Safe Place to Fall

16

Hanna hasn’t spoken to me in days, she hasn’t come to school either. When I call or try to visit Rebecca says she has the flu and isn’t seeing anyone. She doesn’t answer any of my text messages, I’m starting to get worried. 

We have never had a fight like the one at the party before, I feel lost without her. 

“Theo?” Grayson says my name 

My head snaps up to look at him, “What?” 

“I asked if you are ready for your swimming test today?” He looks at me strangely, “What were you thinking about?” 

“Just that I haven’t heard from Hanna in almost a week” I say as I push my hair out of my eyes. 

“I know it’s hard but you can’t think about that right now. This swimming test is very important, they can hold you back for a year if you don’t pass it. We can deal with Hanna after that. I’ll take you to see her after school” He says as we head to the changerooms. 

“I’ll see you out there” He disappears in the boys change room, leaving me in the hallway. I debate for a moment of just walking away. As much as I want to, I know he is right, I need to do this. Not just for me but for Grayson too, he spent so much time trying his very best to teach me. 

I slowly make my way to my locker and get changed. 

“Good luck today Theo.. Don’t choke!” Blair calls back at me as she heads to the pool. I can hear her giggling with her friends. I take a deep breath and step out into the pool area. 

“Alright Theo. Four laps of your choice, two minutes of treading water, and two dives. You do all that to satisfaction you pass” Coach Abbate says to me.

I gulp down a wad of saliva as I nod vaguely at her. Grayson comes over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. 

“Warm up, don’t pay any attention to the rest of them. It’s just you and I. Just like we have practiced so many times” He whispers to me. 

“Do you think I’m ready for this? You really think I can do it?” I ask, my voice shaking. 

“Of course...  You’ve come so far from when I first met you, you are no longer that scared girl being thrown into the pool. You can do this Theo” 

“Alright. Theo your up!” Coach Abbate blows her whistle at me. I finish stretching out and get into the pool with three other people. We are tested in groups due to lack of time. 

We start off with treading water, I feel confident enough so far. We move onto the dives, this part scares me. I am so nervous that I feel paralyzed on the diving block. 

“Come on Theo, you got this!” Grayson calls from the bleachers.

The whistle blows and signals for us to dive. I flinch as Coach Abbate yells at me from across the pool. 

“Come on Theo.. Do the dive or take the fail!” 

I shake my head to clear my thoughts of hitting my head on the bottom of the pool when I go into the water. I hold my breath and take the leap of faith. My body breaks the surface of the water, going under. I propel my body back towards the surface as quickly as I can, not wanting to be under any longer than I need to be. One down, one to go. 

“Good job Theo!” Grayson calls out 

I get out of the water and back onto the diving block. 

“Alright Theo, this time you need to swim as far as you can under water after your dive before coming up for air” Coach says as she blows her whistle once more. I instinctively take in another deep breath and dive, I resist the urge to break for the surface right away, I have to force my limbs to move and swim. I only get a few meters before my lungs are begging for air once more. My lungs fill with air as I come back up. 

“Four laps now then you’re done” Grayson says from the side of the pool. He has been with me each step of the way. 

I start on the back stroke and take my time to do the laps. 

Coach Abbate never said how fast we had to do it, just that we had to do it. I finish the laps and head for the ladder to get out of the pool. 

“Alright Theo.. you pass.. Congratulations” Coach Abbate says as she pats my shoulder. Grayson comes up behind me and picks me up in a hug as he spins me around. 

“I’m so proud of you Theo!” He says 

“Grayson, you're up!” Coach shouts at us. Grayson puts me down and kisses my cheek. 

“Cheer me on?” He teases me, I nod and smile at him. I sit down on the bleachers wrapped in my towel. 

He treads water easily and moves onto the diving, he is graceful as always. He makes it look so easy, his body moves like a swan in the water. He does his laps and gets out of the water. Coach Abbate comes over to him. 

“You should really join the swim team next year” She says as she tells him he passed with flying colors. He nods and walks towards me. 

“So. I want to take you on a date this weekend” He says as he sits down next to me on the bleachers. 

“Oh.. Where would we go?” I ask him as a large smile erupts on my face. 

“Anywhere you want” He takes my hand in his. 

“Well, there's a place I know that my dad used to bring us to around this time of year” I remember the pond we used to ice skate at, the drive was about an hour and there was a tiny little town that had a small café we used to drink hot cocoa at. 

