Safe Place to Fall

5

It been weeks now since Grayson entered my life, he is there every time I turn a corner, waiting. He keeps asking me to come over for dinner, but I can't. Tony and mom would be so angry. I don't need any extra reasons to make Tony mad, if I even look at the floor the wrong way he hits me.

 I'm always scared around him. He is huge compared to me, I stand no chance to defend myself. I have a feeling if I tried to defend myself he might actually kill me. I've been doing my best to avoid Grayson, showing up for swimming lessons and then bolting. I feel really badly about it because he seems like a really nice guy but I can't risk dragging him into my issues. 

I  get home from school one day and see the house is a mess, they always do this when they think I’ve acted out or disrespected them. Broken glass all over the floors, torn books thrown all over the place. I put my bag down and start to clean up the mess. We have approximately three less plates and four less cups now. 

After a while I finally have all the glass cleaned up, my hands are all cut up. I move on to the books, picking up the pages scattered around, I place them into a pile and pick up the books. I place the pages back into the appropriate books. Rather than leaving them down in the living room to be further abused, I bring them to my bedroom. Placing them on the book shelves next to my old books. 

My phone starts to buzz, I look at it and see Hanna calling me.

‘Hey Han” I answer 

‘ Hey O, did you get supper? Trevor can bring you over some leftovers if your hungry’ 

‘Oh no. I found a can of spaghetti in the cupboard. I’m good.. Thank you though’ I lie through my teeth. I hate being dependent on Hanna and her family. They have enough troubles without me adding to them. 

‘Oh, okay then. I’ll see you Monday?’ She asks hopefully. She knows I’m not allowed out on the weekends, it’s my chore days. 

‘Yep, bright and early’ 

I hang up and take out my mp3 player. I blast the music as I start on my chores. The list is never ending it seems, mom and Tony both add things each week. After an hour I finished cleaning their room, it’s always so dirty. Old food under the bed, starting to mold. Dirty clothing sprawled out everywhere. I take all the laundry and throw it down the stairs, the washer and dryer is in the basement. 

I continue onto the bathroom, it is not very messy, I usually clean the shower while I’m in it, saving time. I wipe the mirror clean and see my reflection in it. I feel disgusted by what I see. Once I could have said I was a pretty girl, but not anymore. My cheekbones are too prominent from being malnourished, my nose is too small for my face, my eyes are too big, the green orbs staring back at me look almost alien. My figure is alright, but my chest and backside are too large for my small statue. I’m not very tall, only 5’2”, but because my back is always hurting from being hit so badly I am always slouching. Overall I am not attractive in any way, no wonder nobody gives me a second glance. 

I move onto mopping the upstairs hallway, I hear someone open the front door. I scramble to get up off the damp floor, running down the hall to pick up all the laundry, I’m nearly there when I see Tony staring up the stairs, his face has uncontrolled rage on it. 

“What the hell is all this? You think it’s okay to have dirty crap all over the place? Were you raised like a pig? I don’t remember raising you to think this is okay!” He roars up the stairs at me. I grab the clothing, stuffing my arms full as I make my way down. 

“Sorry” I whisper when I pass him. 

“Show some more respect if you're going to live under my roof!” He snaps at me, giving me a shove. I catch myself just in time before falling down the set of stairs leading to the laundry room. I don’t say anything back as I descend down to the basement. I put the first load of laundry in and start back up the stairs, the door is closed. I turn the handle and see it’s locked. I take a seat on the step and wait, he will let me out eventually. Three hours go by and I have the laundry finished, folded in the baskets and I’m still waiting to be let out. It’s nearly midnight by now. I go back down the steps and put out a spare blanket and pillow and set up a sleeping area, I crawl inside and rest my head. The ground is cold, it sends a chill through my body. My mp3 player has died by now so I just lay in the silence, staring at the ceiling. My stomach growls until I fall asleep.

I wake up in the morning and put away the pillow and blanket, I walk back up the stairs seeing the door finally open. I take the opportunity to go upstairs and put away the clean clothing. I leave mom and Tony’s outside their room, they are asleep. 

I go to my room and crawl under the covers, I would be really happy to get a few hours in my bed. I close my eyes and it only takes me a moment before I am asleep. 

I dream of my brother, Caleb. We used to do so much together, play in the forest, chasing each other. That is where we are now, he is chasing me towards the creek. We aren’t little kids in this dream, Caleb looks to be about 19. His dark hair cut short, his green eyes bright like a pine needle. 

“Wait for me Theo!” He shouts from about fifty feet behind me, I slow my pace for him to catch up. 

We stop at the creek, Caleb comes up behind me, smiling at me. I watch the creek and he watches me. 

“What are you staring at Caleb?” I ask annoyed

“You’ve grown up beautifully Theodora” He looks sadly at me “I’m sorry I left you” He adds as he puts his arm over my shoulders.

“I never forgave you.. I don’t think I can.. It’s so bad without you and dad. I’m scared all the time..” I whisper 

“You will be okay.. You made a new friend didn’t you?” 

“Grayson? I don’t know what he is..” I sigh as I look up to my big brother.

“He’s a friend. Trust me” He kisses the top of my head.

I look back to the creek. Maybe I don’t want him to just be a friend. What if I want more? 

