The Soulless

Chapter Seven. Blue Eyes

I tilted my chin in defiance towards the stranger, swinging my lamp weapon against him and puffing messy strands away from my forehead. I did look insane, add it to my feeling insane and I got the whole package. But to hell with it, if I was going to give up to some weird maniac who dared to invade people’s houses in the middle of the night. Wait, didn’t he say I was in his room?

“This is my f*****g room!” I blurted out, proving myself, and the entire world, that I was indeed dumb as s**t.

“Is it now?” He dragged, a slow confident grin on his invisible lips. I could hear him walk, even though my eyes barely registered the outline of his body or traced where exactly he was going. I squeezed my lamp, and my blanket a bit tighter, you know, just in case.

“So, Jonathan switched me for some dumb chick? Really? And Abbie doesn’t mind? How fun.” The guy continued, vague disappointment and barely contained anger in his voice.

I had no time to respond. Or shout again, or tell him to shove his mean comments where the sun never shone, because in the next moment the entire Blackthorn clan entered the room, door widely open, almost torn from its hinges. Carl burst in first with a bat in his hand, followed by his parents. Light from the hall spilled inside, painting a too bright yellowish rectangle in the middle of the room.

They all stared at me, fury and worry written on their faces. Abbie and Jonathan were in their robes, Carl only in his sweatpants, upper body naked and ripped, the bat fitting perfectly in his large hands. He blinked rapidly as if he was trying to toss the sleep away, to come to his senses when his eyes locked on the intruder and he froze. I traced his gaze back to the guy too. Whoever he was, he had taken a defensive stance as well, his palms curled to fists next to his body. His insanely blue eyes stared above me, to the rest, with a mix of anger, persistence and mockery. He looked like a predator, playing with his prey right before he attacked.

Abbie stepped up. “Mark?” She asked in a low meek voice.

Mark? I looked back at the rest of the Blackthorns with shock written all over my face. Abbie had mentioned this name before. This was the guy who was the reason she cried that day. So this mother fu…

I turned towards him, squeezing the lamp even tighter, finally getting the chance to look at him, now that, I hoped at least, it was clear he was not some crazy intruder here to steal my innocence. Yeah, like I had any.

The guy looked like… well, he was something, alright. His clothes were black – from the leather jacket that he surely didn’t need in the middle of August, to the ripped black jeans and the combat boots. He had some interesting piercings on his face – especially the one on his lower lip seemed intriguing, and a tattoo curled down his neck, the unfamiliar black pattern escaping somewhere down his shirt. His dark hair was tousled in a way that didn’t exactly say he took any time to style it, but more like he shoved his hands through it more often than not, making even bigger mess than it already was. He was tall, but lean, unlike Carl, who was bulkier because of his daily work on the farm. The weirdest thing about him were his eyes. They had the most intense blue colour I had ever seen. Maybe they were some lenses, because they bordered to an almost neon glow, made even harsher in the small darkened room we all occupied.

“Do you like what you see, sweetheart?” Mark asked me, noting my quick check over with a smirk and a wink, and it was a sheer will that stopped me from throwing the lamp at him. Did he just f*****g call me sweetheart? Did he not like his damn life?

Instead of attacking, however, I closed my eyes and counted to ten before I stepped back. It was not the time for fights, the grave silence in the room already predicted one, and it felt like it was going to be a big one. Jonathan stared between me and this Mark guy, fury as I had never seen before clouded his usually kind eyes, and for a second I felt him completely lost, like in this moment Jonathan had become some entirely different person. His gaze was wide, he breathed faster, his heart thumped like crazy in his chest.

“Get. The Hell. Out.” Jonathan spoke finally, each word barely containing his emotions, and filled with so much rage, that I shivered, realizing if those words were spoken to me in such a manner, I would fall to my knees with fear.

Instead, Mark didn’t move. He didn’t shift his weird gaze off Jonathan. When he spoke, his voice sounded dark and unwavering, a deep barely contained menace swept through it. “I will not. She is the one to go.” He pointed at me without even bothering to look in my direction as if I were some kind of disposable trash.

“Damn you!” Jonathan shouted now, mad beyond reason. “Leave this room now!”

Mark tilted his head in a vaguely familiar gesture, his sensuous lips stretched in a smirk and he lifted his right hand, waving some paper in Jonathan’s face. “Technically, it is my room, as is this whole house.”

Wait, what? I blinked in confusion, while Jonathan’s face paled almost to ashen colour, all eyes now pointed at him. It was Carl who stepped in and snatched the paper from Mark. He quickly glanced it over, while he still didn’t let go of the bat, then his eyes were back to Mark’s. “What did you do?” He hissed.

Mark flashed him another of his cocky grins. “Nothing father dearest didn’t have it coming.”

Carl tuned his eyes back to Jonathan, his face a mix of confusion and disbelief. “Dad? This thing says he has the rights to our mortgage.”

It was Jonathan’s turn to gasp in disbelief. When he spoke, his voice was full of disappointment and regret and hearing it broke my heart. “What did you do?”

“Well, nothing bad, I promise. I was actually happy to help, even though you threw me out and they” He pointed towards the rest of the Blackthorns, “did nothing to stop you. Aren’t you happy to see me now, Father?”

