Disharmony

Crumble

It was completely dark out by the time they finished dinner.

After clearing the table, Xavier offered to help his grandparents wash the dishes, but Kari quickly jumped into help. She had seamlessly adapted to being part of his family, a thought which caused his stomach to tighten into inexplicable knots.

Sending her a grateful smile, he set off to ensure that his brother was getting ready for bed. He found Dylan in his bathroom, brushing his teeth vigorously, clad in a white t-shirt and batman pajama bottoms.

Waving at his brother, Xavier plopped down on the edge of Dylan’s twin sized bed, leaning back against the soft mattress and lacing his fingers behind his head.

“Good day?” Xavier called out, staring at the rotations of the ceiling fan.

“The best,” Dylan replied through a mouthful of toothpaste.

“I’m glad,” Xavier laughed as he turned his head to watch his brother spit the excess foam into the sink and rinse out his mouth before returning to the bedroom.

“Kari seems cool.”

“Yeah?” Xavier quirked an eyebrow as he sat up. Dylan crawled beneath the covers and Xavier readjusted himself so he was sitting on the side of the bed. “Why do you say that?”

Dylan shrugged as he made himself more comfortable. “She’s just so…not perfect.”

“What does that mean?” Xavier laughed. He was actually genuinely curious as to Dylan’s take on the popstar. Of course, Dylan had heard Xavier’s various rants on Kari, which ranged from talking about how irritating she was to talking about how much he wished they could be more than friends.

But now that Dylan had met her, he could form his opinion.

“Well, she’s famous,” the boy continued. “Like some of my friends have posters of her on their wall famous. But she just sat at our table and talked to Nana and Gramps like she’s known them her whole life. And you can tell she gets sad and happy and nervous like the rest of us. I guess it’s just nice to know that famous people are just people too.”

Xavier pursed his lips and nodded. “Good to know.”

“I get why you like her, is what I’m saying.”

“Yeah,” Xavier laughed, ruffling his brother’s hair. “Thanks for saying that in front of her.”

Dylan giggled. “As your little brother, it’s my job to embarrass you in any way possible.”

Xavier laughed as he tucked the sheets around the boy, sighing when Dylan hummed contently. “I’ve missed you, bro.”

“Me too,” Dylan replied quietly. “Will you sing my song for me?”

Xavier’s brow furrowed in concern. “Are you still having nightmares?”

“No,” Dylan shook his head. “But you’re never here anymore.”

Xavier could physically feel his heart breaking.

After their parents passed away and they moved in with their grandparents, Dylan didn’t sleep soundly for months. Although he was too young to remember their parents, he was terrified of being in a new place. To soothe his nerves, Xavier had penned him a song. It was now one of his biggest hits, but few people knew that it began as a lullaby for his baby brother.

“Sure,” Xavier whispered. Adjusting himself into a more comfortable position on the bed, he watched as Dylan fluttered his eyes closed before he began to sing softly. It was a song about comfort, one that that he’d written to assure his little brother that no matter what in their lives, Xavier would always be there for Dylan.  

Xavier smiled softly as Dylan’s breathing slowed and he stopped fidgeting beneath the covers.  

As he repeated the chorus for the last time, Xavier felt that familiar ache in his chest. He missed Dylan constantly while he was away and he would forever feel guilty about leaving him behind. But Dylan understood. He understood that performing was Xavier’s dream.

What Dylan probably didn’t know was that there was more to the story.

Xavier wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to prove to Dylan that anything was possible, no matter where you came from. And in the long run, Xavier wanted to be able to support his brother so that he could get a good education and grow up to make something of himself as well.

True, Xavier probably could have done all of this with a more traditional occupation. But if he’d learned anything from the death of his parents it was that he needed to go for what he wanted while he still had the chance. Life was too short to waste it wishing for something better.

And right now, he couldn’t ask for a better life.

Smiling softly, he leaned over to kiss his sleeping brother’s forehead before pushing himself from the bed and turning towards the door. He was startled to find a certain petite brunette leaning against the door frame, looking rather star struck.

“Hey,” he said sheepishly, walking over to turn off the light. He ushered Kari into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

He leaned against the wall, crossing his ankles and shoving his hands in his pockets. “All of the washing done?”

She nodded, that wide eyed wondrous gaze still upon him. The corners of her lips lifted and she tilted her head to the side. “I was so entirely wrong about you, wasn’t I?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, a little confused.

“I just…” she licked her lips. “I guess I pictured your life as extremely different than it actually is.”

He laughed quietly. “Yeah, well I had my misperceptions about you as well.”

She smiled and it was beautiful. It wasn’t the one she used when she was being polite to people she didn’t like or the one she used when she was so tired she could barely stand but she had to sit through a team meeting to discuss the next night’s performance.

No, it was the smile she got around fans. The one where her eyes lit with joy and her smile was so bright that it could probably light the darkest room in the world. It was the one she used when she was genuinely and completely happy.

And the fact that she was using it in his presence was something remarkable.

“Come on,” he said quietly, nodding somewhere towards the back of the house. “There’s somewhere I want to take you.”

She followed silently as he led her out the back door. They walked through the overgrown grass, jumped a wrought iron fence, and wound their way through clumps of tall trees until he finally came to a stop beside a creek. Smiling secretively, he motioned towards a large, flat rock and took a seat, gesturing for her to follow suit.

She crossed her legs, facing him as he faced the water, his arms wrapped around his knees to pull them into his chest.

“I used to come here all the time,” he said quietly. “This is where I first started writing songs.”

