Safe Place to Fall

1

My feet pound the sidewalk as I run for my life. I don’t dare look behind me to see if he’s still chasing me. My step father has a bad temper and he likes to hit. I don’t usually run from him, I just take it, but today is different.

I did something bad today, I forgot to unload the dishwasher, he was so angry that he had to open it to find a plate. Him and my mother are both drunks and drug addicts, ever since my dad and brother died in a car accident and I survived, it’s been like this. 

My dad was driving my brother and I to a competition out of town when a drunk driver hit us, I was the only survivor, my mother hated me for it, soon after she started to date Tony. 

I run to the park, it’s where I go when I need to get away from him. My mom doesn’t give a damn how much he beats me. As long as she gets her fix, she doesn’t care what happens to me. 

It’s been six years since my dad died, I miss him so much. We used to do so many things together, he taught me to sing. He was a music teacher. My brother played the guitar, we were on our way to perform on stage at a festival at the time. 

We were supposed to be headlining that weekend, it was a big deal because I was so young, my brother had so much talent. 

I finally stop running, listening to the silence around me, finally alone. I take out my old mp3 player and put my earbuds in, turning the music up and I sit on the swing. The music is calming and sad at the same time, it always reminds me of what was. 

A few hours go by and I decide it should be safe to go home now, they should both be passed out or too strung out to notice me. I walk back slowly, dreading the moment I step inside. The smell hits me first, sour and putrid. I hold my breath as I make my way to my bedroom, closing the door and locking it behind me. I take a breath and feel my lungs fill with the cool smell of lilacs and crisp air, I always have my window open to try and help with the gagging smell from everywhere else in the house. I crawl into bed still wearing my jeans and t-shirt and fall asleep.

I wake to someone banging on my door, 

“Get your ass out here girl” I can hear Tony yelling at me, I groan as I get out of bed, checking the clock on my nightstand, it’s only 7AM. 

I unlock the door and crack it open, “What?” I ask

“Don’t you ‘what?’ me. You need to make my breakfast, I’m running late” He starts down the stairs, I roll my eyes and follow. 

I look in the fridge and see there’s nothing to make. No eggs, no milk. We have bread, so I pop the last two slices in the toaster and butter them, sliding them over to him. 

“What the hell is this?” He demands as he stares at them 

“You guys haven’t gone shopping for any groceries in a week, that’s all that’s left” I shrug and turn away, hoping there is something left for myself to eat. 

Before I can defend myself Tony has thrown the plate at me, it hits me in the back and shatters when it hits the ground. He grabs me by the back of my neck and pushes me into the kitchen counter, smashing my forehead into it. My head bounces off the counter, I crumble to the floor. Tony chuckles and walks out of the house grabbing his jacket on his way out, he yells “Clean up that mess” As he slams the door. I sit there for a few minutes before starting to clean up the broken glass. I slice my fingers on a few chunks of it. I grab a damp paper towel and wipe the floor, hoping to God I get all of it, if I don’t I will definitely hear about it later. 

I go have a long hot shower, I see the blood mixing with the water as it slides down my body to the drain. My forehead has a large gash on it, once I’m out of the shower I place a piece of gauze over it and some medical tape. If I wear my hood up today maybe nobody will notice it.  I get dressed and leave the house, school is six blocks away so I make it there quickly. 

My only friend, Hanna is standing outside near the library waiting for me.

“Hey O, what happened to your face? Don’t tell me Tony is hitting you again?” She says in a hushed tone, we get a few sneers from people around us. I grab her arm and drag her inside the library. 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it Han” I say sternly. 

She gives me a sad look before turning to Mrs. Greten, the librarian. 

“Good morning girls, Theo would you like some Advil?” She looks at me with pity in her eyes. 

“That'd be great thanks” 

Mrs. Greten is the only teacher who shows any interest in my well being, she has tried to get the principle to call child services more than one when I came to school with bruises and black eyes. She is like the mother I lost six years ago, she’s always kind and caring. She hands me two little pills and a glass of water, I swallow them down. 