Father? He was their son after all? And it wasn’t even that surprising if not for the way he seemed and sounded so different from any of them. Everything even barely related to him that I had heard in the span of my three months stay in this house told me that all this time they were talking about the other son of the Blackthorns. Apparently, something really bad had happened between them, something so bad that it made the decent, kind Jonathan Blackthorn throw his own child out of their home. Whatever it was, even now it lingered between them, sleeking its way around the family like a poisonous snake, which made Carl and Abbie look away, silently taking Jonathan’s side in all that.

But how the hell did all this happen? Never, not even once did Jonathan or Abbie share they struggled financially so much that it came to someone taking over their loans and getting possession of their house. Had I known, I would never have accepted the proposition to stay with them, or at least I would insist earlier to pay rent and help with the farm.

I didn’t know what to do or say, or if I should do or say anything at all. Technically, I was not a part of this family, no matter how hard I wanted to belong. Right now at least my place was not here. I felt even worse, especially because I had no idea how to leave the room without making it even more uncomfortable for the Blackthorns.

“I think it is better if we went downstairs,” Abbie said in the stretched silence. “We upset Terry more than enough tonight. Jonathan…”

Bur Jonathan didn’t move, not before he saw his son’s back. Mark finally left the room as if somehow compelled by his mother’s words. Jonathan was the last to stay, his voice hoarse and still not able to hide his anger quite well. But now that we were alone, silence and disappointment lingered in it too. “I am sorry for what happened, Terry. And… I do believe you should be a part of this conversation. You are one of us now.”

I gave him a reassuring smile. “No, Jonathan. Some things are better to be discussed privately. I will always be there for you all if you need me.”

There was no way I would go back to sleep after all this.

Standing alone in my room, which suddenly felt empty and crowded at the same time with Mark’s fading scent of raindrops and fresh rye, I could only focus on the shouting from the first floor. Jonathan threatened to kick Mark out again, Abbie begged both of them to stop and have mercy on her, and Carl threw accusations like bullets towards his father and brother. I felt like an intruder and the need to get away grew by the minute – this didn’t concern me, I had no job standing here, eavesdropping on their privacy. Instead, I needed to get away, or else I wouldn’t be able to look any of them in the eyes the next morning.

The idea came to me in an instant. I put on a pair of jeans and the first shirt I managed to find in my messy wardrobe, then I opened the window. Mark had to have come through here, right? So, I could go out from here too. I tossed my legs through the window sill and stepped on the small arch underneath it. The fresh night air instantly helped me clear my thoughts. Suddenly I felt so much sober and awake like the previous weeks had never happened, and I was no more taken down by my sleep-deprived, dream-addicted brain. Now, I was kind of alive. With the night chill breeze, the stars above me and the endless darkness of the field ahead.

In the next moment, as if driven by some higher power, I raised my hands and flew down. I jumped. I f*****g jumped from my window on the second floor of a relatively tall house. The wind caressed my skin and made me feel even freer. In this short instance, I felt finally like myself, whoever that was supposed to be - just the creature my body remembered. I was one with Theresa and the strange wordless voice inside of me that sometimes whispered soothing truths in my ears.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation, and when I blinked back, it was all over. Even more, I had landed gracefully on the ground, not a bruise on my skin, my legs steadily supporting me, as if I had done it – I flew and then landed. Maybe I should be worried, spooked even. You know, like any other sane person would if they happened to have jumped from such a height and survive without even a scratch. Right now I couldn’t be bothered with such things. I felt the breeze again, and the moon above me, and the sky filled with stars, and the fine scent of the field which now reminded me of someone who I didn’t particularly know, or like, but still it was a nice scent, and I wanted to bolt forward and run like crazy. So, I did it. I ran.

I was running and running, not able to stop, barely registering where I was going. I followed the gravel alley, then circled Jonathan’s truck and the fancy red Porsche, parked next to it, and rushed to the field some miles ahead. I didn’t think, didn’t stop for the longest time. My mind was one with my body, for once not doubting and worrying and craving things that I didn’t even comprehend. I existed in this one moment, from one shift of my legs to the next. I was free for once and I loved it. I didn’t even care where I was going or how I would be back, it didn’t matter.

I stopped only once I felt my breaths speeding up and my heart started beating like crazy.

I looked around and slowly the excitement of the run was gone. I was at least ten miles within the field and I hadn’t even dropped a sweat. I was so deep inside the sunflower field, and if I hadn’t followed a straight path, I wouldn’t know how to go back. I looked around, suddenly scared from the silence that stretched around me. I was completely alone in the middle of an unfamiliar field at night, and I had no idea how I might have done it.

“What the hell did I just do?” I murmured to myself like somewhere in the shadows around me I could find the answer.

I raised my hand to swipe the strands falling from my ponytail in front of my face and sat on the ground, staring at the sky above me. Yeah, something was messed up with me. It was not only this crazy run. Back in the hospital, when they finally removed the wrappings, there were no wounds underneath, not even scars. What about the stubborn sun allergy that didn’t allow me to go out in the day without the black shades that made me look like a bug? The doctors said it was temporary, but it was three months already and I still had the condition. I did jump out of a window tonight and survived. Oh, and don’t forget – I could hear the sound of every person’s beating heart around me, I could hear the blood pumping through their veins, and… finally, slowly, bone-chillingly, the only rational question finally formed in my mind. One that I should’ve asked myself when I woke up in the hospital. No, not who I was. What I was.