~Jenetta’s PoV~
Patrick’s sweaty hand slips against mine as he tightens his grip around my fingers. It takes all my self-control not to pull my hand away and wipe it on my skirt, but I manage it. I even succeed in smiling up at him as we stand outside the door to my father’s office.
“Are you ready?” he asks me.
“I guess so.” Even I can hear how unenthusiastic I sound, but Patrick seems to take my dull tone for nerves, leaning over to give me a kiss on the forehead.
“Don’t worry. He’s going to say yes, I know it. It’s what we’ve waited for all these years, Jenny.”
What he’s waited for all these years, maybe. Secretly, I’ve been hoping that my fated mate would turn up, but each day has been a disappointment, and at almost twenty-five, I have to be realistic. I’m the eldest daughter of an Alpha who has no sons, so I need to provide a son for our family line to continue. Women aren’t allowed to be Alphas in our isolated pack. My only duty is to reproduce, and since I haven’t met the man intended for me yet, I’ll have to take one who’s available.
The door opens in front of us and I take a deep breath, trying to look serene and graceful, the way my father likes.
“Your daughter, Jenetta, and the Beta’s son, Patrick.”
We’re announced like my father doesn’t know who we are, the same as any visitors are. It’s just one of the ways our pack clings to outdated traditions and formality. The Alpha leaves no room for anyone to challenge the status quo.
Still hand-in-hand, his hand still slippery against mine, Patrick and I walk past the other people assembled in the office to stand in front of my father’s desk. He doesn’t sit on a throne, but he may as well for the way that everyone defers to him.
To his side, my younger sister, Evie, stands in the background, looking annoyed. Seeing me as the center of attention never puts her in a good mood. She loves the spotlight while I’ve always preferred not to be in it, but we both have no choice in the matter. By virtue of our birth, these are our roles and we can only play them to the best of our ability.
“Alpha.” Patrick bows to my father with deep and sincere respect. “As you know, I’ve loved Jenetta my entire life.”
It’s an exaggeration, but not much of one. He’s been in love with me as long as I can remember, and I love him too, in a way. Not the passionate, all-consuming kind of love I always hoped for, but Patrick is kind and supportive and attentive to my needs and wishes. I could do a lot worse, and I know that.
“We understand that with her birthday approaching, which marks the end of her promised waiting period, that she may take a chosen mate, and I humbly request that you give your approval for that mate to be me.”
He bows his head again as he finishes speaking, and his hand trembles against mine. Despite his outward confidence, he’s still not entirely sure that my father will agree.
Our pack has another ages-old tradition, one of the few I agree with, that allows females to remain unmated to the age of 25, if they so choose, to give them time to find their fated mate. It’s believed that children born of fated pairings are stronger than those conceived outside of them. In the end, the tradition works in the males’ favor, as usual, but at least it has a benefit for the women too, however unintended.
Unfortunately, my time is up in just a few days. I’ve waited as long as I can, and if I don’t declare my own choice, my father will choose for me. That’s the only reason I’m standing there beside Patrick, who in truth, I love more like a brother than a mate.
My father turns his firm, authoritative gaze on me. “Is this what you want, Jenetta?”
‘Want’ is a strong word, but I do think it’s my best option, so I nod my head in agreement. “Yes, Alpha. I ask for your blessing to plan my mating ceremony with Patrick.”
Patrick squeezes my hand gratefully, but because it’s so sweaty, his fingers slide against mine rather than putting any pressure on them, and I can’t help grimacing.
I’m sure that my father notices. He never misses anything, and his eyes move between me and Patrick slowly and carefully, scrutinizing us like specimens under a microscope. I keep my expression as calm and neutral as I can while he considers his answer.
My father and I were closer when I was younger, but after my mother died, our relationship changed. Everyone says I look just like her, and maybe the resemblance made it hard for him to be around me. I’m not sure; all I know for certain is that Evie has long been his favorite, at least in private. If he could change our positions and make her children his heirs, he probably would, but his absolute authority stems from our adherence to our traditions.
