Beneath the Skies of Dawn

Prologue

PROLOGUE

Dead End

The skies are in its pretty colors, it was a mixture of pink, purple and dark blue, which now starts to illuminate as the sun begins to peek. This was the scenery I used to watch and stared at since I was a kid.

People believed that dawn symbolizes hope, others think it was a sign of new beginning and another chance to do whatever we desire. I also once believed that dawn signify hope, little did I know it’ll only brings disappointment that eventually made me get tired of hoping.

Naputol ang pagtitig ko sa magandang kalangitan nang marinig ang  pag-ring ng phone ko. Dali-dali akong umalis sa balcony at pumasok sa kuwarto. Nakita ko ang pagrehistro ng pangalan ng pinsan kong si Innari sa phone kong nasa kama. I picked it and swiped right to receive the call.

“Hello.” I pressed my phone against my ear.

“Seraphina!” Agad kong nilayo sa tenga ang phone dahil sa tiling iyon ni Innari sa kabilang linya. I felt my ear throbbed at that.

“Are you ready?”

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi, para pigilan ang sarili. I almost snorted at her question. Am I ready? Iyon din ang tanong ko sa sarili ko. Actually, hindi ko rin alam ang sagot sa tanong na iyon. Kailan ba ako naging handang bumalik sa bansang iyon? I don’t think I will ever be ready to fly back to that country. Tuwing mapapabalik ako sa Pinas ay lagi na lang wala akong choice o sapilitan.

 “I’m so excited to see you! Anong oras ka pala namin susunduin ni Kuya bukas?”

I chuckled hearing her animated voice. Halata ang excitement sa boses nito but I don’t think it was because of my arrival. Maybe she’s so excited for her approaching wedding day, and it was overwhelming that she feels excited over everything.

“Yes...” I paused for a while before I continued my sentence. “I’m all set. Hinihintay ko na lang iyong ipapadala sa akin ni Mommy. Maybe I’ll arrive there by six in the morning.”

Gusto kong sabihin na hindi ako ready. Kung p’wede lang ay lumuhod na ako’t nakiusap na huwag na lang pumunta. But, then the act was so selfish. Kasal niya ito at ayokong sirain ang sayang nararamdaman niya dahil lang sa ayaw kong umuwi.

“Okay, I’ll tell that to Kuya! Bye, take care!”

“Yes, I will. See you soon. Bye!” Paalam ko at pinatay na ang tawag.

Nilingon ko ang pinto nang bumukas iyon at iluwa si Mommy. 0Lumapit ito bitbit ang isang malaking box. It was covered with a beautiful wedding gift-wrap.

“Here’s my wedding gift to them, honey.” Kinuha ko ang regalo. “Be careful not to scratch it. Send my best wishes to them, okay?”

Tumango ako sa bilin nito. She smiled, before looking at me worriedly. Alam niyang ayaw kong bumalik sa bansang iyon. She also knows the reason behind everything.

“You sure you’ll be fine to go alone? If you want, I could ask, Shaw to go with you.”

I immediately shook my head. Shaw already offer to go with me but I refused I know he’s busy, ayokong makaabala pa sa iba.

“No need, Mom. Shaw already offer to accompany me and I declined his offer.”

She nodded but still looked worried about me. If there’s one thing I’m super grateful of it’s having Mommy Lia on my side. She’s my stepmother but for me she’s more than that, she’s the best for treating me like her own. Mas madalas nga niya akong i-spoil kaysa sa kapatid kong si Arson na half-brother ko.

“Really, Mom I’ll be fine.” I said and smile to assure her more.

Bumuntonghininga ito bago ako hinila para sa isang yakap. A tear almost escaped my eyes. This situation was so much familiar. Nangyari na rin ito noon. Ayaw kong umuwi but I have no choice.

Humiwalay na ako sa yakap. Mom then looked at me from head to foot. Her brow arched which made me look at myself. I’m wearing denim shorts and a denim jacket over a gray hooded sweatshirt. I paired it with over the knee black boots.

“Is there something wrong with my clothes, Mom?” I confusedly asked.

Umiling ito. Mommy owns a renowned fashion house, it has international branches pati na sa Pinas. She’s also a famous fashion icon that’s why her opinion matters to me. I actually don’t pay attention about these things way back.

I modeled some of her creations way back only because of her favor but I’ve come to like it especially after what happened back to the Philippines. Gusto kong wala na akong oras mag-isip. I wanted to just doze off after an exhausting day, so I wouldn’t have time to cry over what happened. Kaya naman habang subsob sa pag-aaral ay nagmodelo rin ako.  Now I’m modeling her creations out of hobby.

