sunshine

I opened my eyes at 1:26 at night. In the past, sleep was easy. As soon as I turn off the lights, sleep comes. Now, whenever I turn off the lights in order to sleep, thinking wakes up its candles until the morning. Do you know what's funny? I wake up every day at 1:26. I don't know why everything happens at this hour. Is it because it's related to my birth? - Yes, I was born in January on the 26th. Oh, it doesn't matter. I have a headache thinking. What should I do now? Sleep has gone from my eyes again. I'm too lazy to do exercises again. In order to be physically exhausted and go to sleep quickly. Well, I will make me a cup of coffee and exercise. My favorite coffee is bitter because it makes me feel the bitterness of life. I joke, add some milk to it and it becomes delicious. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Too much effort for someone who's really lazy about everything. It's funny to do everythin The only insomnia that makes me do some exercises, oh my sworn enemy, I wish to sleep for a long time, but I have dreams, how do I achieve my dream if I don't make an effort? Yes, I have to change my routine For myself and for -A.M- I promised him that I would be the best, and achieve my dreams without any laziness. I missed him so much, damn life that makes me miss him every passing second In the morning I had breakfast, what could be better than hot coffee and some croissants? 'Yeah it's me haha , I was joking.' I like to make some jokes , now I will go to the library, I work in the morning, and in the evening I go to ballet lessons Well, there's a wonderful calmness. There's no gossip, especially Joy. She's my only friend. She's been a regular customer and loves to gossip. Really, have the places disappeared so that you can come to gossip in the library? I do not give them any attention. I hate talkers as if they were a fly that has been circling your head since the morning. Oh, I remembered a funny situation. Joy was chattering as usual. Really, she is a noisy girl. The owner of the bookstore kicked her out. I laughed at her, and what a good luck she saw me. From that moment on, she came and chattered in front of me. At that moment, I regretted laughing, after that I got used to it. I accepted my reality and we became friends. But if you want the truth, I am grateful for this situation, and because she did not leave me attached to me, she is the one who brought me out of my old shell, uh It's a strange thing, I know that, but she's a wonderful friend, far from being stupid at times. Hmmm, her specifications, her hair is long black, she's funny, but unfortunately she doesn't like my jokes, she thinks she's trivial, but I like to tease her. Damn Ash, and on her mention, here comes my friend, the only one with the loudest voice in the world, Joey, but one moment with a girl, oh, this does not bode well. I know what will happen after this! Joey: Hey Rema, how are you today, I miss you so much, I came with the guest today, my friend Hana, who will also be your friend against your nose, and blah blah blah, -endless chatter, and you will not shut up. I will take a short nap for a moment, but what, oh I sighed and told you Something's going to happen, Joy doesn't usually come to the library with company. - Yes, my name is Reema. I didn't say my name at first so that you would feel excited. Haha. Really, what did she say? It is enough for me that she comes again. - I said to her: Well, that's enough, I'm fine, and we were together yesterday Joey: It doesn't matter, I miss you every second, and I know you miss me, but you're too ashamed to say it - What do you want her to do? - Didn't it suffice for me, you bring me another one, really talkative. Thank you. I don't want it. It's enough for me It's just nonsense, you know, but I'm a little shy, okay? Joey: I don't care what you say, Hannah will be your friend against your nose, don't be so isolated. - I told her: I am isolated and satisfied with that, with artificial tears. I said just leave me alone Joey: Shut up now Hana, this is Rima, I'm her one and only best friend, and she's amazing. She's just shy so she'll get used to you. - Diem Joey: Come on, don't be talkative - Wah, I'm becoming talkative now, did you forget that nickname belongs to you Joey, smiling: Yes Hana: Hi Rima - Hello Hannah respectfully sums: I hope we can be good friends - Well, you seem less boisterous and talkative than Joey, so it was an honor to meet you. You will be my best friend Joey: Oh, and I forgot so quickly - I said with an accidental smile: Excuse me Joey: Damn you, honey - I said: Shh, annoying, talkative, with giraffe legs Joey: You love me. - Shut up Joey with a wide smile: I love you too short - Hey, I'm not short, you annoying giraffe, just shut up Joey with a provocative smile: And if I don't shut up. Hannah: Hey Joy, don't disturb my friend Hana, do you know how much I love you? Joy Bdrama: Ouch my heart is broken, are you cheating on me Reema. I say with a smile: Yes Joey: My heart can't take this amount of betrayal Hana and I said at the