FINDING YOU

CHAPTER 2 - LOOK AT ME NOW

~MILLIE~

“What do I do?” My voice sounded just about audible, as though life was being drained slowly from my body. “I can’t leave.” We both knew Dan wouldn’t let me go that easily or I would have left years ago.

    “Yes, you f*****g can! Leave this s**t for that arsehole to sort out and grab your things and move in with me. This is your chance now!”

    “But he will find me…You know he will!” I protested. The anxiety made my voice tremble.

    “He won’t. He doesn’t know where I live, remember.” Megan oozed with confidence.

    She had not long moved out of town for work. Her parents owned a successful business and apparently, she needed to move to another area to manage a new aspect of it. She never really went into what she did. She was almost secretive about it.

    Surely, he wouldn’t find me, right?  How could he if I didn’t even know her address.

    My legs started to quiver as adrenaline rushed through my body. This may just be it. It may just work.

    He won’t find me. He can’t find me. My mind buzzed with anticipation.

    I looked at my left hand and pulled the thin wedding band off my finger and placed it on the side table. Without saying a word, I turned on my heels and headed for the stairs.

    I didn’t know when Dan was going to be back, so I needed to act fast or this would all have been a dream in a hellish nightmare.

    Megan followed me to my bedroom. I reached into the wardrobe and grabbed my suitcase, throwing it onto the bed. Her eyes silently watched my every movement as I swiftly leapt from drawer to drawer and bathroom to bedroom whilst piling items into the large suitcase that rested upon my duvet. When finished, I zipped the suitcase up and looked at her.

    “I think I have everything,” I exclaimed breathlessly as I grabbed the handle and lifted the case. A smile creased the corners of Megan’s face.

    I can’t believe I am doing this.

    “Right then, let’s go before he gets back.” She said with a glint of happiness that skirted around her lips. She looked at peace now she finally saw me grow some balls.

    That’s it, no going back. A new start.

    Where the hell did this confidence come from?

    #

The drive to Megan’s house was long and… Well… Rather odd. I had a mixture of emotions which was new to me. Other than the love I felt for Megan, I suppose I was so used to feeling deflated and just plain old miserable, however, this was different... Was this euphoria? I don’t know. I felt both relieved yet terrified. Free but somehow still trapped by fear. Ecstatic but hurt… My god it hurt. I don’t know if that was even possible to feel this mixed up, but I did, and with all his faults, he was pretty much all I had known for such a long time. The pain I felt was for many different reasons. For leaving him, for staying with him for far too long and for the unknown.

    This was the first time I’d left him. The first time I grew some bloody balls! I mean, of course, I threatened to leave his sorry arse many times during those long and painful years, but I could never muster up the strength to follow through with it.

    'Look at you with your idle threats!’ He would mock. ‘Look at the state of you! Who in their right mind would want a pathetic excuse for a woman like you? You’re nothing but a fat f*****g w***e!’ He would taunt. His laughter filled insults and malicious words would cut through me like a knife. Well, look at me now you son of a b***h! I scoffed inwardly at my sudden mental outburst of confidence.

    ‘You dirty f*****g w***e…’ I could almost hear him saying it again. I was glad I had work last night, as Dan had been drinking once again. He had never been good at holding his alcohol, yet continued, nonetheless. When spirits were in his bloodstream, he was a strong and powerful man… One not to be messed with… One not to be questioned… One who could do or say whatever the hell he wanted… Or so he liked to believe… And I, well I had to accept it or face the consequences of my intolerance.

    Lost in my thoughts, I remained silent, as did Megan. It was almost like there were unspoken words between us. She could tell I was secretly suffering, and I could tell she knew this. She held my hand, giving it a little squeeze every now and again. It was her way of reaffirming things were going to be just fine. I peered down at the thin watch that was strapped around my wrist. 2:20pm.

    I felt drained. Mentally exhausted. It caused me to yawn repetitively.

    “Not long now,” Megan said as she glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes. She took the next left and turned onto a long straight road which looked withered under rows of dense towering trees. I rested my head against the window as the gentle hum of Megan’s voice singing to the radio started to fill the car. It looked oh so beautiful out there. Tranquil almost.

    The deep green carpet seemed to stretch for miles. I inhaled the alluring aroma of pine and fresh flowers as I watched the shadows dance between the trees. Wow, this is breath-taking.

    Megan slowed down and pulled onto a driveway which belonged to a striking yellow bricked house.

    “We’re here!! Welcome home lovely.” Her voice was full of excitement as she turned the ignition off and unclipped her seat belt.

    “Wow…This place is stunning!” I replied gawping at natures playground which surrounded her house.