“Are you sure that’s what you’re going to wear? It’s cold outside, dear,” she asked, concern.

I nodded.

“It’s fine, Mom. Saglit lang naman po ang biyahe papuntang Airport.”

And, besides mainit na pagdating sa Pilipinas siguradong pagpapawisan ako kung balot na balot ang katawan ko.

She just nodded. Kinuha ko naman ang maleta ko bago kami tumungo sa baba para magpaalam sa kapatid ko. The driver already put my things on the car’s compartment. I turned to Mom and Arson and kissed them goodbye.

Nakita ko naman ang pagpahid ni Arson sa pisngi niya kung saan ako humalik kaya pinitik ko ang tenga niya.

Umirap ako. “Hey, why are you wiping your cheek, it’s not like I have a virus or something, Arson!”

“Yeah, you don’t have virus but it’s gross, Ate,” reklamo nito sabay linga sa paligid.

Nanliit naman ang mga mata ko sa inakto ng kapatid. Ngumisi ako nang matanto kung ano ang inaalala nito kaya kinurot ko ang pisngi niya.

“Awwe, our baby Arson isn’t baby anymore. You’re just fifteen, hinay-hinay sa pangbabae, okay? Don’t play with girl’s feelings.” I reminded him before I went inside of the car.

Lumingon ako sa labas ng sasakyan at nakitang asar na nakatingin sa akin ang kapatid habang tahimik namang tumatawa si Mommy sa tabi niya. I waved my hand before the car drove off.

I sighed and the thought of going back to the country made me anxious again. Hindi naman siguro ganoon kaliit ang Pinas para magkita kami sa saglit na panahong ilalagi ko sa bansang iyon, hindi ba? Matagal na iyon, I shouldn’t be bothered by him anymore.

It took me the whole drive to the airport convincing myself that I’ll be fine in my short stay to that country. Kaya naman, halos maglupasay ako pababa ng sasakyan namin nang maalalang magpinsan nga pala si Seamus at ang lalaking iyon. f**k!

Lalong tumindi ang kagustuhan kong umatras at huwag nang tumuloy paalis. Ugh! Why is my life have to be this complicated? Am I being punished? Did I do something cruel on the past to experience this?

Sa huli’y wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tumuloy dahil nandoon na ako at sayang naman ang pinambiling ticket.

I couldn’t even get to sleep during the eight hours flight. It’s torture! I’ve been anxious and preoccupied the whole trip. f**k! Pakiramdam ko tuloy sabog na sabog ako dahil hindi na nga ako nakatulog sa biyahe, ang ingay pa ng utak ko. May mga iilan pa akong nabangga kanina pagbaba ng eroplano.

I already took off my denim jacket earlier and hung it on my arms. I already saw Seraphina and Errol on the arrivals lounge but before I could near them someone asked me for a picture. I was surprised that someone recognized me despite of me wearing a RayBan. Pinagbigyan ko ito because I don’t want to be rude but I didn’t remove my RayBan so I wouldn’t cause any commotion.

Pagkatapos noon ay mabilis akong naglakad palapit sa mga pinsan. Before, Errol could take my luggage and the box I’m holding, Innari already ran to me giving me a warm welcome through a tight hug.

“God, I missed you so, Era!” Humiwalay ito sa yakap.

I chuckled. “I miss you, too.”

Errol give me quick hug before we started heading to where they parked the car. Wala namang tigil sa pagkwento at minsang pagtatanong si Innari kahit pa noong nasa biyahe na kami papunta sa condo ko. She was so energetic, while I feel tired and drained because of the flight.

“Puro na lang ako ang pinag-uusapan natin. How about you? Gosh, I’ve seen you in magazines and I think you looked stunning and sexy but you were more than that in person!”

“Stop, you’re exaggerating it Innari.” I said and chuckled because I think she’s exaggerating it.

Isa pa ayokong magtagal sa akin ang topic dahil baka kung saan pa iyon mapunta. Magkatabi kami ni Innari rito sa backseat at si Errol naman ang nagd-drive. Errol was just a year older than me that’s why I don’t call him Kuya while Innari and I are of the same age. Silang dalawa lang ang pinsan ko kaya parang kapatid na ang turing ko sa kanila.

Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako sa gitna ng kuwentuhan naming magpinsan. Nagising na lang ako sa marahang tapik ni Innari nang makarating na kami sa parking ng condo.