same time: Drama Queen Joey, with a wide smile: proud of that. -Well, now I have to go, I have ballet lessons, I'm late Joey: Can you miss the lesson just this one time? Let's go, you and Hana, and I go see a horror movie with some popcorn. Let's have fun. - No, I'm sorry, I can't because I'm going to my grandfather's farm next week, have you forgotten that? Joey: Oh, I remembered. We're celebrating your birthday at the farm. This year's going to be different. Hannah is with us - Okay Hannah: Excited about it, I love birthday parties. Joey with fake tears: Oh Hana, Rima has become the twenty-year-old, my girl has grown up quickly. - I haven't become yet Joey: But you'll be next week, honey - I say quietly: my third born will become and he is not there Joey calmly: He might be really busy. Don't be sad. - I say with sarcasm and some anger: Was he busy for three years, did not write me any letters and did not say goodbye to me? There is no excuse for what he did. Joey: Well, calm down - I'm sorry to say, a tear comes down from me, I just miss my other half. Joey: Reema, stop crying, okay, I'm here and here too, we'll never leave you Hannah: Yes we are there for you all the time - I hug them and say: Thank you, I don't usually say this, but I love you. Hana, you entered my heart quickly because you are not talkative. Joey: f**k you, but I love you, too. Laugh, well, I have to go now. I'm late. Goodbye. Don't forget, after you're done, you close the library. I gave a copy to Hana after talking to the bookstore owner. She's really nice. We have arguments sometimes. I like spending time with her. Joey and Hannah: Okay, bye. - I walk in the street and listen to a song that reminds me of my second half, really, A.M I haven't seen him for three years, and he hasn't sent any message. He broke his promise. I'll be twenty in five days, and he's not there. Oh, I'm going to exercise for three hours today. I don't want to think about anything now. Today's workout was really tough. I don't feel my feet. I came home after the workout while listening to "YOUNG FOREVER". It's my favorite song. I listen to it with a cup of tea and raindrops. Bliss and reading my novel. It's bliss in itself. Oh, I forgot my glasses. I'll wear them and come. Don't worry, my eyesight is not bad. It is without regular eyeglass lenses. I wear it to add atmosphere while reading,no more . Finally, after a boring routine, I will go today to my grandfather’s house. I miss him so much. I hope to see my uncle also. I haven’t seen him in the past months because he is so busy. I will tell you a secret between you and me. I love my grandfather more than my parents, huh, and I also love my uncle. My parents, hmm, I don't like to talk about them, so I packed my clothes and put them in the bag, and now I'm going to say goodbye to Joey and Hana. I'll meet them after 3 days at the farm, 10 minutes before boarding the train. I am walking in the street, I put on headphones and listen to my favorite blue&grey song, it reminds me of my angel (A.M). -Where is my angel,The end of the day -Someone come and save me, please- -A weary sigh of a tiring day- -I guess everyone's happy- -Can you look at me ? cause I am blue and grey- -The meaning of the tears reflected in the mirror- -My colour hidden with a smile, blue and grey- (blue&grey-of bts) Let's also hear the lyrics of "Still With You" as we head to my friends . With no light in the dark room- I shouldn't get used to it,but I'm usedto it again- The low-pitched sound of this air conditioner - If i don't have this, I'm really going to fall a part- We laugh together, We cry together- I guess these simple feelings were everything to me When will it be? If i see you again - - I want to look into your eyes and say - I missed you (still with you - jungkook ) Fifteen minutes before boarding the train - Joey crying fakely: Reem, I will miss you so much, two days without you means hell. Yes, the drama has begun, my dears. - Joey: Hey, do you know two days means 48 hours without seeing you? -Hana: There is an invention called a phone, we can talk to her through it, you didn't know -Joey: Oh really I forgot, Hannah: You really are stupid Joey: Nnnnn - I said: Really, what would you do if I traveled to a country alone? -Joey: What alone did you hear, Hana, what nonsense? Of course I will refuse. I am with you in every step you take. - So I'll just tell Hana when I'm away Joey: Then I'll catch you even if you're in the seventh hell and I'll kill you, honey -Me and Hana said at the same time: This is scary Hannah: So Remy, we'll see you in two days. Don't forget to call the girls when you get there - I said: Hannah, I really love you, do you know that? - Joey: Oh, and I, since I introduced you to Hana, and you tell her I love you, and I know you for a long time. -Hana and I laugh. I really like to tease this girl. I love you too, just don't cry, your crying is annoying like a baby. -Joey: Go, you'll be late for the train, shorty girl Hannah: Alright, the train is going to move. Go quickly. Bye - I embrace them and go to ride