Misa didn't know how long she'd been sitting at the dining table, staring at the untouched egg cooling. All she was aware of were the tears that flowed freely down her cheeks and the terrible ache in her heart that ate away at her, like a giant worm burrowing so deep into her it would burst out from the other side.
It was only when she felt a touch on her shoulder that she finally tore her eyes away from the broken egg with its thick yolk drowning it as it oozed.
"Misa?" Torren needed to say no more. Every question, every concern he had for her was poured into that one word. Her name.
"I can't stop crying, Torren." Misa wiped her cheeks, but they refused to dry. "I think I broke something. The tears won't stop falling. Why can't I stop crying?"
"It's okay." Torren nudged her into him, burying her face into his midriff. He stroked her hair. "It's okay to cry, Misa. Let it all out."
Misa couldn't take it. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't ignore the tight pain in her chest, and with Torren's comfort, his understanding, Misa couldn't hide herself away. Such a gentle nudge, and she broke down. Misa grabbed Torren's shirt, staining it with her tears.
She screamed into him, pouring everything out until there was nothing left anymore. And all the while, Torren said nothing. He patted her head, let her cap fall behind her, took in all her lost, confused emotions.
When she could finally stop, the pain ebbed just a little, Misa backed away and wiped the tears from her face.
"Better?" Torren asked.
Misa nodded. "Yes." She hiccupped, pressing the back of her hand against her nose as another wave threatened to pour out again. "Thank you, Torren."
He smiled, genuine and caring, not a hint of sarcasm or mischief behind it. "You're okay, Misa."
"I'm okay," she reaffirmed, regaining her confidence. "I'm okay."
"Good." He handed her a glass of water, which Misa gratefully gulped down. "Now, what's going on?"
"Royle." Misa choked and took a few more mouthfuls of water. "I'm such a horrible person. I think I hurt him, Torren. I think I hurt him really, really bad."
Torren twirled Royle's chair around and took a seat. He looped his arm over its back. "Why do you say that?"
"Last night..." Misa closed her eyes, her face flushing at the memory. "Last night, I crossed a line I shouldn't have. I did something I can't take back. I thought it was just a dream, so I acted without thinking of the consequences. Because when you wake up, those consequences aren't supposed to matter. But, today...Today, I woke up, and the consequences were still here, waiting for me...I hurt Royle. I hurt him because that was a consequence. Because I ruined our friendship, and I know there's nothing I can do to ever return us to the way we were."
Torren rubbed the back of his neck. "And you? Are you hurt?"
Misa put a hand over her heart, where the pain still pounded with each beat of her pulse. The tears were threatening to fall again. "Yes. It hurts, Torren. It hurts me right here. It hurts like there's a knife stuck inside, twisting and sinking deeper."
"You love him." There was no question in Torren's statement. It took a moment for Misa to register what he said.
"I...love him?"
"It's as clear as day to me." Torren shrugged. "I've seen the way you look at him, sometimes. Back in Giligha, during our meets. And now, this. Whatever happened last night. You're both hurting. Isn't it safe to assume it hurts you because you hurt him?"
Misa winced at the sharp stab of guilt. She thought of the beach, the ocean she planned to see first thing after everything was over. The sky, the world beyond. The shapes and colours that waited for her, so beautiful and vibrant that no artist could possibly capture the very essence they had, a challenge Misa so desperately wanted to take-and succeed. Her life. Her dream. The one thing she always wished for, year after year, each time losing a small bit of hope that it would come true.
Royle had given her a way out. He had given her a chance to truly achieve her dreams. He had shown her to the fruit that hung just out of reach. But he also kept her away from it. Grabbing onto her when she had to leap to finally pluck the fruit from the tree. And if she chose him over it...the fruit that was so close to her fingertips that she could almost taste it...
"I can't love him." A nail pounded into her heart. "It'll never work. I'm leaving everything behind when this is all over. I can't love him if I'm going to be trapped with him without ever seeing what's out there."
"You're scared he's going to trap you?" Torren knitted his brows, then his eyes widened in realisation. "You think he's going to lock you away. The same way your parents have done your whole life."
Misa turned away. "I think...I think that's enough. I need to focus on finding Leira, then figuring out how we could possibly bring Nisha down."
"Talk to him, Misa." Torren refused to give up. "He's nothing like your parents. I swear it, so don't be scared of any of this. Of him."
"Let it go, Torren." Misa stood, wiping her face. She needed to wash up again. "I'm not that hungry. I think I'm going to go visit the lake by the mountains. It'll help clear my head."
She began to head back to her room to change. Even if she wasn't going to paint anything, it was still worth seeing them. The mountains. The breath of fresh air. The freedom that she loved most in the world.
"You're different, Misa." Torren cut a piece of the egg in front of him, popping it in his mouth. "You aren't the same little girl from the night we took you from your parents. What you wanted back then could be different to what you want now. Don't stay trapped in your past fears because you're locking yourself away as much as you fear Royle will. Don't let what your parents did to you keep you from loving what you want."
"I love painting," Misa replied, holding her hand to her heart, feeling it clench. "I always have, and that's never going to change."
"I don't doubt that. But, understand that you can love more than one thing in your life. Painting can't be the only thing you live for. Not in this world that offers more than that to you."
"I can go to the mountains alone. Don't feel the need to follow. I need time to myself."
Misa returned to her room, washed the tears from her face, changed into a dress, and left the house without another word.