The Soulless

Chapter 10. Secrets

Mark didn’t come home that night. I waited for him almost until dawn at the porch, staring at the endless sea of darkness that spread in front of me now that Jonathan had started collecting the harvest and the field looked burned and lonely, just like me. I felt like the air had somehow materialized and stuck to me like a too hot, too fuzzy blanket – it was this hot tonight. Even the annoying mosquitoes seemed to have hidden away and I was the only living creature out here in the open. I felt so alone at that moment as if I was the last person on earth. From time to time I looked up to the sky, wondering like some kind of a fool if Adan was looking at them too. Were the stars on the Georgiana sky as bright and vivid as the ones above me? The Georgiana sky? I jumped in my place and started blinking rapidly, realizing Theresa was again trying to crawl her way up my mind, which was forbidden for her right now. I didn’t want her memories, even though I knew how messed up such statement sounded. I wanted only the ones that included Adan and for some reason, I just knew he had nothing to do with this Georgiana place I was so hung up about.

                I tried to push the thoughts away, but the hardest I did try and think of something else, the deeper I thought about my past. Obviously, some stupid part of my subconscious still craved for answers. And I dug, trying to come up with facts I knew about this Georgiana place. Well, I had none. Whether it was a street, a town, a country, I didn’t know. My lack of geographical knowledge aside, I couldn’t pin any particular feeling or relation to it. Maybe it was just a passing thought, maybe nobody was waiting for me there, wherever it was. Didn’t stop me from tossing my old phone out and typing the name in the search machine.

                There were two towns of Georgiana in the country, one was at the other end and seemed rural and unwelcoming, judging by the pictures and the comments on the local community page. People there seemed rough and unfriendly towards each other, let alone to strangers. The other town was closer to Auguste, maybe a day and a half ride from here with a good car. It was a bigger town, almost two hundred thousand people lived there. The town centre seemed alright, pretty decent actually. There were posts about an upcoming festival at the end of the month, something about pumpkins and masks which seemed a lot about Halloween but filled with harvest talk and blessings for the next year. It seemed nice, unfamiliar, but nice.

                Deep down in my half-ass research, I didn’t notice when somebody approached me in the darkness until it was too late for me to brace myself and lift my guard. “Are you waiting for me, sweetheart?”

                Mark stood at the bottom of the small stairs leading towards the porch and even from here he reeked of cheap alcohol while he smirked his typical lazy smirk, which annoyed me so much. In the barely lit space that separated us he seemed smug, and a bit alien, like a damn satyr – something that crawled out of an ancient nightmare, something that was supposed to be scare, but was annoyingly intriguing at the same time.

                He sat on the swing next to me and the smell of whiskey hit me, bringing a sting of nausea to my brain and I scrunched my nose, pushing him away. “Oh, god! You are disgusting!”

                Completely unaffected, he stood right where he was, shooting me with sided glances, the crooked grin never leaving his lips. His deep blue gaze was somewhat unfocused and in the state that he was, the usual mask of indifference and supremacy was kind of slipping away. “Seriously, love, if I knew you’d be waitin’ I would’ve come back much sooner.”

                I rolled my eyes at him but didn’t move away, refusing to analyze the reasons behind the fact that I didn’t mind him being this close. Mark seemed completely undone right now and didn’t notice how close we were, or the fact that our knees and thighs bumped together, but I suddenly got hot all over and had no idea where to look at. Unlike me, he seemed completely confident, even cocky in his drunken haze, oblivious to my discomfort or despite it. Was it a blush I saw on his cheeks? Nah, the guy was cold as a lizard. What the hell was I thinking now? God, how I hated him!

                Like an echo of my distorted thoughts, he sighed, which seemed like something he never did. “God, you are pretty.”

                Um, excuse me, what? I shot him with a piercing glare, finally out of the stupid haze that fell over me because of his proximity, and slid a bit on the bench, putting a good foot of distance between us.

                “Are you sure you are not adopted?” I asked in a high pitched voice, looking anywhere but him. “I mean, all your other family members are such nice and collected people, and you… you are just… such a mess.”

                He turned to look at me, not one of his usual side glances, but an actual look, all traces of nonchalance and drunken smugness wiped away from his face. When he spoke, his voice was dead serious and sounded dark and heavy with sudden feelings I couldn’t comprehend for the life of me. “One might think it would be better if I were adopted. Turns out they care quite better for stray little kids they collected from the street than their own flesh…”

                I blinked like an i***t, suddenly feeling smaller in my seat. Did he really believe what he said?

“Well, if you made an effort and got your head out of your ass, you would see that they do actually care,” I said, annoyed at him, at the fact he was leading this conversation away from my own goals, at how he made me have to defend his family in front of him. Did he really not realize how deep his mother bled for him, or how confused and lost his father was in his attempts to build a bridge between them again and again but failed because Mark stung him with his thorns every time Jonathan even tried to look in his direction.

“Look, I have no idea what your deal is, but no, the entire world is not out to get you. So, f*****g stop acting like a douche towards everyone.” I added.

