The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym

Chapter 12

I had for some time past, dwelt upon the prospect of our being

reduced to this last horrible extremity, and had secretly made up my

mind to suffer death in any shape or under any circumstances rather

than resort to such a course. Nor was this resolution in any degree

weakened by the present intensity of hunger under which I laboured.

The proposition had not been heard by either Peters or Augustus. I

therefore took Parker aside; and mentally praying to God for power to

dissuade him from the horrible purpose he entertained, I expostulated

with him for a long time, and in the most supplicating manner,

begging him in the name of every thing which he held sacred, and

urging him by every species of argument which the extremity of the

case suggested, to abandon the idea, and not to mention it to either

of the other two.

He heard all I said without attempting to controvert any of my

arguments, and I had begun to hope that he would be prevailed upon to

do as I desired. But when I had ceased speaking, he said that he knew

very well all I had said was true, and that to resort to such a

course was the most horrible alternative which could enter into the

mind of man; but that he had now held out as long as human nature

could be sustained; that it was unnecessary for all to perish, when,

by the death of one, it was possible, and even probable, that the

rest might be finally preserved; adding that I might save myself the

trouble of trying to turn him from his purpose, his mind having been

thoroughly made up on the subject even before the appearance of the

ship, and that only her heaving in sight had prevented him from

mentioning his intention at an earlier period.

I now begged him, if he would not be prevailed upon to abandon

his design, at least to defer it for another day, when some vessel

might come to our relief; again reiterating every argument I could

devise, and which I thought likely to have influence with one of his

rough nature. He said, in reply, that he had not spoken until the

very last possible moment, that he could exist no longer without

sustenance of some kind, and that therefore in another day his

suggestion would be too late, as regarded himself at least.

Finding that he was not to be moved by anything I could say in a

mild tone, I now assumed a different demeanor, and told him that he

must be aware I had suffered less than any of us from our calamities;

that my health and strength, consequently, were at that moment far

better than his own, or than that either of Peters or Augustus; in

short, that I was in a condition to have my own way by force if I

found it necessary; and that if he attempted in any manner to

acquaint the others with his bloody and cannibal designs, I would not

hesitate to throw him into the sea. Upon this he immediately seized

me by the throat, and drawing a knife, made several ineffectual

efforts to stab me in the stomach; an atrocity which his excessive

debility alone prevented him from accomplishing. In the meantime,

being roused to a high pitch of anger, I forced him to the vessel's

side, with the full intention of throwing him overboard. He was saved

from his fate, however, by the interference of Peters, who now

approached and separated us, asking the cause of the disturbance.

This Parker told before I could find means in any manner to prevent

him.

The effect of his words was even more terrible than what I had

anticipated. Both Augustus and Peters, who, it seems, had long

secretly entertained the same fearful idea which Parker had been

merely the first to broach, joined with him in his design and

insisted upon its immediately being carried into effect. I had

calculated that one at least of the two former would be found still

possessed of sufficient strength of mind to side with myself in

resisting any attempt to execute so dreadful a purpose, and, with the

aid of either one of them, I had no fear of being able to prevent its

accomplishment. Being disappointed in this expectation, it became

absolutely necessary that I should attend to my own safety, as a

further resistance on my part might possibly be considered by men in

their frightful condition a sufficient excuse for refusing me fair

play in the tragedy that I knew would speedily be enacted.

I now told them I was willing to submit to the proposal, merely

requesting a delay of about one hour, in order that the fog which had

gathered around us might have an opportunity of lifting, when it was

possible that the ship we had seen might be again in sight. After

great difficulty I obtained from them a promise to wait thus long;

and, as I had anticipated (a breeze rapidly coming in), the fog

lifted before the hour had expired, when, no vessel appearing in

sight, we prepared to draw lots.

It is with extreme reluctance that I dwell upon the appalling

scene which ensued; a scene which, with its minutest details, no

after events have been able to efface in the slightest degree from my

memory, and whose stern recollection will embitter every future

moment of my existence. Let me run over this portion of my narrative

with as much haste as the nature of the events to be spoken of will

permit. The only method we could devise for the terrific lottery, in

which we were to take each a chance, was that of drawing straws.

Small splinters of wood were made to answer our purpose, and it was

agreed that I should be the holder. I retired to one end of the hulk,

while my poor companions silently took up their station in the other

with their backs turned toward me. The bitterest anxiety which I

endured at any period of this fearful drama was while I occupied

myself in the arrangement of the lots. There are few conditions into

which man can possibly fall where he will not feel a deep interest in

the preservation of his existence; an interest momentarily increasing

with the frailness of the tenure by which that existence may be held.