The bell rings and Hanna and I both groan as we grab our bags. We have homeroom, which is also our English class together and that’s it, I think the teachers purposely separated us so we would be alone. We sit down in our assigned seats and wait for the teacher to speak. 

“Alright, settle down.. Listen up. Tomorrow we have a new student joining us from San Francisco. Grayson Miller, do your best to make him feel welcome. Now take out your books and continue on with your lesson from yesterday” He waves his hand at us as he sits down in his chair, taking out a book of his own. 

Mr. Clarke has a very hands off teaching approach. Mrs. Greten says he’s just lazy and hates kids. 

After class Hanna and I say our goodbyes as we head for our next class. I have Math, she has Socials. 

By the time lunch rolls around I am ready to go home. I have no money and no lunch. The joys of having an absent minded drug addict for a parent, she spends all the money on booze and drugs. Hanna shares her sandwich and veggies with me. 

“Thanks Han” I say as my stomach growls hungrily. 

“Why don’t you come for dinner tonight?” She says 

“You sure your mom would be okay with another mouth to feed?” I ask, her mom is a single mother who works two jobs to support Hanna and her older brother. 

“She’s been asking about you… I think she’s worried” She looks down at her hands. 

“Oh and this won’t worry her more?” I point to my forehead. 

“I’m sorry Han.. I’ll come over if she says it’s okay” I say immediately, feeling bad for snapping at her. She’s my only friend and I don’t want to lose her. She is very sensitive and I would hate to hurt her. 

She nods, her eyes lighting up. She pulls out her cellphone, something I wish I had. A few minutes later she hangs up smiling,

“Mom is excited to see you” 

We head over to Hanna’s after school. Her brother is already home, he has a car. He saved up for it for four years, working at the bowling alley after school and each summer. 

“Hey Theo.. that looks like it hurts.. Did you get it looked at?” He asks 

“Hey Trevor.. No I’m okay though” I shrug. 

He pulls me towards a chair and shoves me down as he whips off the bandage. 

“Jesus..” He says under his breath as he grabs the first aid kit. “Hanna, go get some towels and make some tea for your friend” He gently orders his sister. He is always super sweet with her. Trevor is two years ahead of us, he’s a Senior while we are Juniors. Trevor was held back a year so he is working hard to graduate this year. 

“I’m really okay. I don’t need any tea or anything” I say

“That wasn’t for you.. My sister wouldn’t be able to handle looking at this. It would hurt her too badly. I don’t want her to see you any differently then she does.” 

He starts to move cleaning the gash, I hiss in pain as he applies pressure to it. 

“Sorry” he whispers, his hand lighter. He has large hands, my eyes trail up his arms, to his chest. I used to have a major crush on him. He is tall and lean, his dirty blond hair drops into his face just right. His grey eyes seem to resemble a storm. 

“I think you need stitches, Theo” He says after a few minutes. 

I simply look at him, I don’t have the money to go get stitches. 

“Can’t you just put some super glue on it?” I ask hopefully. 

“I mean.. I guess” He moves to grab something “It might sting” He warns me. I give a small nod and he starts to work again. I feel a small burning sensation. 

“Let it dry for a bit then you can put the bandage back on...but I still think you should get it looked after.. by a doctor” 

Their mom comes home a few minutes later and strolls into the living room where we are seated. 

“Theo dear!” She says, then she sees my forehead and drops her bags rushing towards me. She grabs my face and inspects it. 

“I will kill that bastard” She sneers. 

“No.. I’m really okay.. Please Rebecca.. Don’t do anything.” I beg of her. I would hate to be the reason Trevor and Hanna have to bail their mom out of jail. She pulls me into her chest, hugging me tightly. 

“Mom you're going to squeeze her to death” Trevor jokes as he packs back up the medical bag. 

