Wounds too deep for healing

Ji Ah POV: [I am sad,hurt,angry,mad and disappointed.But you know what? I'll put on smile and move on.It will hurt but atleast I will survive.It has been my favourite thing to do all these years because at least it helps me to hide my pain.And it's so funny that everyone is fooled by my pretty fake smile and they are even jealous of it.I am Lee Ji Ah,Top student of Hanguk university.It is one of the top university of city.Only rich kids goes there because normal people can't afford it.wait! You must think that I am from rich family but that's not true I am from poor family.I got into this university because of scholarship.I have never been proud of myself except for my study.I am really proud of it.People thinks that I am happiest girl in this world.They thinks that I don't have any problem in my life,my heart doesn't hurt.People adores me.Many student of my university even takes me as their role model.But will they still adore me after knowing my trueself? Why am I even asking this when I know the answer?No they won't like me after knowing my trueself instead they will pity me which I hate the most.No one sees pain behind my smile,they only sees a happy girl who always smile and doesn't have any pain in her heart.To outside world I live a happy life But as soon as I enters into my house my true life begins there.My smile fades away and finally my tired mouth which gets tired after wearing a fake smile all day can take rest. I live with my dad,mom and brother.My dad loves me the most.He mostly stays outside because of his work.My Mom is a drunkard.she always gets drunk and gives us pain. But I know she loves me.I love her too but nowadays my love for her is getting weaker and weaker.And I hate this.She was never like this before.She was loving and caring mother but now she is a drunkard.I am afraid of night.I always wish that there will be no night because mostly at night my mom gets drunk.I hate to see her like this.At first she wasn't that bad even after drinking but since few years she has become really bad.She starts hitting me and my brother,she yells at us,she didn't let me sleep all night by unnecessarily shouting. She becomes totally different person after drinking. She even forgets that I am her daughter...and in morning when she sobers up she forgets about everything that happened last night which I even hate the most because if she doesn't remember how much she gives us pain after drinking then how will she stop drinking.I tried everything to make her normal but instead she is being more and more bad.Its really hard to see her like this... Hey! Where are you b***h? Look! She started shouting.She must be drunk again!] ~~~~~ Come outside fast! Yes mom! Ji Ah runs out of her room Bring me food I am hungry! Okay! Ji Ah runs to kitchen and brings food to her mom, Here you go! Her mom eats little food but she throws all the food on floor, Is this even a food? Do you call this food?its so cold(She yells at Ji Ah) so...sorry mom!(Her voice trembles) Bring me another food(She yells) Jiah runs to kitchen and warm the food and again brings it to her mom, But again she throws the food Do you want to burn my tongue you b***h? Do you want to die? She raise her hand to hit Ji Ah but Her brother Lee hyun comes infront of her.... Mom!Why do you always beat Ji Ah after drinking? You! Do you also want to die? Hyun! please go inside your room. Sister! Hyun! go inside your room!(She yells at hyun) He couldn't say anything to his sister so he goes inside his room, Mom! I will bring another food to you! Ji Ah again goes inside kitchen and brings food to her mom but she was already asleep in sofa..She brings thin blanket from her room and puts on her mom, After that she goes to her room and locks the door...She sits on her bed.Tears rolls down her cheek...