The curse of the wolf

In pain

*Anaïs*

It hits me like a lightning bolt… pain. Unexpected and harsh. Searing through me and taking my breath away. Making me clutch my lower abdomen and whimper.

“What is it?” Mathis says, looking at me. I am not really certain if he sounds worried or not.

We have just arrived back home to the apartment after our evening at the reception.

“It must be my period,” I mumble. It feels like cramps, just worse than usual. “Even though it is a bit early, I am not expecting it for another week.”

He seems like he is close to rolling his eyes. “Seriously, Anaïs, women have periods all the time. It‘s nothing to whine about, it’s natural.”

“I know it’s natural,” I mumble. “That doesn’t really change the pain.”

“Haven’t you had enough focus on your person tonight?” Mathis says, walking towards the kitchen. “You should be grateful that I support you. I mean, you are lying here, after all.”

I suddenly feel ashamed of myself. The thought that I am whining and being ungrateful makes my stomach churn. Maybe I am not so different from those bimbos who go on TV and complain about their body for the entire world to see. Or maybe I am just one of those who will do anything, even lie, for attention.

Mathis seems to notice how upset I am and puts his arms around me. “We can talk about this later,” he whispers into my ear. “But right now, we will fix you up with some tea.”

“No, no, that’s okay. Let me take a shower and then I will figure out something.”

He looks doubtful, but lets me off the hook.

To be honest, I am happy to see him acting caring towards me, and offering to make tea. But part of me just… I feel like I need a moment alone right now. Also, his first reaction kind of bugs me.

The warm water helps a bit, and it makes my body relax. But my thoughts are whirling out of control, and mostly they circle around Griff and the conundrum he represents.

Getting out of the shower, Mathis tells me he will make me a cup of tea anyway and to crawl into bed. Maybe he is regretting his harsh words.

In the meantime, I put on a pair of sweatpants and get ready for bed. As I lie down, I notice how much more pain there is than before. And now I realize I have never had these kinds of cramps before. They are very uncomfortable and frightening.

But I keep it to myself. I am not sure if Mathis would get annoyed or he would be sweet about it, but to be honest, I don’t much want either reaction from him right now.

“Mathis?” I whisper when we have turned off the light, ready to go to sleep, him snuggled up next to me.

“Yes?” he says sleepily.

I sigh softly. At least the pills seem to help somewhat now. “You know what, I think I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow morning if it still hurts.”

“Okay,” He mumbles, sounding like he is drifting off. “Try to sleep now.”

After a restless night, I wake up with a start. I have been having such bad dreams. Dreadful memories, it seemed. I cannot remember anymore which ones they were or if they were genuine memories. But in every dream, I was in pain and I did not know why. I also remember Griff being there.

Now I am awake and to my surprise I feel that the pain is gone, and going to the bathroom there is no blood in the sanitary towel I put on before going to bed last night. So why had I been in so much pain? Calling my doctor when there is no problem any longer seems a waste of time.

I look at the clock and notice that it is already 6:30 AM. Not really a time. I want to get up on a Sunday morning, but I have a feeling I would never be able to go back to sleep, anyway. I decide to go for a run, get some fresh air…

it usually helps when I feel off… and maybe bring back breakfast.

As I am putting my running shoes on, Mathis wakes up and comes to see what I am doing. “Good morning honey,” he smiles. “You’re getting up early today.”

“Yeah, I was not sleeping well either. I don’t know why. But I feel better now. I think I will try to go for a run.” I tell him. “I will bring back some breakfast.”

He nods, still half asleep. “Don’t overdo it.”

“I won’t, I promise,” I smile.

Then he pads back to bed as I hurry out the door and out into the crisp morning.

*Griff*

I am walking along the Seine in the early morning light, battling with my thoughts and my own bad conscience. Not really a new thing for me.

My brother had, of course, demanded to put the blindfolded on me again to leave after our talk, but I had asked to be let out of the car by the river instead of being taken directly home. I need to move, to breathe, to think.

After the inauspicious start off with the she-wolf, of course my brother, as usual, had been furious with me for not wanting to go along with his idea.

He had called me a coward for running from my destiny, and promised he would destroy whatever dreams are left in me. I told him good luck.

I’m pretty sure he is bluffing about destroying me and my dreams. Truth is, I have no dreams left, and as for destroying me; if he really wanted to do that he could have done so a long time ago, he just likes to feel in charge.

No matter what, I will not go around fearing him. I have never understood why people run away from their problems. It seems like such a waste of energy, and it makes no difference, anyway; you can’t escape your own life, only other people’s expectations.

But then again, maybe that is what my brother wants: to destroy me, not to accept or understand me as I am. Maybe he thinks if I was more like him, things would be easier for him, too. But I could never be like him. I refuse to embrace the monster.

I do feel bad about the woman… the she-wolf I had used. No matter how willing she had been and how much she had enjoyed it. My wolf had gotten the better of me and had taken out his frustrations on her. I had gone along chasing pleasure, hoping against hope that my mate was still close enough. It had been another let down.

It is no excuse, though. I could have hurt her. Which is silly to care about, as I would gladly kill her given the chance, but not like that. But I do not take pleasure in dispensing with my brother’s wild wolves. I do not torture them or cause them unnecessary pain.

It’s funny though, how even though I am a monster, I still have feelings, at least sometimes. At least for some things. Like right now. As I walk along the edge of the water, admiring the sunrise and feeling a little guilty.

She hadn’t been afraid of me, nor had she screamed. Instead, she had offered herself to me with no hesitation. Her p***y had tasted so sweet, like honey. What a weird thought. But it had still not been enough. It had not been what I craved. My mate, my mate, is what I crave. She is the only one who can bring me satisfaction.

And thinking of my mate, I would swear that I can almost smell her on the breeze. That I can sort of feel her in the morning air. It makes me sigh and close my eyes, conjuring up the memories of her.

“Griff!”

Wait, can I hear her too?

My eyes flutter open. “Anaïs?”