Safe Place to Fall

9

As soon as I see the fire, I know. This is what I get for what I’ve done. I can clearly see from the truck all my belongings, my clothing and my books, everything in the fire. 

I jump out of the truck and run towards it, praying to God that my picture of my dad and brother was not set a blaze with everything else. I can feel Grayson holding me back from the wild flames, I fight him with all my strength. 

“Nothing is worth getting burned over Theo” He shouts at me. I collapse to the ground and I see it at the edge of the fire, it’s not burnt yet. The flame is coming up to it quickly but I still have time. I launch my body forward and grab for it before I am reeled backwards by my hips. 

“I have to get it! I can’t let them burn!!” I scream at him as my tears blind me. He looks to the fire and sees what I’m after, the flames are coming faster towards it now, he runs into the fire and grabs it for me. He comes back over to me and hands me the singed photo. The three of us all smiling, one of the last memories I have of them. 

I hold the photo to my chest like a lifeline. I lean against Grayson as I cry, looking at all my earthly belongings up in flames. I didn’t have much but the few things I had meant the world to me. 

I look over to the window of the house and see Tony laughing as he watches. Mom must be at work. 

How could she let him do this to me? 

“Why?” I cry out in agony. 

“I don’t know… I’m sorry” Grayson whispers, thinking I was talking to him. No, I was talking to Tony. I  know I’ll never get the answers I need or want so I stand to my feet again and walk over to the truck. Grayson helps me inside and drives us silently back to his house. 

“This is it...” I sigh as he parks. 

“What?’ He asks, confused.

“This is all I have left of my life… I have nothing.. I am nothing” I say out loud, not really speaking to him, more to myself. 

“You have me Theo” I feel his hand come up and cups my cheek. I just stare at the photo in my hands. We get out of the truck and go inside. I don’t say a word, I just go to Grayson’s room. I go directly to his window and climb up to the roof. I sit there for hours. I am nothing anymore. I have nothing left in this world. The realization of it all comes crashing down on me hard. 

I think about who would miss me if I were to just disappear. I speak out loud to myself 

“Nobody would even notice I’m gone. It would be like I never existed to begin with. Nobody would shed a tear” I cry softly. I know that's not really true. Hanna and Rebecca, Trevor and maybe even Mrs. Greten would be sad, but four people.. that's it. That's all I have. Four people standing around a wooden casket. 

“I would notice. I would cry for you” Grayson says from behind me. He sits down beside me and wraps a blanket over my shoulders. 

“Have you been up here the whole time? You’re freezing” He says as he starts to rub his hands up and down my arms. I don’t say a word, I just stare at the ground, thirty feet below me. How hard would you have to fall to die from this height? 

A simple fall, or a jump?

“Theo?” Grayson says, taking my attention away from the ever appealing ground.

“What?” I ask stupidly.

“I asked what you're thinking?” He says  

“Honestly? I was thinking about how hard one would have to fall off a roof to die from it” I whisper.

“Don’t even think like that Theo! Please. I couldn't stand it if you were dead.” He is yelling at me.

“I need you in my life Theodora! I need you!” He says again. 

“Grayson, we barely-” I start 

“Don’t say it. I know we hardly know each other but I don’t care. Theo.. I love you. I think I may have loved you from the moment I saw you. You were the only girl in the school who didn’t give a damn about the new guy. When you avoided me it just made me want you more. I want you Theo. I want to be by your side, even if it’s just as a friend. I need to be near you. If I could turn back time and make your life better I would but I can’t.. I want so badly to be the hero in your story, to be your knight in shining armor Theo. Let me be by your side, let me love you. I will follow you into the depths of hell if I have to. Don’t push me away, please.. Don’t wish you were dead either because I couldn’t stand it.” He is shaking by the end of his confession. A confession?  

“Grayson..” I cry as I bury my face into his chest. He holds me as I cry and doesn’t say anything else for a long while. 

“We should get back inside, your freezing cold.” He finally says to me as he pushes me gently towards the window into his bedroom. Once inside, he grabs a fresh blanket, tearing off the old one, he covers me back up and holds me again. I can hear his heart racing even with the blanket between us. 

“Theo, please think about what I said” He hovers by me for a moment before turning and walking out the door. 

I am freezing, like he said but the cold didn’t hit me until he left me alone. I grab a t-shirt and head to the bathroom to have a hot bath. Once I’m in the water I mull over what Grayson said. It still shocks me that a guy like him just admitted his love for me. He doesn’t seem the type to confess like that. It almost feels like a joke, if I didn’t know him better I would believe it was.  

