Our dark place

Chapter 4: Therapy class

Chapter 4

Odette

"So what's your status? Are you at the bottom?" I ask as we're making our way to the cafeteria.

"I wouldn't say that", Fisher says and shrugs his shoulders.

"People don't like coming very close to us but they respect us too much to put us down", Tabitha says. "We do that perfectly good by ourselves anyways".

I think I'm going to get along with these people. But I don't know. I don't like having friends, because having friends means you have to talk about your life with them and I'm not sure I like that idea.

"I am highly hated and popular though", Jesse jumps in. "So bow now while you've got the chance".

Is this dude serious? I mean is he seriously for real? Like an actual human being? He has gone to be joking.

The more I'm in Jesse's presence, the more I dislike him. He's so self-loving yet negative about his life at the same time and I don't even know how that is possible. I don't love myself, I hate myself. For a lot of reasons, but like the way Jesse acts, I don't even know what his personality is.

"Oh shut up jerk", Tabitha says and flicks her hand against the back of Jesse’s head. "He's joking of the".

"Jesse Walker does not joke", Jesse says.

"Jesse Walker is talking about himself in the third person", Fisher says. “Jesse Walker is crazy".

"I am not crazy", he says. "But the new girl should know who's in charge".

"She's got bigger balls than you", Tabitha says and I laugh to myself.

"Please", Jesse snorts. "I bet she's just a dumb blonde, dying her hair black and is just in a goth period, well we don't need fakers here".

He did not just say that. Who the hell is he to call me a fake? I may dye my hair cut I can see that so does he, and dyeing my hair does not make me a fake.

"Take that back", I hiss, stopping him from walking further.

"Why don't you go running home to mommy?" Jesse says in a baby voice.

And that's when I throw myself over him, tackling him to the floor, ramming my fists in his face and chest and everywhere else I can reach, while screaming cussing chants at him. How dare he? He better kiss his lucky star I don't kill him on the spot because right now I can't control myself.

"Odette!" I hear Annie's voice.

People are grabbing me, pulling me away from Jesse. Someone is carrying me up and I start thrashing around.

"How dare you, Turner? I'm going to freaking kill you!" I shout while kicking with my feet in his direction.

"Ms. Collins", a familiar voice says. "What are you doing?"

I stop thrashing around. I realize that Fisher is the one carrying me, his arms are locked around my stomach. He doesn't put me down though, I think he won't until he knows it's safe.

I look at the principal who's looking interested.

"Well I'm not killing the biggest jerk ever anymore", I hiss glaring at Fisher from the corner of my eye.

"I think there won't be any killing today, unfortunately", principal Davis says. "Now I know that Mr. Walker here was probably not innocent but there could've been a better way to handle the situation. But because all of you here seems to have behavior issues I'm putting you all in our therapy class".

What the hell did he just say? Therapy class? Does this school seriously have a therapy class? I still don't understand what kind of school this is.

"Oh hell no principal D", Jesse says, standing up and I'm happy to see that I threw a good punch on his eye.

"You can't do this to us", Fisher whines.

"We didn't jump anyone", Tabitha says.

"Correction, you didn't jump anyone this time, and I can do this to you since I'm the principal and if you don't want to get expelled I suggest you do as I say", principal Davis says. "Oh and go see the nurse, I think Ms. Collins got you pretty good, Mr. T". And with a sassy smile towards us, he turns around and leaves. Has to be the coolest principal I've ever hated. "Oh and by the way", he says and stops in his moves. "Your first class is this afternoon, don't be late, I'll be there".

Damn this principle, I'm just saying. If he weren't principal and if I weren't his student, I would probably jump his bones. Sure I'm eighteen and legally I'm allowed to but I've got rules for myself, so principal D is off-limits.

Everyone groans. No one seems particularly happy about this and I'm not feeling cheerful myself. I hate talking about myself in front of people, they have no business knowing about my life. My family is the only one ever really talked to about myself but j haven't really done that for a while now, I'm more like a closed book now, my business is my own.

"Way to go Jesse", Tabitha groans.

"How is this my fault?" Jesse asks offended. "The physio b***h was the one who attacked me".

"You provoked her", Fisher reminds him with a death glare. "You always provoke people".

"Well I like to provoke people", Jesse says and I roll my eyes. How stupid is he? Why the f**k does he like to provoke people? Does he like to get beaten up as well? I doubt that this was the first time he got beaten up, with his attitude.

"So I guess that you like being beaten up by a girl too", I say with narrowed eyes and a sly smile. "Nice eye by the way".

Jesse looks at me like he wants to yell at me. I look at him challenging, daring him to yell at me, and put himself in detention. I think he knows he'll end up in detention and it looks like he's debating if it'll be worth it or not. I think his final decision is to not start yelling and fighting with me since he's already in deep s**t as it is. Not only him though, but we all also have to take that damn class. And I hadn't even decided if I wanted to become their friend.

