EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 9| Used To

We were completely oblivious that yesterday was Monday and not a weekend which is bad enough. What’s worse is that we had a scheduled appointment today with the management that wanted to hear more of our demos. We were running late and I had to drop Christen at work but it was great, we made it but unprepared enough to need Ashton do most of the talking. It went well, they wanted to squeeze the best substance from us and we’re pretty confident that we won’t let them down. The good thing about these best friends of mine is that we all agree on what we want and we’ll find a way to get them. Conversely, I wasn’t able to know where Stacy went. Calum was offering her a ride but she declined for some unknown reason.

“Do you think a longer solo would do after the bridge?” Michael inquired as I realized that I was already zoning out. “Hello, earth to Luke,” Michael chuckled.

“I know we’re all pretty shitfaced last night but we should at least try,” Ashton said. “Okay, sorry. I kinda zone out, can we please repeat the bridge again?” They nodded and there it was the intense down strumming of Michael’s guitar together with the vehement dropping of the beats.

You said you were okay enough

don’t fool me I know you’re not

don’t fret; show me how you break

show me how much you can take

It was Calum’s part. He sang his heart out with his eyes closed. After the last line of the bridge, I came in with the solo and extended it longer. I think none of us are so focused on the technicalities anymore except for the sound adjustments from the amplifier of course. It’s like we close our eyes then poof we can project what we really want to do or hear. Maybe that’s what people call passion. Your heart does things for you. Everyone says that I’m really good at playing the guitar along with my vocals but I’m just like the others.

“It’s better when it’s longer.” Calum said. “Guys, can we like take a break or something. I think we did great and we tried.” Michael announced setting his guitar on the stand. I assumed that Ashton would disagree but we all plopped ourselves on the couch. Ashton groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Such a happy birthday, Lukey poo.” He chuckled.

“How many songs were they asking for again?” I asked. “Eight, they need eight.” Calum replied.

“We’ll write something new right?” I asked, waiting for their confirmation. “We submit four songs that we made ages ago and polish them and,” Ashton paused.

“I thought of something,”

“What?” The three of us responded in unison. “Since they wanted to check our maximum potential, why don’t we try to write songs individually, we write and record. We let each other hear and then we add our spices on it. We can write whatever we want, whatever genre. In that way, we can show them how flexible we are.” Ashton explained.

“Can I write blue grass” Michael joked. “I’ll do the yodels,” I said as all of us yodelled in unison. “No, seriously, guys. Of course we don’t go too far off from our original genre, but feel free to express.” I nodded. He made sense. It finally sank in as Calum and Michael finally agreed. We didn’t last long as we both agreed to part since last night was pretty tiring. Calum was left outside the establishment seemingly having nothing else to do. The sun was already setting and I was supposed to pickup Christen but she told me she will be out with his brother. The best thing I could give them is privacy.

“Hey mate,” I tapped his shoulder. “Got any plans?” Calum tucked his hands on his pocket, looking at the road. “Still figuring it out,”

“We both don’t have a car right now.” I chuckled realizing that we used Ashton’s car and now they’re out. “Wanna go to the pub?” I asked.

“Luke, seriously? We kinda got shitfaced last night.” He said in disbelief but I knew he was about to give in.

“The best way to cure something horrible is to counter it with something bad too.”

-

We didn’t notice that it was already quarter past ten as we both decided to leave. It was a good chat. Talking about California, music, nightlife, what we plan for our music and some old memories. The streets looked calmer compared a while ago, the bypassers have decreased in number as we walked in silence. Calum and I had a strained relationship before. He used to be my least liked person in the band but I have moved on already and I was glad to have a nice conversation with him. To tell more about our beef, Stacy and he were best friends- the kind of best friends without any concept of personal space who hug whenever they want without any meaning. When Stacy and I started dating he was still clinging around like a little s**t with no respect to me as Stacy’s boyfriend. It caused a beef but we were younger back then we didn’t understand things like how we decipher them now. However, even when that matter was already rotting years ago, I somehow couldn’t look at him the same way after I saw him kissing Stacy and taking her to Ashton’s room despite of our nice conversation.

“Calum, I hope you don’t mind this, but I was really eager to ask.” I said. “What is it?” Now, he was looking at me, nonchalantly. We stopped near a taxi bay because he sensed that this could be important.

“Are you having something with Stacy?” I asked.

He chuckled softly and cleared his throat. “I have so much respect for this friendship, Luke. I wouldn’t really do that.” He plausibly thought I am clueless with what I saw but I am not in the perfect stance to further interrogate. “Stacy is a nice girl; I think I’m not really fit for her. And of course we’re friends, that is not really a good thing to do.”

There was a long moment of silence.

“I really have no idea, why you had to end it. I asked her, she said you just got tired…I’m not really in the perfect bearing to ask, but I wanted to know.”

“I really got tired with her and that’s true. It’s like, repeating the same damn thing over and over again and it’s sickening. It’s dragged me down till I lost the dream of us getting married, and yeah I lost my feelings for her…” I confessed but I’m not really sure if it’s true that I completely lost all my feelings for her. I countered the thoughts that were blossoming in my head. “She pressured me to do more, like a real nagging wife and I am sick of that.”

“Well, I’m not in your shoes but I hope you’re happier with Christen now.” He said. It ended there and soon enough, we parted so I walked by my own till I reached the building. I went home with an empty apartment and just as I was expecting- It was clean enough. I switched the lights on to see the living room organized but no sign of Stacy here. I’m not really used with her being away like this and I have no idea where she went but I know I shouldn’t ask. It’s her life now. Who could she be with? I was with Calum a while ago. It makes me feel unfamiliar to see this place empty. Before everything went wrong, we used to have dinner together and we seldom missed a dinner together. We talk about things as we wash the dishes, we watched TV shows together and movies and now it’s quiet here. I wasn’t sad or anything, I’m just not really used to.

I went inside our room where the sheets are fresh and neatly made up. She must’ve changed these. There was a gift bag on top of the bed. I picked it up and looked at what’s inside. It was a guns and roses shirt with a note that says,

I’m not really used to not give you a present for your birthday. –S