I close my eyes and lean back against the tub. I must have passed out because when I opened my eyes, the water was cold and my arm had fallen into the water, soaking my wrapped arm. I quickly get out and dress then go find Connor. He is in the living room, switching through channels on the TV, Grayson is at the kitchen table doing his homework. I totally forgot about all the work I’ll have to catch up on from school. 

“Um Connor?” I say as I timidly approach. Would he be upset that I got it wet?

“Hey Theo, something wrong?” He turns and asks me. As soon as I enter the room, Grayson's head snaps up, looking at me. I look away. I’m not ready yet. I hope he can be patient with me. I feel like I will want the same thing as him, one day. Just not today, as much as I want it. My heart is not ready. 

“Well. I accidentally got my wrapping wet..” I gesture to my arm. 

“Oh okay. Not the end of the world.. Let’s check on your arm while we are changing it” He gets up and leads me to the table. Grayson's attention is no longer on his books. 

I sit down as Connor begins to unwrap my arm, the bruising is still significant but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much anymore. 

“It looks good. It’s going to be a long recovery but it looks good” He says as he turns my arm, I wince slightly but it’s bearable. He rewraps my arm and gives me my pain killer. I feel drowsy shortly after and say goodnight to them. I make my way upstairs to the bedroom and crawl into bed. I feel myself drift off quickly. 

I wake up in a dark room, the smell of mold overwhelming my senses. I look around, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. It’s the basement at my house. I’m in the laundry room. I slowly get up, my side is killing me. I make my way up the stairs, the door is open. I peek my head out the door, seeing the living room look abandoned. All the lights are out, everything has a dusty layer to it.  The entire house looks this way actually. I creep into the kitchen, there’s dishes piled up in the sink, food rotting everywhere. Maggots and black flies line the sink edges. 

I hear a soft noise come from upstairs, my attention goes towards the noise. I creep to the stairs and start climbing, I stop just short of the top step, taking a steadying breath. I take the final step and follow my gut, it leads me into my old room. I see my mother, crouched over the corner of the room, she’s digging at the floorboards. 

“Mom?” I whisper

She turns towards me, she looks wild. More so than usual. Her hair is matted and she has dark eyes, she is covered in dirt. She launches herself at me, tackling me to the floor. She snaps her teeth at me like an animal, I manage to fight her off of me, crawling towards the door. I stand to my feet and go to run out of the room when Tony comes in, he is just as sicky looking as her. He has lost weight, he is no longer a big man, but skin and bones, he looks so sick. He reaches his hands out and grabs my throat before I can react. He pins me to the wall and starts to strangle the life out of me. 

I try to fight him off, thrashing my arms out at him. I look around to see if anything can help me. Mom is passed out on the floor a few feet away, there is nothing but garbage in the room. I feel myself starting to feel dizzy, my body feels heavy. As my knees buckle under me I feel my body collapse. Tony doesn’t let up, he is on top of me, my body is weak. Just as I’m about to pass out I see a shadow rip Tony off of me, throwing him into a wall. My eyes close on me before I can see the face of my rescuer. I feel myself being lifted off the ground. 

When my eyes open again I am no longer in the old beat up house, but in a field of flowers. I look around but I am alone. 

Why am I alone?

Who saved me?

Was it Grayson? 

I see a small path leading into the woods, I decide to see where it will go. I look down at my body and see I am not wearing any shoes, just an oversized shirt. I carefully step around harp rocks and make my way into the woods. I see a small child running between the trees. 

“Hello?” I call out to her. She giggles and keeps running. I follow her to a large tree, she has stopped and is looking up. It’s the treehouse Caleb and I played in as kids. She starts to climb up the wooden steps. 

“Wait!” I call as I start to climb behind her. Once I am at the top I see she has curled up into a ball in the corner. 

“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you” I tell her. I still can’t see her face. 

“But you don’t stop them either!” She cries at me. 

Do I know this child? 

I reach for her and she turns to look at me. I am looking at  a young version of myself. I see a black eye and a busted lip. 

“I’m sorry” I whisper. I know exactly what she is talking about now. The first time Tony beat me up, he gave me these injuries. I feel myself crying as I look into her lively eyes, I see them start to fade. Becoming dull, I am looking at my own eyes, seeing the exact moment that the life in me faded. 

“I’m so sorry” I cry out as I pull her into my arms. 

I wasn’t there mentally to protect myself from what happened as a child. I was only ten years old, I should have done something to stop it. I should have stood up to them, stood up and said something. I should have called my mother out for letting him beat me. I shouldn’t have let myself suffer. 

Suddenly I am pulled away, I am no longer holding a small child, but being held myself. Grayson is holding me as I cry my guts out. He holds me close to him and lets me cry my heart out. I don’t know when he came in or how long he’s been holding me but I don’t want him to leave. 

“Shh… It’s okay.. I’m right here” He calmly whispers in my ear.