Innocence In Chains

Chapter Two-1

Chapter Two

When the phone rang, Tam knew before she answered that it would be Jana.

“I must see you, Tam. Come over tonight.” Simple and direct, that was Jana. Tam had expected her to invent a reason, but realized that the woman was beyond the need to excuse herself or please. Tam knew that her confession of the night before had struck a sympathetic chord. The brief touch of Jana’s eyes had stirred something in Tam, a feeling that she could not identify, apprehension perhaps, or longing. It was no time to be coy. Tam’s answer was also guileless, and a date was made.

The night before, the other women had treated Tam like a leper, scooping up their coffee cups and saying hasty farewells with furtive glances in her direction. As Tam made her retreat, she had been aware of Jana watching her go.

Though no words had been spoken, Tam felt somehow that a bond had been forged between them.

All day, as Tam tried to direct the attention of her students away from the seductive days of late spring and toward the final days of school, she had found her own mind drifting toward thoughts of Jana.

Some people have a quiet strength coupled with certainty of purpose that makes them charismatic. These qualities were so strong in Jana that she had achieved mythical dimensions in the eyes of those who knew her. Since she never talked about herself, rumor ran amok. It was said that she had started a computer software company from nothing, acquired others, and was now in the process of selling everything off at an obscene profit. “Getting out from under,” she called it. She was twenty five years old, or thirty five, or forty.

No one had ever seen Jana with a man. Opinion was divided over whether she was secretly having an affair with a famous man, or secretly gay.

Tall and athletic, her dark hair cropped close in a boyish cut, Jana could certainly pass for a traditional dyke. Even her gestures and mannerisms were masculine. At first, Tam had denied the possibility that Jana was gay. Then she found that she was thinking of Jana in a new way. The woman seemed exotic, even dangerous, an agent of fearful eroticism.

The women’s group had been Jana’s idea. It had started out as a mere gabfest, a chance for a few friends to put their feet up and relax. They expected only companionship from each other. The group had evolved under Jana’s direction. Now there was always a topic. Jana was fascinated by human nature, and loved to poke into dark corners. There were two rules that every member of the group was expected to observe. They were always to speak truth to each other, and never to repeat to outsiders what a member had spoken in confidence.

The weekly conversations had become intense and personal lately. Now Tam had revealed the darkest side of herself, and wondered if she had built a wall in the process- or a bridge.

Jana had not been close with Tam before. Tam had entered the group as the friend of a friend. Jennifer had persuaded her to come, hoping to break through the shyness that had turned Tam into a recluse. At the age of twenty three, Tam had been left at the altar by a childhood sweetheart, a development that left her not so much heartbroken as adrift. So she had wandered into the group, attending the meetings, speaking when it was her turn, yet never feeling the acceptance she sought. Until now, Jana and the others had been friendly and polite without displaying any genuine warmth.

Then the call had come from Jana, a call that was more of a demand than an invitation.

Tam walked around the library, warming the brandy in her hand, looking at Jana’s possessions to find clues to her character.

Jana had opened the door, and Mrs. Thompson, the maid, had delivered the brandy, along with a message that Jana was wanted on the phone. Jana had apologized. “I really have to take this call.” Left alone, Tam had circled the room slowly.

Artwork covered the walls, violent abstracts and bizarre landscapes that were unsettling. One painting depicted a woman weeping alone in a bare room. The bookshelves were filled with non-fiction, and Tam noticed that several titles dealt with abnormal psychology and mind control. Setting her brandy down, Tam selected a book at random, opened it, and read:

“Once the proper state of mind has been induced, the subject is open to new concepts and values, which can be externally introduced. Changes of attitude follow with surprising ease.”

Tam became aware that Jana had returned, and stood behind her now. Reddening with shame, Tam was wondering if she should apologize for her snooping when she felt a light tickling on the hair near the back of her neck. Thinking that a fly was crawling there, she reached back to brush it away and was startled to feel the fingers of another hand. Quickly, she dropped her hand to her side and stood rigidly, staring at the book she could no longer see.

Growing bolder, the fingers lifted her hair and stroked the back of her neck. Tam shivered. Some part of her mind had known all along the reason for Jana’s summons. Tam realized that she would only invite further attentions if she failed to protest. Shyness prevented her, or some desire she had yet to acknowledge.

“Why did you call me?” she asked. Her voice sounded timid to her own ears.

“I think you know.”

Tam shivered again. She did know. No amount of self deception would alter that. “I guess I need to be told,” she said.

“Those fantasies you spoke of last night, have you ever acted them out in any way?”