If one tradition can be changed, it opens the floodgates for grumbling against other ones, and that’s too dangerous for a man in my father’s position.
At last, he seems to make up his mind, though in truth, I’m sure he knew his answer long before we walked in. All of this is for show. Our entire lives are entertainment, in a way. That’s part of being a leader. “Very well. Beta, you may make the announcement to the pack that your son and my daughter will be mated in three days’ time.”
Three days. It’s not much time for my fated mate to finally make an appearance, but I can’t fully let go of the deep-seated hope inside me that he will.
With my dad’s agreement secured, Patrick and I both give our thanks and we turn to leave the room, my hand finally slipping loose from Patrick’s as we turn around. Being as subtle as I can, I wipe my hand dry on my skirt, and as we return to the hall, Patrick’s hand finds the small of my back instead.
“Let’s go to your room,” he whispers in my ear. “We can finish making our plans.”
I suppose we should. He’s had the whole ceremony practically planned for years, and I’ve always given my assent or disapproval when he asked for my opinion, never really believing it would come to pass.
Patrick knows how I feel. I’ve never hidden it from him, but he’s convinced that a deeper, more romantic love will grow between us over time. “Our relationship feels more like siblings because we’ve never been able to touch each other,” he suggested the last time we discussed it. “When we’re able to be intimate, things will change.”
I didn’t tell him how the thought of being intimate with him made me feel nothing at all, other than a slight queasiness. I’ve never wanted to hurt his feelings, and hopefully, he’s right, and it’s all just a matter of perspective.
My maids don’t bat an eye at Patrick accompanying me into my rooms, though no other man is allowed there. They all see him the same as I do; someone who has a good heart and is unthreatening, a bit like a loyal dog.
However, that day, as soon as we’re alone inside my suite of rooms, Patrick grabs my arm and pulls me towards him, his lips pressing down on mine before I have a chance to fully register what’s going on.
The kiss is distinctly unsexy. His nose presses uncomfortably against mine, his breathing sounds too loud, and the scent of his cologne nearly makes me gag.
“What… what are you doing?” I sputter as I manage to pull myself free, shoving him back a little more forcefully than I mean to. It takes all my self-control not to wipe my hand across my lips to wipe away the bit of moisture he left there just as he left his sweat on my hand earlier.
The rebuff seems to surprise him. “We’re about to be mated, Jenny. It’s all official now. Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough?”
Honestly? No. I would rather wait much, much longer. Nothing about that kiss, our very first one, appealed to me.
He steps closer to me again, so close that his body presses against mine as his arm snakes around my waist, and I can feel that he’s actually turned on by this. Suddenly, the reality of mating with him, being naked with him and having him inside me, seems a lot more real, and I can’t help it. Before I can think it through, before I can try to spare his feelings as I did by keeping my hand in his in my father’s office, my true, unfiltered reaction shows on my face.
My nose wrinkles and my lips turn down into an unmistakable grimace of revulsion.
Patrick steps back, the color slowly draining from his face, and my heart sinks. I try to offer him an apologetic smile, but it’s too late. He saw the truth and there’s no way to take it back.
“I’m… I’m not feeling very well,” I try to lie, but I know he doesn’t believe me. I can see it in his eyes.
He pretends he does, though, as he takes the out I’ve offered him. “In that case, I’ll let you rest. You’ll need to be feeling better in time for the ceremony.”
“Patrick, I…”
I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to say, but it doesn’t matter anyway because he doesn’t stay to hear it. He’s out the door before I can get another word out, and in the silence left behind, I can see my whole awkward, unhappy future play out. He’ll still mate me, because he loves me, but always with the knowledge that I’m simply not attracted to him. It’s not fair, not to either of us, but I don’t see any other choice unless my mate decides to turn up sometime in the next three days.
Right now, that feels like it would take a miracle.