But now that the silent, definite, and stern nature of the business

in which I was engaged (so different from the tumultuous dangers of

the storm or the gradually approaching horrors of famine) allowed me

to reflect on the few chances I had of escaping the most appalling of

deaths- a death for the most appalling of purposes- every particle of

that energy which had so long buoyed me up departed like feathers

before the wind, leaving me a helpless prey to the most abject and

pitiable terror. I could not, at first, even summon up sufficient

strength to tear and fit together the small splinters of wood, my

fingers absolutely refusing their office, and my knees knocking

violently against each other. My mind ran over rapidly a thousand

absurd projects by which to avoid becoming a partner in the awful

speculation. I thought of falling on my knees to my companions, and

entreating them to let me escape this necessity; of suddenly rushing

upon them, and, by putting one of them to death, of rendering the

decision by lot useless- in short, of every thing but of going

through with the matter I had in hand. At last, after wasting a long

time in this imbecile conduct, I was recalled to my senses by the

voice of Parker, who urged me to relieve them at once from the

terrible anxiety they were enduring. Even then I could not bring

myself to arrange the splinters upon the spot, but thought over every

species of finesse by which I could trick some one of my

fellow-sufferers to draw the short straw, as it had been agreed that

whoever drew the shortest of four splinters from my hand was to die

for the preservation of the rest. Before any one condemn me for this

apparent heartlessness, let him be placed in a situation precisely

similar to my own.

At length delay was no longer possible, and, with a heart almost

bursting from my bosom, I advanced to the region of the forecastle,

where my companions were awaiting me. I held out my hand with the

splinters, and Peters immediately drew. He was free- his, at least,

was not the shortest; and there was now another chance against my

escape. I summoned up all my strength, and passed the lots to

Augustus. He also drew immediately, and he also was free; and now,

whether I should live or die, the chances were no more than precisely

even. At this moment all the fierceness of the tiger possessed my

bosom, and I felt toward my poor fellow-creature, Parker, the most

intense, the most diabolical hatred. But the feeling did not last;

and, at length, with a convulsive shudder and closed eyes, I held out

the two remaining splinters toward him. It was fully five minutes

before he could summon resolution to draw, during which period of

heartrending suspense I never once opened my eyes. Presently one of

the two lots was quickly drawn from my hand. The decision was then

over, yet I knew not whether it was for me or against me. No one

spoke, and still I dared not satisfy myself by looking at the

splinter I held. Peters at length took me by the hand, and I forced

myself to look up, when I immediately saw by the countenance of

Parker that I was safe, and that he it was who had been doomed to

suffer. Gasping for breath, I fell senseless to the deck.

I recovered from my swoon in time to behold the consummation of

the tragedy in the death of him who had been chiefly instrumental in

bringing it about. He made no resistance whatever, and was stabbed in

the back by Peters, when he fell instantly dead. I must not dwell

upon the fearful repast which immediately ensued. Such things may be

imagined, but words have no power to impress the mind with the

exquisite horror of their reality. Let it suffice to say that, having

in some measure appeased the raging thirst which consumed us by the

blood of the victim, and having by common consent taken off the

hands, feet, and head, throwing them together with the entrails, into

the sea, we devoured the rest of the body, piecemeal, during the four

ever memorable days of the seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth, and

twentieth of the month.

On the nineteenth, there coming on a smart shower which lasted

fifteen or twenty minutes, we contrived to catch some water by means

of a sheet which had been fished up from the cabin by our drag just

after the gale. The quantity we took in all did not amount to more

than half a gallon; but even this scanty allowance supplied us with

comparative strength and hope.

On the twenty-first we were again reduced to the last necessity.

The weather still remained warm and pleasant, with occasional fogs

and light breezes, most usually from N. to W.

On the twenty-second, as we were sitting close huddled together,

gloomily revolving over our lamentable condition, there flashed

through my mind all at once an idea which inspired me with a bright

gleam of hope. I remembered that, when the foremast had been cut

away, Peters, being in the windward chains, passed one of the axes

into my hand, requesting me to put it, if possible, in a place of

security, and that a few minutes before the last heavy sea struck the

brig and filled her I had taken this axe into the forecastle and laid

it in one of the larboard berths. I now thought it possible that, by

getting at this axe, we might cut through the deck over the

storeroom, and thus readily supply ourselves with provisions.

When I communicated this object to my companions, they uttered a

feeble shout of joy, and we all proceeded forthwith to the

forecastle. The difficulty of descending here was greater than that

of going down in the cabin, the opening being much smaller, for it

will be remembered that the whole framework about the cabin

companion-hatch had been carried away, whereas the forecastle-way,

being a simple hatch of only about three feet square, had remained

uninjured. I did not hesitate, however, to attempt the descent; and a

rope being fastened round my body as before, I plunged boldly in,

feet foremost, made my way quickly to the berth, and at the first

attempt brought up the axe. It was hailed with the most ecstatic joy

and triumph, and the ease with which it had been obtained was

regarded as an omen of our ultimate preservation.

We now commenced cutting at the deck with all the energy of

rekindled hope, Peters and myself taking the axe by turns, Augustus's

wounded arm not permitting him to aid us in any degree. As we were

still so feeble as to be scarcely able to stand unsupported, and

could consequently work but a minute or two without resting, it soon

became evident that many long hours would be necessary to accomplish

our task- that is, to cut an opening sufficiently large to admit of a

free access to the storeroom. This consideration, however, did not

discourage us; and, working all night by the light of the moon, we

succeeded in effecting our purpose by daybreak on the morning of the

twenty-third.

