Vincent's Desire

Drunk Mrs.Orlando

To clarify, going to Dildopolis wasn’t my idea.

Nadia’s bachelorette party turned out to be quite the rambunctious affair. After dinner and drinks, Annie surprised everyone with a party bus.

She also invited the men from the strip club to join us, so we all piled in, and danced and drank as we were driven around the city. We figured Brandon wouldn’t mind that his bride-to-be would be grinding with oily, shirtless men with perfectly sculpted six packs the night before she got married.

Johnny texted me at 1 am, right after I’d downed another shot of fireball whiskey.

Looks like you’re having a good time.

Apparently, Annie had posted a video on her snapchat of me licking salt off of one of the stripper’s abs. If she kept this up, I’d be divorced by the time Nadia got married. With blurry vision and sloppy fingers, I texted him back, determined to make actual words happen.

hhe was hot butt uknoww I like your soft tummmy better

Dildopolis was a s*x store at the corner of Baker Street and Cedar Drive. Nadia noticed its bright flashy neon sign and pointed out that it wouldn’t be a bachelorette party without stopping at the local s*x shop. She had a fair point.

I tried my best not to let on that I’d never been to a s*x store, but all the alcohol was breaking down my cool exterior. Stumbling into one of the aisles, I came across a jar of multicolored circular rubbery things, which turned out to be flavored condoms. It was Annie who found me, doubled over in laughter with tears in my eyes.

"What’s so funny?" she asked, rubbing my back.

I held up a blue condom. Wheezing through breaths of laughter, I slurred, "Why would anyone want to turn their d**k blue? Who is trying to have s*x with smurf d**k? Also, does this mean people are putting on condoms to give head?" Annie and I held on to each other while we giggled and sobbed.

"You should get one of these for Johnny," she drunkenly suggested. I finally calmed down, but after hearing her recommendation, another round of giggles ensued.

"Oh my god, can you imagine me going up to him like, Honey, I think my breath smells rank. Mind if I have a taste of that minty d**k before work?" Yes, the blue condom was mint flavored. And then, I located an orange condom that looked surprisingly appealing.

"Hey, this is citrus! I like this flavor. You know what, f**k it, I’m getting it. I think Orlando might be a little mad at me, so I’m gonna get him a present. The gift of blowjob!" I declared with bright hopes.

"Yeah, you should, ‘cause no guy’s gonna turn down an enthusiastic, flavored blowjob.Trust me," Annie informed.

I paused. "You’re kidding. Have you and Hayden…?"

"…chocolate is our favorite flavor."

"Oh my god, they have chocolate?"

***

My first visit to Dildopolis was not a frugal excursion. I ended up buying two twelve packs of flavored condoms, and nearly skipped out of the store with my tiny gift bag, eager to show Johnny my latest investment.

An hour later, the bus dropped me off at my house. Nadia walked me to my front door and I hugged them for a little too long, probably.

"You are the best, the best! I loooove you, and I love love, and I love the, I love your hair, Nadia–" Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped around me and saved me from my rambling. I was hugged from behind into someone’s warm chest. I looked up to see a tuft of hair blowing in the wind. It was Johnny, smiling down at me.

"Tell me," he said warmly. "Are you drunk, Mrs. Orlando?"

I giggled. "Maybe a little. But don’t be mad, okay? Because I love you so dearly, you’re so tall and good, babyyy mmm you smell so good, how do you always smell like cinnamon…" Turning around, I stood on my tip toes and sponged open-mouthed kisses along Johnny’s throat.

He lovingly stroked my hair and bid Nadia goodnight."Thanks so much for dropping her off. Congratulations on everything. I’m so happy for you," Johnny sweetly intoned, then walked us inside our home.

I stumbled into our living room, set down the gift bag, and began the seduction process. It’s important to mention that while I wasn’t as wasted as I had been earlier, I was still slightly tipsy, and very excited to give Johnny his present.