Tam faced the wall, feeling the hand upon her neck, unable to make herself turn and face Jana. “No! They frighten me. They would frighten any reasonable person.”

There was a faint tone of irony in Jana’s voice as she answered. “Of course, perhaps we can speak of it later.”

Tam returned the book to its place on the shelf, damning herself for trembling fingers. “I’ve never...” she began to speak, but broke off as she felt firm hands upon her shoulders, turning her.

The kiss was no surprise, and Tam surrendered to it, opening her mouth for a questing tongue, feeling the electric thrill of first intimate contact. She had never been kissed by a woman before, except for the chaste kisses of her mother. She was pleased by the gentleness of it, the soft smoothness of Jana’s mouth, the scent of cologne and shampoo.

And yes, she was aroused.

She responded not so much to the fact that Jana was a woman, though that fact bothered her less than she might have expected, but to the proprietary way that Jana took Tam’s head in her hands and held her there. Tam considered struggling, just to feel the strength of those hands.

Jana ended the kiss and held Tam away from her, gripping her shoulders. “It’s time for you to slap my face and storm out,” she said.

“I wouldn’t do that. I liked it, though I never thought of myself as a...” she hesitated at the word, “a lesbian”.

Jana’s grin was feral. “No, but you are submissive, and that makes you the natural prey of anyone strong enough to take you.” She picked up Tam’s brandy glass and handed it to her, then took her own glass and tapped it against Tam’s. “To the future.”

They drank. Tam gulped her brandy, needing a drink for one of the few times in her life.

“You have a decision to make,” said Jana. “Actually, it would be a series of small decisions. You have to decide whether or not you want to explore your fantasies by living them. For years you have stared into the pit, wondering what was down there, but unable to descend alone. I could hold the lifeline for you, and lower you down.”

Tam stared at the floor, unable to meet the intensity of Jana’s eyes. “How far?” she asked.

“As deep as you dare, all the way to the bottom perhaps.”

Tam set her glass down, afraid that she would lose her grip and drop it. “I’m scared,” she admitted. “Dreams are nothing like reality. The things I described last night would be painful, probably even dangerous. Everyone dreams of flying, but if I were to jump from a high place I would only fall.”

“I won’t let you fall,” said Jana.

Tam felt Jana’s fingers lifting her chin, and opened her mouth for another kiss. This one was longer, and even more insistent. She didn’t resist as Jana unbuttoned her blouse and slipped a hand inside to cup a breast. Her n****e erected under the cool palm.

“Undress,” Jana whispered into her ear. “I want to see you.”

Tam wanted to display herself. She was tired of the lies and pretenses that the world seemed to thrive on. What better way was there to be honest with Jana? She wanted to be seen and touched by someone who understood.

Yet her fingers were clumsy with her buttons and zippers. Jana impatiently took charge, brushing Tam’s hands out of the way and skinning her down with movements that were swift and rough.

Tam fought a battle with modesty under Jana’s hungry stare, and began to fold her arms across her chest. Jana would have none of that, and held Tam’s hands down at her sides. When she was sure that Tam would no longer try to cover herself, Jana released the girl’s hands and began to examine Tam’s breasts, kneading the flesh and tweaking the n*****s into hard buttons.

“They are rather small, I’m afraid,” Tam apologized.

“They are perfect,” Jana purred. “High and firm, and the n*****s are so pale!”

Like a blind woman, she traced the outline of Tam’s body with her fingers, greeting each new discovery with delight. Abruptly, she spun Tam around and bent her forward.

“Put your hands on the bookshelf,” she commanded softly. “Spread your legs.”

Tam stood like a felon waiting to be frisked. She heard Jana walk over to her writing desk and open a drawer. When she heard a faint snapping noise, she glanced over her shoulder and saw that Jana was putting on a pair of rubber gloves. Did she always have rubber gloves handy? Had she planned this evening: Tam didn’t know whether to feel manipulated and take offense, or flattered to be worth plotting for.

Both emotions quickly took a back seat to the thrill of anticipation. Jana was handling her with a casual assurance that was completely unlike the tender lover’s touches she had known before. The hands that tested the firm muscles of her back before trailing slowly down toward her buttocks touched her as a rider touches a nervous horse. Jana was reassuring her and establishing mastery at the same time.

Tam sighed and deliberately relaxed, rocking back on her heels to lean into the touch, arching her back to invite more. A finger entered her v****a, questing and exploring.

“You are separated from the rear so beautifully,” commented Jana. “Your little bottom seems to beg to be penetrated.” The finger abandoned Tam in the front and moved backward.

