Fireside Romance Box Set

Chapter 9-1

Chapter 9

I awoke bright and early on Christmas Day. Perhaps this was a throwback to my childhood, when I’d start nagging my parents about 6 am so I could go downstairs and see what Santa Claus had brought me. Mark still lay peacefully sleeping on his back. I looked down at his untroubled face: the gentle curve of his lips, the slight closing of his nostrils as he breathed in. I couldn’t fathom why anyone could so much as think about hurting this angel. I don’t know how long I stayed propped up on one elbow looking at the face of my love, framed as it was by his pillow and the duvet. Eventually his breathing changed, and he began to blink.

“Hello,” he croaked.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Same to you.” He gave me a weak smile.

“Do you want to get up yet?”

He shrugged. “Might as well start the day.”

As we went through our now familiar morning routine, I noticed that Mark seemed a bit distracted. I wondered if he was remembering the past two Christmases which hadn’t been pleasant for him. I kept my concerns to myself, thinking the best thing would be to just be there for him if he needed to talk. Hopefully the happy events I’d planned for the day would bring him out of his melancholy.

“Would you like breakfast?” I asked when we’d gone downstairs, and I’d lit the fire.

“No, it’s okay, I’m not that hungry.”

“I plan to have Christmas dinner ready for about two o’clock, would that be okay?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, thanks.”

I decided now was as good a time as any to give Mark his gift. I went into the kitchen and pulled out the wrapped book from the back of one of the cupboards.

“I know you couldn’t get me a gift, but, because I wanted to make this year as special as I could, I got you a small something.”

“I did get you a gift.” He became animated for the first time that morning.

“Oh, how? I mean—”

“Mary helped me pick it and she wrapped it. It’s at the back of that drawer.” He pointed to a deep drawer under the video shelves. I put his gift on his knee while I went to retrieve mine.

“Wow, this is such a surprise,” I said when I’d found the wrapped package and brought it back to the sofa where Mark was sitting. “Can I open mine first?” I asked in a child-like voice.

Mark smiled. “Of course.”

It was a recording of Handel’s Messiah I’d been wanting for a while now, but thought it a bit extravagant to spend so much money on myself. “Oh, Mark, it’s great, how did you know I wanted this?”

“I asked Mary.”

“Yes, of course. Thanks.” I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. “Now, do you want me to open yours for you?”

“Please.”

I unwrapped the book while it was still on his lap. “It’s not very exciting, I’m not much good at picking out presents.” I pulled back the paper to reveal the leather-bound volume. “I wrote something inside. I hope you like it.” I lifted the cover to reveal the inscription so Mark could see.

My dearest Mark

I hope you can forget your own personal ghost of Christmas past.

Instead let’s both think about our Christmases present and yet to come.

Simon, Christmas 1986

Mark stared at the book for the longest time. I saw his shoulders had started shaking. He was crying. What had I done wrong? Had I inadvertently made his memories of previous Christmases worse? He looked up at me and wiped his eyes on his bandages. He opened his mouth, but said nothing. He closed it again, swallowed and then began to speak.

“Simon, I’m sorry, but I can’t hold this in any longer.” He got up from the sofa and came and knelt down in front of me. He put his bandaged hands on top of mine. “Simon, please, please don’t say anything until I’ve finished. Okay?”

I nodded while my mind began to frantically search for a reason for Mark being upset. Had I gone too far? Should I not have kissed him just now? What would I do if he said he wanted to find somewhere else to live? I felt tears threatening to fall.

“I want you, no, I need you to understand what I’m about to say, I mean from the bottom of my heart. I’m not saying it out of a sense of obligation. I mean it totally.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Oh, God, this is so difficult.” He then looked directly into my eyes. “Simon…I…I love you.” He buried his head in my lap and wept.

I couldn’t speak. My mind was turning cartwheels; did he say what I thought he’d said? It seemed that what I had wanted for so long had finally come to pass. He loved me, just as I loved him. Oh, joy of joys, sing hallelujah! I never thought another man, let alone one as beautiful both inside and out as Mark, would ever say those three magical words to me. I thought about the sincerity on his face and in his words. Yes, he truly meant what he’d said. I couldn’t speak, but I could move. I rubbed his shoulders and then I stroked his hair.

Eventually I found my voice. “Mark, please look at me.”

He slowly lifted his head.

“I love you, too. I’ve been too frightened to tell you. I never thought someone like me would ever, could ever, have someone as perfect or as awesome as you say they loved me.”

“Why not?” he asked through his still falling tears.