As if he can read my mind my brother replies to me” Tell him how you feel.. Be honest with him” 

“I just met him. I don’t even know him. He doesn’t need to be dragged into my life. It’s bad enough Trevor is trying to protect me like his own sister.. I don’t belong anywhere. Maybe it would be easier..” 

“Theodora! Don’t ever think that. You are important. Your life means something!” He snaps sternly at me. I flinch back slightly. 

“Sorry, but I hate it when you do that. Act as if your life means nothing and like you have nobody on your side” He sighs, raking his hand through his hair. 

I stay silent, he doesn’t understand how hard it is. Everyday being told I’m nothing. I’m not enough. It’s not so easy to just get past that. 

“Theo? Don’t be upset with me please” He says desperately. I just look straight ahead at the creek. If I say anything or look at him my voice will betray me and the tears will start to fall. 

He starts to sing a melody we used to sing as children, softly in my ear. He goes through all the verses pausing to see if I’ll join him, but I don’t. After it’s done he stops. I look up to see him walking away. 

“Wait for me! Don’t leave me Caleb! I’m sorry” I cry out for him. He doesn’t look back at me. I jump off the rock and go to run towards him but he’s gone. I turn around and Grayson is standing before me, holding his hand out for me to take it. I look at him trying to decide if I should trust him or not. Just when I am about to reach out for his hand I am shaken awake. 

“Get up Theo” My mom is shaking me harshly. 

“What?” I say groggily at her. She smells heavily like booze. 

“Do you have any money?” She asks me as she starts to look through my things. 

“No.. I have nothing mom” I tell her as I sit up in my bed. 

She continues to dig through my stuff finding a nickel and dime here and there. 

“I’m going out. Tony will be home soon. Make sure to make him dinner” 

“With what?” I ask sarcastically. 

“I’m sure you’ll find something” She snaps as she takes one of my tank tops, which is several sizes too small for her and pulls it over her head. I’ll never see that top again. 

I yawn as I get out of bed, my hair is a mess. I run my brush through it a few times until it’s tamed. I do a sniff test on my armpits to see if I can get away with not showering today. I smell a bit so I just take my deodorant spray and mist myself a few times. 

I walk into the kitchen and start digging in the cupboards. I find an old can of soup and some crackers. Tony will not be happy with this but it’s all I can do if they aren’t going to buy groceries. 

The doorbell rings, making me straighten myself up. I slowly walk over to the door, looking through the peephole seeing Grayson standing on my front step. My heart skips a beat, after my dream this morning. I open the door, he smiles at me. 

“Hey Theo!” 

“Hi..” I say looking over his shoulder, of course Tony would be home right this second. Perfect timing.

“I was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tomorrow night? I know something is wrong and you keep avoiding me. Please let me help you.”

“Sorry what?” I spurt out, my attention refocusing on Grayson. 

“Dinner, my place tomorrow?” He asks once more. 

Before I can respond Tony pushes past Grayson and enters the house. 

“What the hell is going on here?” He demands, he reeks like booze, as usual.. Grayson looks Tony over for a moment before speaking. 

“Hello Sir. I’m Grayson. I go to school with Theo. I was just inviting her to have dinner with my father and I tomorrow after school” He says as he reaches his hand out for Tony to shake. He just stares at him. 

“Listen here you little punk. I see who you are. Theo is not going anywhere near you. She is staying home and having dinner with her family! You got that punk?” He says as he pokes Grayson in the middle of his chest. 

I feel the tension building between the two of them. I’m afraid either of them will go at each other's throats at this point. I’ve not seen Grayson angry before but I think this is a good first.  

They eye each other up for a moment, Grayson has a good foot on Tony, and about 80lbs of pure muscle on him too. Tony would be crazy to try and pull anything on Grayson, but here he is. Drunk and crazy. Grayson says nothing as he slowly steps down the steps, 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Theo” He says before giving Tony a pointed look. I stare after him, once he is gone I know Tony is going to unleash his anger one me. I give Grayson a pleading look but he doesn’t see it. 

Once the door is closed Tony stars to yell.

“You’re inviting boys into my home now? Are you a little tramp now?” He billows at me 

“No, I swear. He just showed up. He didn't come inside I swear it” 

“I bet you're sleeping with him, aren’t you. Fooling around late at night” He licks his lips as he comes towards me 

“No. I swear.” I scream at him. He grabs my arm and pulls me flush against him. 

“I bet I could show you a good time, better than some kid. You’re for bidden to see him again, do you hear me?” He leans into me.

 I do the only thing I can think of. I lift my knee as fast and high as I can. It hits him in the groin. He lets me go and stumbles backward. I go to run away from him, making it halfway up the stairs before he grabs my ankle and yanks me back down. I hit the steps as I try to catch myself. I land on my arm with force, making me cry out in pain. 

“Don’t you ever even think of hitting me again, little girl. I’ve been real good to you and your mom. Don’t make me rethink this arrangement.” He says as he releases me, leaving me sobbing on the steps. 

“I’m going out. Don’t even think of leaving this house.” He slams the door as he leaves. I look down at my arm, it’s swelling already. I've never felt pain like this before, it's unbearable.  I pray it’s not broken. I know it’s going to bruise badly though. I will have to wear a long sleeve shirt everyday until it heals up. I don’t need any more questions at school.