This will be deleted soon - The Wrong Hope *Complete and Free*

18. Trunk

Sally-Anne

Year: 1983 31th of July 3:12am Sunday, Summer.

“It BURNS.”

His words echoed in my mind as I lay on my side in the trunk. The tarp seemed to cling to me making me feel claustrophobic and with nothing else to focus on the sounds around me were deafening. I could hear the car tyres rumbling against the road, small stones pinging off the underside of the car, where I hadn’t noticed the bumps and lumps in the car talking with Guy – here in my solitude it felt like I was being thrown around but the worst thing was the tarp. All the vibration had it incessantly shifting against my skin and my clothes. I could feel and hear it continuously, like an itch that you couldn’t scratch; the irritation was endless. I tried to layer it like Guy had taught me but between the sound and the physical sensations I couldn’t ‘get a grip’ as Guy had put it.

I wasn’t mad at Guy for having me get in the trunk. It was, to an extent, a relief. Hopefully I could take a little break from everything once we came to a stop, a reprieve from the overwhelming assault of information from my senses. It seemed sensible as well after the way things happened in the diner. Things could have gone very badly. It made me sad to think of Jo, she had been so nice, a genuinely good person. I was a stranger to her and yet she had been worried for me, stood up for me, been kind to me and hoped for me. So many good qualities, it just cemented how bad I was. I didn’t deserve the hug she gave me in parting, I didn’t deserve for her to wish me well. I was a monster in a ‘Sally-Anne skin suit’ just like Guy said. The entire time we were there I had to fight the voice in my head, reprimand it every time it demanded I bite Jo’s soft delicate flesh.

The car slowed and then stopped. I heard Guy get out of the car and walk away lighting a cigarette as he went. I had some more questions for him – like why hadn’t he just put me in the trunk the whole time? Why didn’t he smoke in the car? I knew he had before, I could smell it in the fabric and he even had an ashtray brimming with nub ends. He was being too nice. I was a disgusting, murderous monster. I thought about moving the tarp so the sun could burn me. I deserved it, but I didn’t know how it worked exactly. Would I catch alight? Certainly I didn’t want to wreck Guy's car by turning the trunk into a fireball and I had promised I would give him the vault. If I turned to ash or something I wouldn’t be able to help and I wanted to help. It was the last thing I would do and I wanted it to be good. I wanted to be good.

The vault confused me. Where in my house could my family be hiding a vault and what kind of vault did Guy mean? Was it a safe or a room or like a bank vault? It made no sense. Even more confusing was that apparently only I could open it? What did that mean? My head hurt, too many unanswered questions. In actuality I think there may be too many answered questions too. So much information was swirling around in my head and it all seemed insane.

I heard Guy come back to the car and get his bags from the back seats. For a moment I thought about calling out but that would be stupid, it wasn’t going to look good if he got caught with me in the trunk. I couldn’t exactly tell the truth if someone came poking around. Ugh I was thirsty again, truly I hadn’t stopped being thirsty, just sometimes I was more aware of it than others. Soon it would be over and I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. I wondered what would happen to my body when I was dead. What would Guy do with it? Ideally I wanted to be buried with my parents. Would they even want me there? Probably not, I thought with a heavy heart. Perhaps though I could visit. It would mean a lot to me to be able to stand at their graveside and pay my respects; offer my apologies. That was yet another question to ask. Was it even possible for me to go into a graveyard wasn’t it holy ground? Would God permit such an unholy creature entry? I tried to quiet my mind and think about something else. I had no answers to these questions, I would have to ask Guy tonight, for now all they did was agitate me.

Not for the first time since that fateful night I wished Ricky were here. Ricky loved me. Almost every night since the twins’ birthday party he had come to my window or Nancy’s if I was there. The hours he kept were strange but he had explained it away saying his father was a strict religious man and would not approve of his son courting a young lady that he hadn’t preapproved, so he had to wait till his father was asleep to sneak out. He promised me that when I turned 18 he would introduce himself to my parents and we could be together for real. He would take me away and marry me, but for now we had to keep it a secret so no one could stop us. I didn’t want to risk losing him and anyway it was exciting, a secret boyfriend! Nothing interesting ever happen to me; handsome, charming men certainly didn’t happen to boring Sally-Anne.

The first few months were easy, and got easier as time went on. The days got shorter and the nights longer so Ricky would come earlier meeting me at dusk in the clearing. He always brought gifts; chocolates, soda, sweets, wild flowers, a pretty pebble, a feather – little things that I could eat or easily explain away. I kept my little souvenirs in a box under my bed. Whenever I missed him I would take them out and look at them. I looked at them a lot. When winter passed and the days started getting longer the nights inevitably got shorter and with spring came more work. Between trying to finish High School, working the farm and spending every night with Ricky I became thinner and paler and started losing time. The Dr said I was overtired and needed rest but I couldn’t rest, I wanted Ricky, I would always want Ricky.

I had lost time that fateful night. One moment I was in his arms, his mouth on mine. I could almost feel a phantom of that kiss, his cool lips on mine, his tongue exploring my mouth, demanding. Electric. Then he broke away to trail kisses on my cheek, along my jaw, on my neck. I had pressed myself unashamedly into him wanting more, needing more, stretching on my tiptoes to push my neck against his mouth. It has been ecstasy. My heart beating hard and fast against my ribs, hot breath escaping in pants from my parted lips as his lips moved against my neck creating a heat that zinged through my body and pulsed between my legs. I thought myself a good Christian girl but with such unyielding desire coursing through me I hoped he would make a woman out of me right there in the forest. The urge was so strong. And then nothing.

It was my last ‘human’ moment. It was wonderful, I replayed the memory over again, enjoying the feeling that coiled in my abdomen. In a way I regretted that I would miss out on that experience but at least it was one area where I was still pure. My mind was racing again. If I was in fact no longer actually Sally-Anne but a monster that had Sally-Anne’s thoughts and Sally-Anne was actually dead and the thing that had woke up on the forest floor clawing at the dirt and calling for Ricky was a me that thought it was Sally-Anne but was actually a monster, then wasn’t Sally-Anne actually innocent? Had her soul already passed over unblemished and this strange being that took her place and was now me thinking it was her was really the one to blame, the one with blood on its hands.

My head span. That was way too complicated and confusing and I had no idea if it could be true. I really wanted it to be true but honestly? It really hurt to acknowledge it but under the thirst I still felt like I was me, the me I had always been.