the train and sit in my seat near the window and put the headphones in my ears. And listen to "Magic Shop" relaxing view of nature through the window -Days when you hate that You're you- -Days when you wanna disappear- -Let's make door in your heart- -If you open that door and go inside- -This place will be waiting for you- -It's ok to believe, it'll comfort you- -This magic shop - -As you drink a cup of warm tea - -As you look above to the milky way- -You'll be alright, oh this is a magic shop- -So Show Me- -I'll Show You- -So Show Me- -I'll Show You -So Show Me- -I'll Show You- (Magic Shop - Bts) The view of nature is comfortable through the window. I will take a small nap and review my lesson for a while. I did not go to the ballet lesson because I was tired and did not have time. A week of rest will be for me. After 6 hours, I arrived at the farm. Finally, everything was the same. Nothing changed. I love my grandfather because he does not like change very much. I knocked on the door lightly (usually I have). I entered the house, warm as usual. Umm , I went to my grandfather he was very happy to see me. -Grandpa: I miss you so much - I miss you too. The farm is waiting for your return -I promise Grandpa, I will come to the farm and stay for the whole holiday -Is this a promise - Yes it is - granddaughter : you will be twenty years old. I miss my naughty little girl from now - oh grandfather? I will be twenty, but this does not mean that I will not be naughty. -grandfather laughed : my beautiful Remy will never change -'Yes, grandfather, I will never change'. - Where is my uncle Adam, I did not see him Grandpa: It probably works, and in speaking of it it has come Adam: Oh look over here my beautiful baby Remy - Uncle, I'm really going to be twenty. I'm not a child - But you will remain in my eyes as a child, even if you become old - I miss you so much uncle - GRANDFATHER: I'm going to make some tea and Remy. Take a break before you go around. I know you're tired of traveling. - Well, grandfather - Adam: My child, let's go to sleep, and when you wake up, we will revive the memories, what do you think?! - Well I like the idea. I'm going now -flash back- Deep in the ocean in its lonely darkness, I used to see myself as a person who reflected the ocean inside it, reflecting the darkness of my view of life, and the reality of my buried dream. I thought I was completely alone inside that depth, but I was wrong. Someone was always watching me, you know him well, the only light inside my mortal darkness. I may not see the light, but that does not mean that it does not exist. It goes away for a short time, and goes away with all the lights of life. Look around me. There is definitely something shining, even if it does not exist. His spirit stays with me stuck everywhere. (Scattered but lovely feelings to someone's heart). -the present - I woke up after a dream that brought me back to the past, I left the room a little irritable, I saw my uncle sitting on his favorite sofa, with his glasses reading a book, I went to the nearby sofa and stretched on it to go back to sleep, my uncle Adam laughed, he knows my sleep habit, really, if I was irritable, where would I sit? A place other than the one I was in and go back to sleep again. I have a strong relationship with sleep. I like to sleep even if I am not tired. I close my eyes and imagine my second life drawn in my imagination. A life similar to mine, but there are some differences and anonymous but close friends. How is this? Do not ask, because I will not answer this. Uncle Adam: Have you had some disturbing nightmares? Hmmm -Only someone you know well will solve these nightmares - I answer him: I don't know anyone but you, my dear uncle My uncle laughs: you evasive words, my dear I answer him wearily while I close my eyes: (Yes, I know him very well, how can I not know him) He is in half of my soul - I will tell you a secret because I am generous, my uncle Adam is a psychiatrist His first patient is me, and the treatment is still ongoing. I was fine and responded to the treatment until the day came. When I find the right time I will tell. - Reem, let's go for a walk after I get my notebook - Well, uncle, I'm waiting for you Most of the sessions take place through a walk, to change my mood. There is something my uncle does not know. I actor for a year, so that he does not worry. We went to the usual place in the fields, my uncle started writing in his notebook - So, Hoor, is there anything new? - Do not accept the truth -He began to write scattered things in his notebook, and the knot in his eyebrows indicated anger - Do you take medication? - yeah - Hoor, I know you haven't taken pills for a year ..... -your Acting with me doesn't work, you know that - Hmm, yeah, I know - Why did you stop treatment? - Honestly, it is of no use. My body no longer responds to it - Go on - I feel everything like a chain around my neck pressing on my neck with deadly slowness, to the point that it terrifies the body and makes it tremble. There is complete darkness surrounding