Our Loveless Marriage

Chapter 5: Dinner

-Megan-

I felt nervous. My leg was jumping up and down under the table so much that Nathan had to reach over and place his hand on my thigh to make me stop. I hadn’t even noticed I was doing it before I felt his warm hand. I reached out and pulled it away, which made him look at me annoyed, but I just stared back, defying him, which prompted him to leave me alone.

This was torture, I thought, as I tried to focus on the conversation going on around the table. Nathan’s mother, Catharine, was quieter than I was. I remembered a time when she was the life of the party, but after everything that happened to her husband, she had isolated herself.

“So, how was the trip?” my mother suddenly inquired.

I looked over at her and then nervously glanced at Nathan.

“It was good,” I replied and reached for my water.

Nathan didn’t seem very embarrassed, though, talking about this, but then again, he wasn’t the one who was on the honeymoon alone.

“You’ve definitely gotten a nice tan, and I saw you were out having fun with a lot of people. New friends of yours?” my mother continued.

Was this an interrogation? Wasn’t it enough that I had to be humiliated going on my own? Did I now have to explain myself, that I had a right to go out and make friends and have fun, since my husband clearly didn’t want to spend any time with me?

“They were some new friends I made, yes,” I answered and put my water down.

I could feel Nathan’s eyes on me. What? Did he wonder who they were as well, or did he just want to know if I slept with anyone over there? I wasn’t him, I wanted to tell him, but I just tried to keep a calm smile on my lips and keep the conversation nice.

“It’s too bad Nathan had to work so much, he couldn’t come,” I added, trying to shift the focus away from me.

“Yes, that is too bad,” Neil remarked, clearly giving his grandson a warning with his eyes.

That made me smile when I saw how uncomfortable that made Nathan look.

“I will make it up to her,” Nathan declared, and clasped my hand on the table.

I wanted to pull away, but I couldn’t, not with our family watching.

“Good. Remember what I said at the wedding,” Neil reminded him.

“Yes, of course. I will make her happy later tonight,” Nathan quipped before leaning to the side, groaning in pain.

Yeah, I kicked him under the table. He turned to glare at me, but I gave him a satisfied smile, and told him with my eyes that if he ever made such an inappropriate joke again, I would kick him where it really hurt. It didn’t look like his grandfather was that impressed either, but his brother almost choked on his drink. Nathan pretty much squeezed my hand till death, and we were locked in a staring contest, neither of us wanting to back down. It wasn’t until Neil cleared his throat at us that Nathan finally loosened his hold, and I could retrieve my hand.

“I promise I will make it up to her,” he reiterated. “We will go there together soon.”

“Good,” Neil said before smiling at me.

I wasn’t sure why Neil was trying to look out for me. He and I had never really spoken before, but he seemed to want to make sure Nathan took care of me. Was it for my sake or his grandson’s? I wondered as I reached for my water.

“I really do hope to live long enough to meet your kids,” Neil said.

This time I was the one choking on my drink, and Nathan had to act like he cared, patting me on the back. I quickly wiped my chin, reaching for the napkin, and then I felt Nathan’s arm around me, pulling me close as he put on a fake smile.

“We are going to get working on that soon,” he assured his grandfather.

“We are?” I whispered in his ear.

He turned his head and gave me a look that said, “are you stupid?” I was asking because I didn’t want to be working on any kids. Kids were not going to be brought into a marriage like this.

I quietly turned my head as Nathan continued to chat with his grandfather, and I saw the way Shane’s wife Chloe had this sad expression on her face. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Chloe. I had seen her be quite mean to others, but in this case, I felt bad for her. I knew she had been trying for a long time to conceive and, so far, nothing. I felt awful that old Neil had mentioned kids like this in her presence. She was clearly struggling, and while I had no idea if I could even get pregnant, it wasn’t that important to me.

Suddenly it seemed Chloe noticed I was looking at her, and she glared back at me, probably assuming I was thinking something negative about her. But I wasn’t about to rub anything in her face. She lifted her chin and looked away, sipping a little from her wine. Yeah, I shouldn’t have been staring so much at her, I concluded. I quickly turned away, only to finally notice the way Nathan’s fingers were brushing over the back of my neck, pushing away my hair so he could come into closer contact. What the f*ck was he doing? I didn’t like the way it made my skin tingle.

With a smile, I reached behind me, taking his hand and then placing ours together on the table. My hand still hurt from his killer grip, but I would rather risk my hand than let him do something that felt so intimate. Nathan glanced at me, annoyed, clearly disliking that I was putting so little effort into this, but he had no idea how hard it was. He might be a robot that could turn his feelings on and off, but I wasn’t like that, and this pretending made me feel really guilty.

When we were finally going to have some dessert, I saw my opportunity to get up and not feel like I was being suffocated. I smiled as I offered, together with Chloe, to go get the dessert after our plates had been taken away by some of the staff. This way they could take the rest of the evening off as well. Neil, for some reason, only decided to comment on how kind I was, completely forgetting about Chloe, only making her dislike me more.

So, when we entered the kitchen, I felt like I had to say something, “Listen, I—"

“You don’t even try,” she interrupted, turning to me.

“Sorry?”

“You don’t even try, and still the old man likes you.”

“I... I am not here trying to fight over Neil’s attention,” I said.

“Right, on first names with him. As if that doesn’t say it all.”

I didn’t even think when I had said his first name. It was just how I thought about him in my head, so it slipped out.

“Really, Chloe, I am not—"

“Just get the plates. I got the cake,” she instructed, her green eyes lighting up with anger.

I pressed myself hard against the counter as I watched Chloe storm past me with the chocolate cake, then I sighed deeply.