Peters now volunteered to go down; and, having made all

arrangements as before, he descended, and soon returned bringing up

with him a small jar, which, to our great joy, proved to be full of

olives. Having shared these among us, and devoured them with the

greatest avidity, we proceeded to let him down again. This time he

succeeded beyond our utmost expectations, returning instantly with a

large ham and a bottle of Madeira wine. Of the latter we each took a

moderate sup, having learned by experience the pernicious

consequences of indulging too freely. The ham, except about two

pounds near the bone, was not in a condition to be eaten, having been

entirely spoiled by the salt water. The sound part was divided among

us. Peters and Augustus, not being able to restrain their appetite,

swallowed theirs upon the instant; but I was more cautious, and ate

but a small portion of mine, dreading the thirst which I knew would

ensue. We now rested a while from our labors, which had been

intolerably severe.

By noon, feeling somewhat strengthened and refreshed, we again

renewed our attempt at getting up provisions, Peters and myself going

down alternately, and always with more or less success, until

sundown. During this interval we had the good fortune to bring up,

altogether, four more small jars of olives, another ham, a carboy

containing nearly three gallons of excellent Cape Madeira wine, and,

what gave us still more delight, a small tortoise of the Gallipago

breed, several of which had been taken on board by Captain Barnard,

as the _Grampus_ was leaving port, from the schooner _Mary Pitts_,

just returned from a sealing voyage in the Pacific.

In a subsequent portion of this narrative I shall have frequent

occasion to mention this species of tortoise. It is found

principally, as most of my readers may know, in the group of islands

called the Gallipagos, which, indeed, derive their name from the

animal -- the Spanish word Gallipago meaning a fresh-water terrapin.

From the peculiarity of their shape and action they have been

sometimes called the elephant tortoise. They are frequently found of

an enormous size. I have myself seen several which would weigh from

twelve to fifteen hundred pounds, although I do not remember that any

navigator speaks of having seen them weighing more than eight

hundred. Their appearance is singular, and even disgusting. Their

steps are very slow, measured, and heavy, their bodies being carried

about a foot from the ground. Their neck is long, and exceedingly

slender, from eighteen inches to two feet is a very common length,

and I killed one, where the distance from the shoulder to the

extremity of the head was no less than three feet ten inches. The

head has a striking resemblance to that of a serpent. They can exist

without food for an almost incredible length of time, instances

having been known where they have been thrown into the hold of a

vessel and lain two years without nourishment of any kind- being as

fat, and, in every respect, in as good order at the expiration of the

time as when they were first put in. In one particular these

extraordinary animals bear a resemblance to the dromedary, or camel

of the desert. In a bag at the root of the neck they carry with them

a constant supply of water. In some instances, upon killing them

after a full year's deprivation of all nourishment, as much as three

gallons of perfectly sweet and fresh water have been found in their

bags. Their food is chiefly wild parsley and celery, with purslain,

sea-kelp, and prickly pears, upon which latter vegetable they thrive

wonderfully, a great quantity of it being usually found on the

hillsides near the shore wherever the animal itself is discovered.

They are excellent and highly nutritious food, and have, no doubt,

been the means of preserving the lives of thousands of seamen

employed in the whale-fishery and other pursuits in the Pacific.

The one which we had the good fortune to bring up from the

storeroom was not of a large size, weighing probably sixty-five or

seventy pounds. It was a female, and in excellent condition, being

exceedingly fat, and having more than a quart of limpid and sweet

water in its bag. This was indeed a treasure; and, falling on our

knees with one accord, we returned fervent thanks to God for so

seasonable a relief.

We had great difficulty in getting the animal up through the

opening, as its struggles were fierce and its strength prodigious. It

was upon the point of making its escape from Peter's grasp, and

slipping back into the water, when Augustus, throwing a rope with a

slipknot around its throat, held it up in this manner until I jumped

into the hole by the side of Peters, and assisted him in lifting it

out.

The water we drew carefully from the bag into the jug; which, it

will be remembered, had been brought up before from the cabin. Having

done this, we broke off the neck of a bottle so as to form, with the

cork, a kind of glass, holding not quite half a gill. We then each

drank one of these measures full, and resolved to limit ourselves to

this quantity per day as long as it should hold out.

During the last two or three days, the weather having been dry

and pleasant, the bedding we had obtained from the cabin, as well as

our clothing, had become thoroughly dry, so that we passed this night

(that of the twenty-third) in comparative comfort, enjoying a

tranquil repose, after having supped plentifully on olives and ham,

with a small allowance of the wine. Being afraid of losing some of

our stores overboard during the night, in the event of a breeze

springing up, we secured them as well as possible with cordage to the

fragments of the windlass. Our tortoise, which we were anxious to

preserve alive as long as we could, we threw on its back, and

otherwise carefully fastened.