BOUND TO HIM BY FORCE

6. GUTTED BY BLOOD

Silence, utter silence for hours.

I sat crunched with no sounds coming from the room.

Nothing felt real on that day, nothing felt real at all. I felt like I would wake up and cry from such relief, yet the pain was too real for it to be a dream, it all felt too real to be a dream and just like that, I was left an orphan.

Every time the thought came, the tears came too. They just flowed with no sound coming from me.

The door suddenly opened, boots squawking on the floor as my head picked up.

Ivan was wearing black cargo pants and a black t-shirt. He went to the weaponry room, leaving the doors open as I heard the clutter from there. I did not have the strength to get up, I did not have the strength to go to him, just pasted where I was, watching thin air before me.

The door to the weaponry room closed shut with boots coming right before me.

“I am going away, I will be back, stay put.” That was all Ivan said as I stared up at him, but he was already walking away.

My body shot up from the ground, running to him.

“W…where…. are you going?” I could not even find the strength to talk, staring at him with sore eyes.

He did not say anything, just continued walking up.

“Ivan, you can’t leave me here. You took your bag? Where are you going? Don’t leave me here.” I cried out, running after him to grip his arm.

“Ivan.”

“Masha just stay here for crying out loud. If I am not back in two weeks, take your bag, you know what to do!” He screamed at my face as I stood still where I was. I stood frozen with him turning and walking away. The hatch was pushed up, him walking out with it closing shut on me.

I was so cold, just standing there and still for so many hours.

I had never felt so alone in my life.

A part of me said to run after him, a part of me screaming for me to just take my bag and run with another part of me, reminding me of all the values that had been drilled in me ever since I was young.

Acting out because of emotions would not help anyone. I had to reason and wait for Ivan to come back or leave if he did not come in time.

I stumbled down the steps, slipping to sit on the last step, drunk on pain.

The hours ticked away, my head pounding until I fell asleep there.

I woke up with an aching body and a pounding head. My eyes were as if just pushing out. I stumbled to the couch where I collapsed, fainting there.

I could not sleep, could not eat, just waking to pass out and waking to pass out until I could not do it anymore. I dragged myself to the shower, letting the water pour over me. I got the strength to go to the kitchen, eating a can of beans straight from the can before I went to my bedroom, sitting on the bed, my arms around my legs, my head on it.

The days passed by painfully slowly, the reality setting in with each day without my parents. The truth was that they were gone and they were not coming back. The silence was sickening, spending each hour in my head, playing the night over and over again from the beginning of it, and each time it ended in tears.

Each day it was like breathing through a wound, each breath shaky and agonizing.

I took another shower two days later, ate another can of beans, and sat back on the bed.

Ivan was nowhere to be seen, nothing from him.

Was he still breathing or was he dead too?

The thought of losing him was too much to bear. The thought of walking out of there alone to face the world all by myself was too painful to grasp.

The room turned all around me, spinning until my body flew back on the bed, lying there wishing I was numb.

The weekend passed, my time ticking. I could not stay there for long or I would be found. Two weeks was the maximum and if Ivan was still not back, I would have to leave.

I had to get up, I had to be stronger. My parents would have wanted me to survive, they would have wanted me to live.

It was hard but I showered and dressed. I ate and got all the things I would need in order. The mud stains were wiped away and the house was cleaned.

I went into Ivan’s room; everything was broken there. I put it all back as it was, anything that could still stand, putting it in place. I wanted to remember it as before.

The pain was too much as I stood in front of my parent’s door. My hand shook on the handle but I pulled it down after hours of just standing there. The door was pushed open. They had never slept there but a few belongings of theirs were there. It was things they treasured more than anything and never wanted to lose if something happened to the main house.

My feet were slow, walking to the drawers and pulling them open. My dad’s socks were there, my fingers ran through them. I then walked into the closet with it smelling mostly of mom. The tears poured, my lips trembling.

I took up one of her t-shirts, pulled it over my head, and wore it. I then took one of my dad’s sweaters and pulled it on. My eyes closed, feeling connected to them in a way.

I hugged my form and it was as if they were there with me.

“I love you mom, I love you, dad, so much.” I passed the words to their ghosts. My eyes opened, I walked to the island and pulled the drawers back. I took a pair of earrings and wore them, followed by my mother’s favorite necklace.

I don’t know why, but I felt better from there. I took a deep breath to walk to the bed where I climbed on it and lay clutching the pillow. I held on, memories of us, memories of us all playing in my head and pulling a smile on my face. My mother was all sorts of things. She was scary, funny, chaotic, gentle, sweet, kind, and a crazy-ass woman. There was never a boring day with her. My father was kind, gentle, strong, an anchor, a protector, and loving. They were both my best friends and I would keep all the beautiful memories with me everywhere I went.

“Masha!”

A voice came, loud and I flew off the bed so fast, pulling the door open to dash out. I ran to throw myself into a chest as Ivan hugged me firmly and pulled me up to place me back down again. I did not let go. I held onto him for so long, happy he was there, happy he was okay.

“I thought….” My voice trailed away, not even wanting to think about it for another second.

“I know sis, I am okay.” He said back, tightening the hug before letting go. I stepped back, hearing footsteps behind him, with me taking a step back to see who was coming down. Some hope bloomed. Who else would it be?

