Second Choice

Time Lapse

"I'm sorry, Ms. McDowell, I don't think you understand. There was more than just an accident." 

 The lady pauses, I assume that I will catch on to the obvious. "Ms. McDowell, we need for you to come down to the hospital and identify the body."

My attitude was harsh to the nurse on the phone, but I didn't mean it. The truth is, I am on the verge of tears. My circle of people in my life is down to two, Laura and my sister. With only two people only my care list, that doesn't give me much room for guessing who the bad news is about. There cannot be any other damn other reason to call my house.

"Ma'am, are you there?"

Time must be slipping in between our conversation. How much time, I don't know or care. She's a nurse calling for me to come to check on a dead person at her workplace. She's supposed to have the patience of steel while I sort my emotions and s**t out- not be 'impatient.'

"Ma'am?" She asks once more.

Ignoring her useless attempts to get my response, I close my eyes and listen to the steady water dripping from the showerhead. My hands tremble, and what began as a few salty tears has turned into a silent river of tears flowing down my cheeks. I take one last breath and sigh, knowing that forced memories that I kept buried are about to show it's pretty little head. The annoying echoes of the nurse's voice fade away. One second the walls in the bathroom fade into darkness, and the next, I am somehow back to the night our parents took us to the fall festival in Briery Crest Town.

*****

I look down and wiggle my fingers. My nails are not as chewed from stress; The tops of my hands are smoother. Funny thing how age and stress play tricks on your body. My style of clothes is a bit scary. The skin-tight jeans I can handle, but the neon polka-dot shirt has to go. On the positive side, I can't see my hairstyle.

My parents...

My heart skips a beat when I see them. It has been a few years. Mom and Dad are standing next to the few of the tables are serving alcohol. Mom with her famous pearls and hair styled to perfection in a tight-nit bun. She smelled somewhere between Cashmere Perfume and cheap red wine. Dad was favoring his left leg. He wore a chestnut-brown toupee that hung over his left deep-brown eyes. The smell of bourbon and beer reeked off his skin. 

My sister, Janie, and I were off to the side, filling our faces with food and drinks. The smell of funnel cake and sausages tickles my nose. 

Mmmm, this part of the memory I love.

After Mom and Dad got their drinks, we all zigged and zagged through the crowds. Janie and I were carrying cups of hot apple cider, cotton candy, and cherry covered funnel cakes in our hands. Janie's curly blonde pigtails bounced up and down when she saw the Tilt-A-Wheel.

"Mom, can we go on the Tilt-A-Wheel one more time? Pleeeease!"

"How are you going to do that? You have enough food in your hands for an entire army." Mama giggles to Janie.

"Besides, Sweetheart, they are shutting down the rides because of the storm coming in. We better get going before we get caught in it, okay?" Although Mom's voice was slurring, to this day, I still can remember just how much patience she had for us.

"But-but, I have five more tickets." she pouts.

 "No!" My father snapped, sternly, "We have to go!" 

Tiny drops of water fell on Janie's nose. She giggled innocently, "Okay, maybe next time." 

Each cold raindrop fell on the back of my neck, causing a shiver, just like the sound of Daddy's voice when he snapped. God, I hated it when he drank, and so did mom. 

"Maybe next time, Sweetie, okay?"

"Promise?" Janie asked with innocent glee.

"Promise. The next time, I will even go on there with you! How does that sound?" I shook my head, knowing Mom hated rides.

"All this damn talking and not enough moving! Don't you see the f*****g clouds over there? We are about to get hit hard! Now, get your slow asses goin', now!"

Dad yanked on my sister's arm, forcing the hot drink to splash on mom's floral mint green dress. Mom yelped from the heat, and Janie's smile washed away when she saw her funnel cake hit the ground. The funnel cake landed into the oncoming traffic of people trying to leave. Mom had too much alcohol to focus on how much of an ass Dad was being. I look up at the black sky. It is like the clouds are forming an army.  One lightning bolt hits and another and another. Janie looked back at me with pleading eyes. I just stared. What could I do?

Each raindrop is falling harder and harder, attacking my arms and neck repeatedly like a tiny bee stings. Before I know it, we are all at a full-speed run towards our car. We take what seemed like twenty minutes to find the old beat-up tan Volkswagen. "There it is, Mom!" I yelled over the pouring rain.

"Where?" She asked with a sense of hope.

"Over there, Mom! Don't you see it? The one with the dent on the right on the passenger side!"

"That's it!" She agrees.

When we finally make our way to the doors. Our father screams at us, "Get in the f*****g car! Do you hear me!"

We were already doing it, but his voice seems to force our feet faster. Dad yanks the keys from his back black denim pocket. His hands shake as he reaches for the ignition. Mom, my sister, and I stop what we were doing. We all see it. There is something there.

"Dear, are you okay?" Mom asks with a new hint of concern.

At first, he ignores my mom. His hands are trembling while he places the keys back and forth in the hole.

"Dear?"

This time, my family fades away, and I am back in the lonely bathroom listening to the annoying echoes of the nurse's voice.

****

"Ms. McDowell, are you sure that you are okay? Maybe I should send someone over to check on you." 

Back and forth, my legs wobble. I grab onto the sink for support. I look into the mirror and see just how much I have changed since that night.

"I am fine. You just caught me getting out of the shower. I can't come up there naked, can I?"

"No, of course not, Ma'am." The nurse clears her throat in shock.

"And of course, you won't give me the name of the deceased over the phone, will you? ,"

"I am sorry, Ma'am. I will need you to show me your identification when you arrive for legal purposes."

"Of course."

"Ma'am, I am sorry. I know this must be a difficult time for you."

"Look, I really don't need this right now. I will be there in thirty minutes."