If only I could get my head on straight enough to take off my clothes. I fiddled uselessly with the buttons of my coat. Johnny watched me struggle with an amused twinkle in his eyes. After many failed attempts, I pouted at him. "Johnnnny," I whined. "Can you help me take my clothes off?"

He chuckled and relented. After he took off my coat and helped me out of my heels, all the while steadying me as I teetered every which way, he noticed the small silver bag on the coffee table. "What’s that?" he asked curiously, and reached over to retrieve it.

I slapped his hand. "No! It’s a surprise," I said with a mischievous grin.

"A surprise? I’m surprised you had time to stop somewhere and buy something. Didn’t it get in the way of all the stripper licking fun?" he said grumpily.

"Aw, babyyy," I cooed and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Were you jealous? I’m sorry, I was really drunk, but you know it didn’t mean anything." I said, tapping his head.

Johnny sighed. "I know. I just didn’t know there would be strippers."

I nodded and apologized again. "I know you’re a little annoyed, but not to worry! That’s what the present is for. Come on, husband, let’s go to the bedroom!" He should have been used to this behavior by now; I was always a happy and horny drunk. I grabbed the gift bag and tugged on Johnny’s hand, pulling him behind me. When we reached our bed, I lightly shoved him so he fell back on the mattress.

"Feeling a little aggressive, Mrs. Orlando?" Johnny teased. He leaned up on his elbows and grinned at me. I shivered. He knew I liked it when he called me that.

"Just… excited to show you the present," I said bashfully, throwing a smile over my shoulder. "Now take off your pants."

Johnny’s pupils dilated and his smile disappeared, replaced with a look of longing and lust. He obeyed wordlessly. I unzipped my dress, pulling it over my head. When I finished undressing, I was left in a set of matching black lacy lingerie. (Nadia had hand picked the party favors, and she decided I looked best in black.)

Johnny was laying on our bed, completely naked, smirking with sinful intentions. His eyes raked hungrily over my body, and all of a sudden, I remembered what I intended to do, and I felt really, really silly. And a little embarrassed.

"I bought flavored condoms," I blurted out. The sexy mood I’d successfully cultivated came to a screeching halt.

Johnny blinked. "What?"

I sighed and pulled out the contraceptives. "They’re flavored condoms. That’s the surprise. It seemed like such a good idea at the s*x store–"

"You went to a s*x store?" Johnny interrupted. He was biting back a grin. "Was this your first time at a s*x store?"

"Yes, okay. And I got a whole bunch of these condoms, but I was also really wasted. And now that I’m not as wasted, I just feel really dumb," I finished lamely. I plopped down on the bed beside Johnny and looked down. "I’m sorry. I ruined the sexiness," I said sadly.

Johnny chuckled affectionately. "Honey, it’s okay. You didn’t ruin anything. Here, let me see those." He took the condoms from me and inspected each one. "Holy s**t, I had no idea this was a thing."

I snorted. "Neither did I. That orange one looks the least gross."

"Yeah?" Johnny looked up, eyes wide with surprise. He grinned wickedly. "Ya wanna try it?"

I gaped. "Really? You want to?" I asked shyly.

"Yeah, why not. Sure as hell not gonna turn down a blowjob from my gorgeous wife," he said smirking. He kissed the corner of my mouth.

I laughed and kissed him back. Fisting his hair, I laid on top of him while we made out. He squeezed my ass and pulled me closer, and his tongue lightly swiped across my bottom lip. I felt him, hard and ready, and pressed against my thigh. I licked my palm and rubbed him, and he hissed at the initial contact.

"Are you ready, Mr. Orlando?"

"Yes, ma’am." Johnny chuckled and mock saluted.

Sitting up, I tore open the condom wrapper and licked the rubber. The taste settled on my tongue, and it was vaguely citrusy.

"Hm, not terrible," I described. I rolled the rubber onto his erect shaft. Once more, the sexiness came to an abrupt stop.

One look at Johnny’s bright orange d**k, and I fell backwards laughing.

"Holy s**t," I gasped between fits of laughter. "Honey, that looks so ridiculous! It’s just so… oh god, it’s just so dumb." I was crying now, wiping away tears before they ruined my makeup.

