The Fortress Island Series 2: Romano, Can't We Try

SEVENTEEN: MINE

“Romano! You have no right to barge in here! Wait! Put me down!” Hiyaw ko habang buhat-buhat niya ako palabas ng bathroom. “This is trespassing! Invasion of privacy!”

The man only found me amusing. Instead of doing what I told him to do, he just chuckled. “Babe, may I just remind you that I’m the owner of this whole estate, so your accusations are invalid.”

Maingat niya akong binaba sa kama. Akala ko ay ihahagis niya ako na parang sako ng bigas. Tinapunan ko ito ng masamang tingin habang umuupo ako ng maayos. I clutched and secured the tie of my belt robe, making sure that I was totally covered.

“Still! Hindi ka dapat pumapasok ng basta-basta lalo na’t walang pahintulot! You did not even knock.”

Romano screwed up his face and pointed the bedroom door. “I was about to knock but the door was wide open. I heard you moaning from the bathroom, and I thought…well….” Nagkamot ito sa batok.

“Well?” My eyes narrowed at this insufferable man. Bakit may nababanaag akong kapilyuhan sa kanyang mga mata? What did he think I was doing in the bathroom? Don’t tell me….

“What do you think I was doing there, Romano? Ang dumi talaga ng utak mo kahit kailan!”

“What? I’m being innocent here, Miss. Dahan-dahan ka sa pamimintang.” Ngumuso ito ng bahagya at pagkatapos ay namulsa sa aking harapan. “You sounded as if you’re….in pain, so I gave myself a permission to enter.”

I rolled my eyes at him. What kind of reasoning was that?

“Why are you worked up about it? Para namang hindi pa kita nasilayan na hubo’t hubad.”

“Romano.” I gritted my teeth. I was panting heavily. I was so pissed! “Don’t remind me about that night. It’s haunting me.” It was a damn lie. Of course, I couldn’t afford to tell him that when he’s near, all I could think about was how amazing it was to feel him… his warm skin rubbing against mine.

“Haunting you, you say?” I saw a glimpse of disappointment on his face. Sandali itong hindi nagsalita pagkatapos ay humugot ng hininga. “That shoulder, if we don’t take urgent care for that, I’m sure gonna haunt your ass, Mirasol.”

“My shoulder is fine, Romano. Nabugbog lang. Cold compress lang ang sagot dito. Pwede bang lumabas ka muna ng aking silid para makapagbihis ako?”

“I will call our family doctor. Baka hindi lang bugbog yan, Mira. Your shoulder is probably dislocated kaya namaga yan.”

Umiling ako sa kanya. “Trust me, Romano. Hindi masakit igalaw ang balikat ko. Napalakas lang ang pagkakabangga ko sa mesa kaya nabugbog.” I stretched and swung my arm. My konting kirot pero hindi yung katulad ng pakiramdam na may pilay.

He sighed inwardly. “Kung hindi masakit, bakit ka umiiyak kung ganun?”

“I cried not because my shoulder was painful, it’s because…” Lumalaylay ang balikat ko at binaling ang mukha sa ibang direksiyon. It was hard to open up to him. Kung nandito lang ang pinsan ko sa aking tabi, tiyak akong kahit paano ay mababawasan ang bigat sa aking dibdib. She always has the right words to say in times like this.

Romano sat down beside me quietly. He spread his legs apart, elbows propping on his knees, his fingers intertwined.

“Because you felt bad and humiliated….” It wasn’t a question. It was more of confirmation.

Nilingon ko ito at binigyan ng malungkot na ngiti. Tumango ako. “Oo. Bukod sa mga masasakit na salitang sinabi ng lalake yun laban sa akin, nahihiya din ako sa inyong lahat, Romano. And I’m really sorry… I’m really sorry for always causing you trouble.”

Romano’s hooded eyes met mine. May halong inis sa kanyang tingin. “Don’t f*****g apologize for being yourself, Mirasol. Let me tell you something.” He shifted in his seat, put his hands on my shoulders with care and turned me to face him completely. “Kung ibang tao ka at may nangyari sa atin katulad ng gabing yun, tinitiyak ko sa’yong hindi ako magdadalawang-isip na tanggalin ka sa iyong trabaho. Ora mismo ay paaalisin kita sa bahay ko. At puputulin ko ang lahat ng ugnayan natin. Pero alam mo kung bakit hindi ko iyon magawa? It’s because of who you are. Ikaw lang ang pinakatotoong taong nakilala ko. And I thank you for that. You make me feel like you, just being yourself could change the world I’m living in.”