“Were here already, Era,” aniya.

Mabilis kong kinusot ang mga mata, humikab pa ako ng isang beses bago bumaba. Nilingon ko naman si Errol na nasa may likod ng sasakyan at naibaba na ang gamit ko.

Innari continues with her story while we’re heading to the lift. Hinatid nila ako hanggang sa room ko. I invited them over but they refused.

“We’ll get going, so you could take a rest,” si Errol na kalalabas lang ng kuwarto ko matapos ipasok ang maleta.

“Right, mauna na kami. Just take a rest. Tomorrow ten in the morning susunduin ka ni Kuya, para magsukat noong gown.”

Tumango ako at kumaway sa dalawang paalis na pinsan bago isinara ang pinto.

Kumain lang ako ng umagang iyon bago nagpahinga. Nagdirediretso naman ang tulog ko. Hindi ako nakakain ng lunch at dinner kaya ganoon na lang ang gutom ko kinaumagahan.

Nagpadeliver lang ako ng pagkain dahil wala naman akong grocery stocks dito kaya wala akong mailuluto. Agad akong naligo at naghanda pagkatapos kumain. Quarter to ten nang dumating si Errol sa condo, sakto naman at tapos na akong mag-ayos kaya nakaalis kami agad.

“ Are you also going to try on suits?” I asked Errol whose eyes are still on the road.

“Uh-huh. Wala akong oras noong nakaraan, kaya...” Tumango ako.

Ang fashion house sana ni Mommy ang gagawa ng gowns and suits for Innari’s wedding and she’s willing. Kaya lang  nang malaman ni Innari ang tungkol sa papalapit na launching ni Mommy ng new collection nito, nahiya ito at ayaw nang dumagdag sa mga aabalahin.

Huminto na ang sasakyan ni Errol sa isang wedding botique. Ito na siguro iyon. Pagpasok sa loob sinalubong kami ng isang masiglang bading na designer? Maarte kasing nakaangat sa ere ang mga kamay nito habang nakapilantik ang mga daliri. May nakasabit pang medida sa leeg nito.

“Hi, Mr. Errol and Ms. Seraphina, right?” 

I nodded to confirm his question. Bahagya pa itong umirit nang tumango ako at natutop ang bibig saka nahihiyang tumingin sa amin.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm a fan of yours..." he admitted. "By the way, I'm Frances."

I couldn't help but smile, with so much flutter.

"By the way, I'm Frances."

 Pagpapakilala nito sabay lahad ng kamay na tinanggap ko bago siya nagpatuloy. 

“We received a call from Miss Innari earlier na darating daw kayo. This way, please.” Ginaya niya kami sa fitting area.

“Try these gowns, dear and tell me which one you have chosen. And, if may ipapabago ka sa sukat or something.”

Tumango ako at kinuha ang inabot nitong dalawang dusty blue na gown. So, the wedding is blue motif? That’s nice, I also like blue! Pumasok na ako sa fitting room para magsukat nakita ko pang inasikaso na ni Frances si Errol bago ko sinara ang pinto ng fitting room.

Ang tagal kong pinakatitigan ang sarili ko habang suot ang napiling gown. It was an A-line cut with one-shoulder neckline long chiffon gown. I love the pleated corset as well as the off-shoulder effect the sleeve give that makes it look more elegant.

Lumabas na ako para ipakita sa designer ang napili kong gown. Wala rin naman akong ipapabago dahil saktong-sakto ang sukat ng gown.

“Frances—“

I stopped in midst of calling the designer when a set of familiar pair of hunter eyes bore into me. Nakita ko ang pagkagulat sa mukha nito na agad din niyang naitago. He licked his lower lip and I saw how his Adam’s apple moved for swallowing hard. And, as if on cue my heart started hammering uncontrollably.

He’s changed and matured, especially in his newly shaved stubbles. Ang dating malambot at laging bagsak niyang buhok ngayon ay nakaangat. He looked so manly in a black slack and a white long sleeve polo shirt that’s rolled up on his elbow, which shows the prominent veins in his arms. Kitang-kita ang magandang hulma at ukit sa katawan nito sa kabila ng suot.

Pairap akong nag-iwas ng tingin dahil sa inis sa paghuhurumentado ng puso ko. Damn, this stupid heart for racing like this just because of that man! f**k it!

He betrayed you! Remember that, Seraphina.

This is why I don’t want to come home here. I hate how this country brings back thousands of memories that I badly wished to forget. This is a f*****g dead end of the feelings I am running away from.