Still In Love With You

Broken Hearts Don't Mend Easily

Sophie

It's been three weeks since Troy told me about his wedding. I check on him daily, but I just can't seem to be able to get a break. It's as if all California suddenly wants to get married. I am completely booked for the next three months, and I have no idea how I am going to do this.

Linda sent me a message stating that the house needs major repairs. The inspector will not allow anyone to move in until it gets fixed, so I had my dad volunteer to take care of things for me while I get these gigs out the way.

For now, I don't think I will book anyone else, otherwise, I will never be able to get out of here and move back home.

My phone began to ring, I glanced at it and smiled, it was a call from my girl best friend Lexie.

"Hey, hey!" I smiled and snapped another picture.

"Hi babes! Good news!"

"I'm listening," I replied, placing the phone on speaker and grabbing the camera to snap more shots.

"My boss loved your plot. He wants you to finish the book and send it in as soon as possible. He's willing to pay you double if you go exclusive with us for this book."

I sighed and took three more shots and gave thumbs up to my clients. They began moving and went about their business as I turned and grabbed the phone, taking it off the speaker.

"Lex, you already know I don't do exclusive books. Tell Mr. Choy I appreciate the offer, but my answer is no."

"Now, wait a minute. Think about it first, ok? Also, he wants you to reconsider a book signing. People have been swamping my email box, asking us to get you to do a small tour and sign books for your fans."

"No. Lexie, No. I'm not doing it. No- you can't make me. I'm sorry but my answer is no." She grunts on the line.

"You're impossible, you know that? Do you have any idea what other writers would give to be able to have this opportunity? And here you are declining it for the fourth consecutive time. Come on Sophie, it's time you let your fans know the real you." I sighed, closing my eyes.

When I started writing, I didn't want people to know it was me. I wanted to stay anonymous and just write my thoughts and stories, to put my imagination to good use. So, I went with a different pen name- Hailey Marie. In honor of my mom and my grandma.

"Look, I get it. It's an amazing opportunity, I know. But, I'm not ready just yet, ok? Please, just. . . be patient with me? Who knows, maybe moving back home will change my mind."

She squeals, hopeful that it can happen shortly. I paused our phone call while I showed my clients their options and gave them my card with the date when their photos would be available. Once they were gone, I grabbed the phone and continued our conversation.

We spoke for a bit longer as I packed my camera away. We decided we'd arrive together back home. She was eager to see her parents as well. Her cousin McKenzie had had a tragic accident a few years ago and died, unfortunately. Her mom was pretty devastated. Things took a bad turn for them after that, and so Lexie's parents took them in when they had no choice but to sell their home.

The incident was devastating, but it only brought their family together. Their bond between siblings became stronger.

*************

Three and a half months later.

I drove towards the airport. My hands were shaking and my palms felt clammy. I looked towards the back seat, Nathan sits in his seat with his headphones on, and though his music is in full blast, he's fallen asleep.

He knew he would be tired from the long drive, we road-tripped out here after all. So, he sat in the back in a comfortable position until we arrived at the airport to pick up Lexie.

I smiled at the sight of seeing him sleep. Contentment settling in my heart by his presence in life. I never thought meeting him six years ago, would change my life forever. He was a blessing to my broken heart from Logan's betrayal.

We arrived just in time, and placed the car in park, and turned the emergency lights on, alerting the other vehicles that I was loading. Lexie was already waiting there when I parked.

I got out and I'm immediately received with a tight hug and a bright smile by my best friend. "Oh my gosh, look at you? Honey you look freaking hot!" Lexie giggles and cups my face and kisses my cheek.

"You look really good too Ms. Fancy Shmancy! Look at you? Wearing couture and all! Looks like the job is paying good mama!" We both giggle and hug each other again.

I grab a suitcase and place it inside the trunk. Lexie grabs the other suitcase, barely making it fit as Nathan's luggage and mine are inside as well, along with his favorite toys.

I drive a dark gray pathfinder. There's not much storage space in the back but, placing the back seats down makes all our luggage fit in comfortably. Nathan lays asleep in the middle seat. The sound of his music-making Lexie chuckle.

"Is he seriously sleeping through all that noise? I thought he'd at least wait to say hi to me before passing out. Ugg! Men!" I chuckle as I make my way inside the car and place my seatbelt on.

"Come on, we still have a while to drive. Better get going before the sun gets too high, and the weather is too hot. Nathan gets moody when he's too hot." I tell her making her laugh, throwing her head back.

