Chapter 6. The cost and benefits of different types of thickness
800 Words
Because of the sheer shock of what had happened, it took a while for the Sin-Eater to realise that he was also not immune to the elements of natural wet and cold, either.
The rain was more than just a little chilly.
His jaw ached from constant involuntary rattling.
“WHAT THE FLUSH!”
The exclaimed allowed to himself,
What is was such a big deal about the toilet roll that made them all want him so dead, so badly?
How and in what way could he have possibly but a toilet roll in a toilet ‘wrong”!?
It seemed stupidly insane!
What dumb arse detail was he missing?
He learned just by general listening to various conversations that there seemed to be two Empires who constantly skirmished with each other.
And that things were starting to escalate to the point of all-out war!
One faction was the Sunites, the lovely people who had just tried to kill him.
Sometimes known as “Those who are over”
Their main rivals were the Satites, also known as “Those who were under”
His mind although devoid of any personal information knew plenty of other facts about the universe.
He knew there had been plenty of wars over some pretty stupid reasons,
He wondered why these two hated each other so much?
It could be almost anything! From something slightly silly, like ‘which way up’ a soft boiled egg was served. Up to and including truly ridiculous, absurd, invented reasons, like mere skin shade.
He was wondering what the very stupid reason for this war would turn out to be.
And, what the flush, any of that had to do with toilet rolls and how they were placed into toilets was anyone's guess!
But such thoughts could only distract him for so long,
He needed shelter! And he desperately needed it soon!
Whatever he might really be, right here, right now, He was just physically, a barely dressed, eleven-year-old boy, slowly dying of exposure to the natural elements.
He needed MUCH thicker, warmer layers of clothing!
Much thicker, warmer layers of clothing were vital to his future survival!
He could see a flickering light through some trees, although the rain was stinging his eyes.
He could not risk being turned away.
He had to get his act together and quickly start thinking smarter.
He already knew that he could not lie.
For someone, hunted, on the run, that was a huge disadvantage!
The three women looked in the cauldron.
Inhaling the ever-thickening mystic fumes they translated the wishes of higher evil beings.
The messages were not always clear,
Someone was coming,
Someone important.
The ‘dark high lord of all evil chaos’ tried to impress his will on their addled broken minds!
He tried his best to make it clear as he could, the one simple thing that they must not do.
The one thing they must never do, no matter what.
He forced through layers of reality one simple order above all others!
It seemed just a little more difficult than usual, as the reality layers seemed a tiny bit thicker than normal.
“DO NOT KILL HIM!”
That was the one thing they must get right above all else!
“DO NOT KILL HIM!”
The witches were loyal to their master,
They lived only to please and praise his evil will!
But they were also very high on mystical highly addictive drugs and their brains had been damaged from decades of such magical chemical abuse!
So the message came across faded and indistinct to their shattered minds.
“Sister!” two of them shouted and cackled to their leader!
“What is our master's bidding”
“I am trying to see through the thick veil” The head witch moaned
“I am just making out his mighty dark will!”
“Tell us, sister!!” The other two cried, waving more vapour over themselves,
“Tell us our master's bidding!”
“He says” the head witch cried
“Yes! Yes!” cried the other two
“He commands…” cried the head which
“Yes!” cried the others
“I barely hear his words through dense either of all time and space!”
“Yes! Yes!” the other two cried, again
“He commands…”
“Do… oh but it is so very faint”
“His dark lordship commands us…!
“I hear but three mighty words of truest pure evil!”
“Do Kill… …Him!”
“We will obey the master” Cried the other two!
In the other realms, The Evil High Lord Of All Evil Chaos sat back.
“There! Done! Simple!” He thought.
Trying to cheat this bet was turning out to be fairly simple, he smirked to himself!
“Four simple words!”
“Even those thick idiots could not possibly get just four simple words wrong!”
In another part of the dark realms the Hight Lord Of All Evil Order, also smirked.
“I Have always told him that using drugged up worshipers was a very stupid idea!”
“Drugs made people thick!”
“And thick people made stupid mistakes!”
It gleefully enjoyed Its feeling of superiority over all the drug takers of the multiverse while It sat and planned. Simultaneously getting slightly squiffy of yet more glasses of distilled soul wine!
“You could never catch me being THAT stupid” It chuckled as It took yet another sip from yet another intoxicating glass!
- Writer