There was silence and he turned his head slightly to see her reaction. He expected to see the look he’d gotten so accustomed to receiving after the death of his parents: the look of pity. But instead, she looked genuinely heartbroken. Along with another emotion it took him a moment to place. And when he realized what it was, he was left entirely breathless.

Pride.

She wasn’t staring at him as though he was a child in need of comfort, she was looking at him as though he’d just won a gold medal after spending months recovering from what doctors said would be a career ending injury.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re incredibly inspiring?” she said, her eyes wide with amazement.

“No,” he whispered in disbelief.

No one really knew his backstory. When his first single had done well on the radio, his publicist had mentioned that perhaps letting the public on the tragic death of his parents would be a good way to create buzz around his name. He’d absolutely refused because he felt as though it was an exploitation of their memory. The music industry was twisted enough and he’d rather some things remain sacred.

“I mean, you must have been devastated,” she continued. “But somehow, you turned into this fantastic human being. You climbed out of the ashes and showed the world that it wasn’t going to hold you back.”

“You make it sound much more romantic than it actually was,” he half laughed. “To be honest, once my parents were gone, I was forced to grow up. I knew I had to be the one to take care of Dylan, so I stopped being a kid.”

“That’s brave of you,” she whispered. “To give up your childhood like that.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t have a choice. Sometimes life is awful, but you have to suck it up and deal with it.”

“How poetic,” she replied, one side of her mouth lifting into a smirk.

He laughed loudly. Only she could elicit that kind of response from him; only she could make him happy while talking about something so incredibly sad.

“Is that why you have your lyrics as a tattoo?” she asked. “To remind you of Dylan and your parents?”

He nodded. “I just like being reminded that something good can come from terrible situations.”

“It’s a good thought to keep in the back of your mind,” she agreed.

There was silence once more. He watched her fondly, admiring the way the light breeze swept her hair across her eyes and she reached up to tuck the strands back behind her ear.

It was moments like this that he enjoyed Kari the most, because it was here that she was completely herself.

The world saw a popstar with a charismatic personality and a tendency to curse in inappropriate situations. They saw a ‘train wreck’ of a girl who stumbled drunkenly out of clubs and was seen in the company of what they deemed as far too many men. They labeled her as whorish and overly emotional and quite frankly, a diva.

What they didn’t see was the girl with the heart of gold. The girl who freely and uninhibitedly expressed her emotions because she no longer cared how the world viewed her.

Thinking back, beautiful disaster probably was an inaccurate way to describe her. Or perhaps just not specific enough.

Because she was a disaster of an entirely different kind. She was a force to be reckoned with; a colossal storm of ambition and talent that would one day take over the entire world. And Xavier would watch proudly as she did.

His intention in writing the song was never to imply that she needed someone to save her, just that he would gladly offer up his services if she needed someone to turn to. He just hoped that one day she would realize that she wasn’t so alone in the world.

“Xavier?” she spoke quietly, but it broke his trance nonetheless. “Will you do something for me?”

“Sure,” he replied almost immediately.

“Ok, but before I say what it is, I need you to promise me something.”

He nodded, not speaking.

She stared at him for a few seconds, inhaling deeply as though to calm her nerves before proceeding. “I need you to promise me that it won’t change anything between us. Because you’ve become one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do without you and I just really don’t want things to be different.”

“Why would you be without me?” he asked, genuinely concerned because her eyes looked sad. “Of course, we’ll always be the same.”

Nodding slowly, she looked her lips and looked him straight in the eyes. “Kiss me.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Kari…” he sighed, not entirely sure how he felt about this request. “I don’t think you’ve thought at all about what you’re asking me to do.”

“Of course I’ve thought about it,” she rolled her eyes. “I’ve thought about it more than is probably healthy, but what I need you to do is not think about it.”

“Kar…” he winced.

She groaned. “Oh for f**k’s sake, Spiers. How is it that even me practically begging you to kiss me ends in us fighting?”

He thought about retorting, but he was too captivated by the fierce determination in her eyes, so he complied with her request. Leaning forward, he cupped one of her cheeks in his palm and pressed his lips to hers.

At this point he didn’t really care that this kiss probably meant a whole lot more to him than it did to her. Or that it would cause a wrenching pain in his heart to pretend it didn’t happen. No, all he cared about in that moment was the fact that she wanted him in the first place.

And lord, did it feel good when she returned the pressure. He breathed her in, kissing her hard because he knew it would probably be ages before he got this opportunity again. So he held her close, memorizing the feel of her lips and sucking ever so gently when he pulled away.

Her eyes were still closed and he stared at her, waiting for a reaction. What felt like minutes later, her eyes fluttered open and she stared back.

“So that’s what it feels like,” she whispered. “Better than I imagined.”

He was strangely satisfied with that response, so he dropped his hand from her face and leaned backwards, creating distance so he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss her again.

“I’m glad,” his voice cracked as replied.

“Thank you,” she said softly, reaching out a hand to squeeze his arm.

He shifted away, knowing touching her would only lead to him wanting more. And she had made it pretty clear that more wasn’t going to happen.

“Sorry,” she cleared her throat, retracting her hand. “But thank you. I just wanted to know.”

“And?”

“And you’re amazing, Xavier. And you deserve someone amazing as well,” she replied, smiling softly.

He nodded, feeling suddenly empty. “Good to know. I should probably get you back to your hotel.”

She shot him a tight lipped smiled and pushed herself to her feet. “Alright. I’m going to go get my bag from the house.”

Nodding once, he watched as she weaved her way back through the trees. Sighing heavily, he rose to his feet and wiped the dirty palms of his hands on his jeans. As he followed the path towards the house, he noticed her retreating figure in the distance and shook his head as he spoke to no one in particular.

“I wonder how long it will be until you realize that someone is you.”