Johnny stared at it, transfixed with disbelief. There was so much confusion and horror in his expression.

"It’s… orange," he said, bewildered at the surprisingly bright apricot hue. "Babe, my d**k is orange. They should’ve called this condom The Donald Trump."

Laughter bubbled in my throat again and I fell into his side, laughing into his shoulder. This time, he joined me.

"I still maintain this is better than the blue ones. At least you don’t have smurf d**k," I said. Johnny looked at me confused, then erupted into giggles.

"Yikes. Well, what should we do?" he asked, frowning at his erection. He looked so annoyed at his own body. The whole point of this was to ease his annoyance, and I was going to see this through, dammit.

"We’re gonna do what we came here to do," I replied, biting back another laugh.

"You don’t have to–" I shushed Johnny’s protests with a kiss, and straddled his legs. I wrapped my fist around his c**k, which had shriveled slightly during our laughing fit. Leaning down, I tried to ignore the bright tangerine color and gave it some experimental licks.

The unpleasant color was easy to ignore once I heard Johnny’s low growl of pleasure. I closed my mouth around the head and swirled my tongue around him, trying to extract more of the slightly sweet orange taste. I didn’t actually expect the flavor to be enticing, but it really did motivate me to keep going. Slowly, I moved my mouth lower down his shaft, taking him inch by inch.

"f**k, baby," Johnny groaned. "That feels so good, just like that…" His hand came down and sweetly brushed away strands of loose hair from my face. He collected all my hair into a makeshift ponytail and tugged. The pressure felt so good on my scalp that it urged me to take him deeper.

It would be expected that being married to him would let me get used to Johnny’s size. He wasn’t the biggest I’d ever seen, but he was still considerable, and I had to take him just as slowly each time (unless it was one of those nights where we wanted it hard and rough and fast and the s*x was just on the good side of painful).

I had taken nearly all of Johnny when he reached the back of my throat. My eyes involuntarily stung with tears, but no part of me wanted to stop. He helped me. He held me down with one hand, and combed his fingers through my scalp with the other.

"That’s good baby, that feels so f*****g perfect. You take me so good," he grunted. "You like that? You like my c**k in your mouth like that?"

I hummed in agreement, knowing full well Johnny could feel every vibration. He finally let go, finally let me move away to breathe. I didn’t wait long to take him back in, suctioning my lips around his shaft as I bobbed my head up and down. I knew he was about to come because I could hear him panting, could see him white-knuckling the bedspread and clenching his stomach.

I released him with a tiny pop. "Come on baby, are you gonna come for me?" I purred encouragingly and vigorously pumped his shaft with my fist. "That’s it, you’re so close, you’re so f*****g close…" I fondled his balls and played with them in my palm while my mouth worked his tip.

"I can’t, I can’t hold on," Johnny harshly whispered. He grunted my name and I made fast work rolling off the condom. He firmly cupped my chin and entered my mouth again. He quivered on my tongue, then released down my throat, coating my mouth. I happily lapped at his tip and licked him clean.

Johnny stared at me, dazed and f****d out, and fondly stroked my cheek. "Did ya get all of it?"

I wiped my mouth. "Every last drop." Johnny tugged on my arms and pulled me next to him, cradling me against his chest.

"Did you like that?" he asked a little nervously.

"I did, actually. Did you?"

"I quite liked that," he said quietly.

I smiled victoriously. "It’s a good thing we have twenty three more condoms." Johnny snorted. "We can always borrow some from Annie and Hayden if we run out."

Johnny pulled back and gaped. "I’m sorry, what? They do this too?"

I nodded."Where do you think I got the idea?"

Johnny smiled into another kiss. "I love you, Mrs. Orlando."

"Stop being so cheesy, Mr. Orlando," I joked teasingly.

He laughed and nuzzled the expanse of my throat. "Mmm, not until you say you love me too."

His hair tickled my jaw. "Love you," I murmured, and combed my fingers through his hair until we dozed off.