My Ex Almost Broke Me

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Nande’s POV

Everything had changed in my street. If it wasn’t for the GPS, I think I would have gotten lost. People have extended their houses. It’s been 7 years, but it feels like 7 decades. Centuries even. I’m scared to go inside. I don’t know what to say to my family. What do I say to the people I have disappointed and abandoned? I didn’t even come home when they told me one of my aunts had passed away. I thought it was a trick to get me to come and lock me up in me and my sister’s room like they did the first time I went to visit Lucky. They looked for me everywhere, and they found me. They opened a case against Lucky and locked me in me and my sister’s room. But I used my little brother. I manipulated him, he let me out and I went to the Police Station and the charges were dropped against Lucky. I went back home and I packed my things and I went to Lucky’s place and I never looked back. Until now.

“What are you standing there for? Come on in,” said my mom, standing at the kitchen door. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing there, but it must have been longer. I didn’t know if I was supposed to knock or just open the door and get in. I walked towards the gate, dragging my suitcase behind. So many things have changed here. The house was extended. They changed the roof and the gate. I stand by the door before I knock.

“Why is she knocking?” asked my dad. His voice sounds so far away, the house is bigger. But I still wonder if there’s still a place for me, not only in the house, but in their hearts and lives too. I really hurt them. The day I left, my dad even shed tears, something I'd never seen before. Something I never thought I’d see. And what hurts me now is that it didn’t move me back then. I was furious. In my eyes, he was being manipulative. But a few months into living together, Lucky finally showed me his true colours. I knew my father wasn’t being manipulative, he was right about Lucky. He was also hurt by my actions. And sadly, Lucky proved my parents right. But I still stayed with him. I don’t even know why I’m crying now.

“Come in,” he called after some time. I quickly wiped the tears using the back of my hand. And then I twisted the handle. Wow, the kitchen looks glamorous, it’s like I just stepped into a ‘house & home’ magazine. “Wow, this is beautiful mama,” are the first words I say when I get in. I’m even scared to pull my suitcase. The tiles are shiny and sparkling.

“Good morning to you too, Nande,” my mom walked towards me with arms wide open. She’s always been a hugger. And when she folds me into a hug, I can’t help it. I cry like someone just died.

“It’s okay my baby,” she consoles me by rubbing my back.

“Wow, the prodigal daughter has returned,” said Zandile, my little sister. She joins the hug and I cry even more.

“Don’t cry my baby,” said my mom, sounding like she was about to cry too. I really messed up.

“It’s okay,” said my dad, rubbing my back. I didn’t even see him coming over. He sounds like he’s about to cry too.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out. I wasn’t planning on telling them like that. I wanted to sit them down and tell them nicely. But I couldn’t help myself. The hug from my family made me say it.

“It really didn’t need a genius to guess why you’re back. You’re back because you are pregnant and your old boyfriend kicked you out. Now you are here, you want to be a burden to all of us. Actually, you want to manipulate us like you did back then. And when that stupid boyfriend comes around, you’ll pull that stunt. You’re not alone, you had to come with a child,” said Phila, my little brother. I didn’t see or hear him coming. He sounds so angry and distant. He took my leaving harder than anyone else. He tried to get me to come home but I ignored him, I cut him off and I chose a man over him. A man 18 years older than me, over my own flesh and blood. No one said anything for a while. My mother suggested my little sister show me to my room after we all pulled back from the hug.

“Aren’t you going to greet your sister?” asked my dad, it was like he didn’t hear what Phila just said. He sounds happy. Everyone is happy except my little brother. And I don’t blame him. I’d probably be mad too. But it doesn’t hurt less to me. But I blinked back the tears. I honestly didn’t know he was hurting this much.

“No, count me out of the reunion,” he tells my dad. He takes an apple and he heads towards the passage. A door opens and slams shut, we all jump. My parents have always hated this kind of behaviour, but they don’t say anything. They turned towards me with smiles on their faces. I’m glad they are happy I’m home.

“You need to talk to him,” said my mom, rubbing my back. I can only nod. My brother is the sweetest guy I know, he’ll come around. It may not be today or tomorrow, but eventually he will come around. He will forgive me. And I hope my explanations and apologies will make him understand. I don’t want him to agree with what I did, but I’d like him to see things from my view. My very flawed view and try to understand. I want us to be close again. It’s not going to happen over night. But I will try to make things right. Not only with Phila but with my family. Even though it’s impossible, I want things to be how they were before. I miss that. A lot.