Safe Place to Fall

18

With Christmas just around the corner I asked Hanna to go shopping with me. This is the first year I’ve been able to actually enjoy the holiday season and I’m really looking forward to it. 

School lets out for two weeks for the holidays and Grayson has asked me to go on a trip with him for a weekend, he won’t tell me where we are going, he says it’s a surprise but that I will love it. It’s been almost three months since we had our first date, we have gone to the movies a few times and to dinner once or twice as well. Grayson is the perfect boyfriend, not that I have anything to compare him to, but he cherishes me and makes me feel special. I wonder if I do enough as a girlfriend for him.. 

I want to get him a really good gift, something meaningful. Hanna is meeting me at the mall in twenty minutes to help me look. 

I found a candle set and a bath bomb set for Hanna, I think she will enjoy them. I tuck them away in the bottom of a bag so she won’t see them when she arrives. 

I make my way to the food court and sit at an empty table to wait for Han. I see Zander and his basketball team across the court, laughing about some inside joke. Zander nods his head over to me and his friends all look over, he stands and starts walking towards me. Hanna comes up from the other side, Zander sees her smirking as he approaches us. I try my best to ignore the unwanted attention from Zander as I greet her. 

“Hey Han, glad you made it” I say as she sits down beside me.

“Hey girls” Zander says as he sits down on the bench across from us. Hanna looks very uncomfortable, looking at the table and not responding to Zander. It's not like her, she is usually very giggly when a boy talks to her.

“What do you want Zander?” I ask impatiently, I still haven’t forgotten the night of the party. 

“Well Theo, I wanted to come over and say sorry, for how I acted at the party a while back. I didn’t mean to hurt you.. I feel awful” He says, he’s not looking at me, he’s staring at the table, the same spot Hanna is looking. “Maybe I can make it up to you sometime” He winks at me as he gets up from the table and walks away, completely ignoring Hanna.

I turn to Hanna, who is all but shaking now. 

“Han? Are you alright?” I ask her as I touch her arm. There is a cold sweat on her skin. Something is wrong. 

“I’m fine. I just need to use the washroom, I’ll be back soon” She forces a smile at me and walks towards the washrooms, I watch her leave. She thinks she is a good liar but in reality she is terrible. 

I take out my phone and text Trevor asking if he’s noticed anything strange about Hanna since the party. That’s when this all started. He doesn't know anything, he tries to not pry into her life, not be an overbearing big brother. I sigh and put my phone away, Hanna comes back and we go about the mall. 

She is very quiet and pale looking. 

“Han, are you feeling alright?” I ask once more. 

“Yeah, I just don’t feel very good… Light headed” She admits. I usher her over to a bench and make her sit down. 

“I’ll call Trevor to come take you home..” I tell her, she just nods her head. 

While we wait for her brother to come get her I try to get her to open up to me. 

“Hanna, you know you can talk to me right? You can tell me anything…” 

Out of nowhere she throws her arms around me and starts to cry on my shoulder. She pulls back and opens her mouth to say something before closing it again. She has a look in her eyes that I remember well, having seen it in my own eyes many times. She is scared of something. I rack my brain to try and figure out what it could be. Is Blair bullying her at school again, to the point Hanna is scared? Is it something else entirely? Surely she's not still upset about me being with Grayson... but that doesn't explain her attitude now. 

“I can help you Hanna… let me help you” I beg her. 

Before she can say anything Trevor shows up and helps her stand up. 

“You okay?” He asks her

“I just need to lay down. I feel like I’m going to be sick” She says as she leans her head on his arm. 

“You need a ride home Theo?” Trevor asks me. 

“I’m good thanks.. Feel better Han.. I’ll check on you tomorrow okay?” I say as they make for the exit. 

I walk around not really knowing where I’m going, until I pass the engraving shop. I see a titanium guitar pick in the window display. I go inside and ask for them to engrave ‘All My Love, Theo xoxo’ on one side of it. I hope it gets the message across to Grayson. I’ve felt it for a while, but I’ve been scared to tell him in actual words.  I feel like he will really like this gift and I am confident that he will understand. 

Now I need to get something for our special trip… Lingerie. We are going to be together for an entire weekend, sharing a room and a bed. I want to be prepared for whatever might happen. I am not afraid of it anymore, I feel like I am ready. Grayson is nothing but patient with me and I feel very safe and comfortable with him. 

