There was a small wood about five minutes from the house, so we decided to walk there. Once we’d reached the security of the tree line, Mark put his arm around me. I did the same to him. We continued walking deeper into the woods in a comfortable silence. The only sounds came from the twigs snapping under our shoes and the birds singing up in the trees.
We spotted a fallen tree trunk. Without either of us indicating to the other, we both walked towards it, still with an arm around each other. However, we had to disengage in order to sit. Once settled, Mark put his head on my shoulder and gave a contented sigh.
“Comfy?” I asked.
“It’s so peaceful here. Seems a world away from all the horrible things that’ve happened over the past few months.”
“I know.” I rubbed his arm.
Mark stayed silent for quite some time. He swallowed, then said, “I’m not a bad person. I’m not evil, I don’t go around molesting little kids or anything like that!”
I wondered where all this was coming from. Then I had an idea. “Did your father accuse you of being those things?”
Mark shuddered. “Yes, it was horrible. I never really got on with him, but when he found me and Danny messing about in my room, he just lost it completely. He hadn’t got over mum’s death, BUT THAT WAS NO EXCUSE!” Mark shouted.
I said as calmly as I could, “No, it was no excuse. Your dad needs to seek professional help for his anger, but you’re out of all that now. You had to leave, and I understand why you had to work on the streets like you did. I’ve never judged you, and I never will.” I pulled him tighter into my chest. “You are a precious and beautiful human being, who—like the rest of us—deserves to be happy.” This certainly was not the time to tell him he was the key to my happiness.
“I never told you all the details of why I ended up selling myself, did I?”
“You said you had no money, nowhere to live, but Jake let you stay at his place, so long as you worked for him.”
“That’s only part of the story. When I got off the bus in town I sat on a bench in the bus station. I had no idea what to do. I must have sat there for hours just glad I’d gotten away from my dad, but I’d run away without thinking where I was actually running to.” Mark let out a long breath.
I kept rubbing his arm, offering silent support.
“It was getting dark, and I was wondering where I could spend the night. Although it was July, it had turned cold. I had only a few minutes at home to pack a bag. I didn’t even bring a coat. Jake found me on that bench. He took me to a cafe and bought me something to eat and drink. I didn’t realise how hungry I was. He talked to me. He really seemed like a kind person.” Mark let out a humourless bark of laughter. “Was I ever taken in by him! He said I could stop at his place that night, and we’d talk about finding me somewhere to live and work the next day.
“Well, to cut a long story short, Jake loaned me some money so I could get a room as a lodger, and said he would see about finding me work. I was walking down the street a couple of days later, I had the money Jake had given me in my pocket, and I was mugged. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I, I, I pissed my pants.” Mark was openly crying by this point.
I hugged him, almost pulling him onto my lap. Stroking his hair, I whispered comforting noises to him, although inwardly I was seething. I bet it had been Jake’s thugs who had mugged Mark.
“It’s okay, you’re safe now. It’s over.”
Mark sniffed and slowly gathered himself together. “Because I had no money, I had to leave the lodgings. It was at this point Jake reverted to type. He wanted his money back, and told me I’d have to earn it as ‘one of his boys’. Of course I didn’t know what he was talking about…I soon found out. It was like being in a spider’s web. Once I was in the web, I couldn’t work out a way to get myself out. I don’t know, I suppose I could have left town and tried somewhere else, but by this point I’d lost all my self respect, and I imagined I’d be in pretty much the same boat wherever I went. So I stuck it out. At one point I thought I’d paid off my debt, but I didn’t realise Jake was charging me interest on the loan, and I had to pay for the room at his place, too.
“Then you came along. At first I thought you were another weirdo like Simpkins, but all you ever did for me was treat me like a decent human being.”
“Which is exactly what you are.” I kissed the top of his head.
“Because of being able to see you, I managed to stick it out. Things weren’t all bad. Some of the other boys on the street were kind to me. A few of my customers were okay, too. I don’t know, maybe I’m just weak. Maybe I could have got out of it all if I’d have tried harder, but I didn’t know what to do. You offered to help me that once. That meant a lot. But I was afraid Jake would come after you, too. I couldn’t have stood it if that happened. So when Jake died, that meant I was free, but I had these bandages, and couldn’t do anything for myself. Then you came to the hospital. I hoped you’d be able to help me somehow. But I never thought you’d do as much as you have.”
“You’ve helped me, too. After a day at the library, I’d lock my front door, and never see or speak to another soul until I unlocked it again the next day. Having you come to live with me, though I wish it wasn’t because of your hands, has…well, I’ve gotten a lot out of it.”
“I guess we’ll just carry on muddling along, helping each other, then,” Mark said.
I hoped we’d do much more than that, but it wasn’t the time to go into it then.
“I don’t know about you,” I told Mark, “but I’m cold and hungry. Do you still want Chinese?”
“Please.”
We walked back to the house via the take away. Mark seemed so much brighter after unburdening himself. Although I could just about use a pair of chopsticks, I thought it would be easier—if unauthentic—to use a fork to feed Mark.
“I’ve never understood why some people say they are hungry again half an hour after eating Chinese food,” I said to Mark as we lounged on the sofa after stuffing our faces.
“Me neither, it seems to fill me up in just the same way as any other meal.” Mark snuggled up to me. This was rapidly becoming our favourite position, and I wasn’t about to complain. “You know,” Mark continued, “Chinese take away reminds me of home. A good memory, though. We’d do our supermarket shopping on a Thursday night. This was when Mum was still alive. On the way home we’d pick up a take away. As we walked around the supermarket, I’d be thinking about what I would order. Now every time I visit a supermarket, I can’t help thinking about Chop Suey or special fried rice.”
We both laughed.
