed on the road that he knows exactly who I'm talking about and I tell him so.
"Don't bullshit me Axe. What did you people do to my mother. why does she no longer remember me?"
He remains silent.
"Axe..."
"We wiped her memory."
I think my eyes nearly pushed their way out of their sockets. "You did what?!"
"Not...everything. Just the memories that had you in it."
I feel my fingers clutching desperately at my hair, the thing that had started all this. "Oh my God."
Axe throws me a semi-guilty look. "I know how terrible that sounds."
"I don't think you do actually."
"But that is what had to be done. She can't look for you..."
"...If she doesn't even know I exist."
I think my heart dies a little then.
But at the same time, I know that if she does not remember me, then she can go on with her life.
Instead of spending her days and her money looking for me and never finding me.
Instead of being the woman who's daughter disappeared.
She could just...live.
But it hurts.
By all of freaking hell, it hurts.
I bite my lip and taste blood. "Can, I ask you something else?"
I take his silence as a yes and continue. “Am I…"'
Axe glances at me questionably, but I do not meet his gaze. Instead, I keep twisting my fingers; another nervous habit I have.
I don't want to say it out loud.
I don't even want to think about it
.
But pretending is not making it go away.
So I push past the lump in my throat and spit out the words as quickly and as quietly as I can.
"...am I not human?”
I watch a nerve in Axe’s jaw tick and then he sighs. "Ah...Princess...that’s going to open up a whole can of worms you’re not ready for and I don’t even have all the answers to…”
Then he adds before I can begin to angrily protest again. “You’re Xesperian.”
I twist my fingers harder. “So not human”
“Not human" Axe repeats, nodding once.
I can feel the panic rising in the back of my throat.
The car feels too small...too hot.
“Does this mean, my mom…”
I am trying desperately not to let my voice, not to let the fear and confusion seep into my words.
I am failing.
Because even before I ask the question, something in me already knows the answer.
If my mother was one of them, one of us, they wouldn’t have had to erase her memories, would they?
Which could only mean, the woman she had called mother, the only home she had ever known…everything was a lie.
My hand flies upwards, grasping at my shirt, like I can somehow claw out the sudden tightness building in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.
“Hey. Look at me”
He reaches for my hand, trying to loosen the death grip I have on my clothes.
I force myself to turn and face him.
I had not even realized that we had stopped or that I am crying till his thumb brushes gently against the wetness of my cheeks.
"Hey"
His voice is soft and quiet.
I jerk away from him, pulling my hands from his in anger.
Right now he is the physical embodiment of all that is wrong with my life.
He did not get to touch me or console me like he is blameless.
Axe sighs. “I know there’s nothing I could magically say that would make this alright."
Even though there is something about the way he is looking at me right now that makes it hard to stay mad at him, I glare at him the best that I can. “You could start by answering my freaking questions."
He leans back in his chair, his head turned upwards and let out a soft sigh.
I twist around in my seat.
“If I’m not human, why was I on earth in the first place, 18 years of my life and suddenly you people decide it’s okay to come uproot me from the only home I’ve ever known, take away my mother from me, force me to this alternate reality where nothing makes sense for what, why now?
Axe shrugs. “I don’t know.”
And in that second, I hate him.
I actually really hate him. “Screw you Axe.”
“We were given very specific instructions. Go to earth and bring back the Xesperian girl hiding out there. Leave no trails."
He scratches his brow with the tip of one nail. "It was a top secret, a no questions asked kind of mission. The only people not at the top who know about this are Chryseis, and I”
Hiding?
This isn’t making any sense.
How could I have been hiding from people and a place I didn’t even know existed until today?
“But there’s one thing I do know Princess,” He starts turning to look at me.
“You are one of us and not only does that mean you’re safe, it means you’re home. We take care of our own, always”
I most definitely wasn’t fine with everything.
Some part of me still wants to throw some sort of tantrum, to kick and scream till they take me back to a sky with one sun.
But for some reason I can't seem to explain, as I stare at Axe, the calm, cooling grey of his eyes tells me he means every word.
So even though I still don't know what the hell is going on, I find myself nodding softly.
I lean back in my seat and allow my breaths come out in small, even paces.
“Someone must have forgotten to give Tristen the memo though, I’m pretty sure taking care of your own doesn’t involve attempted murder.”
Axe scoffs, hiding the small smile that I see flirt across his lips. “You’re never going to let that go are you?”
I stare straight ahead, remembering the way Tristen had looked at me.
The anger he had felt.
“Never”
The word is a whisper more to myself than Axe but he does not say anything. Just looks at me one last time.
"You'll be fine here Princess. Just you wait."
"I want to ask you to stop calling me that but something tells me I'd be wasting my breath."
"See, I just knew you had some smart hiding somewhere in you."
I roll my eyes at him and ignore the way my stomach feels when he winks at me.
But even though I would never admit it, as Axe starts the car and makes some dumb quip about flying fishes, for the first time since I can remember, I do not feel utterly alone
- Writer
