Disharmony

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It was a beautiful day somewhere in North Carolina and Kari was determined to make the most of it.

She had arrived a day early because, well to be completely honest, she had nothing better to do. There were only so many hours she could watch the waves crash on the shore from the balcony of her Malibu beach house before coming to the conclusion that she was utterly lonely.

So she flew her private jet across the country to the site of her next concert and decided to spend the day taking in the sights among the locals.

Her chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream dripped down the side of her cone and she tilted her head to lick it up, catching it before it hit her hand. Satisfied and triumphant, she smiled as she slurped up more of the scoop, her eyes scanning the sights around her.

This town was gorgeous; much more greenery than she was used to and she decided the air smelled different as well. It was peaceful and she adored it.

People milled about, entering and exiting various shops or hustling to restaurants for their lunch breaks. A warm breeze lifted her hair and played with the hem of her skirt. Smiling, she pushed her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose.

Thus far, she had yet to be recognized. Not that she minded taking pictures with fans. It was always nice to interact with the people who shaped her career. But at the same time, she was enjoying anonymity.

There were no paparazzi here. No one seemed to care that she was even around and although she despised being lonely, it was pleasant not to be hassled for a change.

Finishing off her ice cream cone, she wiped her mouth with a napkin and threw it in a nearby trash can before adjusting the strap of her purse and looking around to pick out her next destination. Her eyes scanned over the crowds and she briefly read the names of the shops and restaurants only to freeze entirely at the sight of someone very familiar.

His back was to her, a light blue beanie pulled over his hair, but she would recognize those sloping shoulders and lean frame anywhere.

Perhaps she should have just moved on. After all, calling out to him would only draw attention. The press might not care about just her, but add another musician to the mix and it had the makings of a great story.

Her curiosity got the better of her, however. She never asked what Xavier did when they spent time apart, always assuming he was usually holed up in his New York City apartment. Apparently she was wrong. Apparently he spent his time off in North Carolina.

Knowing she would most likely come to regret her actions later, she shook her head and jogged across the street. He was standing outside a shop, his neck bent as he stared at something in his hand.

“Hello, stranger,” she said with a sly smile, tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

He was startled, twisting his torso and staring at her in bewilderment, the hand holding his phone dropping quickly to the side. “Kari? What are you doing here?”

His features softened as he looked at her, his lips stretching into a smile and his eyes lighting in a way which indicated he was actually quite happy to see her. It caused a pang of guilt in her chest as she recalled the confrontation they’d had in his hotel room a week ago.

He’d been so open and honest and she’d reacted like she always did: she shut it down and she ran away.

“I um…I just flew in early. Thought I would check out the sights,” she responded.

“Oh,” he said softly, sticking his phone in the back pocket of his jeans before shoving his fingers in the front ones. “How do you like it so far?”

“Very pretty,” she nodded. “Why are you here?”

“I’m visiting someone,” he replied simply.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I wasn’t aware you knew anyone here.”

“That’s because you don’t know anything about me.”

His blunt response startled her and she gaped at him rather idiotically before realizing he was absolutely right. She’d been told many a time that she wasn’t a particularly good listener. Once again, this had been proven, because despite the fact that she and Xavier had spent multiple mornings chatting easily as they jogged, she didn’t feel as if she knew anything about him.

“You’re right,” she cleared her throat awkwardly. “Who are you here to see?”

The corners of his lips lifted slightly, as though he was amused at the sight of her discomfort, but he looked towards the shop, nodding to a figure standing inside. It was an old fashioned candy store and at the counter stood a young boy, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited to receive his purchase.

She wouldn’t have thought much of him had it not been for the boy’s striking resemblance to Xavier. He turned from the counter to gaze out the window and her eyes widened as she noticed the same full lips and stunning sapphire eyes.

Her first mental course of action was to approximate the age of the boy and calculate whether it was even possible for Xavier to have a child that old. He looked to be about seven, which meant Xavier would have had to have been fifteen when he was born.

Young, but possible.

Wide eyed, she turned to Xavier only to see him looking at her rather confused.

“He’s my brother.”

Biting down on her lip to hide her embarrassment at making inappropriate assumptions, she shot him a tight smile. “Oh. He’s like a miniature you.”

He laughed lightly, rocking forward on his heels. “We get that a lot.”

The boy exited the store, balancing a white paper bag on his palm as he popped brightly colored gummy candies into his mouth. Scowling, Xavier snatched the bag from him, clutching the top closed in his fist.

“Bro, you know you’re not supposed to eat candy before dinner,” the elder brother scolded, though his tone held a hint of laughter. “Nana’s gonna kill you.”

“Then I’ll tell her you bought it for me,” the boy shot back, reaching out for the bag, but ending up flailing as Xavier held it to the side, just out of reach.