“Why don’t we make it a tradition here? I’ve always done the supermarket shopping on a Thursday evening as well. It wouldn’t take us too much out of our way to get Chinese on the way home.”
“Could we? That would mean a lot.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I kissed Mark on the top of his head. He wriggled contentedly in my arms.
Flicking through the four TV channels we had in those days—this was before cable and satellite came on stream—we decided there wasn’t anything worth watching. Mark decided he’d like to watch a video.
“So, what would you like to see?” I asked him.
“Have you got Carry On, Doctor?”
“Yes. It’s my favourite one of the series.”
“Mine too. I know it isn’t a quality film, but it makes me laugh,” Mark said.
“When it comes down to it, that’s all that matters.”
“True,” Mark replied.
We cuddled up and watched the film. It was good to see Mark laughing after the painful revelations he had disclosed earlier in the day.
As the tape was re-winding, someone knocked at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I slipped on the security chain before opening it.
“Can we sing a few carols for yer, mister?”
Three little boys, and an older boy, possibly a brother of one or more of them, stood on my doorstep.
I smiled. “Okay then.”
In most places the carol singers would sing first and then knock on the door. However, this being the north of England, no bunch of carol singers worth their salt would sing to an empty house, or to anyone who hadn’t promised to pay them after they had sung. Mark came and stood next to me by the partially opened door. We listened to a couple of carols—like all children, including myself at that age—they only knew the first verse of any carol. However, that didn’t matter. It was one of the things which marked the beginning of Christmas for me. That and the Salvation Army band playing in the town square.
When the carol singers finished, I gave them 20p. Mark and I then wished them a Merry Christmas. I turned round after locking the door to face Mark. He was smiling.
“Aw, wasn’t that sweet?”
“Christmas is certainly coming now.”
“Do you think we could get a tree? I don’t mean a real one. Just a small artificial one, with some lights and stuff?”
“Why not? I’ve never bothered with one before, but it would make a nice symbol of our first Christmas.” The first of many, I hoped.
Mark’s whole face lit up.
“And I suppose you’ll want miles of tinsel, baubles and flashing lights too?” I asked, a smile on my face.
“But of course!”
“We need to go out tomorrow to get your bandages changed, so we can get all the stuff then. I think Woolies was having a sale on decorations the last time I looked.”
“Great. Can we have a fairy for the top, too?”
I rolled my eyes and shrugged. “Why not?”
Mark laughed excitedly. Which to my ears was a wonderful sound. I’d buy the whole of Woolworth’s Christmas department if it would make him happy.
Just then the phone rang.
“We are popular this evening.” I said as I walked towards the instrument. “Hello?”
“Hello, Simon.” It was my mother. We rang each other on alternate Sundays as it was cheap rate at the weekend. We were Yorkshire folk, so of course we were careful with our money.
“Hello, Mum, how are you and Dad?”
“We’re fine, love. I was just ringing to ask if you were coming down here for Christmas.”
“Err, no, I’ve got someone staying with me this year.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, he would have been on his own, so I invited him to stay.”
“That’s nice. What’s his name? Where did you meet him?”
My mother knew I was gay. Both Mum and Dad had accepted my coming out. However, accepted was about the best that could be said. I guess it was something to do with the ending of their dreams of having grandchildren. I was an only child.
“He’s called Mark. We’ve known each other for a while now.”
I wasn’t about to embarrass Mark by telling her any details. It really wouldn’t have helped any of us. My mother, although providing me with an excellent home, lacking for nothing including love and affection, was rather traditional in her thinking. Dad was a bit more broadminded, but would never go against her. So it was a case of what she didn’t know wouldn’t harm her.
“Although your father has arranged time off, you know what will probably happen.” Dad was an inspector with the West Midlands Police Force. He would often be called in at short notice to deal with some emergency or other.
“I know. It happens too regularly. He ought to put his foot down.”
“I’ve been telling him that for years, but you know your father.”
The conversation dragged on as it usually did, with mum passing on bits of gossip, which frankly didn’t interest me, but she thought I should know. At one point I turned to Mark and moved my fingers and thumb, imitating mum’s constant talking. Mark cracked up, but managed to keep quiet.
Eventually the conversation died down, and I was able to terminate it without offending her. I had a few words with my dad, then we disconnected the call.
“Phew, she does go on a bit,” I told Mark, collapsing on the couch beside him.
“I’m sure her heart is in the right place.”
“Don’t get me wrong. She’s a good mother, but why she thinks I’d be interested in what next door’s cat was getting up to on top of Dad’s garage with the Tom from across the road I’ll never know.”
Mark chuckled.
“I get on okay with them, but I can’t say we’re truly close.”
“That’s a pity,” Mark said, no doubt remembering his relationship with his dad and late mother.
“If I needed them, they’d be in the car heading back this way almost before the telephone receiver hit the cradle. We just don’t have that much in common. I’ll have to take you to see my gran sometime. She’s got a flat in Leeds. She’s a scream.” I related the funnier aspects of my coming out to her. Mark found it hilarious.
“Tell you what,” I said. “When we go over to see Gran, we’ll take her to a gay pub.”
Mark looked amazed. “Are you sure?”
“Well, if you’d feel uncomfortable about going into such a place, I understand, I’ve only been in a few, and it wasn’t much fun on my own.”
“No, no, it isn’t that. I mean us taking your Gran.”
I laughed, knowing full well what Mark was thinking. “She’d love it. She’d probably end up inviting a lesbian back to her flat.”
“Wow, she seems like an amazing lady.”
“She is. I used to spend most weekends at her house. I got drunk for the first time when I was with her. Mum and Dad were furious when they found out. Didn’t bother Gran though. I’ll tell you the whole story someday.”
“Look forward to it.”