BABY FOR MY HONEY

WHAT'S THE LIMIT?

CHAPTER 6

DJ was the reason why I willingly endured everything– our son, a baby for my honey, but Devlin didn’t know of his existence. I was so scared of letting him know about our son in fear that he would take DJ away from me.

Devlin’s resentment of what I did to him in the past could make him decide to take DJ with him to California, so far away from me. He has money, power, and influence. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him in any legal battle, and I was not emotionally prepared for a fight over our son’s custody.

My life had turned upside down when Devlin left me, and the only soul that made me sane was this little bundle of joy. DJ looked so much more like Devlin than me, a replica of his father. They have the same hair color, eye shape, nose, lips, chin, and skin color, but his eyes were grey like mine.

Devlin had yet to find out about his existence, which was why I was sure that he had not bothered about my whereabouts in almost five years. He did not have me checked, and he did not have me followed.

Devlin didn’t delve into my past without him.

It was easy for him to discover that I was pregnant after he left me if he did. It would be easy for him to know that I gave birth to his child nine months later. A child-- the main reason that caused our marriage to fall apart.

As if DJ sensed my presence, he slowly opened his eyes, and a big smile adorned his cute little face.

“Mama–” he called me, breathlessly. His voice was so small yet so adorable, and it was music to my ears.

“Oh, my baby,” I kneeled beside the bed and gave him a tight hug. He smelled like milk up to this time. My baby’s gentle arms circled my neck, and there–all my troubles slipped away.

“I miss you, mama,” he whispered while his soft lips brushed both my cheeks.

Oh, such a heavenly feeling. While confined in his arms and being brushed by his soft lips on my cheeks, this would always be heaven to me.

“I missed you more, baby!” I kissed him back, and I sniffed his neck and also tightened my arms wrapped around him.

My parents made me aware that it was unfair for Devlin not to know that he had fathered a wonderful child. My excuse had always been, Devlin was the one who left me, he didn't forgive me even if I begged. He wanted a divorce when we saw each other four years after he left-- that was just a year ago.

Devlin never let me know his whereabouts. Although it was easy to locate him in California, I did not bother to find him. He was not a forgiving man, and he wouldn’t understand me at that time. He was so hurt, my explanations were pointless.

Every year that we didn't communicate, I got scared more and more. Afraid to my bones that he would take DJ away. If that happened, I wouldn’t know if I could still find a reason to live. My decision was selfish. But– I was paying that back, double, as I shamelessly and desperately tried to win Devlin back.

I never planned not to tell Devlin about DJ. I just didn't know when would be the right time to let him meet his son, but–I never lose hope–maybe just a little more time. I needed a little more courage to face him and fight for DJ if necessary.

“Mama– it's my birthday tomorrow. Will you give me a gift?” he asked in his soft voice.

“Yes, baby. You will celebrate that with your friends. And I have a special gift for you,” I whispered.

“Special?” his face beamed.

“Yes–. You will find it beside your bed tomorrow,” I murmured.

“Yay!” he tittered, clenching his hands together.

I was grateful, he never compared himself to other children with a complete family. He hadn’t asked me yet about his father. Oh God, I didn’t know how to respond to him. Should he ask me about that?

In the meantime, I had been enjoying every minute with DJ. I could only promise him my weekends, as my parents took care of him while I worked. Very few people knew I had a husband, let alone a child. Still– Ms. Sairah Price, to most, a single, accomplished Head of Operations of JK International. Frigid and uninterested in men.

*****

The next day…

Happy birthday to you! Happy Birthday, Daxton!!!

The guests of 50 or so, men, women, and children, gathered at the clubhouse inside our exclusive subdivision, primarily residents, friends, and family, cheered and clapped their hands after we had sung the birthday song.

“Make a wish and blow your candle, Mr. DJ,” I encouraged him as he clapped his hands like how the guests were doing it. His face was beaming with joy.