“Oh sorry dear..” She releases me after giving one final squeeze. I smile at her. 

She pats my head as Hanna comes back into the room with a cup of tea, she hands it to me and gives her mom a hug. 

“Thanks Han” I say as I take a sip. I put the bandage back on my forehead so Hanna doesn’t see the gash and gets upset. 

“Well. Who’s hungry?” Rebecca asks 

We all help out with dinner. We are having salad and chicken parm with mashed potatoes and green beans. 

“I know it’s your favorite Theo” She says as she puts her hand on my shoulder. 

“Thank you so much Rebecca, really.. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys” 

“Yeah mom, Her mom doesn’t even let her have lunch anymore” Hanna chimes in, making me glare at her. My problems don’t need to be theirs. 

“I hope you’ve been sharing yours with her?” Rebecca stares at Hanna, who nods at her. 

“Well, from now on Hanna will be bringing two lunches to school then. Don’t worry dear..” 

“Really, it’s okay. I get to keep my girlish figure this way.. Plus tonight's dinner will keep me fed for a week” I joke, patting my tummy, which is sticking out slightly. I haven’t had so much food in a month. 

I cannot remember the last time my mother cooked dinner. Or cooked at all. I feel a pang in my chest at the thought of all the Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving dinners I have lost out on. I feel my smile falter for a moment before I force it back on. 

“Thank you so much for dinner, I really need to get home though” I say looking at my watch sadly. I still have homework to do and it’s past 7 now. 

“Of course Trevor-” Rebecca starts 

“Yeah, I’ll drive you home” He says finishing his mother's sentence.

“Thanks,” I say as I hug Rebecca's and Hanna goodbye. 

“See you tomorrow!” Hanna calls as we get into Trevor's car. Trevor's car roars to life, the radio blasting. He turns it down to a reasonable level. 

“Do you still sing? I’m looking to form a band and I was thinking of you for the lead singer” He says to break the silence. Trevor is a drummer, he’s been playing for years. He used to play with Caleb actually. 

“I don’t think I’d remember how at this point” I say sadly, looking out the window. 

“I think you might surprise yourself Theo…” He says 

That’s the end of the conversation, he pulls into my driveway. 

“Thanks for the ride Trevor” I say as I get out of his car. 

“Think about it okay?” He calls after me. I nod slightly as I go inside. 

There is just silence, nobody is home. I feel relief flood my entire being as I walk up to my room. I grab a change of clothes and go to the bathroom. I jump into the shower squealing as the freezing cold water hits me. The hot water has been shut off again. How is mom going to pay it this time…

I have a super quick shower and jump back out, getting dressed in my shorts and tank top.

 I let my hair air dry as I start on my homework. About an hour into it I hear mom and Tony come home, wasted or high. Either way it doesn’t matter. I grab my stuff and crawl out of my window, climbing to the top of the roof. I finish my homework in the moonlight. I place my books down and just watch the night. I see a few streets over where a moving van is parked out front. All the lights are on at the house, Is someone moving in or out I wonder. 

I daydream about what it would be like to live in a nice house like that, to have nice things. I watch the house for a while before my eyes get pulled away by something else. Someone walking down the road, they have a dark jacket and the hood is pulled up. I watch them for a bit as they walk up and down each street. When they pass by my house I hold my breath. I watch as they lift their head and look up at me. Like he is looking into my soul, then he puts his head back down and continues to walk down the street. It was too dark to see anything besides the bright blue eyes shining in the moonlight. 

I crawl back into my window and crawl into bed. I wake up around 3AM to my door being pounded on, I realize I forgot to lock it tonight. I pull the covers up to my chin as I wait. A few minutes go by and then the door bursts open. I jump up in fear. It’s not Tony but my mother. 

“Oh my baby there you are.. Come party with us!” She cries out drunkenly. 