me. My nightmares are getting worse day by day. Loneliness accompanies me like old insomnia. I feel a great emptiness to the point that I cannot differentiate between reality and imagination in sleep. I feel long claws gnawing at me. I eat my flesh very slowly, deadly to my body screaming with the sound of nothingness. Even sign language is difficult for it A terrible pain that I cannot express due to fear or pleasure. I hated people, even Joy. I no longer pay attention to my behavior with her, and I fear that I will lose her and lose my miserable self that deceivesthe entire organs of my body. The feeling of sadness and emptiness is like a thorn in the middle of flowers, as painful as a cactus. The chain hurts my soul before my neck. I feel completely suffocated, as if my lungs are dead from the intensity of smoking. I fight myself so as not to harm it. I remain calm because the storm is still. I struggle with my feelings and desire to kill. When I look at someone, I imagine how I torture him. Ecstasy overwhelms me. The worst feeling I hate is when it's all over. (I am no longer me. The soul is no longer at peace, nor is the heart satisfied, nor is the mind exhausted, nor is the conscience silent, nor is the storm calm and agitated. I am no longer me.) - Let's be satisfied for today - Didn't you scold me for something? - silence.. - Oh uncle, I know that you are angry, do not use the method of silence with me no answer ... - Well, I will go now I said in a sad voice, I deserve this, but I hate this method, and Adam uses it with me a lot. The worst thing is silence. You don't know what he's doing or what his reaction is. He's just silent, and that's very annoying, damn it. I go back inside and leave my uncle with his notebook loaded with codes or words that no one else understands, in a strange dialect, writing so that I do not sneak in and satisfy my curiosity about what is written about me. I sit in front of my grandfather and say in a voice filled with sadness. - Grandpa, Adam doesn't talk to me - Did you make him angry again, my princess? - Yes, but you know... - My princess, you know that when you go for a walk, it is your doctor, not your uncle. Your condition is getting worse, and this hurts your grandfather a lot - Grandpa, I'm sorry I'm making you sad, but my soul is tired and the world has become more frightening, so I can't bear it anymore - Come closer, Remo I approached and he embraced me with his warm hands like the winter sun and said: Remo, you are brave and strong. I am sure it is a black cloud that will take away your sunshine and your determination. Do not let your personalities influence you. You have many people who love to lean on in scary times, and you will always teach me. My embrace is ready to embrace you in the time of cold that strikes your soul before your body. I will make it warm. Just do not surrender to anyone, my dear child. Always remember (the stars are your companions in your free time. Fill your body in its emptiness with stars, and include the moon in your heart to illuminate your soul. Always be with you. You will find me in every star.) I hug my grandfather tightly and say: I love you and I promise not to give up on myself. I will always fill it with stars. I had dinner quietly with my grandfather and Uncle Adam, who was angry in a truly frightening silence - I'm going to sleep now. Good night. I just kissed my grandfather and continued on my way to my room until Uncle Adam's voice stopped me. Adam: Whatever, now I am your uncle, not your doctor. Goodnight is here I retracted my steps, gave my uncle a kiss and my grandfather a kiss again. I looked at my uncle with a stupid smile and went to sleep. - I sat on a bed, prepared in a miserable spirit to meet nothingness, with my eyes closed, galaxies falling on my face Silently afraid ، My characters exchange feeling for feeling ، No Adam is capable of my soul or my body Able to resist the most, the road has no end> When I was immersed in the sea of my troubled thoughts, I heard the door closing. I opened my eyes and saw my uncle Adam with a strange notebook. I said: Adam. - Hmm - Sitting at this time?! -lets finish our talk - strange - What is it - Most of the sessions are outside, but that's okay, doctor, we need to change from time to time - Okay, talk My uncle sat on the sofa near the bed and opened his notebook to write down what I had to say. A twin I see every time I close my eyes. Arm and Ram. Arm hates and gets angry quickly, while Ram loves to have fun. She does everything possible to extinguish her instinct. A contradictory twin. I started seeing Ram a lot. She disappears for a while and appears to bother me. I got into a heated discussion with her and regretted my action. -Why do you regret it? She controlled my body for periods and imprisoned my soul for long hours. She appeared and freed me for a short period until I got used to her appearance and exploited the situation to her advantage to mess with my mind. -From any direction In terms of spiritual enjoyment - Continue Sometimes I wake up and see