Dear Brother

Dear Confessions

"We may give without loving, but we cannot love without giving..." ~ Anonymous

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For some odd reason, I suddenly felt much better. Infact better than ever, Harry always had that infact on me. I stayed over for dinner with Robin and Vera which was also quite nice. I never felt left out or not part of the family they made me feel like I had known them for as long as they can remember. I didn't know if I was just acting or pretending with Harry around his parents because honestly it felt natural all the intimate gestures felt okay. The way he laid his hand on top of mine or entwined or the way he smiled without fault...he looked really happy.

"Nina went home earlier dear." Robin informed his wife.

"Oh, it's okay I wash dishes myself." She kissed him the cheek as she stood up to pile the plates on the table.

"I will help Vera." I stood up as well following her to the huge kitchen. That had silver as its main colour.

"Harry is happy." She mumbled as she set the dishes in the dishwasher.

"Erm I think so..." I said shyly handing her the plates from the sink.

"Are you happy ?" She asked.

"Uh, yes." I replied not so sure...Did Harry make me happy ?

"You and Harry have lot of fun today." She smirked flipping her blonde hair to one side. I didn't know what she was trying to say so I just played it cool.

"Uh.." I stuttered.

"Zaneh, Don't worry, it's okay for two people to have s*x if they love." each other' my subconscious finished her sentence. I was beyond embarrassed.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." I giggled nervously.

"No, it's okay but Harry is good-" she chuckled. "You can't walk eh." She wiggled her eyebrows. It was true, the ache between my thighs was just-

"Vera.." I blushed.

"I'm sorry." She stood up straight after setting the dish washer.

"It's okay. I'm just well embarrassed, you are practically Harry's step mom and-" I facepalmed.

"No, i understand. Young love make people do crazy things." She winked and I was surprised how she handled this calmly but what caught me off guard was when she said young love, i was in my right mind and I swear I do not love Harry Styles.

"Babe, Zayn called he's worried sick about you so-" Harry suddenly interrupted.

"Yeah I should get going." I replied. "Uhm thank you for letting me stay for dinner."

"We love having you around, don't we honey ?" Robin said with a haughty expression.

"Yes. Come again Zaneh." Vera pulled him in for a hug which I didn't protest. "Will do." I added.

I made my way towards the grandeur door, It was already dark and sure as hell Zayn would be more pissed than my parents. He acted as if he was my legal guardian, when the truth is he was just three minutes older.

"Is it a good time to talk now ?" Harry followed me to my mom's silver Toyota corolla.

"I don't know it depends..." I shrugged opening the door.

"For once just listen to what I have to say ?" I turned back to see Harry's hands tugged in his back pockets nervously looking at me.

"I'm listening ?" I shut the door closed and leaned on it while waiting for him to 'talk'. We were standing in the middle of the driveway, the garden just a few metres away from where we stood.

"First of all, tell me what was bothering you ?" He asked gesturing for me sit on the stairs that led to the front door, this house is just wow. I did, sitting next to him on the grand stairs.

"It was nothing and I don't want to talk about it." I nervously put a few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"Are you sure ?" He smirked.

"Positive. Now can I go ?" I said flippantly.

"No." He pulled me close to sit on his lap, which I didn't mind doing.

"Listen I know you have been avoiding this matter. Hell we have been both avoiding it and I just want to know where we stand-"

Suddenly I let out a laugh, his green eyes seemed even more mesmerising in the dark.

"Harry is this the speech you have to say to all the girls you sleep with ?" I asked as he wrapped his arm around me...I laid on his chest while sitting on his lap. I liked this intimate gestures.

"What ?" He spoke and I could feel the vibration of his husky voice from his chest.

"I mean I know what you will say, no strings attached blah blah blah..." I said my fingers roaming on his chest. " I get it, trust me I suck at relationships. I don't even want one." I sighed.

"Why ?" He questioned.

"Uhm i mean relationships are stupid and love...I don't believe in love that's just bull."

"I wonder why ?" He said under his breath in a thoughtful manor.

"When you liked me in high school...did you believe in love then ?" He caught me off guard, my breath hitched.

"Uhm i think so, well frankly I was so stupid at that time I would have done anything for you." I said in deep thought, I hated this subject. It was dark and the sky had a few stars, the sound of crickets was the only audible sound as we stayed silent.

"Would you still do anything for me ?" He asked after some time.

"Honestly Harry, I doubt it." I stroked his curly locks, my head on his chest.

"Do you still like me ?" My breath hitched as I looked for words to explain how i really felt.

"Ofcause I like you." I paused. " You are my brother's best friend." I added.

"You never seem to amaze me." He chuckled lightly. "You have know idea how each and every word you say affects me ?"

"Did I say something wrong ?" I raised my head to look at him.

"No, only the fact that you are killing me softly.." He muttered under his breath.

I laughed.

"You say the silliest things Harry, have you been watching too many romantic movies ?" I giggled but he only seemed to hold me tighter in his embrace.

"You never take me seriously do you ?" He asked a bit hurt .

"Oh...was i- supposed to ?" I asked innocently.

"Yes."

"Well Uhm Harry, I should probably get going...I promised Walter I would Skype him because of the Timezones now would be a good time." I quickly stood up and he did as well towering over my petite body.

"Walter ?" He spat the name like vernom.

"Uh yes." I looked at my phone it was past seven.

"That f*****g bastard-" Harry sighed running his fingers through his hair.

"Harry..." I frowned.

"I cant believe he is making moves on you when he clearly knows you are my-" i cut him off.

"We are friends Harry." I giggled nervously only to look at him staring at me rigidly with anger.

"Did I say something wrong ?" I frowned.

"Well I don't want to be your friend." He added and I looked at him in disbelief.

"Then what do you want from me ?" I questioned.

"Is it bad that I want you and I mean all of you ? Is it bad that I think about you more than I think about anyone else ? Is it bad that I want to be around you all the time ? Zaneh I'm f*****g inlove with you and I can't hide it anymore." He closed the space between us.

I knew this was coming the confession, f**k no. Why did I seem moved by it ? This is just too much happening in one day.

"Yes it's bad." I sighed moving away from him. "We can't- i can't." I muttered.

"I want you." He whispered.

"How about I look for someone for you, i mean I know you and the type of girls you like and-"

He looked at me with an amused face before saying "My type is hazel brown eyes, intelligent, funny..."

"I mean that can be arranged because-" i fidgeted with my fingers. He pressed his lips onto mine. "Already arranged." He smirked.

"I should go." I pushed him away from me so I could breath.

"Harry, I'm sorry I don't want any of this. I don't want anything more, like I said-" i laughed nervously.

"I have to go." I didn't know why he affected me this much but I needed space, i needed to get away from him. I can't fall for him again and get hurt. I will never allow that...I looked at him as I reversed the car out of the drive way...I needed to end this.

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