Our dark place

Chapter 2: Jesse

Chapter 2

Jesse

I've heard rumors of a new girl. A girl likes me. The rumor is that she may or may not be just like me. I overheard that two freshmen talk about it, and when I cornered them they said that they saw her walk into the principal's office. I was waiting outside, waiting for him to walk out of there, to take a look for myself, to see who this new girl is. But when the bell rang I had to go to class, if I skip more classes I will be expelled, and I don't want to be expelled, I don't want to make my foster parents disappointed, not after taking me in. When I get to class I sit in the back of the classroom.

My friend Fisher is sitting beside me. He can see that I am irritated but I don't know if he knows why. He has a girlfriend, my other friend Tabitha, and sometimes they can't keep their tongues out of each other's throats long enough to pay attention to other things. Like the new girl for example. I don't know what to make of this. Who is this new girl? I want to know so badly it's making me crazy. And that only because they said that they almost exactly like me. Who could possibly be like me? I can't accept that until I see it for myself and maybe not even then. Tabitha is in Math class right now so I don’t know if she’s noticed that there’s a new girl here yet.

“Why are you on fire?” Fisher asks when leans back in his chair and looks at me.

"I'm not on fire", I protest.

"Yes you are", Fisher insists. "What's got you all rattled up?"

“Well, supposedly there is a new girl at this school”, I say through my teeth. “And I've heard that she's a lot like me”.

“What new girl?” Fisher asks interested.

“I don’t know, I haven’t even seen her, I hear a rumor from some freshman’s”, I say. “But I don’t like it at all”.

“If she’s like you, she’s also like us and we should be friends with her”, Fisher says. “People like us need to need to stick together, Tabitha will think so as well".

"And what are we like, if I may ask?" I askwith a raised eyebrow.

"Broken", Fisher simply says.

He’s right about that. I am broken and maybe that's why I behave the way I do. I was taken in by the Rivera family four years ago, but until then I had been bouncing from foster home to foster home, the homes got worse and worse, and if the Rivera family hadn't taken me in. I don't know if I would've been alive now. They had their own problems and they took me in any way, a troubled teenager. Tabitha is actually my foster sister, I met her and Fisher when Tabitha's family took me in. Even now when I'm eighteen the Rivera family hasn't kicked me out, which I expected them to. They still care for me even though I'm legally an adult now when I'm eighteen.

"You're right about that", I mumble and slump back in my chair. "Broken is the word".

"You don't know if she's broken though", Fisher says.

"If she is like me, she’s broken", I say.

I don't get the chance to say anything else because our teacher walks into the classroom and closes the door. We were supposed to work individually on some assignments. But I just can't concentrate. How am I supposed to concentrate on the assignments when all I can think about is the girl who is supposed to be like me? Of course, all my attention focuses on her even if I haven't seen her. I don't even know what she looks like at all. All I heard is that she has black hair and piercing blue eyes. A lot of girls have black air and blue eyes. I feel frustrated, I want to know who she is, I want to see her, and I want to know if she really is like me or not. I don't know why it's important to me, it's just is, I can't explain why. The last thing I want to do is sitting here in class. Where is she? Is she still with our principal? Is she in another class? Is she wandering around in the corridors? What does she look like? I have to know. I am going to find out, as soon as this class is over. If she's like me, she's hoping to be easily spotted.

I try my hardest to concentrate, I don't want to fail this class and I want to do good, I want to show myself that I'm not stupid and that I can handle school. But let's just say that jumping around the foster care system, changing schools a lot has made marks. I've always been the troubled kid in school, the one to get into trouble, the one to mess with. Finally, I had enough, instead of letting students get me into trouble and mess with me, I'd be the messer and get myself into trouble. It's not like anyone cares anyway, I don't even care for myself so why should anyone else do? I'm just one out of a million troubled kids in this world, I don't matter. It didn't matter to my parents, so they gave me up like I was a bag of s**t. Like I was noting. I am nothing, and my parents are a good example of that. They didn't even care enough to find adoptive parents for me, they just left me in the system to rot. I have a lot of anger towards my birth parents, and if I ever were to meet them I would never forgive them.

When class is over I haven't even finished three of the assignments and I curse myself, now I will have to do them at home and spend my free time on this. Waste of time if you ask me. School is a waste of time, it's a waste of my time at least. I'm going to be some successful lawyer with a trophy wife and three beautiful children, living in a big house with a big garden. No that's someone else's future, not my future and it can never be my future. I've made my peace with that but once in a while it does get to me and I feel sad.

