Together again

3. The Shift

Amy's POV

The moment we left the party, I was on pins and needles. It was time for my first shift. I was born at 0:45AM and there were only minutes before the clock would strike those exact numbers.

“Just relax, baby girl, and let your wolf guide you through the process.” Daddy Ben told me, rubbing my shoulders in encouragement before stepping away to continue our walk.

I nodded at his words, but when I turned my head to look at him, I saw all his emotions on full display. A mixture of anxiety, pride, and worry painted his face. He was excited about seeing my first shift, nervous to see me in pain, and proud that his little girl would become a full member of the werewolf community.

Walking deeper into the woods, I turned my head to the left and looked at my second father, Peter, who was deep in his thoughts, probably mind-linking to his mate and discussing all his concerns about my first shift. I took deep breaths to help me relax until we reached a small clearing and we stopped. I took off my shoes and the cardigan. My spare clothes were in the backpack we had with us. I wasn't afraid to shred my clothes during the shift.

I turned around to face them and gave a small but nervous smile, “How long?” I asked in a small voice.

They exchanged anticipated looks and brought their wrists up to tell me the exact time. I recognized the golden watches I had gotten them for their tenth wedding anniversary.

“Two minutes.” they answered in unision.

I closed my eyes and did my best to relax as we waited. Deep inhales followed by long exhales. It was the best way to calm down and prepare myself for the amount of pain I was about to experience. It's said that itching comes first, like millions of ants have bitten you all over your skin and all you want to do is to scratch. Then comes the pain of breaking bones that sends you down to the ground instantly, screaming. The only way to go through it quickly is to let go and let your wolf emerge without a fight.

To distract myself and not let the fear of my first shift consume me, I opened my eyes and focused on my surroundings. The sound of wind rustling the leaves in the trees mixed with the smell of wet soil after the rain and the faint beats of the music still playing in the distance made me focus on something comforting. And it wasn’t my fathers kind words spoken in gentle voices, not even my own heartbeat that pounded in my chest like a hammer. It was something that came out of the depths of my soul.

Steps.

One, two, three, twist.

One, two, three, twist.

My mind took me back to the day of the first dancing lesson I took as a twelve-year-old girl. The one I would never forget. The one I had been embarrassed about for a very long time. I never thought a memory like this would ever pop into my mind on this important occasion, but it still calmed me down instantly.

It was the first moment I felt him gently place his right hand on my small waist, while he took my trembling, slightly clammy hand in his left and brought our bodies together. I was a little girl while he was already a fine young man, leading me through the whole dance floor with grace, precision, and flow. That was the moment I had started to admire him.

The moment he held me close and secure in his arms, I was in heaven. The way he glided us perfectly through at least three songs was mesmerizing. He was holding me perfectly in his big arms, preventing me from falling over my two left feet. All eyes were on us. A man leading a girl and stealing the spotlight of the party. At that moment, I even forgot the occasion the party was for, all I focused on was me and him and our bodies moving in perfect sync.

I knew some memories of him would come up at this moment, but I hadn’t thought it would be something so old and childish that would make me relax. All he ever did to me was cause palpitations in my heart, trembling of my body, and turned me into a stuttering mess when he talked to me. He was my high in every possible way, never my salvation in stress.

“Forty seconds.”

The announcement pushed the sweet memory into the back of my mind. Concentrating on the biggest task at hand, I let the unexpected vision that had invaded my head simply drift away. It was seconds before the shift, and still I felt no presence in my head. I felt no different before meeting my wolf for the first time. The truth was I felt nothing.

“Ten!”

“Nine!”

“Eight…”

The counting went on and when I was two seconds before the magical moment, I closed my eyes so hard that I felt my eyelashes would disappear in my sockets. I fisted my hands at my sides so hard that the incoming claws would definitely break my skin when it all started.

It was time. That was my moment. I was about to be a full werewolf, finally. Become an adult by our standards, and even smell my mate if he was near me tonight. So I exhaled deeply and crouched down to be ready for my transformation.

The seconds flew by and yet nothing happened. My heart started to race in my chest when the pain didn’t come. After another few seconds of no pain, I dared myself to open my eyes and look down at my hands.

“What the hell, Ben?”

Hearing the shock in my father’s voice, I started to tremble in fear. Noticing that my hands still looked the same, my skin was smooth and not even an inch was covered with fur, I was shocked. My palms dug deeply into the soil but no claws were visible. Tears gathered in my eyes at the realization. I didn’t shift.

I let the tears stream down my face as I lifted my head up and looked around. My fathers were looking at each other in confusion before their gazes turned fully on me, still crouching down hoping it was just a small delay in my transformation. But I noticed the worry written all over their faces and I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying out loud about my failure.

I felt nothing. Except for a little bit of dizziness after the wine I drank to help me to ease my nerves, there were no signs of an upcoming change in my body or mind. My senses were still the same, although a bit more heightened than humans, there was no better hearing or sight after meeting my wolf.

Why the hell did I not shift? Wasn’t I a real werewolf as Greta suggested? NO! It wasn’t true. I had all the symptoms of a werewolf described in my medical books, but why haven’t I felt the presence of my wolf at all? Was I an abomination?

I got scared, thinking there must be something wrong with me. I shut my eyes again and forced my brain to visualize my wolf. Maybe if I tried my best, the transformation would start. But after a few grunts and a lot of sweat covered my shaking body, nothing happened.

“Amy, baby.”

