I raised my lashes and looked at Ian, his eyes were welled up with tears, and there was intense pain in his eyes but that pain was nothing compared to my pain.
He caused me too much pain that in words I could never define my feelings,
He left me when I needed him the most,
I had made him the god of my life,
I let him dominate me,
I let him take decisions for us...
More than my happiness I cared about him,
But his sudden departure from my life also taught me many things, one was a very interesting lesson and that lesson was never to give too much importance to anyone in life...
Never let your crown fall for any man.
First love yourself then love anyone else.
My past appeared in front of my eyes when I was a teen and too desperate for him,
His smile, his dreams, his ambitions, his goals, his home, his task, ... My whole world use to revolve around him.
Then one day he shattered the castle of my dreams...
How dare he suddenly come into my life and show that he still has right over me.
In his absence, I had tolerated a lot,
I had gone through so many difficulties.
Once he left and didn't pick up my calls, I used to curse my fate a lot, and why won't I,
I had blamed myself for everything,
I used to start calling myself a bad omen,
I was so scared of my Nick as well...
Then with time, I convinced my wounded heart that maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn't have,
I wiped the tear that rolled out of my eyes,
"Please...please don't cry, love..." He begged me as if my tears has been hurting him,
I removed my gaze and stare at my shameless heart, I think the heart has no self-respect, no dignity, and has the tolerance of god...
My inner self laughed at my thoughts,
How? How could I still think about him,
How could I still think about his pain, his feelings, and his emotions, when he never care about my emotions?
I had gone through hell without him.
My screams, my yelling, my pain, my tears, and that loneliness was still alive inside me which his sudden departure wrote in my fate.
His world was divided into two parts, his football and me, but he was my only world.
I had witnessed him hanging out with girls in past six years,
I had witnessed him happily living his life,
But since he left me, I hadn't smiled even for a second.
I kept thinking about him,
I kept blaming myself and my love,
I thought I had something bad in me that people left me,
I thought I made him feel insecure,
I felt as if I wasn't a supportive girlfriend.
I still feel scared that Leo and my child don't leave me the way Ian did...
His love ruined me, destroyed me to the extent that now no care and love could heal me and my wounded heart.
Seeing me crying silently, Ian tried to come close to me but I showed my palm to him, I can't afford to let him come close to me,
I can't afford to get trapped in his love again,
I know me and my heart, I know his little affection was enough to melt my heart.
His simple touch over my body was enough to break the walls that I had built around my heart in the past six years...
"I beg you, please don't cry, please...." Just hearing his painful words, my palms automatically started wiping my cheeks,
For a few seconds, he kept staring at me, I could see him struggling with his words.
In the past, he never used to think twice before saying anything to me but today he has been struggling.
Fuck! It's sting,
I wanted to yell at him and tell him that he still doesn't have to think twice before saying anything to me, but my mind told me not to behave like a submissive girl,
Not to walk on the path of heart which always leads you to the wrong destination.
"Will you just say it, Ian, whatever you are thinking..." Hearing my words, he made a surprised face.
I can still read you Ian like an open book, but I don't know how I never read any insecurities in your eyes before about me.
He sucked a deep breath to calm himself, then he stopped playing with his fingers,
The last time I had witnessed him behaving like this was when he was planning to propose to me, but it was me who ended up saying I love you to him.
Those days are still so fresh in my mind and make me cry...
Well, in the past six years, not even a single day I slept without crying for him.
I was about to remove my gaze from his handsome face, but he said something that made my heart stop beating for a second.
"I am sorry..." he said, looking at me with pain-filled eyes,
It was a genuine pain,
The pain that I used to hate seeing in his eyes,
The pain that used to make my heart bleed, and I guess his pain still affects my heart and soul with the same intensity as it used to,
But why?
How could I still love this man who crushed my heart brutally,
How could I still love him when I know he was involved with many girls behind my back...
I blinked my tears and licked my lips.
I wish I can put off this shameless, Vulnerable heart from my chest.
I wish I can vanish his love out of my veins, but I think that will only be possible when I die,
Once Leo tried to Vanish my lover (Ian) from my mind in his rage, we fought too over my lover ( Ian), but when I told Leo that I'll kill myself that was when he stopped his damn experiment over me.
"Please say something..." Ian said gently and in a very low tone.
"Will your sorry heal every scar that you left on my soul...?
(hearing my words, he stopped crying and started looking at me.
I also gulped my emotions with my saliva)
Will your sorry can give me the time to me which I lost because of you...
(My mind was yelling at me and ordering me to strangle him but the love I felt for him wasn't allowing me)
Will your sorry remove the emptiness that I still feel around me...
(new tears welled up in his eyes)
I had everyone's love, Ian,
Everyone and I still have the love of everyone but what you shattered inside me never let me enjoy the love of others... (I never planned to say such words to him,
I never planned to open my heart for him but my mind, body, heart, and soul started minding its own business in front of him. He has still that effect on my body)
What you got Ian?
What you got leaving me...?" I asked, I finally asked the question which he had been eating me day and night.
He was standing like a silent statue in front of me,
I wish I could get up from the bed and force him to tell me the reason behind his sudden escape from me and our wedding, but I couldn't do it.
Suddenly Leo stepped into the room with Lizzie,
Seeing tears in my eyes, Leo's palms curled into fists, if we weren't in front of Lizzie and Ian, he would show me the stars with open eyes because of my damn behavior.
Leo started walking toward him, like a crocodile steps towards its prey, his every step was feeling like a timer of a time bomb that can blast any second.
He stood near me and fisted my shoulder, I looked at his grip over my shoulder and then looked into his cold eyes.
"Were you crying..." Leo asked in his cold deadly tone, his tone was so cold that can dry the throat of any person.
I instantly wiped my tears, " Something went into my eyes..." I said, grabbing his palm but he tightened his fist over my palm.
God! What should I do with this man and his over-possessive nature?
He wasn't saying anything but was staring at me with cold expressions.
"Are you sure, you want to take her home...(I looked at Dr. Lizzie) I mean she isn't in stable condition, if she stays here for a day..." Before Lizzie finishes her words, I cut her off.
"I would like to go back to my home with Leo instead of staying in this hospital," I told the doctor, and then turned my attention back on my man,
"Leo, Your stare has been scaring me, and I am sure if you didn't stop staring at me, I'll get a heart attack..." Hearing my words his grip got more tightened over my palm,
"Aaaouch..." Hearing my moan, Leo loosened his grip but didn't leave my palm.