Ray.
Today started with waking up in the embrace of the most beautiful, most affectionate soul I’ve ever met and feeling like I got my f*****g ink all over him.
I felt like I was tarnishing him, digging him deeper into the black f****d-up hole of my existence until he’d also be submerged in it.
Until he’d have no way out, like me.
That’s why I didn’t want him to see me. I didn’t want anyone to see me. Because the moment they get past the perfect image to look inside, they’ll find a grimy, spineless piece of f*****g s**t whose worst enemy is his own mind.
Brian woke up to me wiping the smudges from his chest and thinking I was stroking him. He smiled and I couldn’t look him in the eye without falling deeper into that muddy hole in my soul.
He smiled and it was okay for a while.
Until