I go to Victoria Secret and buy a few pieces. Some new pj’s and some sexy underwear as well as some teddies and bodysuits. I don’t know what the best thing for a weekend getaway is so I have a variety, the sales lady was helpful. I leave the store and decide to stop at one last place and get a gift for Emily. Being a librarian I decided to get her a cozy blanket for her to use when she curls up to read a good book. She has an old tattered one she found at a thrift store many years ago. I think she will enjoy the softness of this new one. 

As I’m about to leave it dawned on me that I need to get Connor a gift too, it hits me as to what to give him when I hear a song on the radio.  Grayson’s moms favorite song “If I die young” is playing, Grayson told me how his mom used to sing it around the house. I can record myself singing it and give it to Connor. I hope he likes it. I decide to ask Grayson about it when he picks me up. I check my watch and see it is a few minutes past the time we agreed on, I rush outside to the parking lot. 

Grayson jumps out of the truck and walks towards me, taking my bags from me. Once he places them inside the truck he comes over to me. 

“No Hanna after all?” He asks as he hugs me and pecks me on the lips. 

“She was feeling sick and Trevor picked her up” I hug him back and lean in for another kiss, which he grants me. 

I shiver against him and he drags us into the truck. 

“Looks like you had a good shopping trip” He comments as he starts up the truck, blasting the heat on us. 

“I only have one gift left to get, but I need your help with it” I tell him as I warm my hands up. 

“Oh? How can I help you?” 

“I want to record a song for your dad,” I tell him about my idea. He is silent for a moment. 

“You don’t think it’s a good idea?” I ask in a small voice. 

He shakes his head, “No.. I think it’s an amazing idea… He’s going to love it” He looks over at me with tears in his eyes. “It won’t just be a gift for him, but for me as well.. I used to love listening to her sing that song” He says as he takes my hands in his. 

I smile at him and lean my forehead against his. We sit for a moment before he pulls back and starts to drive. 

“Want to go get some dinner before I take you home?” He asks, at the same time my stomach grumbles, effectively answering his question. We talk some more about our trip as we eat in the truck. 

“You really won’t tell me where we are going?” I ask for the hundredth time. He just shakes his head and smiles at me. 

“The only thing I’ll say is be ready to go this early Saturday morning” 

“That’s only three days from now” I comment.

“Yeah.. I wanted us to go as soon as possible, I didn’t want to wait another week… If you’d prefer to wait though I understand” 

“No!.. I mean I don’t want to wait either” I blurt out excitedly, “We will have to do Christmas gifts with Hanna and Emily and your dad before we go though” This weekend coming up is right on Christmas eve and day. 

“I’m sure we can manage that” He parks in the driveway. 

“Come inside?” I ask. 

“Can’t get enough of me huh?” He teases as he grabs the bags from the back and comes inside with me. Emily is not home, she must still be at school. She has been spending some late hours reorganizing the library.  We head to my bedroom and Grayson puts the bags in the corner of the room. I take off my coat and shiver as I walk over to the heater, turning it on. 

Grayson comes over to me and rubs his hands over my arms, “You should go have a hot bath your freezing” 

“What about you?” I ask

“I’ll have a quick shower when you're done” He kisses me and gently pushes me towards the door. I grab my pj’s and head to the bathroom. I fill the tub and step inside. The hot water feels really nice on my freezing skin. 

I think about how often Grayson has been alone with me in my bedroom, how close we have gotten. The way he kisses my neck and holds my breasts. My hand slowly makes its way under the water’s surface, between my legs. My fingers slide in and out easily, I surprise myself as a small moan escapes from my lips. I quickly pull my fingers out and get out of the tub. I wrap myself up in a towel. 

I’ve never done that before, my heart is racing like I just ran a track meet. My face flushes deeply as I think about the way it felt, how I wanted more, wanted Grayson's fingers to replace my own. I moan at the thought of it. I clasp my hand over my mouth and quickly shake the idea from my head. 

I get dressed and practically run to my bedroom, I stop just short of the door, taking a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. 

Grayson looks up as I flop onto the bed. 

“You okay?” He asks, his hand resting on the small of my back. I flush deeper than before. 

I bury my face in the pillows and nod vigorously . 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes” He says as I hear the door close behind him. I move my face out of the pillow and exhale. What is wrong with me? 

Ten minutes go by and I hear the shower turn off. I jump under the covers and shut my eyes tightly. I hear Grayson come in a few minutes later, I squeeze my eyes shut and hope he thinks I’m asleep. He turns the light off and crawls in behind me. He kisses my shoulder, down my neck. I feel myself becoming wet once more under his touch. I pinch my lips together so no sound can escape. 

A minute later he is laying beside me, his arm wrapped around me. 

“I love you Theo” He whispers to me before he places his head on his pillow and falls asleep.