First Plane Trilogy

Chapter 7: Glimpse Of What Was

I shooed my posse from the room, closing the doors firmly on Pagomaris who looked at me with hurt longing as the double portals swung shut on her. My shoulders pressed against the carved wood as I closed my eyes and explored my newfound freedom.

Ahbi squirmed out of the way, suddenly careful of my space, enough I found myself smiling.

You don't have to hide, I sent, striding back toward my desk with a fresh sense of purpose.

She didn't comment, nor did I have the chance to broach the subject again, not when I felt the firm touch of magic against the veil just as it parted. I spun in place, catching my breath as I stared through the tear between worlds and into the dark basement at home.

No, not home. In Wilding Springs. My sister looked back at me, Syd's dark hair loose around her shoulders for once, free of her normal ponytail, blue eyes worried and full lips pinched despite the smile she tried to muster.

"Hey, Meems," she said. "Someone wanted to say goodnight."

It was only then I noticed the small faces peeking out behind her legs. Gabriel's hazel eyes blinked slowly, a sleepy smile on his sweet cheeks. Ethie yawed hugely, waving her little hand as amber flared in her eyes, her demon waking at the opening of the veil.

I didn't hesitate, slipping through the tear to crouch and hug my niece and nephew. Two sets of moist lips pressed to my cheeks, arms choking tight around my neck. Why did their simple, non-judging love bring tears to my eyes? I smiled up at Syd, seeing her clearly for the first time in years, not as someone I needed to match or better, but as the big sister who loved me no matter what.

Ethie giggled as I stood with them in my arms, towering over Syd in my platform boots, still in my demon form. Gabriel ran his fingertips over my left horn, the sparks of green Sidhe power waking between us making me shiver. I still possessed my witch magic no matter my disconnect to the coven, though I rarely tapped into it these days, my demon having dominance over my power. It was nice to feel the connection reopen. As I noisily kissed the dear boy, I realized that connection was a large part of what I'd been missing.

Ethie twisted her tiny fingers in the coils of feathers bound in my hair, hanging over my shoulder, bow mouth bright pink in the low light. She reminded me of me when I was little and I could only imagine all we Hayle girls had the same look as children.

"Did you have a good birthday, Aunt Meems?" Ethie's power touched mine, a firm and confident pressure well beyond her years. Syd and I had never spoken of it, but there was much of our grandmother in Ethie and I suspected the magic Gram lost when she became a sorcerer, the same magic Syd carried for so long, somehow found its way inside the Hayle heir. Considering the fact I carried our demon grandmother with me, stranger things had been known to happen.

"I did," I said, my continuing smile one of the first real ones I could remember in years. My eyes met Syd's as Ethie laid her head on my shoulder. "Started out a little rocky, but it's rosy now, thanks."

My sister's head c****d to the side, but her anxious expression had faded and her own smile pulled at her lips. "Nice to hear it," she said.

I kissed Ethie before setting her down with a firm smooch for her older brother. Gabriel silently took his sister's hand and waved at me before leading the yawning girl toward the basement stairs. I watched them go, heart light, Ahbi humming happily after the retreating pair.

"Thanks for that," Syd said, hands digging into the back pockets of her jeans as her dark hair swung over her shoulder when she turned from watching them go. "They miss you so much."

"I'll have to make sure to see them more often," I said even as I reached out with one hand. Syd swallowed hard, lower lip trembling as she jerked one hand free and seized mine, pulling me toward her. I shifted in mid-move to my human form, hugging her as fiercely as she hugged me, sobbing once onto her shoulder before falling still again.

"I missed you, too," she whispered, voice choked up. "Meems." She pushed me back, breath hitching as she scowled. "I almost lost you once." I remembered. It had been so hard to live with my addiction to nectar, with the changes to my personality that addiction created and the guilt and self-loathing I felt falling victim to Sekaniphestat and her schemes. Sassafras's evil mother was long dead for her crimes, but the legacy of her experimenting on me lived on. A shiver of the old wretchedness reemerged, but I was too far past it to allow it to take hold again. "The last few years have been tough, I know." She let me go, chin falling as she shook her head. "I feel like I left you in the fire." She met my eyes, her own guilt as clear as the love in her eyes. "I think it might be a silly question at this point." Syd shifted from one foot to the other, brows coming together, though she was smiling again. "But I'm finally asking. Are you okay?"

A flare of my old jealousy woke, hissed at me to hold back. Ahbi jumped on it as quickly as I did.