I did not want to believe it, my heart hammering as I stared up only to freeze and frown.

My hopes were crushed just like that, painfully so, seeing two large men walking in.

One of the men had a snake tattoo on his face with a shiver running down my body just from staring at them.

You did not have to be a scientist to know that they were mafia men. My blood ran cold, my eyes locked on them, seeming not able to tear from the two men.

Why would Ivan bring them to our safe house, no one was supposed to know about the house?

“Masha.” I could hear him talking but my eyes were glued on the men.

The man with a snake tattoo on his face stared back at me and I thought he would snap my head right there and then.

They were not just mafia men, they were the scariest I had ever seen, they were so large, even the guns in their belts were the best in the market.

“Masha.” Ivan shook my shoulders with me turning to stare at him.

I stared into his eyes, something in him not there. He was not the Ivan I knew, but I guess a part of both of us died with our parents.

His eyes seemed cold, they seemed drained. I felt cold just staring at him.

“There may be someone who can help us,” Ivan said with me still staring at him, indifferent, waiting for him to spill it all out.

“Mom and dad…” He trailed away, the words just having my heart burst in pain just for that second.

“They are missing. I looked for them in the house and they were not there, they took them, the men that attacked the house took them.” Ivan spoke with hope blooming in his eyes. I don’t know, I was not relieved at all. I would rather they kill them than take them. Who knew what they were going through, who knew the torture they were going through each day?

“We can get them; someone can help us.” He finished, feeling uneasy, my head turning to the two men in the room.

Something was not right, something was wrong. I had inherited my mother’s instincts and they were screaming at me.

“Ivan.” One of the men said, with his voice giving me chills that had my toes curl. It was rough in the worst way possible.

My brother turned to stare at the man.

“No.” The man said, with Ivan quickly letting go of me.

“Brute, come on man, she is it, she is what you are looking for.” My brother said as I frowned.

“No. She is a girly girl, she is tiny and fragile. She is a lot in all the wrong places and less in all the right places. I need a manly woman, I need a killer, I need strength. This is a chick.” Brute said back with me looking from one to the other. Were they talking about me? What did these men want me for? I was already taking a step back with each word that passed from their mouths.

“Don’t let her petite figure fool you. She has been trained since she was ten. She can fight very well, she can kill, she is what you are looking for. She is beautiful, your boss will be more than happy with your pick.” My own brother said, talking about me.

“Boss will kill me Ivan, I can’t.” The man spoke with Ivan staring back at him.

“You owe me Brute, please my friend, do this for me and I will owe you my life. Please,” Ivan begged, with the man sighing, staring at me, then back at Ivan.

“How will you owe me when I am dead? She needs to be perfect for my boss or she and I will be dead. Are you willing to take that risk?” Brute asked as I shook my head.

“I am, Masha is perfect, she can do this.”

No, I could not, no, I could not do whatever they wanted me to do.

I took a step back and another just as Brute sighed, a hand through his hair to nod his head.

I did not have to be told twice. I ran with all I had but Ivan was fast and tall, his arms around my waist, pulling me up. I screamed, scratched, and kicked. He did not let go, his arms tightening around my waist and nearly crushing me as I cried out even louder.

I screamed with all I had, kicking and doing all I could, but how could I fight him off? He was a giant and I was just tiny. He did not even struggle, turning around and walking back with me.

The sob broke through, my heart tearing apart, my own blood brother. What was he doing?

I jabbed and jabbed with it no help. It seemed he was determined to give me out no matter how hard I screamed. I could not understand why.

My body was thrown to the floor, hitting hard, but I scrambled to stand, turning around and realizing I was surrounded. There was no way out, like a scared dog cornered to be slaughtered.

“Masha!” Ivan screamed at me, his strides long as he walked to grab me. I turned with a back slap that echoed all through the house, hitting so hard his head turned to the side.

He was heaving hard as I did the same, anger pouring all through me, but it immediately melted away as he turned. His lip was busted, his face looking feral. I took a step back, a stranger standing before me, a monster in my eyes.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me to him, up to his face with his other hand coming around my neck.

The tears just fell, my legs kicking in the air, struggling to even breathe.

“Those will not be the last words I say to my mother, that will not be the last look she gives me. I will get them back and there is nothing you can do about that, so stop being a b*tch and listen to me when I talk.” His voice was dangerously low, the pain exploding from what he was doing to me. It was a stab to the heart, just killing me right there and then. There was no sympathy. There was no compassion as I stared into his eyes and he meant each and every word he was spitting out of his mouth.

“You will go with these men. You will present yourself as the person you were trained to be and you will marry and open your legs for their boss. Do you understand?”

My blood ran cold, freezing in my veins as I paled, as white as paper with my eyes wide.

I could not believe it, I could not even process it, shocked and blown off by his words. My whole body shook, having forgotten about him crushing my throat with the rug pulled from my feet, and reality set in.

His hand squeezed tighter, his eyes large and threatening.

“Do you understand?” His voice was lethally low, my head moving to nod as my hands gripped his wrists, begging him to let go.

He threw my body off him, crushing it on the floor. I held onto my burning throat with the fat tears rolling down my face. I did not even fight as the men picked me up, my mind was in too much chaos, so much pain rolling through my body as I realized that I had not just lost my parents in that house, but I lost my brother too.