“Please!” Tam whispered urgently, “I’ve never...”

Still wet with natural lubrication, the finger glided in. “Never had a lover inside here.” Jana finished the sentence for her. “There are many pleasures you have never tasted.”

Unexpectedly, another voice spoke behind them.

“Will there be anything else this evening?” It was the maid, Mrs. Thompson.

Tam, startled, tried to straighten up. She had been unaware that anyone had entered the room. Shy as Tam was with Jana, the maid’s presence seemed a flagrant invasion of privacy. What sort of relationship did Jana have with Mrs. Thompson? How could the maid catch her employer in the act of shoving a finger up a naked girl’s backside without embarrassment or surprise?

Jana was also unconcerned, and corrected Tam with a firm hand on her shoulder, bending her over to balance herself against the bookcase again. The finger remained inside Tam, and wriggled about to tease her.

“Would you turn down the sheets in my bed before you retire?” Jana asked. “I will be taking Tam up soon.”

“Certainly, Jana” Mrs. Thompson paused before leaving, the better to enjoy Tam’s plight. Jana performed a bit for her, working her finger in and out while Tam put her face against her shoulder and wanted to disappear.

Jana’s announcement of her intentions was a deliberate humiliation, and Tam could not deny the pleasure it gave her. Jana knew her as no one else did. Tam was in the hands of a woman who was taking charge and putting Tam in her place.

Tam bowed her head, accepting it all; the casual handling of her body, the insulting attitudes of Jana and her maid, the raw joy of submitting.

Jana’s free hand slid up the length of Tam’s body, pausing to squeeze her breast and tweak her n****e. “How long has it been since you shared a bed?” Jana breathed in Tam’s ear.

“Too long!” It was a plea.

Abruptly, the hands were jerked away, and Tam was left panting and writhing. Still leaning, she realized that she was waiting for permission to break her pose. Jana let her wait, Enjoying the way that Tam was yielding to her power and authority, accepting it quickly and without question.

“You’re beautiful,” Jana murmured. “You are so fragile and timid as you stand for me the way I want you to stand, open to my hands.” She cleared her throat and barked “Upstairs!”

Tam turned, eyes down, fists clenched at her sides, and hurried to the stairs.

Tam lay on her back on the bed with her legs spread and her hands gripping the spindles of the headboard as though bound there.

“Open your eyes.” said Jana.

Tam looked up at Jana, who was now magnificently naked, lithe as a cat, and panting with heat. Jana smiled down at the girl splayed on her bed.

“I want you to pay attention to the things I do, because I expect you to do the same for me later.”

Tam nodded, too tense to speak, as Jana swooped down upon her. Two hands and a mouth assaulted and teased, nipped and nibbled, tweaked and thrusted. Tam gasped and arched her spine. Jana knew where and when and how to touch her. No man had ever played her body with such skill. Even when Tam climaxed, she was allowed no respite, and she found herself rising a second time, and a third.

“My turn,” Jana whispered.

They changed places, and Tam found herself kneeling between Jana’s open legs. Lust had stripped away her inhibitions, and she was eager to feast on Jana’s body, to return the gift she had been given. She blew gently on the genitals before her, teasing them with cool air.

“Very nice,” purred Jana, “do it some more.”

Tam blew again. How fragrant Jana was, and petalled like a rose. Tam licked tentatively at first, tasting sweet nectar, then her tongue lapped eagerly. Within minutes, her face was buried between Jana’s thighs, sucking, kissing, and licking as though famished. She reached above her head to work the firm breasts, feeling Jana’s heels hard against her back, and Jana’s fingers winding in her hair.

“We need to talk,” said Jana. “There are many things I want to know about you.”

They lay naked together, holding hands. Lovemaking had left them overheated, so no blanket covered them. Sweat dried on their skin as their panting slowed to more normal breathing.

“Of course,” said Tam. “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t want to talk here,” said Jana. “The setting is wrong. It’s not pillow talk and lover’s lies I want to hear.”

“We need to be honest with each other,” Tam agreed. She almost said “always”, but thought that might presume too much.

“Let’s go down to the library,” Jana said, leaving the bed with a little bounce. Tam started to reach for her clothes, then realized that she had left them downstairs. Instead, she stayed by the bed and assisted as Jana dressed. In bed they had been almost equals, but as Jana became more covered, Tam felt more naked. If their relationship had been different, Tam would have excused herself to go downstairs and dress. Now she attended Jana, holding up clothing for her to slip into, and bending to lace her shoes.