You're going to need support, my grandmother whispered in my head. Not just mine. And she's the perfect one to lean on. You know it. I know it. Stubborn or not, Ruler or not, we both need to trust she's the last one who will make us feel small for asking.

I almost gasped at Ahbi's confession of need, turned it into a nod and slow inhale.

"There have been some... challenges." Giggles escaped me suddenly, ripples of humor fed by mild hysteria, the same hysteria I felt earlier. I rather liked it, the impulsiveness. Syd's lips twisted into a grin as I went on. "But today has been interesting." I exhaled all the air from my lungs, feeling young again. The burden of Ahbi's years and experience and the unnatural aging I'd endured after all this time carrying the weight of Henemordonin's disapproval and connivance vanished in the face of my sister's genuine worry. "I'm dealing with it."

Syd's hesitation made me want to hug her again. "Ruler," she said, tone and words so careful I wondered how much damage I'd done to our relationship being so self-absorbed, "I know you are more than capable - "

"I am," I said. "But I'm also realizing I've been trying to do too much on my own." Syd's relief shone on her face and made me laugh out loud. "You could maybe pretend not to be so relieved."

Syd laughed with me. "Yeah, sorry," she said. "It's just..."

I nodded. She didn't have to go on. "I was that obvious, huh?"

There was a time I loved my sister more than anything, idolized her, put her on a pedestal. And a time I despised her perceived perfection, her power and courage. But I think I preferred this feeling most of all, the feeling of being her equal without needing to prove it.

Syd shrugged, all casual. "Not a bit," she said. "Figured you had it covered."

We laughed again, together, before I sighed.

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's been rough. But, I worked some things out today. I think I'm okay."

"Funny how that happens." Syd reached out and hugged me again. "I'm here, any time."

"Me, too," I said and let her go, feeling her reach for the veil the same moment I did. I stepped back through the tear, waving as I transformed into my natural state, blowing my sister a kiss as the hole in the veil sealed behind me.

Somehow, seeing Syd, speaking to her, cemented my newfound need to step up. Young or not, faced with a mess or not, I was Ruler.

Time to start acting the part.

***

I spent the night tossing and turning, mind churning around ideas. Ahbi and I talked long into the dark of the moons, considering courses of action and discarding others.

First things first, she sent as I stared out into the night sky and the glittering bands of stars twinkling overhead. We have to deal with your grandfather.

And reverse the laws Dad introduced, I sent. This demonocracy thing isn't working.

Agreed, she sent. But until we have Henemordonin taken care of, doing so will be nearly impossible. I hate to say it, but you need to choose a mate. I sighed as she went on. The first step in seizing power is placing your choice of partner on Second Seat. While Henemordonin will likely fight your decision to replace him with your mate, he will have no choice but to step down.

Wait a minute, I sent, a chill running down my spine. I slipped from bed, sliding my robe around my shoulders as I began to pace. He knows that's true.

Of course he does, Ahbi sent. It's tradition.

Why then, I sent, would he want me to mate? Wouldn't he, instead, choose to have me remain single so he can stay on Second Seat?

Ahbi fell silent before running off a series of curses so vile I was breathless by the time she wound down.

I'm an old fool, she sent, voice bitter, crackling with anger. He has a plan.

I sank onto the padded window bench, hugging myself against the soft breeze I allowed through the shielding over the opening. "And I am a young fool," I said. "Perhaps this has been his goal all along."

To keep us unbalanced, fighting each other, she sent. The mate ploy, pushing you off kilter, it's a ruse. He knows you will fight him on it and, in doing so, will "prove" to the court you are unfit to rule. She fired off a few more curses. It makes logical sense, granddaughter. She paused before going on. I'm so sorry, Meira.

No, I sent, please don't be. I think this might work to our advantage. He's spent the past four years manipulating us into a corner with certain expectations to the end result.

Only your sudden awakening and my consequent smartening up has smashed his little strategy into a million pieces. She sounded smug, though slightly worried. I want you to be careful, she sent. If his plan is close to fruition, it's possible he could become desperate enough to take action against you.

Let him try, I sent, sinking against the wall, drawing in a deep breath of fresh air scented with wild flowers planted on the balcony outside my room. We're ready for him, now.

I finally went to bed after further discussion took us nowhere. But before I fell asleep, I knew it was time to find a way to go on the offensive and stop reacting to my grandfather's every move.