I swallowed hard. “I can’t help it, Romano. Can I be honest with you? Ikaw lang at si Krizette ang makakakaalam nito.”

“I don’t have a cheap mouth, Mira. You can trust me.”

I nodded gingerly. I subconsciously pulled the edge of his T-shirt and fiddled my finger with it. Nang ma-realize ko ang ginawa ko, agad akong napabitiw doon.

Romano clicked his tongue and I thought he was going to reprimand me but what he did next surprised me. He clasped my hands and put them back on the hem of his shirt. Ngumisi ito sa akin. I grinned back at him.

I tugged his shirt once more and fiddled my fingers against the fabric.

“Where were we?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Ah, yes. Ano….” I bit my lower lip. Dapat bang pagkatiwalaan ko si Romano? Pero kung sasabihin ko sa kanya ang totoo, maiintindihan niya ako.

Hustong umawang ang labi ko para sana magsalita nang bigla na lang sinakop ng mga labi ni Romano ang akin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

Romano gently tugged and bit my lower lip. Inilayo agad nito ang mukha sa akin bago pa man ako magbigay ng reaksiyon.

“What was that for?” Thank God I finally found my voice!

“Don’t bite your lip when we’re this close, babe. It’s tempting me. And to think your naked underneath this robe doesn’t help at all.” He said in a hoarse voice while his eyes still lingered on my half-opened mouth. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down from swallowing.

“Romano…we can’t….”

“I know. f**k. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry I was kind of carried away.” He sighed and his facial expression turned serious. “I don’t want to break my father’s faith in you. The reason why he hired you, the reason why you’re here. And it’s also against my own rule. I usually keep my professional and personal life separate, Mira. Unfortunately, you are my employee and I’m your employer. We should not mix business with pleasure. It’s just that we had that s****l encounter in the pub house. I wanted to wish it did not happen, but I was gladder it did. Because if I weren’t there, what could have happened to you?”

Tumango ako. “I am happy that you opened this topic. I did not regret what happened that night, Romano. In fact, I’m grateful to you. For saving our lives. Pero isipin na lang natin na ibang Mira ang nakatagpo mo doon. Gusto kong kunin ang pagkakataon na ito para hilingin sa’yo na kung maaari ay ito na ang huling beses na babanggitin natin ang nangyari sa pub house. Please, Romano?”

He gnawed his lips until I saw him nodding. “Alright. Let’s do that. Let’s just pretend it never happened. Anyway, you were about to say something?” He changed his position at tumagilid sa akin. He did not want to face me. I let go the hem of his shirt. I felt a pang of pain in my chest.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. “About my clothing style. Kung bakit mas prefer ko ang mahahabang manggas at saya. Kung bakit mas gusto kong balot na balot ako. Why I wear glasses like these one.”

“What about it? You prefer vintage clothing style. And I don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s not trendy nowadays, that’s why people mock your outfit. And to be honest, nung umpisa ay ayoko rin sa paraan ng pananamit mo. Kulang nalang pati mukha mo ay balutin mo ng sarong o scarf. Pero habang tumatagal, I get used to it. Walang masama sa paraan ng pananamit mo, Mira. That’s your choice. Don’t let others dictate you on how you should live your life. Don’t allow them to tell you who you are.”

“Thank you for the encouragement, Romano. Malaking bagay sa akin ang mga sinabi mo. But I still want you to hear about this. Bukod sa conservative akong tao, ever since I was young. Uhm… I have like…. traumatic experience.”

He c****d his head to my side. “What?”