He closed his eyes and clenched his hands together in prayer, and pulled from his chest the air enough to put off the lights on his cake.

DJ’s 4th birthday celebration was a happy one, with clowns, balloons, games, and lots of food children loved. I know he was delighted. This was the first celebration he had enough wisdom to understand what was going on in his surroundings. He knew it was his birthday, and he knew that the people inside the venue were there to make him happy.

As he circulated among his guests, followed closely by his grandma and grandpa, I sat in one corner to rest a little.

“When are you planning to let his crazy father know about his existence?” Pam, my friend, frowned while she asked me about it. She didn’t hate Devlin, and she was just disappointed when Devlin left me and disapproved of my way of getting him back. I couldn’t blame her.

“Not sure yet–” I mumbled.

“My God, Sai–. Don’t wait until this blows out of proportion. That nutso can make you suffer, I tell you,” she warned.

Pam never gets tired of warning me of the repercussions should I delay further telling Devlin about his son. She had a point but it wasn't enough for me to gamble on it.

“What if Devlin takes him away from Sai?” Annie inserted before I could reply.

“Fight him in court, and he was the one who left you, Sai. Remember that. I can refer you to an excellent lawyer,” Pam reasoned. She had been working as an executive secretary of one of the prestigious lawyers in Manhattan for more than six years, and she knew a lot of lawyers.

“Believe it or not, Devlin can do the same, not to mention his millions of dollars to spend, just so he could get hold of his son and make Sairah suffer more,” Annie countered. She was the only one backing me with my decisions.

This was not the first time my two best friends argued about Devlin and I’s situation. As usual, I never said a word while I listened to them argue.

“Grow a bone, Sai,” Pam advised. “Don’t let your worries overshadow the fact that Devlin was also guilty about your hell of a situation right now. A good lawyer could defend you damn with Devlin’s money and influence.”

Pam didn’t succumb easily. I knew she was just concerned about me.

“Enough of this monthly rendezvous. Seeing and fvcking each other made me sick.” She pouted her lips and gestured as if she would throw up, “Wooak!”

Annie and I laughed at her.

“You think it's funny?” Pam looked at us with daggers in her eyes.

“Great! Don’t you get tired of arguing about this topic?” I asked.

“I never see a yuck factor in fvcking that devil,” Annie giggled.

“Excuse me? There are lots of yummy men in Manhattan, for your information. I’m sure he’s not the only billionaire bronze God in the area. Why don’t you open your eyes for once,” Pam was hard to stop when she was all out in defending her case. Maybe years of servicing the justice industry made her an adamant lady.

“Oh, my eyes are open–widely opened in fact,” I did as I said. I opened my eyes, stretching the rims, “But–none of them is DJ’s father,” I concluded.

“Shiiit!!!” Pam screeched, shaking her head in frustration.

“Exactly. Well said,” Annie backed me up.

That was the only reason why I couldn’t give up on Devlin. No one could father my child better than his own father. Our situation was just complicated, and honestly–Pam was right. I was a coward and still am. I haven’t been facing the problem as I should. I was so scared of making another wrong move and not just ready to face Devlin head-on to fight for my right over DJ.

“Sorry, ladies. I know I am a disappointment, but I just need more time,” I whispered.

“Nah–what you need is someone to help you go through this. Hun, your silly husband, is having a great time with his other women while you sulk in one corner, waiting for him to bang you when it is convenient for him. It is never an issue about DJ. It's an issue about the two of you.” she breathed, “How can you stomach his womanizing act, damnit?” Pam muttered disgustedly.

“As long as I can't see them face to face,” I murmured.

“What will happen when you see him with another woman, right before your eyes?” Annie asked concernedly.

“I don’t know–maybe that’s the wake-up call I’ve been waiting for. Either I slap him hard or pull the hair of the woman and fvck the first man that would happen to cross my path.” I muttered without hesitation.

We laughed loudly after I uttered those words. I never considered myself a saint. I have my limits, and I just didn’t know the edge yet.