signs all over my body that ignite my instinct, but I expected something - and he? Ram loves to torture my body. She makes me imagine how I can hurt my body like a painting, to ignite my instincts about torture. She does not like to do anything to anyone. She only loves my body. There comes a period when I appear to be tampering with my thoughts. I struggle with my soul to remain in a state of psychological stability. - Hmm I think I liked her company. I would be sad if she left me - Why One time, I threatened her with exile, and she went away sad. She did not appear for hours. I felt empty and depressed surrounding me, and I discovered that she had become accustomed to her messing with me as a friend. - But you know that this is not real, it is all a fabric of imagination that you created yourself I don't think so because I feel her and hear her voice well -Okay let's stop tomorrow your friend comes my friends - Oh, a new friend Yes, Hannah is a quiet girl, unlike Joey -This girl I miss her Myyy uncle, you know that I am jealous -Adam laughed and ruffled my hair and said: You remain my favorite beautiful little girl. Now go back to sleep,Good night my little girl Good night, doctor, I love you - I love you too, Raymond [ The soul desires pain But she is weak She cries when this happens Because the body struggles with illness and pain If you want to know the weakness of the soul It is the body, without a doubt ] - Adam Early morning on January 25th I woke up after talking to Adam. I took my medicine after breakfast. My grandfather had not woken up yet, and neither had Adam I put on my earphones and went outside to do some warm-up before reviewing my lesson. I did not forget Joey and Hannah. They will come today. I missed them. After my conversation with my uncle outside, he banned me from using the phone. I only sent a message to Joey because I left the phone. I really missed her loudness, but I get jealous when my uncle talks about her. Ha. I know that I am somewhat childish, but I love my uncle Adam very much. I do not know how to express my feelings, but I am grateful to him. He knows what I feel through my eyes only. I am grateful that I was born with my uncle next to me. He is the one who named me Rima and he called me, along with my grandfather, Raymond. If Joey knew, she would have mocked me all year long. Listen to the song You & I - One Direction And I warm up. Ballet puts me in a different world that no one knows except those who practice it. A world free of spiritual pain that releases complete freedom to your soul by running toward everything. I dance to make my thoughts confined to my steps that surprise my body. When I get angry, I calm my soul in slow dancing. - Three hours later, I came back and saw my grandfather and Adam sitting together. I said: What is this session without me? Hmm, let me guess. You are talking about how amazing my grandfather’s granddaughter is. I know this. Thank you. I say and go sit among them. My grandfather laughed and said: Yes, we are talking about how Raymond is amazing at dancing. Adam: This He lied. I said: Uncle, let Joey accompany you from now on. Adam: Yes, my girl, tell her to stay for a long time. Me: Yes, I will tell her, and now, excuse me, I will take a shower before my two friends come. Anna. I went to my room and my grandfather and uncle were laughing. My uncle’s provocation makes me angry, but I know he love see me jealous , well I love him, ahh where is my guard to defend me and make my uncle jealous??? After I take a shower, I sit next to my grandfather around the stove to warm my hands, and it warms my heart. For the last breath, I will say I love my grandfather. My eyes get teary-eyed as I think about my life without my grandfather. He notices my distraction and says: What’s wrong with Raymond’s galaxies falling and making her grandfather’s heart sad? Hmm. I smiled at him and came closer to hug him and say: My grandfather knows that your granddaughter loves you very much. This is a secret that only the grandfather knows. He also told me: You know that the grandfather also loves Raymond very much, and this is a secret that his granddaughter, who is close to his heart, knows very much. I am waiting for my two friends to come with my grandfather, and I see Adam walking up to us and saying: Hey Raymond, stay away from my father. He sat near us. He moved my hands away and hugged my grandfather so I could say: Oh, he is my grandfather. He would say: And he is my father. Oh, why do I have a very childish uncle? My uncle would get up quickly and say: You will see what. This childish uncle does this, so I jump behind my grandfather’s back and say: Grandfather, protect your granddaughter from your son. My grandfather laughs and says: Oh, stay away from Raymond, especially her grandfather. Then my uncle approaches and tries to catch me, but I jump behind my grandfather’s back and I see the door knocking and an airy voice. I know that the chatter has arrived. They enter and I jump running and say with a big smile: Hello girls... -seeyou ToNext chapter