I ran my tongue along my lower lip. “I got into car accident when I was a teenager.  My father was the one driving the car…” I gulped down. “Yun nga, naaksidente kami. I was comatose for a month. Then nang magising ako, alam ko na agad na may nag-iba sa personalidad ko. At habang nagpapagaling ako, hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay. At kapag lumabas man, pinipili kong magsuot ng damit na babalot sa buo kong katawan. Kasi pakiramdam ko, kapag natatamaan ng sinag ng araw ang balat ko, para akong nasusunog. My panic attacks would start kicking in, to the point na hindi ako makahinga. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay puno ng usok ang buong paligid. The first few months were difficult. It took me time to finally realized na sa isip ko lang iyon. Kaso, hindi ko na magawang bitawan pa ang pamararaan ko sa pananamit. Actually, these glasses? Bukod sa malabo na talaga ang mga mata ko, these serve as my face shield. Sa isip ko, these glasses will protect my face all the time.” Bahagya akong tumawa.

This damn face….

“Hindi ako baliw Romano, ha.” I added. And to think that I had only touched the tip of the iceberg. I couldn’t tell him the whole truth. The truth that I lost my memories prior to that accident. That what I told him just now was based on what my aunt and Kriz had told me. I had yet to muster the strength to pour out everything to him. Isa pa, ilang buwan ko lang ito makakasama. Kapag matapos na ang anim na buwan, tiyak akong kakalimutan na rin ni Romano ang lahat-lahat ng mayroon sa amin. Okay na rin yun. Mas makakabuti sa akin iyon.

Romano tugged my hand at pinagsalikop nito ang mga daliri namin. “Thank you for telling me all these, Mira. Batid kong marami ka pa sanang sasabihin pero ramdam kong hindi ka pa handa.”

“How did you know?”

“Because I’m like you. I have so many things to share but I…I’m not ready to relive the painful memories. I…I can’t.”

Pinatong ko ang isa ko pang palad sa ibabaw ng mga palad namin.

“The burn on your back? It must be hard to remember the past, Romano. And I honestly understand you. Maybe someday.”

He smiled. “Maybe someday.”

“Again, I’m sorry for being different.”

He made a tsk sound. “Stop it, grandma. When will you ever understand that you, being different is what makes you beautiful.”

Kung sa ibabang pagkakataon, his words could have melted my heart and would probably make me feel giddy. But I gave him my saddest smile instead.

You’re wrong, Romano. I was not beautiful…. My real face was gone long time ago. The face I was wearing now? It wasn’t mine.

“You look sad. Permission to hug you, babe?” Alanganin itong ngumiti sa akin.

I faked a chuckle. “Hug sounds fine to me.”

Right after I said that, Romano scooped me up from his side and brought me near him, making me sat on his lap, sideways. My arms immediately went around his neck, clinging to him for my dear life.

Romano placed his chin on my shoulder, and I did the same. He just came from the shower since I could smell his shower gel. Mamasa-masa pa rin ang kanyang buhok.

He sighed and tightened his arms around my waist. “Don’t be surprised if you feel something hard poking against your butt.”

I scoffed and pinched him. “Nagpatay-malisya na nga ako, binaggit mo pa talaga.”

“Mukha kasing nagugustuhan mo.”

“Ano! Baliw ka talaga! Lumabas ka na nga lang.”

Tumawa ito. “I’m just trying to make you laugh.”

“Well, you’re making me pissed.”

“Fine. Tatahimik na.”

Ilang sandali kaming nanatili sa ganoong posisyon, magkayakap at tanging ang mga pintig ng puso lamang ang maririnig.

“Are you okay now?”

I nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Romano.”

“I will order some food at igagayak ko na rin ang yelo para diyan sa balikat mo. Kapag hindi nawala ang pamamaga, I will take you to the hospital and I won’t accept no for an answer.”

Ngumuso ako. “Fine.”

**********

Paglabas ko sa aking silid ay naabutan ko ang lalakeng prenteng nakaupo sa sofa. Nang mapansin ako nito ay pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin. Naka sleeveless shirt kasi ang pang-itaas ko. Mabuti na lang talaga at isinama ni Kriz sa maleta ko ang mga binili niyang tank tops para sa akin na hindi ko pa kailanman naisuot. At ngayon ay napakinabangan na nga.

“Come here.” Romano patted the space beside him. Agad namang tumalima ako at naupo doon.

“Are you okay wearing that?” Tukoy nito sa damit ko.

Tumango ako. “I guess? Hindi naman tayo lalabas ng bahay at isa pa, kasama kita. I’m safe with you.”

