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1026 Words
"It’s such a sad thing to hear that one person can ruin a whole opportunity for someone. such a shame. I'm afraid to get into another relationship to be honest after this whole breakup. whether that be because of fear, trust issues and anger is probably all three. from now on, l don’t think I’d want to feel what being in love feels like again. although it was my first time, l think it’ll be the last time. no more repeating history; repeating the chances of feeling depressed, suicidal, and heartbroken. I’m never going to do that to myself again, it’s too much to go through. I even lost interests in my passions, hobbies and most importantly, l lost myself. l questioned what the hell was l even doing going into the college program l always dreamed of being. as much as the old me is now buried alive and suffering, at least there was something to gamble my life on to give everything l’ve got. although the drive might be different and less kind-hearted than what it was being fuelled with. I just hope he will one day he realizes the irreversible damage he did when he broke my heart. I hope one day, he realizes that he made a mistake and f****d up on his part for leaving me because he’ll never get the same person back. I hope on f*****g day, he realizes that just maybe, it meant something to him. those memories. that l meant something to him, and he goddamn learns from it. and maybe one day could learn and understand what felt. I don’t know whether to be angry or upmost flattered to think that l’ll be okay in a week after that f*****g breakup. that’s l’ll be fine on my own after a goddamn week. I would’ve been if l didn’t love him. if l didn’t care for him. if l didn’t fall for him. if l didn’t give him a chance to try and change and help him change, l would’ve gone unscathed just like he did. but l didn’t. and l don’t think he knows that."
Titig na titig si Zylven kay Star, habang nililimi sa isip nito ang mga sinabi ng pinsan. Mukhang hindi pa rin ito nakakamove on sa first love nito kaya nahihirapan pa rin sa buhay.
'Hmmm ang kailangan nito ay bagong love life para malihis ang isip nito sa masasamang gawain.'
Ayaw na nyang maulit muli ang pagtatangka nitong pagpapakamatay dati, kaya hahanap sya ng tamang lalaki na swak sa pag uugali ng dalaga. Yung kayang rendahan ang pagka bitchy nito.
"Someday you’re going to meet a person who will make you feel how important you are in his life. Someone who will treat you like a princess. Someone who blogs about you, write a song/poem for you. Someone who can make you smile from small things. Someone who’s willing to sacrifice everything just to be with you. Someone who can introduce you to his family and friends. Someone who will be proud of because you’re his girl and his one and only love. Someone who will tell you every single moment how beautiful you are, with or without make-up. Someone who can kiss you even without having a toothbrush. Someone who can hug you and hold your hand in public. Someone who will respect you and stay faithful with you no matter what. Someone who will never let you feel that you’re just an option. Someone who’s afraid to hurt you and see you cry. Someone who can accept your flaws and love you for who you are. And someone who will love you the way you want to be loved. Someday God will give you that someone, who will prove you that forever really exist."
Habang sinasabi nya ito kay Star may napili na syang lalaki na babagay dito.
'Hmm mapasyalan ngang hopeless romantic na yun'
Kaylapad ng pagkakangiti nya habang hinihimas himas ang kanyang baba. Napangiti naman si Star dahil magaling talagang mag payo ang pinsan. He's not only a good listener but most of all his brilliant advice always.
"Oh yeah! Some say forgetting is easy, that it only takes you time. But for me, no, I don’t believe that time helps you forget. Because for me when you say forgetting it must be taken with an action and that action would be acceptance. Because if you just rely yourself with time, you will spend gazing at the clock too often and even if your mind constantly tells you to forget, if you come to think of it, it’s like you’re just keeping in touch more with the idea of them, or in short you’re not helping yourself at all. Acceptance though is never easy, same as forgetting but I know with this action you can definitely say you’re on the right track cos the action itself is your goal. What I meant with forgetting here is not the person nor the memories.. the feelings. Because forgetting people is impossible unless your brain voluntarily shuts off and reprogram everything. But my main point here is that it’s not really the time that helps you forget, it’s the action behind."
Tumayo na si Zylven mula sa pagkakaupo sa sofa saka inabot ang leather jacket nyang itim bago humarap kay Star at hinalikan ito sa nuo.
"Your right cousin, kaya nga dapat move on move on ka rin pag may time ok! So, panu! alis nako may misyon pa kaming tatapusin, next time na lang ulit tayo mag kwentuhan. Take care always! Bye."
"Ikaw rin, mag iingat ka palagi! Thanks for being a good friend and a wonderful cousin. Love you.. mwah."
Mahigpit silang nagyakap at kapwa malapad ang pagkakangiti sa isa't isa bago naghiwalay.
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