I don't know what I'll do, seriously. I really don't want to talk to people about my problems. I don't want to talk at all. Whenever I even try to take about how I feel I think of her and it hurts too much. I really can't take the pain. I refuse to cry in front of anyone, so if I'm forced to talk, I'm gonna have to really have control over myself. I don't know how but I have to.

***

After the last period we have to get our asses to that therapy class or whatever it is. It's not a class, it's more of a support group kind of thing for aggressive students. I guess I belong there but I don’t want to be there at all.

I know what they think, that maybe talking about our problems will calm us down or someone like that. I really don't know, and I don't care. The only thing I'm fairly sure about right now is that I really don't want to do this. This is going to suck real hard and I want to inflict some serious pain on the principal because this is all his fault.

"I mean it's only like a therapy session", Tabitha says, shrugging her shoulders as we make our way to the classroom. "It can't be that horrible".

"Tabitha can you just shut your pretty little mouth?" Jesse asks in a strained voice.

"Oh lighten up", Fisher says. "Just because you've got a big dark black eye doesn't mean you have to be all grumpy".

"Yes it does", he says.

"You've only got yourself to blame", Tabitha says mockingly.

Jesse gives her the stink eye and just scoffs. He really hates me and I love it. I find it very amusing and I love how I gave him that black eye. I couldn't be more proud of myself right now actually.

When we get there I think we're the last ones to arrive since the teacher or group leader or something starts up when we've taken a seat.

Guess who else is here? Yep. Principal Davis. I bet he's here to make sure we're actually coming and not ditching. I roll my eyes when he looks slyly at us and Tabitha sighs.

"You all know why you're here", the teacher says. "This group is always started with the students telling us what problem you are fighting with, to try to find the source to the pain inside and slowly working on it. And when we're here, always remember that everyone goes through hard things in life, different things”.

Fuck my life. I hate my life so badly right now. I hate the principal and I hate the principal and this school and my mom and my dad and everyone. I hate everything. I don't want to do this.

"I can't do this", I say, standing up feeling panic rise inside of me.

"You'll start Ms. Collins", the teacher says.

Did the b***h not hear what the hell I just said? Is she dumb or just simply mean?

"I can't", I say. "I just I... no I can't".

"We're all here to support each other", the teacher says. "No one has to feel ashamed, no one is judging and everything that is said in here stays in here”.

I sigh and sit back down on the chair. I put my face in my hands, trying to shield my face from everyone as I'm trying to think. Can I do to this without crying? And I kind of already have a song but I have to tell them why I chose it since it's not exactly cheerful.

This sucks so hard in a way I can't even explain. I feel physically sick right now.

Finally, I take away my hands and sees how everyone is looking at me. Even principal Davis and the teacher.

I sigh and stand up.

"I haven't been able to talk about this for a year, and it’s really impacted my life, it’s destroyed my life", I say and look down at the floor. “I don’t even know how to talk about this, it’s destroyed who I am”.

"Because of a boy?" Jesse asks slyly.

"Because last year my little sister was kidnapped and murdered", I say looking straight at him and I can clearly see the color in his face disappear. I look back at everyone and everyone looks shocked, as do principal Davis and the teacher. "She was thirteen, she called when she was walking home from school but after that, we didn't hear anything from her. Her body was found a weak later all mangled and destroyed. The murder is still out there and my sister is dead. So this song I'm going to sing to my little sister Cassandra Collins". I feel like I'm going to cry but I have to keep control over myself. I can't let myself cry. I take a deep shaky breath, trying to relax all muscles in my body. When I'm done I'm on the verge of crying but I manage to keep the tears inside of me. I don't know how I manage, I'm just glad I do because I couldn't handle crying in front of anyone. “The whole thing has destroyed who I am as a person, it has destroyed how I see life, I feel like my life isn’t worth anything that we only live to die”

"I’m so sorry Odette”, the teacher says in a slightly shocked voice.

"Oh god", Tabitha says standing up, the only one who's able to say anything at all. She puts her arms around me in a hug, holding me close to her. Even if I would want to put my arms around her to hug her back, I'm in too much shock to do so. "I'm so sorry Odette, you've got my heart".

And strangely enough, I actually believe her. Her voice tells me she's sincere, she's not giving me pity, I know what pity sounds like, my family got that a lot that first half-year after Cassie’s death. I hate pity. I absolutely hate it. Cassie does not have any pity at all in her voice and I think that's why I actually believe her now.

"Thank you", I whisper, now being able to hug her back.

Maybe Tabitha and I can be friends. Maybe she can be good for me. I hope so.