“I need to wear boots for you to kiss,” Jana said lightly. “Sneakers just don’t have the same fetish value.”

Tam laughed self consciously. She had just helped Jana dress without being told to, and had been solemn the whole time, half afraid that Jana was sated and no longer interested in playing their game. Jana had banished that fear with a quip.

“May I dress?” Tam asked timidly.

Jana pretended to consider the question, looking Tam up and down speculatively before giving the answer Tam wanted to hear. “No. Stay as you are. I like you that way.”

Downstairs, Jana placed a straight backed chair in the center of the library floor and told Tam to sit. She aimed a desk lamp directly at Tam, making her squint and obscuring everything outside her island of light. Jana sat back in the shadows, heard but not seen. It was like an interrogation. Tam appreciated the similarity, and knew that it was no accident.

“Take your hands out of your lap.” The acoustics of the room turned Jana’s voice into a ghostly whisper. Tam rested her hands on the seat beside her and opened her legs slightly, anticipating Jana’s next command.

“You’re getting ahead of me,” said Jana. “I should correct that.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was wrong.”

“Never mind,” Jana dismissed the error. “What I want you to do is tell me everything. When did you discover that you were submissive? Who have you slept with? What have you tried?”

“It’s nearly midnight,” Tam protested. “I could be talking for hours.”

Leather upholstery creaked as Jana settled into her chair. “It’s all right. We have all night.”

“When I was very young,” Tam began, “my mother used to read to me. One story caught my interest more than all the others. You know the story, everyone does. It was ‘Hansel and Gretel’. I sort of re-wrote the tale in my head. In my version, Gretel was alone, and the wicked witch kept her naked in her cage. Not content to simply fatten her for slaughter, the witch delighted in finding ways to torment the girl, making her do menial chores and thrashing her for fun. There were other stories that I loved as well, Cinderella and her cruel stepmother, for example. I can’t remember when I was first aroused by such ideas, but it was long before I understood anything about s*x.

“I played pretend games with other children in the neighborhood, and always found ways to pervert the script. If King Arthur took the castle, I was the princess he captured. I was always the spy who wouldn’t talk, the new slave on the plantation, the only woman to survive the Indian m******e. While the other children were sword fighting with sticks, or riding broomstick horses, I was winding clotheslines around my wrists and pretending to be bound. One adventurous playmate actually whipped me with a willow wand. It was only one stroke, and he apologized when I yelped, but I still remember savoring the burning line he left on my bottom.

“It didn’t take me long to realize that people who want to be abused and humiliated are often hated, or pitied at best, but seldom understood. I learned to hide my feelings, and tell myself that they were a childish notion I would outgrow. I told myself that a mature s****l relationship would replace it.

“I dated the same boy all the way through high school. We never really discussed whether or not we should be married, but everyone sort of assumed that we would. I approached the subject of bondage and discipline in a careful and indirect way with him, but quickly backed off when he made it clear that he thought the whole idea was disgusting. I never told anyone this before, but I was relieved when he called the wedding off.

“I feared that no one would ever want me as I am, or share my fantasy. The life that most people want to live seems dreary and frightening to me. Life is short. I don’t want to spend it watching game shows on TV and going to school board meetings. I want to belong to someone, not as a wife, but as a pet. I want to feel their control. I want to prove my love through suffering. I want to grovel and beg at my lover’s feet.”

“Show me how you beg,” said Jana.

Tam slithered from the chair and crawled to where Jana sat, then knelt prettily before her. “Please give me permission to serve you.”

Jana laughed. “Permission granted.”

Much later, Tam stood at the door. The short summer night was already ending, and she was hoping to catch a little sleep before rushing off to school. A few hours of lost sleep traded for the most incredible night of her life seemed a bargain. She was dressed again, clutching her purse and trying to return to the mental state that would allow her to deal with the mundane. Only Jana, who stood beside her to say good night, kept the whole experience from fading like a dream at dawn.

Tam kissed Jana chastely, shyly, searching for the right words for such an unusual parting. Jana read her discomfort and rescued Tam by taking her by the neck and cupping her pubic mound firmly.

“Shave this for me next time. I don’t want any more pubic hair in my teeth.”

Then she kissed Tam hard and propelled her out the door with a sharp swat on the behind. It was not so much a farewell as a dismissal, yet it answered the question Tam had been afraid to ask. “Will I see you again?”

Fumbling for her car keys, Tam berated herself for enjoying this brusque treatment, and for growing wet as she anticipated the razor’s cold kiss.