Entangled Heart: A Rival's Redemption

Chapter 10: Old Questions, New Startnings.

Emma

For the following week, things seemed...different. Not totally in a negative sense, but in a way I couldn't really pin down. As agreed upon, Liam and I were going slow, but the air between us still carried all the unspoken history and residual questions. I reminded myself that was a positive thing—that slowing down would provide us time to sort things out, recover the damaged confidence. There were quiet times, too, when the noise would diminish and the city would slow down and I questioned whether "taking it slow" was really a kind way to express our fear. Fearful of the past and of reaggulating injury. Fearful of the reality. The strain had grown to the point where I knew we couldn't keep running from Friday. Not simply tiptoe about the margins of our shared history like it was some delicate item that would break if we looked too closely; we had to discuss what had happened—really talk about it. Although Liam had been patient, I could see the questions in his eyes every time we were alone—the things he was not saying. And I realized I could not keep putting it off. That afternoon I gave him that call. Me: Could we perhaps get together later? We should, in my opinion, talk. Liam: Surely. Regarding my place? I paused for a bit then nodded. Since before everything had come apart, I hadn't visited Liam's flat, and the idea of being in that environment again made my stomach turn with equal parts worry and need. But time was of the essence. We could not keep acting as though the past did not exist. Not if our chances of a future were to be based on hope. ---------------------— As I recalled it, Liam's apartment was modern, sleek, with big windows allowing in the golden light of the setting sun. Though it felt warm, this was the kind of location that screamed accomplishment. Personal touches abound; the booksheveled with novels and old business notebooks, the abstract artwork I had always adored in the corridor. Entering felt like entering a time capsule, a sloshful of the life we used to know. Liam smiled at me at the door, but I could see the strain in his shoulders as his eyes swung between me and the surroundings. Tonight meant something different. He understood. Both of us did. "Hey," he murmured in a subdued voice. "I'm glad you are here." I offered him a little grin, entered, dropped off my shoes. Me too as well. We settled on the couch, both of us seated a little too rigidly as though we were unsure about how to start. Looking down at my hands, I tried to organize my ideas and find out how to phrase what was to be said. But Liam disturbed the stillness before I could talk. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said the other day," he added, his voice measured. Regarding your still-present fear. About your uncertainty about whether you can rely on me. My heart hammering in my chest, I raised my head to his. He was not furious. He did not show deference. He seemed simply depressed. Sad in a way that caused my own heart pain. "I understand Emma," he said, his gaze unwavering. "I can see why you are afraid. Why do you not believe me? I won also force you into something you are not ready for. But you should know that I am totally in. I am here right now and nowhere else. His comments came to me like a wave, and I stopped momentarily not knowing how to breathe. I would have liked to believe him. I wanted to hope for other things. Still, the anxiety persisted, a nagging voice in the rear of my mind reminding me that history would repeat itself and I would find myself wounded once more. Quietly, my voice shaking, I whispered, "I'm not sure if I can do this." "I want to, but between us still is a lot. Much more we have not discussed. Liam nodded with a serious look. "Know. And it is time we should do as well. You should not be tiptoeing about it. I felt the weight of what we were about to delve into sink in my chest and choked hard. "What happened, Liam?" Why went you leave? Why not fight for us? Leaning back on the couch, he seemed to be compiling his ideas by staring toward the window. His voice was subdued, almost remote, when he talked. "I was scared," he said, dark eyes reflecting recollection. I worried about failing. afraid of showing vulnerability. I reasoned...I reasoned that if I concentrated on developing something successful, on my career, everything else would fit well. I was misled, though. I chose something, and it cost the one thing that really counted most. Though I felt a lump in my throat, I pushed myself to speak. You did not simply go. You did not merely turn away. You shut me off. You made me feel as though I was not important. With remorse tightening his cheeks, Liam stretched out and grabbed my hand in his. "I am aware." And since then, I have been daily regretful. Though all I did was damage the person I loved the most, I felt I was shielding myself. Tears scorched at the rear of my eyes, but I blinked them away, not allowing them to fall. Over Liam Worthington already, I had shed too many tears. " Why did you not return? Why did you not try to address it early on? Liam tightened his hold on my hand and stared at me with such passion that my heart hurt. "Because I lacked knowledge about how to. I had no idea how I might atone for what I had done. And I felt it was too late by the time I came to know what I had missed. I assumed you would have moved on. I shook my head, feeling a tight chest. You never allowed me to go on. You never let us have an opportunity to right things. "I know," he said with rough voice. "And I'm sorry. I really am quite bad, Emma. We just sat there for a long while, the quiet between us weighted with all the things we had not uttered for so long. And I understood something as I gazed at him—at the regret in his eyes, at the anguish carved on his face. I still loved him. Even after all we had been through, I adored him. After all the years of distance and the grief and the treachery. I stayed in love with him. And that made me most afraid. "I'm not sure whether I can trust you," I replied gently, my voice hardly audible. Still, I know I adore you. Liam's eyes grew wide, and for a second I believed I could see tears in them. He reached out and gently but forcefully cupped my face in his hands. Emma, I adore you too. I stopped never. My heart thumping in my chest, I closed my eyes and leaned toward his touch. Here it was. The instant I had been dodging for so long. The instant I had to choose whether to let him in or to turn away permanently. "I want to try," I said quietly. "I want to believe we can pull off this." Liam's fingers stroked my cheek to clear the tears I hadn't even noticed pouring. “We can. We would. I raised my eyes to meet his stare and, for the first time in a very long time, I sensed hope. This might not be simple. Perhaps some scars still needed to heal. For the first time, though, I was eager to attempt. Liam softly leaned in, his lips brushing against mine, and for a minute all else vanished. The history, the questions, the anxiety—all dissolved into the background as we kissed, a soft, hesitant kiss that seemed to mark the start of something fresh. My heart still pounding, I placed my forehead on his as we at last broke off. One step at a time, then? Liam grinned and had warm eyes. " One step at a time." Our hands entwined as we sat there also made me think maybe—just maybe—this was the start of something worth fighting for.