Luna Bleeding Heart

Chapter Five

Damnit, humans smell bad – it’s taking forever to camouflage The Girl’s scent! I’m using everything I can; wolfsbane, lavender, and various wild mushrooms. I’ve heard they’re good at camouflaging unpleasant smells…hopefully, they’re enough to mask The Girl’s odor – and my involvement with her.

The long night echoes with pealing howls to Aoibh’s full moon. I need to watch the shadows carefully; I can’t be spotted here. All the adults are freed into their wolf bodies, and the Full Moon Hunt is well underway. Children are cautioned to stay indoors during this time of unchecked fervor and thrill, lest they get caught in the crossfire of fangs. I glance up worriedly at the moon – it’s way past my bedtime.

Wait – I smell dirt, fur, breath. One of the pack is nearby. I freeze, unsure of what to do. Remember Sorcha’s training; if it’s a human, fight back. If it’s a wolf, climb the nearest tree.

I sprint to the nearest tree with a low-hanging branch, carelessly cracking the twigs and rustling the leaves underfoot.

Raspy panting, a low growl – I’ve been found! I gotta climb fast, before I’m caught in someone’s angry jaws—

Hot breath on my arm, fangs clamp down on my delicate skin. I suppress a yelp as I’m dragged away from the tree, my refuge, my savior. I spin around—

Furious, glowing, golden eyes glare at me. This wolf towers over me by a full head; his messy, walnut-brown fur is bristled with anger. Dark flecks of brown fur encircle his eyes and long, pale muzzle.

“…Tadgh?” I gasp.

The wolf bares his teeth, and pain sparks up my arm. His eyes are full of hatred and hurt. His brother was killed by a human – what must he think of me? Dread settles in my chest, and all I can do is stare, mortified at myself.

Another low growl, then he releases my hand and crouches down, glaring at me with a silent command: Climb on.

I don’t question nor resist; I do as I’m told, and as we take off bounding through the forest, all I can think of is how I’ll make it up to him. If I can. I grip tightly to his coarse fur and curse myself.

Tadgh’s powerful legs thunder against the dirt, his large ribcage takes deep breaths beneath my ankles, and his fur ripples in my face as the wind whips my hair. I can scarcely breathe with how fast we’re running, and tears sting my eyes.

He halts by a creek outside the pack’s grounds. I climb down, afraid to look him in the eye because of my sin. He chuffs, snorts, then runs back into the pack territory hastily.

I’m confused…what am I doing here? I wait anxiously, listening to the wild fields around me for any wild animals who might prey on me – or worse, any others from the pack.

Tadgh returns a moment later, a mouthful of the wolfsbane, lavender, and mushrooms I’d been using. He drops it at my feet and pants.

“Tadgh, no! Wolfsbane will hurt you if you swallow any of it!” I warn in hushed whispers, but he dismisses me with another snort. He turns around and stands guard, hackles raised, ears pricked forward. It takes me a moment…

He’s keeping watch so that I can bathe in the creek and get The Girl’s scent off me.

“Thank you,” I stammer, and I quickly disrobe. The creek is ice cold, sending bone-deep aches up my ankles and legs as I wade in. I bite my tongue and do what I can with the water and herbs. Tadgh doesn’t turn around once, dutifully watching the pack’s border. He briefly runs off and returns with a spare change of farm clothes he’d stashed for his first Shift. Again, he sets them down by the shore and turns around.

I don’t deserve you, I think to myself as I finish up. I pin my nice dress underneath a rock in the creek; I’ll scrub the smell out of it later. I dress myself in Tadgh’s oversized, beaten-up farm clothes. Huh. I’ve never been in denim or a sweatshirt this heavy and smelly. There’s something bizarrely freeing about it.

I approach Tadgh, my head lowered and my hands clasped. I’m too ashamed to look at him. His powerful breath rumbles in his chest and puffs out his sensitive nose. “Tadgh…I’m sorry. It’s just – the human, she was a girl, and I couldn’t just leave her—”

No response.

“I-I know it was wrong of me. I was too weak to chase her away. But I promise I’ll get stronger, and next time I run across a human, I’ll do what I must and—”

A low growl trickles from his maw, and he glances at me with those ferocious, glowing eyes.

He’s my best friend. Of course he can tell when I’m lying.

“…Right,” I murmur awkwardly. What can I say to him? It feels worthless to apologize, and I can’t promise to do better. Agh, I’m so stupid!

I jump when he presses his colossal, furry head into my shoulder and rubs his cheek against my neck. I meet his gaze, and he looks away; he licks his nose and lowers his hackles to show deference. It seems his anger was a passing thing, something he’s wrestled back into submission.

I promise, someday I’ll wrestle my fear and weakness into submission, I quietly vow. That’s how I can do better, and that I can promise. I grip his strong jaw and press my head into his, closing my eyes. His hot breath blows against my chest, rippling the thick cloth. I’m safe, even in the presence of this wild beast.

“Thank you, Tadgh.”

I barely get any sleep, but all I can think about is how grateful I am that my parents never noticed my sinful meeting with The Girl. Tadgh came down with a mysterious case of the bellyaches the next morning – it seems he did swallow some traces of wolfsbane after all. I snuck out between studies to bring him apples from the pack square; it’s the least I could do after he risked everything for me.

That evening, my mother busied herself with preparations for my dinner with the Luna’s son, Donnacha. She and my father would be in attendance as well, since this potential marriage was an alliance of families instead of passion. I hated to admit it, but knowing my parents would be present was calming.

Why can’t I just make things simple and hate them all the time? I’m too weak to stay away from Cillian’s and Sorcha’s graves, and I’m too weak to cling to my hatred. It’s something I’ll need to work on.

That night, I was dressed in my family’s finest robes; the sleeves hung past my fingertips, the dress’s skirt graced my ankles, and my waist was fastened with a tight corset. Abstract leaf patterns adorned my collar, and my hair was fastened in a braided bun with a rose fastened behind my left ear. My fingernails and bare toenails were painted black as a wolf’s claws. Dark, sweeping paint around my eyes made my sky-blue irises pop.

At first, I felt very much like an impostor in this royal gown. But I quickly grew out of its burden and walked with empowerment and pride. I had been training for moments like these my whole life, and now this is the most important night of my life.

Everything has to be perfect.

I stand in front of my parents and walk into the Luna’s palace walls, steeling myself against the wild den of wolves that await me with piercing eyes and slavering tongues.