“Right.” He reached for the ice bag that was placed on the table. Hawak-hawak nito ang siko ko habang dinidiin ng marahan ang bag sa aking namamagang balikat.

Pumitlag ako ng dumapo ang lamig sa aking balat ngunit hindi naman nagtagal ay nakapag-adjust na ako at tila guminhawa na rin ang aking pakiramdam. Inabutan ako ni Romano ng pain reliever na gamot. I took it without hesitation.

Nang dumating ang pagkain ay pinili naming dito sa sala kumain.

“Let’s watch movie.” Wika nito. “Anong gusto mong panoorin?”

“Ikaw na lang ang mamili.”

“Ikaw ang tinatanong ko.” Supladong sagot nito.

“Edi ako.” Bulong ko. “Gusto kong panoorin ang paborito kong pelikula.”

“Anong title?” He was ready to press the button of the Apple TV remote control,

“I don’t think you will like it. Medyo luma na at cheesy. Although, sad ng ending.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically. “Mabait ako ngayong gabi, Mira, kaya abusuhin mo na.”

Tumawa ako at wala sa loob na pinisil ang kanyang pisngi. Pareho kaming natigilan. Siguro ay nagulat si Romano sa akto ko pero iba ang dahilan kung bakit ako tila naestatwa. Hindi dahil sa pagkakadikit ng balat namin sa isa’t isa kundi sa pakiramdam na tila pamilyar sa akin na ginagawa ko ito sa kanya. Hindi ko maintindihan. It was as if I had done this to him before.

Romano blinked his eyes momentarily. It seemed like he felt what I just felt.

I cleared my throat for distraction. “Uhm. Sigurado ka ha. Gusto ko sana yung kay Mandy Moore. Favourite ko yung movie niya nung kabataan ko.”

“And that is?” He stretched his arm behind me lazily. I thought he was going to drape his arm on my shoulder. Pinatong niya lang pala ito sa sandalan.

I chose to answer his question instead. “A Walk to Remember.”

“What?” Romano whipped his head to face me with eyes a little bit wider than usual. His mouth fell apart. His surprised eyes narrowed. Now, he seemed irritated.

“That’s your favorite movie?”

Tumango ako. “I told you, it’s cheesy. Iba nalang. I’m okay with any genre.”

“Sa lahat ng pwede mong panoorin, why that one?” His voice turned darker I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Why did he look so mad at me all of a sudden?

I tried to act calm and unaffected by his sudden change of mood. “It made me cry the first time I watched it with my Krizette. Ang galing din kasi ng acting nila at gustong-gusto ko yung plot ng story.”

What’s your favorite line from the movie?”

“Ah. The last part. Landon Carter was standing by the lake while the sun was setting. He said something like…. ‘Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I’ll always miss her…”

“But our love is like the wind. I can’t see it… but I can feel it.” Romano continued the phrase to my utter shock. Had he watched the movie?

Romano clenched his jaw as he shook his head disbelievingly. “I can’t believe na pati sa movie, pareho kayo ng paborito.” He uttered.

“Sinong tinutukoy mo?”

“Forget it.” He grabbed the remote control, but I snatched it away from his hand.

“Romano, once and for all, pwede bang mag open up ka sa akin kahit konti? Kasi minsan, may mga sinasabi ka na hindi ko maintindihan. Are you comparing me to someone? Anong pagkakapareha namin? You have to at least tell me half of the reason behind your pain dahil sa tuwing may ginagawa akong aksiyon na nagpapaalala sa’yo tungkol sa kanya, you always get angry at me. Sa akin mo binubunton ang frustration mo kahit alam naman nating pareho na wala akong alam sa nangyari.”

“Like I said, I’m not ready, Mirasol. I haven’t talk about her with someone else for years now.”

“Where is she now?”

“I told you, she’s dead! Let’s stop talking about her!”

“You don’t want to talk about her and yet you allowed her memories to chain you. You’re still trapped from the past, aren’t you? You haven’t moved on yet, Romano. If she’s really dead, don’t you think it’s about time to move forward? Or is it you who doesn’t want to move on?”