“Mom, I have school in the morning, I need to go to sleep” I say. She comes forward grabbing my arm and pulling me out of my room. She drags me down the stairs and throws me onto the couch. She thrusts a bottle into my hand and sits beside me. I sit there and stare at her in horror. Tony comes up behind her 

“Oh she thinks she’s too good to drink with us” He hiccups. 

Mom just glares at me for a moment “Is that it? You’re too good to drink with your family?”  

“My family? We haven’t been a family in six years. Not since Dad and Caleb died. Don’t even try to pretend we are a family!” I scream at them. 

“Don’t you talk to me like that! I am your mother” She screams back as she slaps me across the face. My head snaps to the side. 

 My face is burning now, her nails raked across my skin. I hope it didn’t break the skin. I don’t want to show up to school looking like I got in an actual cat flight. 

I take my courage and flee from the house, into the night. I run as fast as I can into the woods. Caleb and I had a secret hiding place when we were kids. I run to the spot and climb the tree and crawl into the old treehouse. It is still standing after all these years. I lay down and close my eyes. At least here no one will bother me. I can sleep freely. 

I get a few hours before the birds wake me up. I look at my watch and see it’s nearly 7AM. I don’t feel like going to school today. I wish I could get a hold of Hanna and let her know I’m okay, but I’m sure deep down she knows. 

I sit up and feel the boards shift under me. Maybe sleeping up here all night wasn’t a great idea. This treehouse hasn’t been used in years. I slowly get up and start climbing down the steps. Three steps from the top the wood breaks on me sending me down to the ground hard. I land on my back with a thud. I just lay there not able to make my voice come to me. 

I finally get up after I can feel my legs again and walk back home, crawling up the side of the house and into my room. I lay in my bed and drift off to sleep once more. 

Sometime later I wake up to the doorbell ringing, I look at my watch and see I slept all day, it’s 4:30 already. My stomach feels fluttery. The doorbell rings once more, I creep through the house, I don’t want to wake anyone up. I quickly make my way to the door, opening it up revealing Trevor. 

“You weren’t at school” He says as soon as he sees me “And you look like crap” He observes. 

“Yeah I had a rough night and didn’t feel like going.. I just woke up” He say looking at the bag in his hands 

“This is from Hanna, she was worried.” He pushes the bag towards me gently. He goes to walk away before turning back, throwing something else to me “Keep this, it’s my old one, but it works and I put minutes on it for you… use it. Let people know you're okay if you're not going to show up at school. We worry” I catch a small cellphone as I cradle the bag to my chest. 

“Thank you Trevor” I say as I feel myself tear up. He gets in his car and peels off down the road. I close the door and carry my new things back to my room. Inside the bag is a cup of soup and a turkey club sandwich. I eat it as I play with the cellphone. Rebecca, Trevor and Hanna are all programmed into it. There's also another number in it labeled ‘ Suicide help line’ I feel my stomach drop as I read it. Was this because Trevor was going through something or did he put it in for me because he is worried? Either way my stomach drops and I lose my appetite. 

I send Hanna a quick text  and lay back in my bed once more. I put my mp3 player on and listen to music. 

Hanna texts me back quickly 

‘I was so worried about you’ 

‘Sorry, won’t happen again’ 

‘Better not. Want to come over?’ 

‘I wish… maybe this weekend or something’ 

‘Okay, see you tomorrow?’ 

‘Yep, scouts honor’

‘Your not a scout’ 

I chuckle and plug the phone in to charge. I rest my head on my pillows and close my eyes once more. I can’t sleep and I feel locked up inside my room. I climb onto the roof and lay on my back, watching the sunset. I look over in the other direction and see something odd. The house that had the moving van the night before, there's someone on the roof. It almost looks like they had the same idea as me. I look at them for a few minutes before going back to my own little world. 

I stay out on the roof all night, falling asleep for a bit, when I open my eyes again the stars are shining brightly in the sky, the moon high.