I vaguely registered my fathers’ words through my intense focus. I didn’t respond to them until I felt their hands on my shoulders, giving me a little squeeze. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I didn’t want to face them knowing exactly what I would find looking at them. I have felt the same way.

Disappointment. I knew that’s what I would discover and I wasn’t ready for it.

“Amy, look at me princess.” Daddy Ben softly whispered into my ear.

His voice was laced with worry and love and it gave me a little courage to open one eye and look right. His brown eyes looked a little sad but confusion over my current situation lingered there more than any other emotion.

I finally opened my other eye and looked at both of them before releasing a huge gush of air and slumping my tensed shoulders in defeat. I felt like a total loser. Just a few hours ago, I was announced as a great influence for the next generation and a person who everyone should look up to for chasing their dreams, just to become a disaster for one simple thing I couldn't achieve: becoming a wolf.

“We’ll figure it out honey, don’t worry. Your daddies are here with you and we love you with all our hearts.” Daddy Peter stated before engulfing me in a warm hug.

I let all my emotions out. I sobbed, cried, and mourned while sitting on his lap as he kissed my head, repeatedly rocking my body forth and back in consolation. Daddy Ben joined him and they both held me close, whispering sweet words in my ears. Although I was grateful for their presence and support, I couldn’t stop doubting myself.

“Shhh, princess, we’ll figure out what’s wrong,” Daddy Peter said after cupping my cheek.

His hand and warm amber eyes helped a little bit to stop my tears from flowing further. Still, I felt a huge hole in my heart, like some part of me was missing, probably my wolf. Just the single thought of being wolf-less caused another wave of sobs to leave my mouth.

“Amy, sweetie, maybe there is an easy explanation for this situation.” Daddy Ben started, “Maybe… maybe, it is not really your birthday today?” he asked, uncertain.

His words filled me with hope. I wiped my snot away with my hand, so not lady-like, but who cared about being a lady when I had already been a total mess for at least an hour in their embrace. Could it be? Had we been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for all these years?

I looked at him with hope in my eyes. Although I saw he was not convinced, he smiled at me before kissing my cheek and shifting me over to sit on his lap. His huge arms cocooned me like a blanket. He was warm, gentle, and smelt like home.

“That’s definitely it. They must have written your birth date wrong in the orphanage. We’ll check it first thing in the morning. Now please don’t cry, Amy. Let’s go back to your dorm and leave. I think the party is already over.” Daddy Peter stood up and dusted off the leaves from his expensive dark-blue pants.

This simple gesture made me giggle. There were visible stains of the dirt and slightly wet soil that would definitely not wash off. When he finally noticed, his groan made me fully laugh and Daddy Ben joined in. I definitely didn’t inherit his love for expensive clothes. Although I liked them a lot, I was more practical like my other father. It was always nice to look good, but I didn’t treasure it like Daddy Peter.

“Damn, a thousand dollar pants, and look at them now? Totally ruined.” He groaned and almost sobbed, but it lightened up my mood. The heavy, almost depressed mood was forgotten.

They were right. We would figure it out. I was blessed to have them by my side. I didn’t know how I would have coped with this all by myself as I previously assumed would happen. I exhaled and stood up, offering my hand to Daddy Ben to help him stand up. I felt lighter.

“We love you Amy. Remember that.” They held me for a few more minutes in their arms before the three of us decided to go back to the dorm.

But I didn’t want to leave immediately. I wanted to say goodbye to my friends and maybe drink a few more glasses of wine to forget that shitty moment. They agreed, but before we went back to the party, I had to go clean myself up. I couldn’t go there with puffy, red eyes, and snot all over my face.

They escorted me to the nearest entrance to the building that was hidden from prying eyes. I kissed their cheeks and went in, telling them we would meet back in the open field. They weren’t convinced it was a good idea but reluctantly they agreed when I sent them a silent plea with my eyes. I wanted a moment to myself.

I walked further into the quiet building, my steps were the only sounds that reverberated in the empty corridor. Reaching the end of the corridor, I turned left and walked straight into the ladies' room. Closing the door behind me, I pushed my back against the panel and sighed.

“Why is this happening to me?” I barely whispered.

Doing the breathing exercises we had been taught in our meditation classes, I went through all the steps to find my inner peace. I slid down the door and sat upright comfortably on the floor, breathed deeply, gently closed my eyes and let all my overthinking come to me like clouds and then let them pass by, without any attachment.

It took me a few minutes to slow down my heart rate, quiet down my mind, and make my body relax. I gently opened my eyes and smiled. I felt better. I stood up and went to the counter to wash my face. Seeing myself in this state would have scared me if I hadn’t done the meditation steps first.

“What a mess, Ams.” I chuckled to myself.

My face was red and my eyes looked like I had cried all day, not to mention that my makeup had become clown-like, with mascara covering half of my cheeks. I quickly turned on the faucet and splashed my face with water. The cold touch soothed my skin and helped me to freshen up. With no option to fix my ruined makeup, I washed my face completely.

After a few more splashes on my neck and cleavage, I dried my face with paper towels. I looked almost presentable. My face was still a little red and swollen, so it was noticeable that I had been crying. Well, I could always blame it on the end of school smugness.

“That’ll work. t**s up, Ams! And go to face the damn party like a champ.” I gave myself a pep talk and plastered on a fake yet convincing smile.

I walked out of the bathroom and back to the party, hoping that no more unwelcome surprises awaited me that night. Reaching the entrance leading to the party that was still going strong, I stopped, took a deep breath and exhaled one last time before opening the heavy door and walking in.

"Here goes nothing."