Fu.ck, why did I promise Lydia that? Especially when I don't mean it? Why would she even agree to it all? What if I choose to lie to her? Or not stay away at all?
Fu.ck... I know I did it because I was trying to do the right thing by Lydia. Honestly, I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I don't want Lydia to hate me. I'm not sure if Lydia would forgive me if I really did kill her mate.
If Lydia and I really aren't mates... My only hope after that is to get her to fall in love with me. So deeply that she doesn't care about mates either. I could convince Lydia that we could have a love even stronger than her parents.
It's just... scary. Honestly, I don't think that I've ever felt this scared before. Not even in the past year, when I would spiral in my own thoughts.
I don't know why
