Chapter 6. Evil Cleric Clerical Errors
1025 Words
From the war tent, the Dark Necromancer called forward a group of specialised henchmen.
One of whom was his Cleric of the Church of Hell.
The evil cleric bowed as he presented himself, his little goblin scribe hand was next to him, struggling with arms full of ink and various scrolls.
The dark necromance rubbed his smooth youthful chin and pondered.
“I feel a bit of demon back up is needed for this attack… “The Young Man said.
“Let me guess,” Said the Cleric “You want a fire and molten rock demon, Again!” he sighed in exasperation.
“I beg your pardon?” Said the Necromancer.
“It is always a fire and molten rock demon!”
“If you or any other evil tyrant is going to summon anything, it is going to be yet another fire and molten rock demon!” Said the cleric rolling his eyes.
“Billions of demons and it is always an order for a dam fire and molten rock demon, every time!”
“I don’t even know why hell bothers making any other sort of demon!”
Then his head exploded.
The red glow faded from the Necromancer eyes,
.
The Necromancer did not know where that cleric's sudden irreverence, courage and disrespect had come from and did not care!
So, he crushed the insubordinate fool’s head!
The necromancer then turned to the goblin scribe hand.
“You have just been promoted!”
The goblin scribe hand gulped; he was only an intern but tried to rally around his very limited training.
“Hello and good, insert time period here, I am your server, insert name here” Chirped the goblin not quite understanding that “Insert Here” was not what was supposed to be actually said, from the book of service script!
“Can I please take your order?!”
The necromance pondered again.
“Yes…. I will have a large fire and molten rock demon, extra-large!”
“Would you like that on its own or as part of a unit?” asked the Goblin scribbling furiously.
“I’ll have that as part of a unit!” replied the Necromancer
“With fries or chips?” Asked the Goblin express hell server.
“Errrrrr Both!”
“Half frying air on its surface and half razor-sharp pointed chips all over its body,” Said the Necromancer.
“Do you want to supersize that for only ten sentient souls extra?” Asked the service goblin.
“Why the hell not, It is only an extra ten sents!” exclaimed the Necromancer, waving his hand idly.
(“Sents” was an underworld abbreviation for “Sentient Souls”)
“Any sides,” asked the goblin.
“No thanks, that should be enough!” Said the Necromancer.
“Ok,” Smiled the Goblin, scribbling on the order scroll.
The goblin struggled to read his own writing back to the customer.
“That’s one Hot Supersized Larvae Demon Unit, Half Chips, Half Fires. No sides!”
“Will there be anything else?” the goblin chirped away happily
“Nope, One Hot Supersized Lava Demon Unit, Half Chips, Half Fires. No sides! That all sounds right,” Checked the Necromancer.
The goblin diligently checked each item as the Necromancer spoke the list.
“Your order should be on the battlefield in less than fifteen minutes!”
“Thank you for ordering from MadMammon, and do have a nice day”
“Thank you I will” Smiled the Necromancer, rubbing his hands
“Will there be a tip?” Asked the goblin
“Yes” replies the necromancer “My life tip to you is, Don’t ever piss me off!”
He said pointing to the headless and very dead hell cleric on the floor!
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Back at the castle the Duchess’s court Grand Keep Wizard Mal-eath shouted confidently to all the whole yard.
“Don’t worry, We just have to kill the main demon that is bound to be summoned and then the rest of the army will flee!”
Mal-eath almost laughed as he joyfully said this next bit,
“And it is ALLWAYS!”
“ALLWAYS!”
“ALLWAYS! A fire and molten rock demon! ALLWAYS!”
“No matter the size I have everything we need to destroy this thing easily!”
Mal-eath cast a few and fire demon and anti-earth demon wards on each wall.
Mal-eath cast ice and water enchants on all the ballista’s and most of the archer's bows.
Mal-eath then finished with a few temporary anti earth demon spells onto all unit leader’s swords and shields.
Mal-eath then took a pose and with a flourish of his long flowing cape and spoke.
“I am off to bed, wake me when it is over!”
All the men cheered, even Captain Mitchel felt impressed.
Against any fire and molten rock demons
This battle should be an absolute cakewalk!
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Down in the depths of hell.
In the demon kitchens
One of the head demons’ forges shrugged.
“Mmmmm?!” It said.
Another demon forger turned to him
“What?”
“I am just looking at this order…” Said the first demon.
“Why?” Said the second, “Is it not the usual, fire and molten rock demon?”
“No, for once it is something a little different!” Replied the first.
The Second demon forger raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“Oooooh!” the second demon forger exclaimed in surprise “That’s a VERY expensive one!”
“You are telling me?!” Replied the first Demon Chief,
“That will cost A LOT!”
“It must be a life-or-death emergency up there!”
“Because this will defiantly bankrupt his arse forever!”
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The moral of this story
Beware of even the simplest mistakes on any demonic military order!
And also, beware of under-qualified goblin hand scribes with dyslexia!
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- Writer