    I unclipped the seat belt and opened the car door. Stepping outside, I saw a pretty baby pink front door directly in front of me boxed within a white porch. Beautiful blue, pink and yellow flowers draped over the lips of two large grey planters which sat proudly either side of the doorway. A slate plaque titled ‘The Willow’ hung delicately below a lantern light that was in place on the wall.

    “Megan this is beautiful,” I said taking in my  surroundings.

    “I know right!” She giggled as she danced towards the door, opening it with her keys. I grabbed my things from the boot of the car and followed her inside.

    I was met with a large open space. The living room trailed into the kitchen and dining area and bi-folding doors dominated the back of the house which lead onto a well-ordered patio area. The stairs were almost hidden behind a wall which separated the downstairs bathroom to the kitchen. Trees protected the garden area which looked attractive in the day, but I can only imagine how creepy it could look at night.

    “I am so glad you decided to come with me! Now, let me show you to your room.” Megan reached for my suitcase and headed upstairs. I followed obediently while my wide eyes absorbed the beautiful décor.

    “This one is yours. Make yourself at home. And remember… This is the start of your new life.” She smiled pushing the door open.

    “Thank you so much.” I grabbed her and pulled her tightly into a hug. My eyes stung as I blinked.

    Letting Megan go, she squeezed my arms and slipped out of the room and made her way back down the stairs.

    Wow, this room is cute. A double bed centred the wall opposite a large window that overlooked the garden and impressive woodland surrounding it. A modest set of white drawers were neatly placed to the right of the bed and next to the door which leads into the ensuite. A beautiful ornate mirror was placed to the left of the bedroom door.

    I collapsed onto the bed. Have I really done this? Have I actually left him? My heartbeat started to quicken as I felt the anxiety rise into my mouth.

    He can’t find me. I reinforced myself.

    I didn’t owe him anything. The house including the bills was in his name and all that I had taken, were my belongings. He can’t find me, I repeated to my inner self again.

    s**t! Work!

    I needed to ring them and let them know I couldn’t go back. I reached for my phone that was tucked inside my handbag. With a sigh, I nervously dialled the number that belonged to my place of employment.

    #

Megan appeared by my door holding a cup of coffee in her hand. She took gentle steps as she tiptoed closer to me. 

    “Who was that?” she questioned inquisitively as she passed me my drink.

    “Work. I told them couldn’t go back. Thankfully they were understanding.” I sighed.

    “What have I done?” Grief filled every word that left my mouth. I had my dream job that I’d given up just like that. All because of him. Doubt seeped into my body crippling it with fear.

    s**t, this is hard.

    “You have done the right thing, trust me!” She praised with assurance.

    “Look, a friend of mine owns an animal shelter tucked up in the woods. I will give her a call to see if they need any help. You would be perfect for it!” She smiled, enthusiastically bounced around, reminding me of a puppy. She hopped off the bed and made her way back downstairs.

    Megan made me smile. Even when I felt like s**t, she would also do something to make me smile. I put my coffee down and eased myself back onto the soft plump pillows.

    Although a smile crossed my lips, apprehension still pulsed through my veins. Hell, how could it not? Dan was vicious. Even though he didn’t want me, he didn’t want anyone else to have me either. Maybe he will be ok. Maybe he will be thankful that I have left. At least now he could do as he pleased without thinking about me. Who am I kidding, he never thought about me? My mind continued to play tug of war, jumping from reassurance to panic. This was going to be a long day and night. I rolled onto my side and raised my knees into my body and closed my eyes, trying to push my feelings to one side.

      #

The sound of my phone vibrating startled me from my slumber. s**t, I had fallen asleep. How long was I out for? Rubbing my eyes, I reached for my phone. 10 missed calls and 1 text message. Oh f**k. Unlocking my phone, I could see the calls were from Dan. He had finally got home. The taste of bitter acid burned through my throat as it made its way up into my mouth. My stomach started to flip, and I could feel knots forming deep inside my gut. My whole body shivered with fear. I opened the message.

    From: Dan Mob – Today 08:33 pm

    Message: YOU f*****g b***h!!! Do you think you can leave me?! Who the f**k do you think you are!! I will find you and I will drag you back to this f*****g house if it’s the last thing I do!!!!

    “f**k!!!”. I hurled my phone across the room. It made an impact with the wall before landing broken on the floor.

    “f**k f**k f**k!!” I buried my face into my hands. Harrowing emotions now plagued my core.

    “What’s happened?!” Megan yelled as she burst into my room. “Is it him?” The look of concern was etched on her face.

    “He knows I’ve left! He’s texted me saying he will find me and drag me back home” I shrilled, trembling from head to toe. Tears pricked my eyes, but I was trying so hard not to let them fall.

    “That f*****g arsehole! He won’t find you and he won’t drag you back there, I promise!” Megan roared as she reached down and picked up my smashed phone.

    “We will start by getting you a new one of these!”