Broken Hearts

Chapter 1

If I met my past self in today's world she would hear my stories of the hearbreak and pain.

"Listen little one, don't change any of it. There are memories you will cherish from the dark. No matter the pain, suffering, or sacrifice. You will make it."

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David was back at the office working away. I was busy cleaning up the house. It is important to ensure everything is clean and ready for him when he gets home, if he gets home. It's not unusual for him to be gone for days on end. We live outside the city. It's a 45-minute drive once you get out of the chaotic traffic. It is my refuge. I hate going to the city and David knows it. When I do have to go, I get what I need from the store and get out.

Instead of spending my time in the city, I have been able to get a job marketing online. It keeps me at home, and it allows me to have flexibility I wouldn't be able to have otherwise. When I'm not working, I spend my time out in the garden. It is my special project. Mrs. Meyers helps me when she is done with the tasks David has assigned to her. We enjoy one another's company. She is an older lady with salt and pepper hair. It's always up and nicely placed with a large claw clip. Her eyes are soft, and she speaks with kindness.

David works hard for everything we have. He started his own finance company when we were just barely adults, and it has grown into a large corporation. At first, his absence bothered me, but now, I find peace. When he comes home he is so uptight and angry. Running a small company was hard, but now that he is running it with thousands of people below him, it takes its toll.

He gets very testy when the house isn't up to his specifications. David hates that I work, but I felt my sanity slipping away the more I spent time doing nothing productive. There was quite an argument when he found out I was working. I have told him several times, but he isn't always paying attention.

David and I have been together for 18 years. We were high school sweethearts. I have loved him since the day I met him. He was once so kind and gentle. The company he runs now has jaded him a bit. He drinks in excess too often, and he is constantly forgetting that I need attention too. I am told this is normal. We grow apart and then come back together as the years come and go. I talk a lot with my mother-in-law, she is such a sweet soul. They are here often as I give them marketing advice. David refused to hire me for his marketing team, because it "might look bad". However, his mom was thrilled to accept my help. She pointed me in the direction of a friend of hers, and after seeing my work, she was thrilled to have me.

Looking at my watch, I saw that it was getting late. The sun was going down over the lake. Only the reflection of its rays could be seen above the horizon. Moving faster, Mrs. Meyers and I put together our meals. I am a horrible cook. For many years, I tried to learn, but I've never been able to catch on. I grow our vegetables and fruits, and that's the best I can do for our meals. Mrs. Meyers has a roast going as I work on chopping up fresh vegetables to add to our meal. The roast has potatoes, but we need more. I am constantly harping on David about eating healthily.

Looking out the window, I watch as the world grows darker as the night sets in. I can't help the heavy sigh that breaks from my lips seeing no sign of headlights coming down the road. Out this window, I can see the road for miles. There is no sign of him. David stopped telling me years ago that he might be late. I expected it, but it is just getting later and later. He has been spending a lot of time in the loft we own in the city. Sometimes, he is too tired to drive there, sleep, and then have to return to work.

It has been years since we have had a nice vacation. I want to talk with him tonight about doing something small. Nothing extravagant like our last trip. Last time, it was to Scotland. This time, I would love to go up to the mountains and stay for a weekend.

Instead of waiting for the food to start burning, I filled mine and Mrs. Meyer's plates. Sitting at my dining room table, we talked about some other things we could grow. I really want to separate our property from the neighbors with a tree line. I have saplings that have been growing for the last 5 years. They are almost mature enough to be planted outside. Mrs. Meyers has been a godsend in helping me to make them strong to withstand the winds that blow through the area. Not being surrounded by the tall buildings in the city, the wind can be unforgiving.

Looking at the 4 empty chairs around us, I can feel myself grow sad. Mrs. Meyers picks up on my change in mood. Placing her hand on mine, she pulls me from my thoughts.

"It will happen, just give it more time."

Her words were meant to comfort me, but they just irritated me. I have been trying for the last 10 years to get pregnant and haven't been able to. It would help if David and I had s.ex regularly, but he is so focused on his career. I had a miscarriage 12 years ago and have struggled since.

Rather than being hateful or rude, I excused myself. Going to the kitchen, I began the process of cleaning. Watching out the window, my heart still gave me hope that he would be home tonight. As I washed the last dish, I thought about the last doctor's appointment I had. It was a year ago, and that is when David asked me to give it a break. I went to doctor after doctor trying to figure out why I hadn't been able to get pregnant. They all said the same thing, they couldn't find anything wrong. I was perfectly healthy and nothing could be detected. When I recommended to David that he be seen, he took it as an insult and took offense. He absolutely refused. I'm getting older and the longer I wait, the more likely it is that I will never have children. Again, my problem, not David's.

Rather than continuing to dwell, I decided to move on with life.