I woke refreshed and smiling, actually looking forward to the day. It was a strange feeling, uncommon and reawakened the near hysteria I'd felt the afternoon before. Even Pagomaris was smiling, her minions emanating happiness as they dressed me. My usual somber morning ritual had somehow turned into a boisterous and pleasant experience I embraced with my whole heart.

No throwing up, either. I was more than happy to adjust to a settled stomach.

I heard the sound of talking from the dining room and, as I entered my private breakfast chamber, it was with a smile for my gathered friends and supporters. The power of Demonicon embraced them as I crossed to the head of the table and took my seat. Their surprise quickly turned to smiles. Sequoia squeezed my hand from her seat on my left while Ram watched me with glowing eyes on my right.

You were right to keep them close, Ahbi sent. I didn't have this. I never allowed friends in my life. But I see now their presence brings you comfort.

Jabut saluted before slipping into a seat next to his sister. It had taken a full year to convince him to join us for breakfast, and another six months before he'd learned to be comfortable eating in my presence. Even now, he moved stiffly, precisely, though I wondered how much of that was his training and how much his need to show me he held me in high regard.

"Ruler," Sequoia nodded slowly to me, releasing my hand. "I take it some changes are in order?"

It was clear they sensed the difference in me from the anticipation on their faces, their sudden tension. Pagomaris watched with a brilliant need that made me smile.

"You are correct," I said to their collective sigh. It was the first time I had ever seen Jabut smile, a beaming expression lighting his entire face and reminding me of Sassafras's human form.

"I'll have him arrested at once." The giant guard was almost to his feet before I waved him down.

"That won't be necessary," I said, grinning at his disappointment. The chair groaned beneath him as Jabut sank back into it. "But there are certain steps we must take from this point on, and decisions to be made." I paused, meeting their eyes one at a time before continuing. "I value all of you, more than you know and am so grateful you've stood by me no matter my early failings." Pagomaris and Jabut squeaked their denial, but I shook my head. "No matter," I said. "The point is, I know I have you to rely on going forward. And I won't be able to restore order without you."

Well said, Ahbi sent.

They all bowed their heads to me before the door opened and Pagomaris's minions entered, laden with breakfast.

I listened with a happy heart as my friends - my advisors, yes, but my friends first and foremost - chattered in optimistic voices around me, absorbing their high energy.

I finally turned to Ram as he leaned toward me, eyes glowing. "You had something you were investigating," I said. "Mind not being so cryptic this morning?"

He nodded quickly. "As a matter of fact," he said, "I have further confirmation, though I need to leave Ostrogotho to explore the matter."

The gathering fell silent as we all listened.

"As odd as it might sound," Ram said, humor in his voice, "there are rumors of a religion forming in the outer planes."

I barked a laugh, my friends joining me while Ahbi snorted in my head. "You're kidding?" The very idea of demons believing in religion... the thought of sacrifice for the good of others, for trusting anything but power and science, was ridiculous. "How human." I didn't mean for it to sound insulting. I was half-human, after all. But the whole thing was wrong in so many ways.

Ram shrugged, winking at me before sitting back in his chair. "I only report what I know, great Ruler," he said. "And that's the word on the planes."

Centuries of demons being lured to my former plane, often to be slaughtered as devils and creatures of evil by one religion or another, cemented a hatred for anything to do with following a path of worship. Ridiculous. Besides, the only thing demons worshipped was power.

"Very well," I set down my fork and the long, slim blade better suited for gutting a carcass than serving as a breakfast knife before gesturing at him with grandiose arrogance. "I task you, Rameranselot, Lord of the Eighteenth Plane, with the quest of uncovering the truth of this religion."

He bowed in his seat. "As my Ruler commands," he said.

Breakfast ended with all of us in high spirits, though Ram lingered when the others departed for my office and our strategy meeting. The first of many, I had no doubt. I approached him almost cautiously, wincing at the cut still visible on his cheek.

"I'm sorry," I said, keeping my voice low. "About yesterday."

He shook his head, touching the mark with his fingertips. "I deserved it," he said. "You have enough to concern you without adding my foolishness to your responsibilities."

I wanted to argue with him. Instead, I shifted focus. "You'll be careful?"

Ram snorted, suddenly carefree again. It was the part I loved most about him, how casually confident he always seemed. "If there is anything to these rumors," he said, "I'll be very surprised. But you will be the first to know, my Ruler."

I watched him go while struggling to keep my light-hearted feeling, wishing he would turn around and come back to me, wondering what it would take to change his mind about us.

***