Chapter 7. The Hall Of The Under Mountain Goblin King.
1222 Words
King Grieg of the Cavern Hall of Edvard was NOT of King of all Goblins.
(A human royal family might have used the term “House” of Edvard, But among the Goblin royal “Houses” were called “Cavern Hall’s” instead!
But his goblin kingdom was the biggest and the most mighty. Not all the other independent goblin kingdoms paid his kingdom tribute, but most of them did.
Goblins may have been into precision and clean neatness in their architecture. However, socially the rules were a bit looser than that of humans.
For instance, Among humans, if a guard captain had burst into a private diplomatic audience then they would probably be killed or at the very least excelled!
Among goblins, the same thoughts that made them have straight neat streets also meant that they found the human obsession with silly social niceties as inefficient to proper communication.
Half the wars between goblins and humankind were caused by some goblin trader, visiting a human kingdom and not understanding what all the pointless time-wasting deference was all about.
But since those times the clever goblins had learned.
There was an old human joke.
Question:
“Why is the cake at a goblin wedding made of Dragon s**t?”
Answer:
“To keep the flies off the bride!”
The reason goblins were seen as filthy disorganised creatures of chaos was that the goblins had heard the untrue bigoted racial rumours humans said about them and had fed and leaned into the part.
Instead of saying
“That’s not true, we are a clean organised and advanced race,”
They took one look at the human's arrogance and stupidity and thought,
“We can use THIS!”
“We can use these misconceptions to protect our knowledge, hide the potential threat our kingdoms might hold to them, from the two vast human empires above!”
“We can disguise ourselves as caricature savages and keep being underestimated!”
The law that governed this goblin masquerade was known to them as “The Scared Law Of Our Given Lie”.
Every goblin from birth was taught to sell the “Dirty filthy goblin race image” to all outside of their race.
It was constantly drummed and hammered into every goblin and extra levels of “Sacred Law Of Our Given Lie” training was given to those that might ever meet a different race one day!
So, with all the above taken into account…
This is what SEEMED to happen!
BUT it is NOT what REALLY Happened!
The great Under Mountain King Grieg of the Cavern Hall of Edvard sat on his pile of skulls.
Thin sheens of still rotting flesh reduce dripping from some of them.
Cloaked within this hall, in untreated and unscraped shredded animal skins the king, sat and glared.
His mouth dripped drool slightly.
Around him, pools of stinking refuse littered the large perfectly square hall.
Mid-sentence,
His Chief Gobbycite, charged in and threw himself to the floor and garbled in goblin.
The furious king screamed at the poor minor chieftain for his disrespect.
He then turned to his visitors and said in broken human…
“I sorry. This scum will be punished!”
The prostrate goblin Chief Gobbycite looked up from the ground and saw who the visitors were.
He saw six large human knights in glowing holy armour.
The Goblin Gobbycite then immediately stood up and started shouting in enraged Goblin Tongue and pointing accusingly at the human honoured guest.
The King rose from his throne and also started screaming. As Gobbycite charged at him, knocking both of them to the floor.
After a scramble bladed were drown and the two goblins hissed at each other.
The watching guest far from being at all panicked, found the whole thing very amusing.
It was fun to watch the savages rip each other apart either as kingdoms or as individuals.
The two goblin warriors continued to hiss at each other while circling.
The king seemed to be embarrassed and therefore enraged by this upstarts behaviour in front of such honoured guests from above.
The mere Chieftain's eyes were full of hatred.
Arms flexed and feet kept changing position.
The fingers flexed and adjust the grips on both their blades.
Neither of them flinched or dared blink.
In the distance, a primitive alarm horn could be heard.
A servant had warned that the king was in danger.
The king's personal guard, their largest thugs, were being called and were coming.
The king's guard quickly burst through the doors and after a very brief fight subdued Gobbycite and dragged him, kicking and screaming from King's Grieg’s throne room.
As he was dragged out Gobbycite screamed one single goblin word over and over in his rage.
“TRAITOR!”
“TRAITOR!”
“TRAITOR!”
Kings Grieg got up off the floor to compose himself.
“Me sorry big humans”
“Me most honoured best Humans”
“I will join you!”
“My people will die for you!”
“As a gift and to show me Strongest Goblin!”
“I will fight that scum in front of ALL Goblin kingdom!”
“He will die at my own clawed hand in the blood challenge pit”
“I give you his bloody head to you while my people cheer for us both!”
“You show Emporer his bad stupid head!”
“You and me humans!”
“We will make big war!”
“Bloody screaming loud death to ALL Satites!”
“Death to Satite Scum!”
“YES?”
“YES!”
This bog-standard scene was so dull and had been played out so often that the lazy demons within each night were so bored.
They had seen it a thousand times before
Big empire.
The small primitive king that was always so eager to please.
The lazy demons within each knight were so bored that they could barely be bothered to even try and pay any attention.
At all,
Even a bit.
The six paladins of the Hand of the Sunite Empire smiled.
The pleading in this lesser races eyes was almost pathetic.
But the empire may find some use for them,
Every chess game needs its disposable pawns!
“Yes, dear king”
“Together we will make – Big WAR!”
“We will gladly accept the gift of that scums skull from your victorious hands!”
Replied the Palm of their group.
“Welcome to the Most Holly Empire Of Sunite!”
This bog-standard scene was so dull and had been played out so often that the lazy demons within each night were so bored that they could barely be bothered to even try and pay any attention.
At all,
Even a bit.
I remind you all again,
This is what SEEMED to happen!
It is what both the so-called “holy” Sunite knights and the demons within thought was happening.
BUT it is NOT what REALLY Happened!
“Yes,”
Thought the Sunite Palm of the Sunite Hand, again to himself.
“Every chess game needs its disposable pawns!”
(Funnily enough, but far more accurately, a certain goblin king and his chieftain friend had been thinking very similar thoughts about these visiting humans.)
- Writer