“Do you know how to ice skate?” I ask hopeful. 

“No, but I always wanted to learn how” 

“Now I get to teach you something!” I say excitedly. 

“Sounds fun” 

“Grayson, I know you said you’d take me after school but can we go see Hanna at lunch instead?” I still feel off about our fight, I want to make it right as soon as I can. 

“Alright, let’s go get changed. I’ll meet you out front” 

We stop and get some soup and sandwiches before heading over to see Hanna. There is no answer when I knock, I let myself in anyways. I know she is here. Grayson stays in the truck to give us some space. 

“Han?” I call out as I enter. I can hear some soft crying from the direction of Hanna’s room. I make my way down the hallway. Her door is closed, I knock. The crying stops. 

“Who is it?” 

“It’s me.. Theo.. Can I come in?” 

“I’m not in the mood Theo, just leave okay?” 

“Han.. Please.. I’m trying.. Just let me in okay?” 

There is silence. “I brought you some soup and sandwiches..” I say, trying to appeal to her food loving side. 

More silence, as I’m about to step back and leave the door unlocks. She doesn’t open it, but I make my way inside anyways. I step inside her room, it is dark, there's clothing all over the place. It’s unlike Hanna to have a messy room. 

I go and sit on her bed beside her, she has receded back under the covers, covering her head. 

“Hanna, I’m so sorry” I whisper to her in the dark. 

“O.. Just drop it. I don’t want to get into it. It’s not important anymore” She sobs. I put the bag of food on the bedside table and lay down next to her, I wrap my arm around her and just hold her while she cries. I don’t know what else to say so I say nothing at all. It seems to help both of us feel better. 

“I really liked him you know” She whispers after a while.

“Who?” I ask confused,

“Grayson, Theo…” She says exasperated. 

“Hanna, I didn’t know..” I will not apologize to her for being in a relationship with him. It’s not my fault he didn’t choose her. I don’t want to be harsh to her at all but it’s not my fault. 

“Well how could you. As soon as he saw you, that was it. You’re so much more than me. Even when you were… well you know.. You were still more.” She turns to look at me for the first time. 

“Hanna… that is so not true. You are an amazing person. You are beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you” 

“Any guy but Grayson right?” She says sarcastically.

“Hanna, I don’t want any guy to come between us. We have such a long history.. I really like Grayson.. I think I may be falling for him even...but I don’t want him to ruin what we have… If it means that much to you I will…” I trail off, just trying to say it hurts me so badly. I really don’t want to have to give him up. He is one of the only good things I have in my life. 

“Well, a few days ago I would say yes. Give him up. Stay with me. Be with me… but now that you say it like that.. I don’t want to be the cause of your unhappiness Theo. I’m sorry too” She says, a stray tear falling down her cheek. 

“Oh Hanna..” I say as I hug her, she grips onto me like a cat thrown in water holding onto the only thing it can find, for dear life. 

“I really do have the flu Theo.. you should go… I’ll text you when I feel better okay?” She says 

I nod and get out of the bed, heading for the door. 

“Eat your soup before it gets cold okay?” I say as I leave her to rest. 

“How did it go?” Grayson asks when I get back to the truck. 

“Did you know she liked you when we met?” It just comes out of my mouth before I can stop myself. 

“No, that’s news to me.. I mean I’m used to girls being all giggly when they are around me, but I didn’t think much of it when Hanan did it” He rakes his hand through his hair. 

“If that’s the reason she is so upset then I’m sorry I caused you trouble with your friend. I didn’t want any of this to happen. Is there anything I can do?” 

“I don’t think so.. She will get over it, I don’t want to put any strain on us because of this. I just want to move on. She will be okay… let’s just move forward okay?” 

He doesn’t say anything but drives down the road back to my home. 

“Do you want me to come in?” He asks as he parks the truck. 

“No.. I think I need some time to think, clear my head.. I just want to have a long bath and go to bed.” I sigh as I get out of the truck. 

“Okay, well I’ll pick you up on Sunday morning for our date, that is if you still want to go?” 

“Of course I do Grayson. I’m looking forward to it” I give him a weak smile. 

“Alright.. I’ll be by at 6AM, gives us plenty of time” 

I get inside and go straight to my bedroom, grabbing my pj’s and my shower things. I fill the tub to the brim and step inside. I lay in the tub for almost an hour, just thinking about everything that happened today with Hanna. I still feel bad, like I should have known she liked Grayson. I can’t help but feel like I took something from her.