Arranged Imperfectly

YOUR WIFE

Have you ever felt so lonely despite having so many people around you?

Have you ever taken everything for granted until you lost it?

Don't let this world and people make you bitter and don't let the actions of other people turn you cold inside.

Mrs Muskan:

I just realized now after a lot of wrong decisions which made me learn a lot of lessons; it's not okay to hurt other people just because you were hurt.

I checked the time and it struck 12 am that's how long I waited for my husband since our nikkah today.

26 years of my life and so much happened within a year. I laid my head on the headboard of our king size bed and a sad smile crept on my face; I had warned him to stay away from my life since I wanted revenge and I even warned him if he interfered I wouldn't live his parents in peace and imagine these are the same people who protected me twice from media, from the cruel world and shielded me away from those goons and my ex.

Ya Allah, what have I done?"I asked myself with pity and sadness. I have hurt such amazing people.

It's not easy to win trust once you have broken it.

Ya Allah please support me. I need your blessings. I will try to be better person everyday.

I never prayed on time, I always went clubbing on Fridays and outings on Saturdays till late at night without realizing the timing of prayers. I skipped most of the prayers I barely touched the holy Qur'an even once a month. Guilt was eating me alive I did so much wrong yet Allah saved me at the right time he sent the one person I had said so many hurtful words.

Everything was arranged imperfectly but planned was it really arranged imperfectly? it was planned by Allah.

Cracking of the door removed me from my thoughts and I stared at my husband who was standing there not even sparing me a glimpse.

He locked the door and I sat upright but instead of coming to me he just took his phone and laptop and began working on some papers which were dispersed on his desk.

He had already changed into night suit his eyebrows were raised abit and frown on his forehead were formed right after he checked message he was typing away furiously. I wish I could see his eye colour I wish I could help him ease his tension. I knew he cared but he was hurt.

"Change your clothes and sleep," he ordered without looking at me even once. I kept staring at his back for his one glance but he just stood firmly gazing away. As if my face wasn't worth.

I just nodded despite knowing he didn't even see.

I stood up slowly and moved to wear my nighty, my luggage was unpacked I opened my bag and selected simple long-sleeved nighty and went to the bathroom. I cried, I washed my face every now and then, ashamed of myself, for what I did.

Tears began streaming from my eyes. I brushed them off but when I stood in front of the mirror and eyed myself, I found a completely changed girl.

Round dull pale face, no smile, light-dark circles were forming under my black eyes, messy hair due to all those pins I began to remove, slight makeup since I refused them to over makeup me or add any wig on my hair I preferred simple.

I had guys after me I used to flirt back and chat with them I wiped my hands I felt so unhappy with myself. My hands have done so many sins. Right now I don't even have love of my husband.

Have I become so ugly after all that happened? I wasn't the shy type and now am totally opposite.

Is any girl ugly? I don't think so I always used to be proud of myself and the beauty but after all that happened and the negative comments from people? that did create low self-esteem in me.

People will judge but remember they haven't even gone through half of what you have gone through.

"Are you planning to stay in there forever?"Imad's deep voice snapped me from my thoughts I tried to hurry with a lot of difficulties I tried to remove the dress, I didn't want to call him for assistance.

"I am coming, "I said in a very low voice and rinsed my face. I did ablution, I had read somewhere and even Imad's mother explained me to do ablution before sleeping.

I came out of the bathroom but he was still very busy.

Please please look at me, am sorry, please.

"Switch off the light and sleep tomorrow gonna be along the day, "that's all I got on our first night and he was back to his work.

"I am sorry," I murmured I knew he heard.

"It's okay, "that's all he said but I knew it was not okay so much had happened in a short time.

I went to sleep but sleep never came, in fact, I kept stealing glances towards my husband every now and then.

No matter what happened your mine and am your wife, I will try to be a better wife, a better Muslimah, a better daughter in law.....I will do everything to make our marriage work and win your heart.

"I am travelling to Dubai tomorrow for an important meeting," he informed me after shutting his laptop and joining me on the bed but he slept on the other side maintaining all that longest distance between us.

"Safe journey, "I said and prayed for him in my mind, but he just switched off the light and turned the other side without sparing me a second glance, I knew I made mistakes but didn't I deserve a second chance?

"Don't pretend as you care," he spoke harshly and also switched off the tiny light which was left on, a lump formed in my throat, tears streamed down my face, I was crying a lot nowadays I knew I felt safe with him but at the same time, I was frightened of darkness since that day.

So much changed in my life one minute I had everything and the next minute everything was taken from me because of my faults.

No matter what happens I will try and rectify my mistakes.

After all, we are married, I am your wife with that thought I stared at the ceiling until darkness consumed me.