“Because, sweet Mark, I’m not attractive. I’m plain. The rare times I tried to find someone…” I shook my head, not wanting to think about all that now. “…well, let’s just say it didn’t work. I just ended up being hurt.”

“In everything that matters to me you’re beautiful. I’ve always believed it’s what’s in someone’s heart that counts. And you’ve got a good heart, a beautiful heart.”

The dam of tears finally burst; no one had ever said such kind and tender things to me before. I’d felt for a long time it was what a person was like on the inside that mattered the most. I never thought I’d find someone else who felt the same way, but this truly wonderful man kneeling in front of me did.

Mark got up from his kneeling position and sat beside me. We remained on the sofa for what seemed like hours, no one was watching the clock. We kissed, we hugged and we cried some more.

Eventually I spoke. “I’m so glad you told me. I don’t think I’d have ever had the courage to say anything. I didn’t want to spoil another Christmas for you. Imagine if you didn’t feel the same as me? You might have felt that you’d have to pretend to love me to stay here. I couldn’t put you through that.”

“You see, that’s what I meant by you being beautiful on the inside. You always put my happiness before your own. It takes a special person to do that. It’s just one of the many reasons why I love you so much.”

“Oh, Mark.” I kissed him.

“Last night, when we came out of the church, and I saw we were going to have a white Christmas, I thought it was like a sign or something. But I hesitated. I mean, I’ve not come from the best of backgrounds, and I thought maybe you didn’t feel the same way about me. But, I don’t know, it was the book. The straw that broke the camel’s back if you like. I felt that maybe you might love me too. I just couldn’t go on any longer without telling you.”

“I’m so glad you did. It was killing me not being able to tell you how I felt.”

We kissed a little more, but mostly we just held each other, Mark lying between my legs, his back against my belly and chest.

Stroking Mark’s curls, I said, “I first realised I loved you when I found you lying in that hospital bed. You were asleep. I looked down at you, and it was like something had slammed into me. I just knew I had to love you. Even if you couldn’t love me back, I thought that just me loving you would be enough. I didn’t realise how painful that would be though.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Silly man.” I kissed the top of his head. He had nothing to apologise for. “It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. You’ll have to keep holding on to me for a while, because if you don’t I think I might float away.”

Mark turned until we were chest to chest. Putting his arms around me, he said, “I’ll hold you for as long as you need me to.”

Time passed as we held on to each other, neither of us wanting to separate.

Eventually I said, “If I don’t put the turkey on soon, we won’t be eating till Boxing Day.”

I felt Mark’s chuckle against my chest. “You asked me a while back, it seems like a lifetime ago now, if I was hungry. I am now. Do you think we could have something to eat?”

“Coming right up, angel.”

We moved to the kitchen together, neither of us wanting to break the contact. We laughed at our silliness.

“Will toast do you? It’ll take me a while to get dinner ready.”

“Toast will be great.”

So I put a couple of rounds of toast through the toaster, spreading each as soon as it popped up with butter and marmalade, feeding my man as we stood at the worktop together. We still held onto each other throughout all of this.

When we finished, I wiped his mouth with a paper towel, kissed him on the lips and said, “I can taste Seville oranges.”

“So can I.”

“When those bandages come off, will you still let me feed you sometimes?”

“Only if you’ll let me feed you, too,” Mark said.

“Deal.”

We kissed some more, the exchanges becoming increasingly passionate.

Eventually—and with reluctance—I withdrew. “Listen, love, I need to get on with dinner. Although I don’t want to let go of you, it’ll be a bit awkward if I don’t.”

“Oh,” Mark sighed dramatically. “I’m being passed over for a twelve-pound turkey.”

We both cracked up. Mark went and sat on his stool. All through the meal preparation, I couldn’t last for more than a few minutes without going back to touch or kiss him. Maybe I just needed the reassurance he was still real…still in love with me.

Because of the earlier delays, we would eat about an hour or so later than I’d planned. We found we had enough time to go into the living room and watch the Queen’s speech before eating. I can’t remember anything she said. It was probably the usual bland platitudes that had been recycled from previous years. Don’t misunderstand, I’m all for the royal family, but I could never get too worked up about the Christmas address to the nation and Commonwealth.

Soon after the national anthem finished, the meal was ready to serve.

“I’ve got another surprise for you,” I said to Mark.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” I reached up to the top shelf of the main cupboard and brought down a box of Christmas crackers.

“I love pulling crackers,” Mark said with enthusiasm. Then he looked at his bandages.

“No, I’ve worked that one out,” I told him before he could get too upset. I got down on my knees and took off his right shoe and sock.