Mark giggled and the giggle suddenly turned into a burst of condescending laughter, which made me want to punch him in the face so that I could make him shut up.

Furious, I stared back. The bastard did laugh at what I said as if he was playing with me all along, and that wouldn’t do. Not in the slightest. Thankful for the slap to reality in which I still couldn’t stand him, I opened my mouth to put him in place, but he interrupted me before I even started. “Well, sweetheart, are you really that naïve, or is this pretty little mouth of yours so used to bubbling nonsense, that you just don’t know when to stop?” He stared at me like some kind of a winner, like he believed he had put me in place with that comment.

I rolled my eyes hard. “God, I am wasting my time here. Mark, sweetheart, if you want to waste your damn life sleeping the days off and picking up petty fights with everybody because god knows how many years ago something didn’t work out in your terms, fine. It is your business. But don’t be mad at the others when one day you wake up under a bridge homeless and alone with nobody to turn to.”

“Like you are doing such a great job living rent-free in strangers’ house and waiting tables at Tracie’s in the town of nowhere. Are you telling me to follow your great example? What are you hiding from, Terry?” He spat at me, his gleaming neon eyes fixing me even firmly, his expression closed off but still waiting for me to punch back.

“What are you?” I shot, glad to deliver. Then I jumped to my feed, ready to end this pointless conversation. I didn’t need his answers, I had more than enough on my plate to bother with him. I had to and I would find another way to get to Adan.

When he realized I was done, Mark stood up as well, slightly swaying, reminding me he was indeed drunk and reached for my hand. I didn’t push back though, my gaze trailed off to where he touched me, the spot on my arm bringing bolts of electricity down my spine. God, his hand was cold. Not that my body minded it even one bit.

We stood there staring at each other for a long moment, silence stretching between us, neither of us letting go, or going away. What was I doing? Why did I feel like I was compelled by this asshole, and craved more of this touch, which even though was almost clinical, did things to my body and brain. Things that made me forget that I was supposed to hate him, that he was a pain in the ass with no agency whatsoever. Instead of thinking of all this, I spiralled down a hole of obsessing – of how firm his jaw looked on his profile, even now when his head was slightly tilted towards me, and wondering what it would feel if I traced said jaw with my tongue all the way down to his collarbone, and even lower… what was wrong with me? Why was I thinking about licking this imbecile of a person like I was some kind of a simp for losers like him?

I pulled my arm out of his grip the same moment he decided it was best to let go. He didn’t press and I was thankful because right now, as annoyed and bothered as I was, I would probably snap at him and toss him across the field with my impossible strength which I felt building inside me and ready to burst.

Closing my eyes for a second, I called to my inner self for patience. I had to if I wanted to see through the end of this. When I spoke again my voice sounded calm and collected in my ears. “I would like to ask you something and I ask you to be honest about it. Do you think it would be possible?”

Mark stopped in his tracks, something that for a split of a second looked a lot like hope, gleamed in his eyes, but whatever it was he hid it too quickly, too easy. The next instant he looked as closed off and arrogant as always when he raised his eyebrows suggestively. “And what would I get in return?”

“I… will give you your room back.”

He smirked. “Well, not what I expected, but stull, alright. Ask ahead.”

I licked my lips, not missing the way he focused on my mouth. “That name you mentioned earlier… I believe I have heard it before. Adan McGraw was it?”

He tensed immediately, and stepped forward, towering over me in the darkness. When he spoke, his voice sounded dark and menacing. “Why do you ask?”

“Do you want your room or not?” I pressed as if my question was completely casual, as if my entire world, and my sanity, didn’t depend on his answer.

Mark looked at me for a brief moment, but this time he didn’t input any of the previous heat in this stare, reminding me he was just playing me all the time the bastard. It was his turn to lick his lips as if bracing for the answer, but I didn’t give him the pleasure of tracing the motion with my hungry eyes.

“Fine.” He said finally. “I didn’t think it was so important anyway. So, Adan McGraw is just some old guy I met up north. He is a drunk and a bastard, but does know some important as s**t people.”

I knew he was lying just like he realized I knew.

“So, sweetheart, when am I getting my room back?” He grinned.

“When you tell me the truth.”

I turned and left him alone on the porch. While I was climbing up the stairs to his… my room, I couldn’t stop cursing. I was an i***t and a fool for even trying to speak with Mark Blackthorn as if he were a normal, reasonable person. I shut the door behind me and jumped into the bed with my summer dress on, not caring in the slightest.

Of course, it wouldn’t be so easy to extract any kind of information from this bastard. He wouldn’t just hand me truth out of the goodness of his heart. He feared Adan and hated me, so why help me at all? His own mother had warned me about him, and only god knew how much she loved him despite everything. I would not get anything from him just because.

Fine then. I could play that game too. I would do even the impossible to breach this impenetrable wall of douche-ness of his and imprint myself under his skin until he begged me to tell be everything I wanted to know. I would win him over just so that I could find Adan. Yes. I was completely thinking of using Mark Blackthorn’s trust once I had it for my selfish reasons. No, I didn’t feel any remorse, he deserved everything that was coming for him.