IMPERFECTLY ENOUGH

SHUTTING DOWN

"Kate?"

I heard her shout that she was in the kitchen. I told Ann to sit in the living room while I asked Hayden to join me in the kitchen.

" Can you please drive me to drop Ann off?" I directed the question to Hayden.

"Are you crazy? Why would you want to go back there?"

I sighed," I am not going back there. We don't have enough time to explain and I will when we get back. All I can tell you is she ran away from home after having a fight with Kenneth. Now, I know I'm not his biggest fan but I also know he's worried about her. I'm not doing this for him but her." I could see the wheels spinning in her head. "Please"

She finally gave in and we all got into their car. We drove to the block Ana lived with her family. We parked a few houses from them and dropped her off.

On our way home I explained everything to them and even though Kate wasn't really open to the idea of Ana and I, she kept quite when Hayden commented about how we couldn't label her a bad person before knowing her.

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The days went by slowly, I was trying my best to hide from my two enqusitive hosts. I had been having alot of nightmares and on so many occasions I had woken up in cold sweat. I only hoped that I didn't scream or look like a real life zombie. if that was the case, i would be scaring the living sh*t out of people. My makeup skills were not the best so me hiding would just make me look like a clown. Not a cute one at that.

I woke up one morning after literally three hours of sleep, my head was pounding and i needed a few more hours of sleep. i tried my best to appear okay to my two guardian angels. after taking a hot shower which didnt help at all, i tried to apply some concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I left my room after practicing to appear calm and okay. i put a fake smile on my face when i arrived in the kitchen.

But I was stopped in my tracks when I heard Hayden and Kate talking.

" You can't confront her baby. It will just put her on edge. Let her come to us."

" No Hayden. It's getting too much."

"I know baby. But we have to take it easy"

A part of me knew that they were talking about me but I wanted to believe it was about something else. So I put on a smile and entered the room.

The moment they spotted me they stopped talking. Hayden tried to put on a smile for me as he greeted me. I turned to Kate to say good morning, which she responded but I could tell she was dying to say something .

I was greatful that she didn't ask.

Throughout breakfast, the conversations had two people participating. I tried to pay attention but my mind was somewhere else.

So after a week, I began applying for jobs. All through the second week of the mostly silent treatment from one of my best friends, I had interviews but unfortunately I seemed not to get any of them.

I had thought if I could get a job then I would find my own place.

I was walking but to the apartment when a poster caught my eye. I stood there and read it with a smile.

One of the biggest shipping companies was looking for a personal assistant to the CEO and where open to receiving applications.

I quickly took out my phone and took a picture. Then hurried back to the apartment.

I got home and got to work on application and trying to make my CV more presentable.

The tension in the house continued for a few days. This was due to the fact that everyday Kate would ask me to open up and talk about things because she felt I was closing off to people and everyday I would lie to her face and tell her that I'm just fine. My nightmares weren't helping as well.

I seemed to have trouble sleeping, everytime I closed my eyes, my dreams haunted me.

I was sitting one morning, looking for more job ads, when I got a call.

The caller went on to tell me that I had an interview at Wills traveling and shipping company. The same company I had applied to a few days back.

I was so excited because if I could get the job then I was good.

So during dinner, when we were all sitting by the table enjoying the meal. I broke the news to the two.

"So I got an interview with CKJ shipping company"

"That's great news Lee" Hayden immediately said happily.

"You know that you can take your time right."

I looked down and took a deep breath. When I looked back up, I responded .

"Look, you guys. I'm scared to go for this interview because of my record of bad luck with jobs. Hell, I'm in over my head applying at that company because I know they are more beautiful and more deserving people than me. I will stand out for the wrong reasons like always but, I have hope that I may get this job. Maybe."

I looked at both of them and could see sympathy from Hayden and sadness and hurt from Kate.

I continued,"but if I can get the job, I can start to look for my own place and be out of your hair. I've seen you guys argue alot these past two weeks and I know it's cause of me. When I get any job, I promise I can move out. Mom was right, I cause trouble everywhere I go."

I stood up and began to walk away.

"Really! That's what you think?"

I turned around and faced her. I felt my drained and just wanted to coil myself in bed.

I took a deep breath and answered. "Kate, what do you want me to think? For weeks I have found you two fighting, whispering and the moment I walk in it's silent. I know you are a couple and can have your own secrets. It feels tense in here, doesn't feel like home anymore. I used to want to be here but now the room I'm sleeping in feels more like home. It's just like the house I stayed in with her. Well not really."

"Are you serious right now?! That's how you feel? Well, I don't like been lied to?"

I looked at her confused,then turned to Hayden who was rubbing his forehead. When none of them continued to explain, like I stood there waiting.

"What are you talking about?"

I still got nothing because Hayden shut Kate up with a glare while she just looked at me mad. This is not going anywhere, so I turned and left the room.

I tried to think of what I could have lied about but, I couldn't think of anything. I was so tired, had another restless night. But deep down I knew I couldn't talk about the dreams.

Hayden came to my room and talked me into coming out of my room to eat. I was every hesitate but, still came out.

It was very quiet and the only sounds heard were of the silverware hitting the plate. I helped clearing up after. When I wanted to go to bed, Hayden called me.

I was sitting opposite the both of them when Hayden spoke.

"Firstly, I want to apologize for how Kate spoke to you earlier. She could have handled it alot different. We just want you to know that this is your home and don't want to make you feel like you are not needed. We also want you to know that we are here when you are ready to talk."