“Dude,” Xavier muttered, tilting his head towards Kari. “Manners.”

For the first time, the boy seemed to register Kari’s presence and stopped his movements to stare at her, wide eyed.

Kari was suddenly extremely uncomfortable. Interacting with children had never been her forte. The fact that she sweat nervously every time she took a picture with or signed an autograph for a younger fan was a secret she vowed to take to her grave.

It wasn’t that she disliked children, it was that she was generally certain they disliked her.

“Hi,” she said softly, wiggling her fingers in his direction.

There was silence and he continued to stare. Smiling softly, Xavier ruffled his hair and looked at me.

“Kari, this is Dylan. He’s apparently feeling a little shy.”

“I’m like that sometimes too,” she assured him.

Dylan’s eyes widened, but he spoke quietly. “You’re the one on tour with my brother.”

“Actually,” Xavier cut in, but Kari interrupted before he could finish.

“Yes,” she said brightly. “That’s right.”

He nodded, his eyes scanning her slowly and she’d never felt more self-conscious in her life.

“I can see why my brother likes you so much.”

Dylan might have wanted to add something more, but was silenced when Xavier’s hand quickly clamped over his mouth. Smiling sheepishly, Xavier shook his head. “He has a wild imagination.”

Despite herself, she blushed. Full on, heated face, tinted skin, blushed. And unfortunately, Xavier’s satisfied smirk at her reaction only flustered her even further.

“Well,” Xavier cleared his throat to relieve the awkward tension. “We have to be going. Our grandma is making dinner.”

Kari nodded and began to wave goodbye, only to be cut off by a suggestion made by Dylan, whose mouth had now been freed from Xavier’s grasp.

“Do you want to come?”

Kari blinked. “To dinner?”

Dylan nodded slowly. “Yes.”

Lifting her gaze to meet Xavier’s, she silently asked permission, pleasantly surprised to find his eyes filled with joy as he gave a short nod in response.

“I’d love to,” she smiled softly down at Dylan.

Dylan smiled widely and turned to lead her in the right direction.

“Are you sure this alright?” she muttered to Xavier as she climbed into the front seat of his car.

He nodded, humming softly as he glanced into the mirror to ensure his brother was strapped in before pulling out of the shopping center and onto the main road.

She sat sideways in her seat, managing to make awkward, yet steady conversation with Dylan as his brother drove. The bag of candy had been returned to him and she held in laughter as she watched him sneak pieces into his mouth, pulling her fingers over her lips as though to zip them closed in a promise not to tell.

The car halted in front a medium sized house about fifteen minutes later. It was beautiful, set in the midst of what looked to be a small forest. Smiling at Xavier, she hopped out of the car and chuckled as Dylan zipped towards the front door, pushing it open and scurrying inside.

“He’s energetic,” she laughed as she and Xavier walked slowly towards the house.

Xavier grinned. She had never seen him look so completely content. His eyes were light, his features almost glowing in the fading sunlight. “He’s fantastic.”

“How old is he?”

“Ten. He’s small for his age.”

“You must miss him while we’re on tour.”

“I do. Tons.”

“And your parents?”

He froze as his hand flattened against the side of the door, waiting to push it open. A sudden thick tension arose and she sensed she had asked a question that wasn’t entirely appropriate. His gaze clouded, his eyes avoiding her entirely as he pressed his lips together and his jaw tensed.

“They’re dead.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, wishing it was enough.

“It’s alright,” he sighed, pushing open the door and gesturing for her to enter. “You didn’t know.”

And that was entirely the problem. Kari didn’t know anything about Xavier. It was time for that to change.

As she stepped into the house, she was hit with the scent of baked bread and it instantly warmed her entire body, causing her to hum with contentment.

“This way,” Xavier nodded to his left after closing the door. She followed him through a dining area into a kitchen, where a tiny woman with silver hair stood at the island, her back to them.

“Hi, Nana,” Xavier called out, stepping forward to turn his head and kiss her quickly on the cheek. “I brought a guest home for dinner, if that’s alright.”

The woman turned from the counter, where she had been pulling back the foil from a tray of freshly made lasagna and gazed at Kari.

Once again, Kari felt as though she was being looked at beneath a microscope. Apparently scrutinizing looks ran in the family.

Kari held out a hand, smiling as warmly as she could. “Hello, I’m Kari.”

Nana shook her hand firmly and nodded, her gaze still wary. “I know who you are, dear. You can call me Nana.”

“Alright,” Kari smiled softly. She’d never known her own grandparents, so the entire situation was quite comforting to her.

Nodding, Nana turned her attention back to her grandson. “Xavier, darling, set the table. And tell your brother to help.”