“You’re being nosy, Mira.” Inihilamos nito ang palad sa kanyang mukha. “Look, let’s just watch this movie, okay? Kung may similarities man kayo na mapapansin ko, I will try my best not to react to it.” He sighed. “Physically, magkaibang-magkaiba kayo. At alam kong hindi siya ikaw dahil namatay siya na yakap-yakap ko. It was my fault why she died. I cannot speak about her dahil hindi ko pa napapatawad ang sarili ko, heck, I don’t even think I will ever forgive myself of what happened to her, Mira. Kaya kahit anong kumbinsi ng mga magulang ko na ipa-plastic surgery ang likod kong nasunog ng apoy, hindi ko ito ipapatanggal. Tama ka, I don’t want to move one. Para saan pa? Hindi ko rin naman maibabalik pa ang buhay niya at ng ama niya? I prefer to suffer and be haunted by her memories because I deserve it. Peace? I don’t deserve it. I should have died with her.”

Hindi ko alam na habang nagsasalita ito ay tumutulo na pala ang aking mga luha. I could feel his pain. It cuts deep in my heart.

I sighed as I cupped his cheeks. “Permission to hug you, Romano?”

He smiled weakly. “Granted.”

And I did. Tighter than the hug he gave me back in the room. To hell with the shoulder pain.

“Romano?” I murmured against his hair.

“Hmm?”

“Guess what?” Lumayo ako ng bahagya pero hinapit lang nito ang baywang ko. My forehead was now resting against his. “You’re opening up to me.” I smiled.

**********

Romano’s POV

The painkiller she took did its job. She was knocked out and down before we even reached the first half of the movie. I decided to finish watching the movie dahil hindi pa siguro ganun kalalim ang tulog nito.

She was stretched along the sofa. Her head was resting on my lap. I checked her shoulder and when her face screwed up from feeling the pain, it made me violent. In my mind, I’ve murdered the asshole multiple times.

Even if the movie was still airing, my eyes glued on her face. I brushed away the hair from her face. I hate to admit, but Mira made me feel whole inside. And I’d never felt this whole for a long time.

When I hadn’t met her yet, there was always the feeling of emptiness in me. As if there’s a void. I tried to focus my attention to my career, hoping that it would somehow fill the dark ache lurking inside me, but nothing had changed…until this grandma came in the picture.

I was pulled from trance when I heard someone punching the door code and I already knew who it was.

Matt emerged to the living room, looking fresh as ever. His eyebrows were knitted when he found us with this intimate position.

“Anong ginagawa mo, Romano?” Bungad na tanong nito.

Tinuro ko ang screen. “I’m doing the obvious, Matt. I’m watching.”

“Why is she sleeping here?” Lumapit ito at lumuhod sa gilid ng tulog na si Mira. Sinipat nito ang kanang balikat ng babae. “It’s still swelling, Romano. You should have brought her to the hospital.”

“Ayaw niya. Kung bukas ay namamaga pa rin, dadalhin ko siya sa ospital whether she likes it or not.”

“Mukhang nangangalay na ang kanyang leeg, Romano. Hindi makakabuti sa kanyang balikat. I will carry her to her bed.”

“DON’T. TOUCH. HER.” Banta ko sa kanya. I swear if he tried, I wouldn’t hesitate to raise f*****g hell. “I will carry her to her bedroom myself, Matt.”

Tumayo ito ng tuwid. Madilim ang mukha nitong nakatunghay sa akin. He’s pissed? So was I! No one is allowed to touch my grandma!

“Tell me Romano, do you like her?”

“If I like her? Everything about her is likeable.” I answered in nonchalance.

He sighed exasperatingly. “Romano, I know you. You let people see what you allow them to see in you. But I could tell, with Mira, you’re kind of different. Parang unti-unti nang bumabalik ang dating Romano. Ang Romano bago nangyari ang trahedyang yun. I think Mira has seen the real you, or rather, you let her see the real you. You did not even go berserk when she saw your scars. Ngayon, if Mira really matters to you, you better get your s**t together. Don’t hurt her. Because, dude, most of every man alive would kill to be in your shoes. Including me.”

Matt turned his back on me and walked towards the door.

I tilted my head back as I closed my eyes. Mira stirred on her sleep. Magaan at puno ng ingat na tinapik-tapik ko ang kanyang tagiliran. She murmured inaudible words and I found myself smiling at her cute expression.

I let my fingers glide through the softness of her cheek.

“Mine…you are mine….”