My Italian Heart

Chapter Eight

I stood there at his door and raised my hand to knock. Pausing as realisation hit me. It might have been nothing more than days since we met, but he had changed my life in the most unexpected ways. The vineyard had always been my focus and my safe place, just like Luca had said. Except David had ripped that from me. In that moment, I realised the only place I would ever feel safe again was in his arms. My knock was short and brisk as I tried to push down the anxiety from the day.

As soon as the door opened and illuminated the hallway, his face dropped. "What's happened?"

"Nothing. Not really. I just needed to see you." He pulled me bodily into the flat and I was impressed. It was all simple with white walls and beech furniture. One room holding a kitchen, living area and dining table. It was small but functional. I knew he had said he was going to jump me as soon as I got there, but it still seemed too rushed. His arms were around me and as he moved us both through the room, it felt like my feet were barely touching the laminate flooring. I just seemed to skate across it. His lips were so hard on mine that it was leaving me breathless, and not just from arousal.

It wasn't until he had deposited me on the sofa and crashed down beside me that I realised it wasn't s*x on his mind. He pulled me into his chest and we just sat there; him holding me. It must have been more clear that I had been upset than I had realised. He seemed so chilled with his eyes closed and his ankles crossed. The only movement was his fingertips stroking at my hair. I relaxed into him and realised that he knew exactly what I needed before I even did. The deep kiss had snapped me out of my own mind and then he was engulfing me in safeness so I could process everything. I was speechless. Every so often trying to open my mouth to utter some sort of gratitude for his presence, then falling short of getting the words out of my mind.

That was the beauty of David. He had a way of making me freer than I had ever been before. He took control always, and I happily gave it up. The only time I could be passive was with him, and I craved that feeling. Needing to be told what I needed and when I needed it. It felt like he was the only person who saw the real me. The only person who could give me freedom from the constraints of my life. Not only did he actually see me, but he didn't shy away from all the shame and anxiety I kept bottled up.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I was expecting a big blowout with Luca. You know that Rylie had the run in with Amelia, but what you don't know is that it was my fault."

"I can't imagine that's true."

"It is. I wasn't thinking. I needed to see her. With everything that happened, I felt alone, and I needed someone familiar. Luca had warned me to stay away from the grove, so that Amelia wouldn't know where to find her. I didn't listen, and Amelia followed me to her. She only got the opportunity to attack her because of me. Anyway, I knew Luca was going to be fuming when he found out. He was and pulled me to one side to give me a telling off."

"He's got no right."

"He has. It wasn't just Rylie I put in danger. It was the baby, too. Are you telling me, if someone put Emily in danger, you wouldn't want to kill them?" I paused, but he didn't answer the question that we both knew the answer to. If Em was in trouble, he would want to kill the person responsible, even if he stopped himself from actually doing it. "He didn't even have a go at me. I think he saw how guilty I felt and took pity on me. It just brought it all to the surface. I came so close to losing my whole family."

"Well, you don't need to worry about any of that anymore. I'm here to look out for you now, and I'm not going anywhere." I pulled away from him and looked up at him. He looked like he believed what he had said, but how could he?

"You're going to have to go at some point. You have a life in England."

"I don't. Not anymore." I wanted to ask him what that actually meant, but I didn't have the courage. There were two possible answers, and I wasn't sure which one I wanted. Not to mention that I knew it wasn't that simple. He had a whole business to worry about back home. He couldn't just leave it there.

"Stop that, now. I am not your responsibility. You are not adding me to your list of concerns." I might have said the words, but they were only for my own benefit because we both knew he wouldn't stop being concerned about me. I had gained the advantage of his gentlemanly protection, and it wasn't something he ever put to one side once he had given it. His wife was proof of that. He squeezed me tighter, and I tried to push the thoughts from my mind. Relaxing into him and letting the scent of him drift over me. It was addictive enough to make me was to bury my nose in his chest, but I resisted.

The weight of his arms felt like the most perfect comfort blanket. It felt like if he were to remove them, the world would start to suffocate me all over again. He had a way of keeping me grounded, stopping me from spinning out of control. Everything just seemed so achievable suddenly. As though any problem could be solved, as long as I was still in his embrace.

His lips descended to my forehead, but it wasn't enough. I tipped my head back, looping my head around the back of his neck, and pulled him down further. The soft, tender kiss was almost a thank you for everything he had done for me. For seeing me and what I needed. He would never understand how much it meant to me just to be seen. He hadn't shaved since he had arrived, and his stubble tickled just above my lip. I liked him like that. He looked good, clean shaven, but with the touch of facial hair, he looked different. More rugged and almost dangerous. He was a man full of contradictions, and I loved the idea of knowing every part of him.

I sensed he had a slightly dangerous side to him, but it was more of a protective element. As though he would go to battle in an instant for someone he loved. I knew it was ridiculous, but that was what I wanted. For him to love me enough to destroy anything and anyone who threatened to hurt me in any way. He was my sexy secret, something that was for my eyes only, and that was a thought that drove me crazy. A man who would protect me, look after me and f**k me. I couldn't think of anything better.

"You need to take some time away from the vineyard. I want you to come away with me."

"I can't, you know that."

"Let someone else worry about the business for once. Luca is back now. It's his responsibility, not yours. If you stop picking up the pieces for everyone, they will be forced to do it for themselves."

"I don't want people to know about us. I need it to be just us."

"That's not difficult. You go away for work all the time and I'm meant to be here on holiday, which involves sight seeing. Just promise me we will find a way to be together away from here."

"I promise."

"Good girl." My reward was another deeper and more passionate kiss. He was intoxicating enough to make me forget everything and throw caution to the wind. He could easily have me burning my whole life down around me and stomping on the ashes. None of it seemed remotely important, not in comparison to him. It was like he embodied the life I really wanted. The calmness, the ability to only concentrate on his own obligations and not take on everyone else's.

"How do you stay so detached?"

"I don't, well I didn't. I spent my whole life being there for everyone, just like you. It didn't get me very far. My ex-best friend asked me to cover for him at work and I did it without hesitation. Then I found out the reason he needed me to cover for him was because he was sleeping with my wife. From that minute on I developed a more f**k you attitude. I still do things for others, but I don't let them take me for a mug anymore. Some people deserve for you to give them your everything, others don't. Sometimes it's as simple as people take you too much for granted. Like you, you are taken too much for granted."

"It's not like they are using me, though. They all love me and I love them."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you can put your life on hold for them to have theirs. There is nothing worse than realising you have wasted your life being there for other people and then turn around and realise they have all disappeared on you. It's time for both of us to start having a life."

"Is that why you don't seem so worried about Emily?"

"I trust her to see that you make me happy and to want that for me. She might not take it well straight away, but she will understand. She's the one person I trust to put my feelings first, just like I do for her."

"I hope you're right. I can't lose her. Something tells me I will be the one to get the brunt of her hatred."

"She isn't capable of hating anyone. She's too like me for her own good." It all felt so complicated, but I wasn't sure it mattered to me anymore. I still didn't want to lose Emily, but for the first time, I felt like that decision was on her and not on me. I didn't have any choice in the way David made me feel. Keeping my distance had only made things worse. I just prayed he was right and she would understand and chose not to hate me.