"Dude", Fisher says when he sees that my assignments. We walk out of the classroom and I feel like someone has hit me in the head with a brick.

"Don't even say it", I mumble. "I know I suck".

“Hey you guys!” It’s Tabitha. She runs towards us and embraces Fisher when she arrives, she gives him a sloppy kiss. “Have you seen the new girl?”

“No I’ve been too busy sucking in English class”, I mumble. But it disturbs me that Tabitha has seen the new girl and I haven’t.

"You don't suck okay?" Tabitha says. "You just have to concentrate, you know that you know this stuff".

"Tell that to all the exams and assignments I can’t finish in time", I say. "And even when I do concentrate it's like all the words just get messed up".

"Maybe you should check if you've got dyslexia?" Tabitha suggests.

"No way, that would make me sound even more stupid", I say. "I'm not going to let that happen.

"Stop it", Tabitha says. "Stop talking yourself down all the time".

"Yeah, besides, if you do get dyslexia, you would get the help you need and you wouldn't seem stupid anymore", Fisher says.

"Fisher!" Tabitha says. What the actual hell?"

"He knows what I mean", Fisher says. "He knows he's my best friend and he also knows that he is not stupid, but if he wants to seem that way, what can we do really?" Fisher asks.

Having dyslexia is one of my biggest fears, to be honest with myself. I would be a total loser, I don't want to be a special needs kid. I don't demand to be smart, but at least average. I don't want to have dyslexia, I don't want to be different from others that way. I wanä't to be able to read and write well, I don't want to have difficulties. I don't want to feel stupid, I don't want to be a special needs kid, I'm already a social case, a foster kid, I don't want the dyslexia label onto me as well.

"I don't want to have dyslexia", I say.

"It doesn't really matter what you want, if you have it you can'ät do much about it", Tabitha says. "But you can do better in school if you get the help you need, and you can get the help if the school knows you have dyslexia".

"I don't want to be a freak with dyslexia, I'd rather just be the problem kid", I say. "At least I get respect by being the problem kid".

Being the problem kid, the dark one, like some people call me, earns me respect, other students in this school are scared of me, and that's the best part. Students at this school do not want to get into a fight with me and that feels great. If people would find out that I have dyslexia they would laugh at me and lose respect, that can't happen, it just can't, I need the respect, without it I'm just another broken foster kid.

That's when I see her. I see her walking in the corridor towards the lockers. She has black hair flowing around her, she is tall and she had black makeup on her face. Her eyes are bright green. She has piercings and black clothes. At the top of her head, you can spot the blond roots of her hair. She is beautiful, she is absolutely beautiful. I think she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life.

I see how the student around looks at her. Some girls look angry and some look envious. Some boys look enchanted and some look like they wonder who she is and what she is doing here. She catches the attention of everyone around her and I donät think she even notices it to be honest. She doesn't seem to notice the effect her presence has around her.

She does kind of look like me, dyed hair, piercings, scarp eyeliner, chains and she walks with attitude. Maybe she is a female version of me. That would be weird and I don't like it, I don't like that I find her attractive either. I don't want to find her attractive.

When she stops in front of a locker I feel my feet start moving towards her. I can't even stop myself, it's a reflex. I marshall the way up to her, it looks like she is trying to come up with a locker combination or something. This is probably her first time visiting the locker. I want to stop myself from what I'm about to do right now, but it's like I can't control myself for some reason. I have a reputation to uphold. The students in this school expect me to confront this new girl. I wonder what her name is, I would want to know her name. She probably has a beautiful name.

She opens up the locker lid, I sneak up behind it, and just as she is about to stick her hand inside the locker, I slam the lid shut, with a loud bang. For a split second, I can spot fright in. her eyes, but it's gone just as fast as it appeared. She looks at me with a hard expression on her face. She did not like what I just did, and to be honest, neither did I.

"Do that again and I swear to god that I will cut your balls off", she threatens me in a dark voice.

"New girl has an attitude I see", I mock her. "I would like to see you try".

I just met the girl and I already made sure that she won't like me and that we are not going to be friends. But I think that it's the best thing, to be honest. I don't really get along with other people. My only friends are Fisher and Tabitha and they are the only friends I have ever had, and that suites me just fine. This is for the best.