"Yup, just like his daddy." She says making my heart sink. She knows Nathan's dad is Logan. "Sorry." She adds as she takes a seat and sees me grip the steering wheel tightly. "It's. . . . it's fine. He does have a lot he got from his dad. Including that stupid unruly hair of his that I love so much."

"And the gorgeous green eyes." She adds making me turn towards her. I smile worriedly. Nathan surely looks like a mini Logan. He acts just like him too, and he does so many facial expressions like his dad.

"Come on. I need gas, we'll stop and get coffee while we fill up. My treat." I say turning on the engine and waiting for her to buckle up.

Lexie fixes herself in the seat and places her seatbelt on. She sighs, and glances at me as if she wants to say something but isn't sure, making me grip the steering wheel tight and my eyes suddenly threaten to tear up.

"Hey! We got this! Ok? You can do this honey. I'll be here every step of the way. I promise." She places a hand on my shoulder and purses her lips.

" I know, I'm just..... nervous. What if Nathan hates the idea of moving here? I haven't told him anything other than we'll go see grandpa and uncle Aaron and Jason. And that I had gotten a nice home we'd stay in while we were here. What if he gets mad at me when he finally meets his grandma and Ashley? He'll have so many questions that I'm not sure I'm ready to answer."

"Sophie, what are you most afraid of? Finding that all this time I was right? That things will be ok here? What if my gut was telling you the truth, and you find Logan never betrayed you? Or are you more scared to have Logan find out about Nate? He is pretty charming you know? Who can resist those green eyes of his? Or those cute dimples? That unruly hair in golden brown? Nate is so cute, don't you think? And so what if Logan finds out? He's his dad, he has a right to know sweety, and you know I'm right. What are you afraid of? Seeing Logan? or Logan finding out about Nathan?"

"Both, ok?.... I'm afraid of both. I can't tell you how bad my consciousness has been getting to me. My mind has been running wild, with the what-ifs and. . . what if I was wrong, yet. . . what if I do get the courage to go home? What then? What will Logan say? What will Ashley and his mom say? And the worst!" I sigh, running my hands through my hair as I tilt my head towards the sky.

"What if I see him when he comes visit, and the whole thing was true? How will I react when I meet his daughter or son? Or....whatever he and Amber had. What if he or she looks like him, too? My heart will shatter into a million, especially knowing that that little one has nothing to do with what I can't fix between Logan and me. It's not her or his fault for what we adults do. I can't do this Lex! I can't."

"Sweetheart you are already here! Don't you go chicken out on me! We can do this. Besides, IF he really did have a kid with her, this is your chance to face him whenever he comes by to visit his mom. Until that happens, you have time to settle into your new home and have time to think of how you'll confront him. To tell him how you feel and yell at him for playing you dirty. You need to do this Sophie! You need to get it over with. For you. For him. For Nate. He deserves to know, Nate deserves to know who his dad is. Nate loves you, and I'm pretty sure he will not be mad at you. He'll finally have a chance to meet all of his family." Lexie tilts her head, looking between me and Nathan's sleeping body.

"Yeah. I guess you're right." I glance over to the clock, realizing it's getting late. Midway to our destination, I stop to fill up on gas and grab a few snacks along the way.

By the time we get to Lexie's parents' ranch, the whole town is pretty busy. The temperature is high near the three digits. People are walking about their business and I suddenly feel the nostalgia from being away for so long.

We make our way out of the car and are greeted by her parents and uncles. Nathan finally awakening and glancing over the beauty of the well-structured farmhouse. He had always wanted to visit a ranch. Learn to ride a horse and hell, even learn to milk a cow. But last time I was here, I left him home with Mrs. Clark, my old boss's house while attending my mom's funeral.

"Oh, we're here. Finally." He says as he gets out of the car and joins us outside.

"Oh baby, you're awake!" I call out and run to hug him. Lexie pushing me aside and embracing Nathan tightly, a bright smile forms on his face, chuckling as we both fight to hug him.

"Whatever Patterson! You get to have him every day! I just want a hug from this little handsome devil." Lexie whines making me chuckle.

We settle in, the day goes by calmly and the night creeps up on us without notice. Still, I am unable to sleep at night.

The thought of Logan's house is just a ten-minute drive away is eating at my consciousness. I still remember the path to the house he was building for us. The key was still tucked away in my box with his ring and bracelet. But I won't do it, I won't ever step foot in that house.

I'm just glad he's still back in New York. It will give me time to settle in and get situated in my new house.

???????