“Sure thing,” Xavier replied. “Where’s Gramps?”

“Arranging the flowers on the table,” Nana nodded towards a hallway that presumably led back to the dining area. “Go get the table ready.”

Xavier disappeared into the hallway without another word and Kari was left standing awkwardly in the kitchen with his grandmother. Fortunately, the discomfort was cleared when Nana nodded towards the other side of the island and said, “You can make the salad, dear.”

Following instructions, she rounded the granite countertop to where a head of lettuce, two tomatoes, and a knife sat waiting. She got busy, carefully tearing of pieces of lettuce and tossing them into a nearby bowl, desperately racking her brain for an appropriate topic of conversation.

“How’s the tour going so far?”

Kari blinked before realizing Nana was making an effort to make her feel comfortable. “Excellent. Is Xavier enjoying it?”

One of the many things Kari admired about Xavier was that when he looked out into the crowd at the end of his set, the expression of absolute wonder and amazement always held the same intensity. Despite the fact that playing sold out shows to thousands of people was becoming somewhat routine, it never ceased to be exciting for him.

Still, she had come to learn that she wasn’t exactly the best judge of other people’s feelings. There was always the possibility that he confided in his grandmother things he would never tell her.

“Of course!” Nana replied brightly, opening a drawer to pull out a serving spoon. “Performing is all he ever wanted to do, ever since he was a little boy. It’s a dream come true.”

There was a pause and Kari smiled softly, only have it falter when she noticed Nana’s eyes begin to brim with tears.

“My son and daughter-in-law would have been so proud of him,” Nana whispered.

Kari felt as though the air had been sucked out of the room and she didn’t know how to respond. She’d never really known loss; at least not the kind involving death. True, her childhood had been far from story like and her parents were not exactly shining examples of good role models, but at least she had parents. No matter how screwed up they were.

“I’m so sorry,” Kari sputtered, using her go-to words in any sort of traumatic situation. “Xavier told me earlier and I had no idea and how did it happen?”

As soon as the words came out, her eyes widened in horror. Asking a mother to tell someone she barely knew how she lost her child was atrocious and Kari felt her stomach tighten into knots of guilt.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me,” she stammered, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her whole.

“It was a car crash,” Nana said softly as she dug the serving spoon into the steaming plate of lasagna with unnecessary force. “Xavier was fifteen. Dylan was three and he hardly remembers them.”

“I’m sorry,” Kari repeated because there didn’t seem to be anything else to say.

“It’s alright, dear,” Nana let out a watery sigh and smiled sadly. “We remember them fondly in this household. They’re always with us.”

Nodding, Kari returned her attention to chopping the tomatoes, deciding that the conversation had been emotionally draining enough for one day. Dumping the diced pieces in with the lettuce before taking the bowl to the sink to wash the starter dish. Nana handed her a serving fork and directed her towards the eating area.

She wandered into that front room with the salad bowl to find Xavier, Dylan, and a man she assumed to be their grandpa, throwing cloth napkins at each other as they attempted to lay silverware beside the plates.

Laughing, she set the bowl down on the table. “Having fun?”

Xavier looked at her and she involuntarily forgot how to breathe.

His eyes were the lightest she’d ever seen them, wet with tears from laughter and crinkled at the sides, his smile so wide and radiant that it could probably power all of Charlotte. Forcing herself to exhale deeply, she returned the smile, wondering if there would ever come a day when she could be the reason he looked so utterly and completely at peace with the world.

“The table’s almost ready,” he said, his voice still cracking slightly from laughter. “Kari, this is my Gramps.”

Kari smiled warmly at the older man, who had a head which was completely shaven, but was offset by a full gray beard.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she held out a hand, stepping towards him.

She was caught off guard when he pulled her into an embrace, squeezing her gently before dropping his hands to his side.

“We’re glad you’re here, Kari,” he said kindly. “Come. Take a seat.”

She did as she was told, her body still warm from the embrace and a strange twisting in her gut. Perhaps she was confused because this was the first time in a long time that she’d felt remotely loved. And the fact that said love was coming from people she hardly knew caused her to choke back tears.

The space beside her was filled and she turned to see Xavier staring at her, his brow pulled into a low furrow of concern.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice low so only she could hear.

She nodded, taking a deep breath to regain her composure. “Yes, I’m fine.”

She could tell he didn’t believe her, but he didn’t press the issue, instead smiling widely once more when his grandmother entered the room, carrying the tray of lasagna in one hand and a basket of garlic bread in the other.

As she watched the family interact as they ate and felt the warmth in the room soak into her bones, she decided that her decision to walk away from Xavier that night had been the correct one. She was nowhere near ready to provide him with the kind of stability and affection he so deserved.

But she hoped one day that would change.