“What are you doing?”

“You can’t use your hands, so you’ll have to use your toes.” I lifted his foot slightly and fitted a cracker between his big toe and the next one. I held the other end of the cracker in my hand.

“Now pull downwards with your foot,” I said.

Amazingly it worked. I got out the plastic novelty, a set of false teeth, read the stupid and totally un-funny motto, and put the coloured paper hat on Marks head.

“You look daft,” I told him.

He laughed. “We’ll have to pull yours now, and you have to use your foot, too.”

I took off my left shoe and sock, and put another cracker on the floor between us. I slid the thin part of the cracker between our toes and pulled. I got a comb in my cracker, quite useful I thought. The motto was just as lame as Mark’s, though.

“Aren’t you going to put on the hat?” Mark asked.

“Nah, I look silly in them.”

“If I’m going to look silly, so are you.”

I couldn’t argue with his logic, so I put a hat on, too. This caused much mirth from my boyfriend.

Wow, Mark is my boyfriend, the thought only just occurring to me.

“You know,” Mark said, “in future years, I’m going to insist we always pull our crackers this way.”

“Not if we have company,” I said.

“Rubbish, it’ll be a scream. We might even start a trend.”

We both laughed while I put our shoes and socks back on.

“Anyway, the dinner’s ready now,” I said, getting up from the floor.

We had decided not to have a starter as the turkey, two kinds of stuffing, cranberry jelly, chipolata sausages, mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, carrots and gravy, with Christmas pudding and brandy butter to follow, was quite sufficient.

To say we were stuffed after eating that lot would be a gross understatement.

“I don’t think I can move,” Mark shifted on his stool.

“Me neither. Oh, bugger the washing up. I’ll do it later,” I said.

Mark laughed, groaned, then brought his bandaged hands to his belly. “Don’t. It’s too painful.”

We did manage to move, but only as far as the sofa.

“Are you enjoying the day so far, love?”

Mark looked at me, a huge smile on his face. “It’s been the best Christmas ever. Because I’ve got the best present I could ever have wished for.”

I looked at him quizzically.

His response consisted of a single word. “You!”

I gave him the biggest, wettest kiss I could. “Thanks, angel. That means the world to me.”

We settled back against each other.

“All that food has made me sleepy,” Mark said.

“So sleep.”

“I don’t think I could make it upstairs.”

“Sleep here.”

Mark stretched out on the sofa with his head in my lap. He fell asleep with his face pointing towards me. I couldn’t help gazing once again into my boyfriend’s face. He’d had such a troubled past couple of years. It amazed me he was still the kind, sweet and trusting person he was. If I’d gone through what he had, I think I’d have ended up being bitter and cynical.

I gently ran my index finger along the bridge of his nose and traced along the line of his lips. I couldn’t help shedding a silent tear of joy that somehow I’d miraculously captured the heart of this angel.

The ringing of the phone shattered the silence of the room. Mark jerked awake. I was a bit annoyed that the outside world had intruded on our little piece of heaven.

I got up; the muscles in my legs had grown stiff from being in the same position for an extended period. I stretched them backwards slightly to work out the stiffness.

“Hello?”

“Simon, sorry to bother you on Christmas Day, but I just couldn’t wait any longer to find out if you two were having a good time.”

“Hi, Mary. Mark and I were just relaxing after overeating at dinner.”

“Sorry I’ve disturbed you.”

“Anyone else and I’d be upset, but I’m so glad to talk to you. Hang on a sec.” I covered the mouthpiece and asked Mark if I could tell her our news.

Mark smiled, got up from the sofa and approached. “We’ll tell her together.”

We agreed on a form of words, and I uncovered the mouthpiece. “Mary, Mark and I have something to tell you.”

“Oh?”

I held the phone between us, and we both said, “We love each other.”

I had to move the phone away as Mary’s screeches of joy would have burst our eardrums.

Once Mary’s excitement had died down, she said, “When did you tell each other? No, on second thoughts I’m inviting myself round. You can feed me later, too.”

“Cheeky madam,” I said. “Is it okay to leave your family today of all days?”

“God, yes. Auntie Margaret and Uncle Jim are snoring their heads off in front of the telly, and Mum and Dad look like they’ll be joining them soon.”

I laughed. “Okay then. The roads aren’t too dangerous with the snow are they?”

“No, we only got a light dusting. Haven’t you been out today?”

“We were too busy with other things,” Mark said.

We all laughed.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes,” I told her.

“Get the sherry out.”

“We will,” Mark said.

We said goodbye and I hung up.